"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!?" Musouka raged to Baku. He was slumped over on his back, his light pink belly shiny in the artificial light of her room. "I completely forgot I had a session!"
She was pacing, the rug wearing thin as she turned and tossed in her steps.
"What did your parents say?" Baku grunted, flipping over with difficulty. He snorted and shook his head. "Aye, got anything to eat?"
"I'M BUSY!"
"Yea, yea. Well, what did your par..."
"I heard you the first time! They expect me to bring her right over!"
"Can't you eat before going?"
"No..." She drew that out in a very vexed, annoying tone. "Because my appointment is right after school. Or do you forget?"
"I'm not the one who can't think straight."
"AUGH!!!" She resumed her pacing. She bit her thumbnail before going for the skin. She gnawed nervously as she tried to think rationally. "She'll think I'm a quack!"
"I'm surprised she didn't think like that in the beginning."
Musouka came to slow halt. "I'm going to make you into BACON IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP!"
He rolled over, his back toward her. But she heard the wafting chuckle and her eyes gleamed white.
"Musouka?" Helen opened the door, holding a rather large bowl of fruits, vegetables and oats. "Hey, Baku!" She smiled as she patted the pig's bottom. "Got you some supper! Are you hungry?"
Baku's little curled tail seemed to wag as he began to chow down. Helen watched for a moment before smiling at her daughter. "I'm so happy you have a friend coming over. I'm sure she won't mind going to the appointment either. It's quite natural to..."
'No, no, and did I mention, NO! She'll think I'm a crazy!"
"If she agreed to come over.." Helen began.
"So I can't let her see that I go see some shrink!"
"Be rational. There are many other stable people who see 'shrinks'. They help you keep on track. She would be very understanding," Helen hugged her daughter who merely grumbled, hiding her face to the floor. "Now, why not get on to doing your homework?"
She watched her mother leave. "They won't stop bothering me," She told Baku. His mouth was full as his chewed material nearly spilled out. "And I don't need to watch you eat..."
She sighed as she settled down to fiddle with her homework.
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"So, where are we going?" Minako asked brightly. She was following Musouka to her therapy session.
"Uh.. I go to this place for a hour twice a week. I ... talk to someone..."
"Oh.. So like what kind of person do you talk to?"
'How dimwitted is she?!'
"A shrink," Musouka said through gritted teeth. "A s-h-r-i-n-k."
"Oh.. why?"
"Do ever wonder why you continuously ask questions?" Musouka said, her voice strained. "There are points where you SHOULD stop asking."
"Oh...okay."
Musouka inwardly sighed.
"So why do you see a shrink?"
"Now, see. I was dropping you a hint to STOP! I really don't like explaining myself and so your incessant questions..." But the wide-eyed blue eyes stopped Musouka from finishing. "Because I'm having some problems, okay? Just things I can't fix on my own."
"I'm sorry. You know, my friend's boyfriend and one of my best friends are going to be great doctors. You should talk to them."
"Do you even know what a shrink is?"
"One of those doctors you talk to and they take notes and give you medicine."
"Yeah but they're also scratching posts."
Minako was quiet before she realized it was a joke. She began to laugh, rather happily and Musouka blinked, surprised.
"It was THAT funny?" Musouka asked albeit shyly.
"Of course, Musou-chan!"
"Uh..."
"Oh...I'm sorry. You don't like the nickname? What about Yume?"
"YUME? Why that?"
"You're always dreaming."
"I'm not... okay, well, yea, I am but it's not always DREAMS. Sometimes it's like a... a...uh.."
"Nightmare?" Minako tilted her head. "I don't get those that often anymore. I grew out of them."
"Yea, well, I grew into them," Musouka set to grumbling once more.
She led Minako to a waiting room. "I'll be as quick as possible," she promised.
"Take your time!" Minako smiled brightly.
"Happy person, very happy... too happy..ugh..."
Aisei-sensei smiled as Musouka walked in. "How are you today?"
"A hurry. Got a friend waiting for me."
"Ah, you mean Baku?"
"Baku is MY PIG, doctor," Musouka said through gritted teeth.
"I'm sorry. I forgot about that. So tell me about your friend."
She stared at him. "You think it's imaginary."
"You tend to be daydreamer, Musouka," Aisei-sensei gently told her.
"She's in the waiting room for crying out loud!" Musouka shouted.
He blinked and realized she WAS telling the truth. "I'm sorry. So how was your week?"
She slouched on the couch and glared at him.
"Now, we can sit here and pout..." He began.
"Fine by me."
"What about a word association game?"
She said nothing.
"A drawing?"
She sighed. "Fine, a crummy picture it is."
"I want you to draw me...let's see, a bad memory of yours."
"Bad? Memories? I don't.." But he gave her a pen and she began to etch out a picture.
It started with a box. She made lines down inside it and hurriedly colored them to represent bars. She drew a faceless person inside it and added chains that swam out of the box and out of the paper. She drew white wisps, cloudlike things, around her and put scary faces on them. She then began to color in the background, pitch black.
"So.. ahem..." Musouka looked up at the doctor who was looking at the picture with a strange look on his face. "What memory is this?"
"Memory...it's more like a nightmare...I don't know where it came from."
"Is that you?" He pointed to the faceless person.
"I don't know. I don't think so..." She trailed off. She didn't want to talk anymore.
"And these? Are these monsters?"
"They're dead..."
He blinked. "What?"
Musouka suddenly began to tear the picture to pieces. "Shut up! Shut up! I know this isn't real! It's not normal!"
She stared at the broken slivers of paper, her breath caught in her chest.
"Musouka..." The doctor reached out slowly.
The doctor's hand was darkening, becoming stone in her vision. She could feel the cold surface pressing against her and the stone began to climb over her, trying to claim her.
She wasn't aware that she was screaming until there was nothing but complete and utter silence. She was staring at the doctor, the room too white and her eyes widened. His shadow was pressed against the wall, looming higher over him.
"Do..doctor.. your...your.." He turned around and the shadow was back to normal.
"I think that's enough for today. Now.. you could stay the night if you'd like..." He began carefully.
"NO!" She felt the sound escape, the desperation wrapping around her like a tightening vise.
"All right, all right. You'll come by on Monday?"
"Unh huh..." She inched toward the door, her eyes untrusting on that shadow. But it remained on the floor as she fled.
"He..hey.." She panted as she spotted Minako reading a magazine.
"Hey! How was it?" Minako looked worried at the pale face.
"I'm fine. Feeling better by the hour.." She gestured toward the door. "Please... let's go."
They exited and Musouka looked around with an impatient look. A car honked a few cars down and she turned toward it.
"Hey Mom!" She called out as her mother pulled in. "How was work?" She forced herself to make conversation.
"Why honey! Introduce me to your friend first!" Helen exited the car and came to the two girls' side.
"Mom, this is Aino Minako. Ai.. Minako-san, this is my mother, Helen Seiseino."
"So you're American right?"
"Yep! Fell in love with the culture and my husband!" Helen beamed.
"Ah, love is so romantic," Minako sighed. Helen laughed as she gestured for the two to get into the car.
"Now... uh, just to warn you. We have a pet.." Musouka said carefully.
"Really? I have a cat named Artemis."
"Well, um... we have a pig."
Minako smirked and bit in a laugh.
"I'm not joking! His name is Baku," Musouka was looking outside and failed to see the raising of eyebrows.
"Baku...So, why'd you name it that?"
"Huh?"
"Oh, it was very sweet!" Helen broke in. "One day, Musouka had fainted and when we found her, she was being tended to by this little piglet. He was adorable! As if he were taking her nightmares away..."
"Uh... Mom, could you just drive?"
Helen blinked. "Now, honey, that's not the kind of tone you should take with your elders," She began.
"I'm sorry, okay!?"
Helen continued to drive, her eyes clear but blank.
Minako leaned over. "I have trouble with my mother. She thinks I don't apply myself."
"I get that sometimes but it's not in schoolwork, it's in life generally," Musouka grinned.
Musouka sighed as they reached the house. So far, she'd acted pretty normal. Maybe that session had drained out her behavior problems for the day at least. Or so she hoped.
"We're home!" Helen called out. Ryuu poked his head out.
"Dinner's about done. I was making Baku some treats."
"You didn't have to.." Musouka began.
"Don't worry! We know you take good care of him! But he deserves treats every so often! Hello, miss, I'm Ryuu Seiseino, obviously her father."
"Aino Minako," She shook his free hand, the other holding a spatula.
"Go on and show her your room and your.. ahem, little fun toy," He winked at Musouka.
"Baku is not a toy," She mumbled as she went down the hallway. She came to her room and pressed it open.
"Wow! It's really pretty!" The room itself was dark colored, with darkening curtains and dark blue bedding. The carpet was the only light thing, being white.
And in the corner was her little buddy.
"Awwww!!" Minako giggled. "He's a lot more cuter than I thought."
"Yea, he keeps his figure, now don't he?" She reached down and patted his bottom before gently tugging his tail. He cracked an eye open before snuggling back to the ground.
She frowned and tried lifting him.
"You..you don't have to," Minako was heard protesting. But Musouka placed the pig down after a moment and he settled into a sitting position, facing the two girls.
"There! Now you see why he's super cute, right?" Musouka grinned. "It's the flat nose!"
"Actually, I was going by the tail."
"Yea, that's always a favorite."
Baku didn't like them talking about him, especially if he were in the room. He staggered off, giving a very cute oink that the girls ohhed and ahhed over.
Dinner went without a hitch. Musouka felt, for once, at peace of mind. She was even laughing along with the others. It was after dinner when Minako asked her if she wanted to go see some friends at a arcade.
"You meet this late?" Musouka looked out and realized that the sun was still up.
"It's only six! Come on! We'll have fun!"
Musouka sighed and went to get some money but found her mother holding out a twenty. "Keep the change, honey!"
"Yea.. thanks," She pocketed it and followed Minako down the street. They took a bus and found the Crown arcade.
"I go here often. There's a really cute guy working here. His name is Motoki!"
"That's nice."
"Minako!" A group of girls appeared. Again, Musouka faced the blue haired, blue-eyed girl.
"We just keep meeting, don't we?" Musouka said with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes, it must be fate," she agreed.
"Guys, this is Seiseino Musouka. She's new to my school."
"Well, actually, I've been going there since well, I entered at the beginning," Musouka raised her other eyebrows, looking rather funny. "You just assumed I was new."
"Oh...I'm sorry. I guess you kind of blend in."
"Not anymore," Musouka mumbled.
The raven with violet eyes frowned. "What?"
"Nothing...Nothing, okay."
"Anyways! This is Tsukino Usagi."
"A rabbit, great."
"And.. this is Kino Makoto."
"So are you, like, the bully of the group?"
"Musouka!" Minako hissed.
"Sorry, I tend to just open my mouth and make me a bitch.."
The others raised an eyebrow at her.
"And this is Mizuno Ami," Minako hurried the introduction.
"Got no problem with her. She got me candy!"
"And this is Hino Rei," Minako sounded very tired.
"The raven! You've got nice hair," Musouka looked around. "So that cute guy you mentioned, where would he be?"
"He's in the back. His family owns this place."
"That's nice..." Musouka wandered off.
"Where'd you find her?" Rei hissed once Musouka was out of hearing range. "She's a.. a.. nut!"
"No she's not. She's just 'out there'," Minako splayed her hands upward and outward to demonstrate 'out there'.
"I don't know, she seems kind of ...well, spastic?" Makoto suggested.
"Woheee!" The five jumped as Musouka ran down a enemy. She was playing a favorite game, the Sailor V battle scene kind. "Kill him! Kill him!"
The others looked toward Minako. "Did I mention she has a pig? It's called Baku."
"Probably nothing," Ami began.
"Now, hold on," Rei began. "She is giving strange vibes!"
"Oh, you say that about everyone!" Usagi retorted.
"I do not!"
"DO SO!"
"DO NOT!"
Musouka, meanwhile, stared at the game, specifically the Sailor V character. It irked her for some reason.
"It's staring at me.. what'd I do?" She had stopped playing and watched in shock as the Sailor V was blown to bits. She screamed instantly, as if she had taken the hits herself. "NO! NO! NO!!"
"Musouka!" A hand clasped her shoulder and she saw the sign 'GAME OVER' flashing over the screen. "What happened?"
"She was blown to bits..." Musouka gulped. "I didn't think this game was violent!"
"Sailor V doesn't get blown up! The monsters do but..." Minako began.
And Musouka realized that this MUST be true as Sailor V lay in on her back, her eyes merely x's. She was whole, that was the main thing. So what did Musouka see?
The others didn't want to hang out anymore and soon began hinting to Minako that maybe Musouka should go home.
Musouka blinked, hearing a rather cruel comment by Rei. "Hey.. look, you guys want me gone, just tell me! You're a bunch of cowards if you're just going to talk about me behind my back, despite the fact that I'm five feet away! I'm not deaf you know!"
She pushed back from the game she was playing and saw her dim reflection. It was paler than usual and she glared at it before she threw around and tried to walk. But it wasn't a straight line as her body fell down, twitching as if in convulsions.
"Musouka! Musouka!" The voice was distant, as if she were hearing it across a crowded room.
Her body was choking. Her breathe was locked in her chest and her eyes were flashing with rainbow colors.
They swirled into one before shattering and she felt it then, the blackness left over by the colors, sucking into her veins, her body, her essence.
'Musouka...' Her voice, mingled with Baku's echoed. 'Musouka...trouble...' It was distant, too far to hear completely.
'I can't move...I'm frozen.. I'm trapped...I can't breathe...please.. help me...'
Her body jerked when a light pressed from one hand and rolled over her shoulders and body to the other hand. The white light began to swim around her, shoving the darkness farther away until all she saw was white.
And she woke up, her hand grasped by Usagi. Her eyes, so innocent and wide, stared at Musouka with compassion.
"I...I'm sorry..." She pulled up and staggered backwards. "I.. I have to go...I'm sorry.."
She fled the scene and could feel Baku begin to beat inside her head.
"I'm having enough trouble! Can't you like manifest yourself next to me!?" She was walking with fast legs.
"Can't you run?" He nearly howled in her ears. "Come on! Move it!"
She broke into a run with a grimace. She entered the new scene and saw another ghoulish monster sucking over a group of five sleeping people.
"Morpheus! Awaken..."
"Stop right there!" A voice shouted. Sailor Moon, along with Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, and Venus appeared behind her, startling her. "How dare you do such horrible things to people! I am the pretty sailor soldier Sailor Moon! In the name of the Moon, you're punished!"
"SHIT!" Musouka howled. She stared up at the ghoul, it's face stained with bleached red, its eyes nothing but black slices. "God, you're hideous.."
It opened it's mouth and began to suck like a vacuum. It was pulling her forward as she tried to step back. She was drawn in by that black hole. It was swirling with a gray light and she realized that it was the energy that it'd taken.
"Mars Fire Soul!"
"Jupiter Sparkling Wide Pressure!"
"Mercury Shabon Spray!"
The three attacks blew out the black hole and sent the monster reeling, the five victims spilling like pins.
"Strike!" Musouka shouted.
"Get out of here!" Venus shouted.
"Aye aye!" But she turned to flee and watched as her shadow jump out and suck her down to the ground. She started yelling like something was killing her and the other senshi were trying to tug on the shadow.
A wisp shot out from Musouka's body and it enveloped her, sucking the shadow into it's girth. The senshi jumped back, scared.
"Oh..." Musouka's eyes fluttered. "Ba..ku..." She stood up slowly and saw the others looking at her.
"Oh, like you're better than me! I know I got problems but staring at me doesn't help!" She shouted.
Venus said hurriedly. "You should run!"
"I hate running!" But she took to the side and fled, heaving in gasps.
"Venus Love Me Chain!" Venus attacked the ghoul. It screamed as Sailor Moon raised her scepter.
"Moon Princess Halation!"
And as it turned to dust, soft clouds emptied to the skies before disappearing altogether.
Musouka was halfway home by then. She was trying hard to not break.
"Just cause I'm different.. well, not like they're better! And stupid Minako! She wanted to be my friend, she says, but she acts just like her friends." Musouka sighed. "I'm not good with people, that's all."
She thought of those senshi. "They weren't much help to me," She thought darkly. "They couldn't even save me..."
'Try saving yourself on your own...' The thought struck out at her. 'You never needed anyone to begin with..'
"But.. But.. .I just wanted to be normal again!" She started to sob. "What happened to me! I don't understand anything! What have I become!?"
She tried to sneak in to her room but her mother popped out, with wide eyes. "So I think that went... well... Honey?"
Her mother reached out. Musouka flinched, remember the doctor's hand of stone and she pulled back. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"
Helen's face paled. "It's me, honey, mom..."
"I... I know that..." But Musouka's head was buzzing. "I... I just need to sleep."
She entered and closed the door, locking it afterwards.
"What the hell happened?" Baku began.
Musouka's back was toward the pig. "Thank you."
He blinked. "I...err.. couldn't let you get hurt anymore than you are now."
"It was using me!? How did it do that! I thought if I were a senshi, they'd leave me alone!"
"It's not so simple like that. As a senshi, yes, nightmares cannot get to you but you're still, well, human. You're vulnerable."
"But can't you make them go away.." She turned around, her eyes red as tears fell profusely. "I can't even sleep anymore! At this rate, I won't live to sixteen!"
"Lie down. I'll help you this one time," Baku's body changed into a transparent male. His hair was pink but really short and his eyes, though a bit see-through, were colored a dark violet, such as it looked black from far way. "Come on, hop into bed."
"Is this your true form?" She whispered. "Are you like an angel in disguise, waiting till I die? It's soon right?"
"Shuuu.." He pressed his hand against her forehead and she realized she could feel his heat, his touch. And she relaxed, her mind clearing of the clouds and cobwebs and she fell asleep.
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Morning came but Musouka couldn't get out. Thankfully it was Saturday as she turned over to go back to sleep. But her mind began to vision things like it always did. She was far away again, up high now. She felt as if she were flying. Someone was laughing, a little boy. She realized that the laughter was coming from her mouth but it wasn't her.
And suddenly, as soon as she realized that this wasn't her, she began to pummel to the ground. She screamed but no sounds came out as her fingers clawed. She was so high up now, the clouds were whipping her as gravity threw her down.
And she rolled her body and fell out of bed, her body heaving and her breath panting.
"Augh... I feel like shit.." She groaned, her pillow mashed against her cheek. She shoved it off and turned to see if Baku was around but he was gone. "Little piggy must have gone to eat or something.."
She sighed as she stretched, trying to keep her mind clear. The fear of falling was still deep within her but she tried to ignore it. After all, if she ignored it, it'd go away, right?
"Morning honey!" Helen smiled, a smile much too bright and strained.
"Hi.. Uh, I'm sorry about last night. I wasn't feeling well."
"It's all right. You DO feel better, right?"
"Uh huh... let's go with that. Say, you've seen Baku?"
"He wandered out the back door," Helen smiled as she turned to tend to the eggs she was cooking. "If you're hungry.." She turned around and Musouka was gone, the door still closing as she went out the back.
"Oh Baku..." Musouka called out and saw a familiar red bow and another set of heads that she recognized.
"Hi, Musouka!" Minako grinned. "We came to see if you were all right."
"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be? Baku, come."
"Baku's a pig, he can't an...swer..." Makoto trailed off as Baku loped over to Musouka before he snorted and rolled over at her feet, it's lips in a strained smile.
"Pigs SMILE?!" Rei blinked. "Wow..."
"It's just gas, like babies," Musouka said hurriedly.
"Oh, well, hello Minako," Ryuu came out with a easy step. "Are these more friends of yours?" He asked his daughter.
"Please! They made fun of me!" She snapped. She was starting to feel caught in a web of some sort.
"Oh... we wanted to apologize. We didn't realize you were.. err.. sick..." Usagi began.
"Sick? SICK! I'm NOT SICK! I'm as healthy as the rest of you stupid people!" Musouka's mind snapped as anger fueled to a boil. She was struggling to keep the top on but it was no use. "I'm HUMAN! Just cause I can't act like you doesn't mean that I'm SICK! You people always judge by looks don't you? DON'T YOU!?"
"Musouka!" Ryuu nearly shouted. His hand clamped her shoulder and she felt stabs of frozen ice. Her body jerked as she pulled back, trying to stop the convulsions.
"I'm not.. I'm not..." Her vision was graying but the people were all haloed by hues, bright and colorful hues. And she, she was black as night.
She curled into a tight ball, her shoulders heaving.
"Honey..." Her father knelt down. "It's all right. It'll be fine. Don't worry."
"I'm not.. not different.. I'm just me!" She sobbed as he pulled his child to him.
"Shuuu, I know, I know."
He looked up. "Please, leave."
"Oh but ..." Minako began.
"I'm sorry but she needs friends that can look beyond her problems," He said this tiredly, with little emotion.
"I'm sorry..." Minako whispered before she and the others leaving.
Baku had rolled over and zeroed in on the group as they passed, staring at them with his dark black eyes.
And they flinched, seeing something almost human in them, something accusing and questioning as well.
