Hi there!
So I've decided to continue with this story. I'm not exactly sure how long it will be, but I'll definitely finish it! Thank you for all of your kind words!
Enjoy!
The room was still, just barely between night and day. The light was subtle and soft. The fire had died down to a pile of warm coals supplying just enough warmth to the room. Beyond the living room, out the office window, the early risers were off to start their day and live their lives as they normally did, crunching and sliding in the fresh layer of snow from the night before.
Inside the loft, her eyelids fluttered twice and stayed open the third. She didn't dare move. A bit of confusion hit her until the hellish events rushed back to her overwhelming her senses. She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. She could not freak out like that again, it was so unlike her self and all she stood for and built herself upon. She had built a wall up so high to hold back so much. Just one crack could open the flood gates leaving the person with the chisel to deal with the consequences. It both scared and relieved her. It was fear, anger, and defensiveness that had built the walls, but love, trust, and raw emotion that knocked them down. She never thought she would trust someone so much to let them in and experience the demons that toyed with her world.
With her eyes still closed, she listened to Castle's heartbeat and felt the rise and fall of his chest. Something about having him there right in that moment, and for the rest of her life was so calming and reassuring. She had never been one to make friends and keep them very easily; her job and past playing a large role. But with him at her side, she was learning to be someone new and let someone else see her.
She opened her eyes again finally seeing. She propped herself up slowly to look around the 's boots lay by the fire, any bit of snow having been dried by the heat. The glass in the office was still scattered and a small trail of blood ran from there to the kitchen. She wiggled her foot and winced at the bit of tenderness that radiated from it. She turned her head to the kitchen where the island light was still glowing. There were two shopping bags on the counter. She turned her focus back to Castle. He had one arm behind his head and the other hand was locked with hers. His features, even as he slept were stressed and tired. She touched his cheek admiring him. She had never known someone so kind. Yes, in the beginning she couldn't stand a single thing he did. He tested her, annoyed her, drove her insane. But in the time since, she saw just how good of a man he was. He wasn't as egotistical or self centered as he once had been. In a way, they were changing each other, making each other better versions of themselves. Everyday was a learning experience, every day was a new page to the book.
She shifted her body off of the couch as quietly as she could. The light in the room was still dark, still asleep. The hardwood beyond the fire was cold as she tiptoed over to the island. Inside the bags were four burlap bags each marked with the company logo and sealed with red ribbon. She recognized the package without a thought. They were from her favorite coffee company, and very expensive. Each bag was at least $40 and he had had them specially wrapped.
She placed a hand on her stomach. She had stopped drinking coffee the moment she found out she was pregnant. Her favorite thing in the entire world, and she was ready to give it up in a single heartbeat for the well being of someone else. She had given it no second thought, no last cup, no questions. Now, it didn't matter.
She felt so empty, in both forms of the word. The devastation and anger still fueled inside of her, the pain still barely subsiding. It hurt so bad it was almost numb at this point, but now she had some kind of control over it. Just hours ago she and her husband had so much to look forward to, now, they had to recover and rebuild from something they had barely had time to enjoy.
She wrapped her cardigan around her stomach and crossed her arms looking back to the bags on the table. He had done this for her, not taking a second to think about himself. He had stepped into action almost the moment he found out to try and help her, to help her heal, to make her feel better in any way that he could. He knew he couldn't fix it or make it go away, only time could do that, but this small gesture just screamed I'm here, and we can get through this. It was then that she realized how selfless he was, how much he cared for her. It was just coffee, but the motive behind it was much more than a couple of beans.
She lifted up each individual bag and breathed in the aroma. Her thoughts drifted again, this time to a destroyed future. They would never get to see their first child together grow up, live, learn, or be. She'd never know if they would be kind, or creative, shy, or determined, All the things that people took for granted were the things she was so curious about. It was absolutely devastating to think that just yesterday she was so happy, and now the sadness that surrounded her was unbearable. She felt so guilty that she was craving a cup of coffee so badly.
A tear escaped her eye as she put the last bag back on the counter. She wiped it away quickly with her sleeve. A pair of arms wrapped around her middle and pulled her from her thoughts. She turned to bury herself in the warm and safe embrace of her husband. She shuttered at the similarity of the actions of last night. This time, though, she was as calm as she could muster, and they were both silent. He just held her, tucked her into him, and she buried herself as far as she could, trying to escape her own thoughts. Right now, it was enough for him to just hold her like this. Something about it made her feel so safe, and slightly okay.
"I love you." He held her just a little tighter.
"I love you, too." She responded without hesitation. Another moment passed before she spoke again. "I'm going to call work, use some of those personal days." She broke away and looked at him.
His eyes met hers, "That sounds like a good idea." His eyes appeared tired as he gave her a little smile. He pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead.
She gave him a half-hearted smile and broke away. She grabbed her phone and dialed the precinct. None of her colleagues had even known she was pregnant, so nothing about this phone call could sound suspicious. She took a shaky breath and walked into the office, situating herself on the corner of the desk.
"Gates." The line connected and the Captain answered.
"Sir, it's Beckett. I'm not going to be in for a couple of days. Feeling a little under the weather and needing some time off." She bit her lip and scrunched her face together waiting for the response.
"Okay, how long should I mark it for?" Each answer was dry and emotionless.
She breathed out. No suspicion. "Ten days." She became nervous again and waited for the response. She was sure she had just asked for entirely too much time off.
"Okay, we'll see you in a week and a half."
"Thank you sir." She hopped off the desk.
"And Beckett, enjoy yourself, you deserve it."
"Thank you." She sounded less enthusiastic this time putting her head down in embarrassment. There was no way she could truly enjoy this time off. It wasn't a Caribbean getaway, or a ski trip in the Alps. It was ten days of coping with her pain to hopefully come out of it okay.
The line disconnected and she placed the phone on the desk not wanting to speak to anyone else in a while. She walked out of the office to see Castle hanging his phone up, his back to her.
"Okay, thanks. Bye."
"Who was that?" She questioned him.
Castle turned around and gave her a small smile. "That was the cleaning lady. They're getting the house ready for us. I know it's not summer, and it'll be cold, but I think we both need time to ourselves, and the house seemed like the best option. What do you think?"
She stood in awe. Once again, he was thinking of ways to help her, thinking of ways to help the healing process. She closed the gap between them pressing her lips to his. "I think it sounds perfect. I love you, Rick." She made eye contact with him to try and express just how serious she was about her feeling towards him. It was truly remarkable how much she cared for him.
In response, he grabbed her hand and stroked the back of it. "We're going to get through this." After a brief moment, he started walking towards the bedroom still holding her hand. "We better pack. We're going to the Hampton's."
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xoxo
