Chapter 1 – First Aid Ducks

Edward rolled onto his back, a groan breaking the silence as he felt the full effect of the pain that had been inflicted on his body. He slowly let his eyes open and found himself to be staring up at the bright blue, cloudless sky. The sun was shining down strongly onto him but his body remained cold. He was dimly aware of something watching him and tried to sit up to work out where he was and what was going on. As he managed to push himself up he found that he was alone apart from the bird on the stairway that was watching him. Satisfied he was safe for the moment he dragged himself over to rest against the wall while he tried to work out what was hurting the most and what he could do about it. From what he could see, his clothes were torn in various places and were stained with blood and dirt. Pain shot through his arm as he lifted it to touch his forehead which was throbbing. His fingers came away with blood on them so he assumed that whatever had caused the cut was probably the reason why he was feeling sick and dizzy. There were grazes and bruises surrounding each wrist like something had been tied too tightly around them and he'd struggled but he had no memory of what had happened. His chest and back ached like he'd been struck with something heavy but he didn't think anything was too serious, he'd heal eventually but right now he needed to try and make his way home. He slowly managed to pull himself up to be standing, finding that being up right not only made his dizziness worse but shot pain through his back. He had to stay still for a minute, his hands braced against the wall as he tried to convince his legs to hold his weight. His vision swam and he felt like he was going to collapse but he pushed through it as he had to get home. When he thought he was as steady as he was going to get he started the very slow walk back to his flat, pain shooting through him with every step and the only thing that kept him going was the thought of what was waiting for him to come home.

An hour later and Edward finally stumbled up the last flight of stairs in his building, the lift being broken. The pain running through his body had reached an almost unbearable point with walking for so long and his head felt disconnected from the rest of him but he'd made it. He finally turned into the dingy corridor his flat was on and looked down it, seeing the plaster coming off the walls, the graffiti sprayed along them, a door hanging from its frame in the empty flat and then his flat. The door to it was a dark green colour, it still remained clean somehow but the paint was chipping from it. He had been living here for what was nearly five years now, how he had managed all that time he didn't know but he was certainly glad to see that door again now. He could hear the family in the flat two doors down from his having their daily argument and stirred himself into moving again, taking the last few painful steps to his own door. When he reached it he stood leaning against it as he dug into his pocket for his key. It took a few minutes before his fingers clasped around the cool metal of it but they finally did and he pulled it out before shoving it roughly into the lock and turning it. He fell slightly with the door as it swung open but managed to pull himself up straight again to slam it shut behind him. Relieved to finally be home he let himself slide down the door to rest sitting on the floor with his back against it. While the contents of his hallway swam in front of his eyes he could hear crying.

"Baby? Where are you? I'm back." he called out as loud as he could, which in reality was only just above a whisper. He still heard a door open though and managed to focus his eyes on his opening bedroom door and the small girl in a dirty pink dress running from it and straight to him.

"Daddy!" she cried as she reached him and dropped to the floor, flinging her arms around his neck and crying into his chest. He winced slightly as she accidently pressed some of his wounds but he didn't say anything or push her away. Instead he painfully wrapped his arms around her, holding her close into him, ignoring the flaring pain as he dipped his head to lightly kiss her hair before burying his face into it.

"I'm back baby." he whispered, feeling the last of his strength leaving him. He was home and his little girl, Lucy, was safe. That was all that mattered and the relief of that took away his fight to stay with it.

"Daddy?" Lucy asked as she felt his head flop onto her shoulder and he stopped moving.

"Daddy?" she shouted as she tried to move out of his arms to look at him, alarmed that he wasn't answering her or moving. She managed to get out of his arms just for him to fall forward and to the side.

"DADDY!" she cried, realising something was really wrong. She knelt down beside him and poked him but he didn't do anything. She started crying again, her sobs echoing through the small flat as she clung onto his arm.

"Daddy wake up!" she pleaded but he still didn't respond.

"Daddy no!" she cried weakly before she gave up and rested her head down on him as she cried and clung to his arm. She had waited so long for him to come home, she had been so scared and now he was home she was still scared.

"Daddy, wake up, please!" she whispered, she wanted him to wake up and hug her again, to make everything ok. When she'd finally cried herself out Edward still hadn't moved so she decided that she needed to do something to make him wake up. She let go of his arm and shuffled around to his head which was lying against the floor. She reached out and gently stroked his hair away from his face so she could see him better. She studied his face and saw all the bruises and the red cuts that covered it. She wanted to see him better but at the moment he was bent over and leant against the door and floor and she wasn't big enough to be able to move him so she settled for just helping with what she could see and hoping he'd wake up soon. She knew he had to be more hurt than just his face though so she pushed his t-shirt up as much as she could to see his stomach and chest were also covered in cuts and bruises. When she saw them she felt like crying again with seeing her Dad hurt so much but she knew she had to be strong for him so held her tears back and hurried away from Edward, into their small kitchen. She looked around at the mess that had been created there; everything from the cupboards had been pulled out and now littered the floor. She stumbled through it all to just in front of the sink where she could see the little green box with the white cross on the front of it. She knew that whenever she hurt herself Edward always got something from that box and it made her better so she picked it up and made her way back out to the hallway and Edward. She dropped down onto her knees by his head and struggled to open the catches on the box. Once she'd got it open, she looked at all the little packets trying to work out what she needed. She knew the larger squidgy ones where bandages and she could see the little flat packages that contained the plasters with little yellow ducks on that she always had if she hurt herself - they always cheered her up. Knowing that Edward usually did something else before he put the plaster on, she took all of those and the bandages out of the box to see what else was in it. She looked confusedly into the remaining contents of the box, trying to remember what they were; she could see some white things with green writing all over the packets, a little bottle with a clear liquid in it, some things she knew were cotton wool pads, disposable gloves, scissors and some safety pins. She sat and thought hard; trying to remember what Edward had done the last time she had cut herself. She could remember having the little duck plaster on her knee and crying as Edward hugged her, telling her it was ok now the plaster was on. She could also remember running to him, screaming that her leg hurt as blood ran down it and Edward getting up from his seat, walking to her, telling her to sit down and wait there, then he'd kissed her forehead and walked into the kitchen before coming back carrying the box she currently had open. She could then vaguely remember him trying to tear a white packet open while getting her to hold still. With that she looked back into the box and pulled out one of the white packets with green writing all over it. She sat for a while trying to pull it open before she remembered there was a pair of scissors lurking in the bottom of the box. She pulled them out and used them to cut open the packet then pulled out the contents, a damp white cloth that had a funny smell. She knew that was the right thing then, she could remember that smell. She knelt up and gently pressed the cloth to the largest cut on Edward's forehead, knowing that he did that to the cuts she had. She lifted it away and looked at the cut before doing it again a couple of the times. When the cloth was stained a murky red colour she dropped it and picked up a plaster which she thought looked the right size. She pulled the cover away from it and then carefully pulled away the backing before she gently pressed it down over Edward's cut. She smiled slightly to see him with a little yellow ducky plaster on his forehead. She looked back to the box and pulled out another white packet which she cut open and took the cloth from. She started to gently wipe the deeper cut in his right eyebrow. She was just about to stop and put the plaster on when he moved slightly and his eyes opened.

"Baby what you doing?" he asked groggily as he saw her sitting beside him, the antiseptic cloth still in her hand. She just pointed to his head before she moved forward and hugged him again.

"You're hurt." she mumbled as she held onto him and he winced slightly but again didn't push her away.

"I know but I'm ok. I just need to get myself cleaned up." he muttered in reply to which she let go off him and showed him the cloth. He then realised what it was and looked around to see the first aid box sat beside them with half the contents strewn around it.

"Were you cleaning my cuts?" he asked her, working out what she must have been doing and she nodded and pointed to his head again.

"Awww, thank you. Well done sweetheart." he said and she smiled, reassured that her Dad was ok now.

"Ducky." she mumbled and he looked to the floor to see the ripped plaster coverings and then slowly lifted his hand up to his forehead where he could feel the plaster. He then pulled himself up to be sat and reached out to hug her again.

"Thank you." he said again. He felt a bit better now than he had when he'd first made it home and he was proud that Lucy had remembered the basics of dealing with cuts and he was so glad that she was ok. He had never wanted to go out and leave her on her own but he hadn't been able to avoid it. He didn't know exactly how long he'd been gone for but he knew it was overnight and Lucy must have been so scared and then he'd come home and passed out on her. He didn't want to keep worrying her and wanted to try and convince her everything was ok so even though his body was still extremely painful he needed to get up and pretend to be ok. He let go of Lucy and she scrambled back, watching him closely as he pulled himself up, using the wall to try and support himself as he did. When he got to his feet he swayed slightly and he saw the worry in Lucy's eyes so he tried to smile.

"I'm ok." he reassured her but she didn't look convinced as she held out her hand to him which he took.

"How are you feeling? I should imagine you're hungry aren't you?" he asked her as they slowly made their way through the living room, trying to take her focus off him. She had been feeling ill for the last couple of days, she'd started to feel a bit better the day before which had allowed him to convince himself she'd be ok having a nap for half an hour while he went out to get them some food as their cupboards had been worryingly empty but somehow those plans had resulted in him loosing an entire evening and he was insanely grateful that Lucy appeared to have been ok. He would not be risking leaving her on her own again though.

"I don't feel sick anymore but I am hungry." She told him happily, she was so relieved that he seemed to be ok now. She could see he was limping slightly and was unsteady on his feet but he didn't look like he was about to pass out again.

"Let's get you some food then." he commented as they entered the kitchen. Edward looked around at the mess confused, he was sure that when he had left the house it had been reasonably tidy but now the contents of their cupboards seemed to be strewn all over the floor. He turned his gaze to Lucy who was looking up at him unsurely. It wasn't like Lucy to be badly behaved and she definitely wouldn't usually do something so destructive but he had left her on her own and he guessed she probably would have been scared and angry at him for not coming home when he'd promised he wouldn't be gone long.

"Did you make this mess?" he asked her as he crouched down to be at her height and able to see her face properly. She shook her head and Edward saw no sign of uneasiness in her eyes which was usually present when she was trying to hide something from him.

"What happened baby? I'm not angry; you won't be in any trouble." He reassured her and she glanced at the mess before looking at him with watery eyes.

"A man and a woman came but I hid under your bed when I didn't hear your voice. I think they were looking for something." she told him, struggling to hold in her tears as she remembered how scared she'd been. She didn't know how long they'd been in the flat but she'd been convinced they'd find her. She'd woken up from her nap with the front door slamming shut. Thinking it was Edward coming home she got up but had stopped at the door to her room when she'd heard voices that she didn't recognise. She'd peeked around her door which Edward had left slightly ajar earlier to see a man and woman she didn't recognise standing in their hallway talking. When she had seen no sign of Edward she'd stayed where she was and they stayed oblivious to her presence. They'd moved into the living room, the woman saying that "it had to be somewhere" and then the banging had started up. She'd snuck into Edward's room and hidden under the bed, feeling safer there as everything in that room smelt like her dad and they must have found what they'd been looking for as they had never entered that room. After telling Edward everything she could remember about it she was unable to stop the tears so he pulled her into another hug, holding onto her tightly and kissing her head. He could tell she was telling the truth and that thought terrified him. If someone had been in their flat they could easily have taken her or hurt her. He couldn't even stand to think of something like that happening to her. He was thankful she'd thought to hide and managed to stay unnoticed by who ever had been in their flat. They had nothing of any real value for anyone else to be interested in, he'd have to go through everything later and check if anything had been stolen but he had a horrible feeling that it wasn't just a random break in. It was too much of a coincidence that it had happened at the same time he'd been beaten into unconsciousness. If someone was after him or something he owned for some reason he needed to make sure Lucy would be safe, starting with reinforcing the no interacting with strangers rule. He'd taught her not to talk to strangers as soon as she'd been old enough to understand but he needed to know she hadn't forgotten it.

"You never talk to or leave with any strangers ok? No matter what they say you don't go anywhere with anyone but me." he reminded her and she looked at him a little confused not understanding his sudden seriousness. She'd hidden the instant she'd heard voices that weren't her dads in the flat but she couldn't work out if she was in trouble or not, she thought she'd followed her dad's rules when it came to strangers.

"Do you understand?" he asked to make sure as she hadn't responded to him and she nodded but he could see she was still confused and after rethinking his words he realised he'd probably come across as sounding rather short with her.

"You're not in trouble baby, you did the right thing with hiding. I just need to know you remembered what I told you. I don't want anything happening to you. I'm so sorry I left you here alone." he said, trying to reassure her and it seem to work as the confusion left her eyes as she smiled slightly to him.

"Don't go with anyone except you." she repeated for him and Edward nodded, relieved that she was humouring him and wasn't upset.

"Good, you remember that ok. Now let's see what food we can find." He commented before he kissed her head again and stood up. He went across to the freezer, knowing there wasn't anything worth eating left in the cupboards or fridge, there wasn't really much in the freezer either as he had gone out to do the food shopping the day before but hadn't made it. He found a box with a few fish fingers left in it though so he took them out and put them on to grill. He turned around to see what Lucy was up to and found she had started to pick things up from the floor to try and help tidy up. He was pleased to see there were no signs of her being ill now. He'd been called out of work early on Thursday to pick her up from school as she'd been sick so he hadn't managed to do the food shopping in his lunch break as he'd previously planned. She'd been off school on Friday as well but had started to feel better towards the end of the afternoon so he had been fairly sure she would be ok just sleeping. He hadn't wanted to take her with him and risk her getting sick again while out so he thought she'd be better just staying and sleeping, if she had woken up he knew she wouldn't do anything dangerous as she was always so well behaved and understood what could hurt her. He'd hated leaving her but they had needed food, Lucy had barely eaten all day so he knew she'd be getting hungry soon and there was nothing in that she'd eat while not feeling well so he'd left her with a promise to be back before she woke up if she had a nap. Guilt hit him as he thought about that broken promise and how scared and worried she must have been, he'd have to think of something good to make it up to her. He wanted to start by helping her put things away but now that his panic over someone being in the flat had started to wear off, his body was beginning to hurt too much to let him help. The best he could do right now was get her settled down with her fish fingers and then try to sort himself out and with that plan in mind he turned to the cupboard on the wall above the sink where he kept things he didn't want Lucy to be able to get in search of painkillers but found it was completely empty. He sighed realising that they were probably buried in the mess on the floor somewhere and there was no way he felt like bending down to search for them. He was just shutting the cupboard door when he felt Lucy tugging on his jeans so he looked down to her and saw she was holding out a small cardboard box to him causing him to smile.

"Thanks Lucy." he said and she grinned as he took the painkillers from her. She didn't know what they were but she knew she wasn't allowed things in boxes like that so had given it to him to put away. She went back to her tidying but kept an eye on him as he took the pills and moved around the kitchen, finding her a plate and knife and fork along with the half empty bottle of tomato sauce. She could see his steps weren't easy and he was stumbling and wincing quite a bit. She knew he wasn't ok like he said he was but she also knew why he said it. She knew it was just to make her feel better so she pretended like everything was fine and tried to help by tidying up and being good. She was normally like that anyway as she could tell things were hard for Edward. She had never had anyone other than him but she had never wanted anyone else either. He had always tried to do his best for her and she knew that and loved him for it. She knew from school that other children had mums and large families and all the toys that they could want and even though she didn't have it she still didn't want it. To her Edward was better than all those things. She could tell he wasn't always happy which was why she tried so hard to be good. She'd woken up several times at night, gone to find Edward and when she had, found him sat staring at old photos and silently crying. He'd never be like that in front of her though, he tried to hide it but even though she was only five she could still see it.

When the fish fingers were cooked Edward slid them onto Lucy's plate and squirted a large amount of tomato sauce on the plate beside them.

"Do you want to eat this in the living room?" he asked her and she smiled.

"Ok." she replied happily while putting down the box of washing powder she had just picked up from the floor onto the table. Edward carried her plate through to the living room with her following and saw that that was also in a mess. Lucy sat herself down on the sofa though so Edward handed the plate to her then turned the TV on before going back to her and resting the back of his hand against her forehead. She looked up at him with a smile as he found her temperature was back to normal.

"Feeling better?" he asked her and she nodded so he found himself smiling. "I'm sorry I didn't ask sooner."

"It's ok. Love you Daddy." She responded so he kissed her head.

"I love you too baby. You eat those and I'm just going to go and sort myself out, I'll be in the bathroom if you need me." he told her and she nodded so he walked out of the room and to their small bathroom. As he stepped into it he saw that they hadn't messed it up, it still looked the same as when he had left it. The blue wall paper was still mottled with mould and peeling away from the wall in places. Some of the white tiles were still cracked and Lucy's bath toys still sat in their place along the edge of the bath. Edward picked one of them up and smiled slightly as he sat down on the edge of the bath and looked at the small yellow rubber duck. He could remember countless times when she'd played with it, splashing around and soaking him as she did. She loved ducks. He didn't know why but she always had, she had quite a few things with little yellow ducks on, including her rain coat. When he was first given her he thought she had ruined his life but now his life centred around her and he loved her so much. She was all he had and he was all she had. He wouldn't give her up to anybody now even if five years ago he would quite happily of handed her over to anybody just so he could have his life back. He regretted feeling like that now, she was a lovely little girl, people always said that, she was kind and polite to everyone and to Edward she was the prettiest little girl that ever existed. He put the duck down as he remembered what he had come into the bath room for and forced himself to stand up. The pain killers were beginning to work but he could still feel most of the pain. He looked at himself in the mirror above the sink and nearly laughed at the sight of the plaster Lucy had put on him. It stood out a mile, the little duck shining out as it laid squint on his forehead. He didn't take it off though, Lucy had done well to remember how to clean a cut and cover it. He could see plenty more cuts on his face though and when he lifted his t-shirt up and pulled it over his head he found even more. He turned the tap on and placed the plug in the sink, letting it fill with warm water. He then reached up to the shelf above the sink and pulled down a plastic box filled with little cotton wool balls. He took the lid of and lifted one out before putting it into the sink. After squeezing out the excess water, he placed it over one of the cuts on his face Lucy hadn't seen to. He repeated the process until all the cuts on his face had been cleaned and then the door creaked open as Lucy poked her head around it before she came in. Edward turned to look at her and she looked up at him worriedly, seeing the full extent of the cuts and bruises on his body.

"Have you finished you're tea?" he asked her and she nodded.

"Can I help you?" she asked and he looked at her and nodded. He knelt down on the floor so she could reach his back and handed her a clean piece of damp cotton wool.

"Just press it over the cuts until they're clean but be careful." he told her and she nodded before she gently placed it onto one of the cuts on his back. She helped him with all the rest of the cuts and he was surprised at just how gently she did it, he knew she had a tendency to be a bit heavy handed with things but with this she was extremely gentle.

"Thank you." Edward said as they finished and he cleared up the bathroom with Lucy's help. "Go through to the living room and I'll come through in a minute, I'm going to get a clean t-shirt"

"Ok." she replied and then left the bathroom to go to the living room while Edward headed towards his room where his usual mess was slightly messier than normal but he couldn't be bothered to do anything with it as the pain killers still hadn't taken away all the pain but had left him tired. He dropped his t-shirt and bent down to pick up another one from the floor which he pulled over his head. He then left his room and went back through to the living room where he sat down on the old sofa next to Lucy who moved closer to him. He looked down at her before he picked her up and placed her down on his lap, wrapping his arms around her as she cuddled up to him. He watched her for a minute then ran his hand through her hair, causing her to look up at him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be gone for so long." he told her but she just smiled slightly.

"It's ok, I love you." she said and he smiled back.

"Love you too baby." he replied and she settled back against him. She liked it when he called her baby, which he often did. Only he called her that and it always made her happy or calmed her when she was upset. They sat watching TV for the rest of the night until Edward decided Lucy should be in bed and he wanted to go to sleep too.

"Come on, bed time." he told her and Lucy stirred slightly on his knee to look at him.

"I want to stay with you." she said to which Edward smiled and lightly kissed her head before he stroked her hair away from her face as she watched him.

"Go and get your pyjamas on and we'll both go to bed." he said and she grinned knowing what he meant by that. She climbed down from his knee and ran off to her room as Edward slowly got up, feeling pain rush through him from moving. After turning off the TV and light he went into his room where he kicked off his trainers then took his jeans and socks off, letting them fall in a heap on his floor. He then went to check how Lucy was doing but when he opened the door she was already stood there, dressed in her pink and white checked pyjamas.

"Come on then." he said, opening the door wider to let her come in. He followed her over to the bed where he pulled the quilt back and she climbed in waiting as he got in too. As he pulled the quilt back over them she cuddled up to him and he wrapped his arms around her holding her close to him as they both fell asleep.