Chapter Two
"Oh my god, who would wear that?" I giggled in astonishment and pointed out the black thong bikini hanging on the rack next to Angela.
"I would!" Angela grinned, skimming the rack looking for and grabbing the first size 2 she came across. "This is what you call butt floss," she held up the almost non-existent bottoms. "And Ben happens to be crazy about my butt." She gave me a wink as she continued searching through the rack of bathing suits.
"I wish you guys were coming with us to Cancun, we'd have so much fun! Tropical beaches, all-inclusive resort with all the alcohol you can drink; woo-hoo 18 year old drinking age! And our own hotel room, which means no sneaking around waiting for someone's parents to be out so we can have a quickie without getting caught."
She gave me a knowing look like I could even relate. I was not about to tell her that Edward and I had never even come close to…..
"Hell, I'll just be happy to see the sun. What do we get? Four days tops in this godforsaken town? I am so sick of rain."
"Mmm-hmmm," I murmured. I wasn't even really listening anymore.
"You haven't even picked anything out yet Bella. I thought you wanted to pick up a suit for your honeymoon?" Angela looked at me apologetically. "My bad, where are you going anyway, I haven't even asked you?"
"Um, I don't even know to tell you the truth. It's a surprise. Edward and Alice made all the arrangements."
Angela looked at me strangely. "You don't even know where you're going on your own honeymoon?"
"No," I shook my head. Was that weird?
"Hmmm," Angela stopped staring at me and continued searching. We leafed through the clearance racks in silence for a few minutes, until I think it was making Angela uncomfortable. She caught my eye and smiled.
"So I guess Edward is over his jealousy issues?"
I wrinkled my nose. "What do you mean?"
"Remember? When you were helping me with my grad invites a couple of months ago? You were telling me how Edward was acting a little weird about your relationship with your friend, Jacob Black."
I tensed and caught my breath. Would I ever stop having a physical reaction to his name?
"I guess he's over that now, hah? I mean with the 'death do you part' and all that. He must feel a little more secure in your commitment to him?"
"Oh, yeah, that. No, that's over, he's not worried about me and Jacob."
Angela studied my expression and didn't look very convinced. "Well, what about Jacob? How does he feel about the wedding? If I remember correctly, he had quite the thing for you."
Oh god, please don't cry. I felt the sting and widened my eyes and blinked a few times, trying to stave off an overflow. But it was too late, Angela saw me fighting them back and put her hand on my elbow.
"Oh no, Bella, are you okay? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up; it's none of my business."
"No, no it's not that," I sniffed and wiped my nose, getting a grip on myself. "Jake, uh….he got really badly injured last month."
"Oh my god! What happened? Is he alright?"
She steered me to a seat by the fitting rooms and physically pushed me down onto the chair, taking the one next to it herself.
I really didn't want to be having this conversation, but Angela was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to go on.
"He was in a motorcycle accident; a really bad one. He broke almost all the bones on one side of his body."
Lie. But it was easier than I thought it would be.
"Oh my god," she gasped. "So will he be alright?"
"Yeah, Dr. Cullen is taking care of him as a matter of fact. He says he'll be fine; it's just going to take a while for his body to properly mend."
Which, for a werewolf meant he was probably up and around and back to phasing already. But he would have to fake his recovery for a few months so as not to raise any suspicions or freak anybody out; including my father.
"Holy shit. I'm glad Ben doesn't ride a motorcycle. He can't even drive a car," she snorted.
She placed her hand on my arm again and looked me in the eyes. "No offense Bella, but you look like crap. I assumed it was just from all the wedding preparations. Which by the way, like I said before, I would be happy to help you with anytime, whatever you need."
She leaned in a little closer at this point and lowered her voice. "Are you having second thoughts? I mean, this is a big step, Bella. We are awfully young. You know I think Edward is a great guy and you two are perfect together, but…..are you sure about this?"
There was so much I wished I could tell her. I wished I could explain to her that a wedding and some vows in a church went against everything I believed in. Marriage just screamed 'wrong' to me. But marriage in comparison to what was going to happen afterward?
I could never see her or Ben again, let alone go on vacations with them in the future like normal couples. That I could never go to any of our reunions with Mike and Jessica and the rest of our high school friends. That the next two months were the last that I would ever spend with my family. And that I would never see those dark haired babies that I loved even though they were just part of a dream that never would and never could happen? I couldn't tell her any of this and I ached to get something off my chest, just to lessen the load a tiny bit.
"I broke Jacob's heart and I pray that it doesn't affect his recovery and that he doesn't hate me forever," I blurted out before I could stop myself.
Angela blinked. "What?"
"I went to his house, Jacob's house, right after the accident and I told him; I told him it was Edward I loved. It was always Edward. But I told him I was in love with him too, but not enough. Not enough to make me choose him over Edward. I shouldn't have done that, should I? I mean, it was cruel, right?"
I didn't give her time to answer. I was on a roll, the guilt coming off me in waves.
"He was in so much pain and full of morphine and I just marched in and told him I was choosing Edward. And the way he looked at me Angela, I can't even explain it. And he wasn't even mad at me; he just told me he would wait for me forever." His actual words had been till my heart stopped beating, but I didn't want Angela to think Jake was a stalker or something.
We sat quietly for a few minutes. Finally Angela broke the silence.
"Wow."
"I'm a terrible person, right?"
She studied me before answering, trying to choose the right words.
"It was a little harsh," she conceded. "But he's speaking to you now, right? I mean, he's forgiven you, right?"
"I haven't spoken to him since that night," I whispered. "He asked me to stay away."
She frowned before she began speaking with certainty.
"He'll get over it. He just needs to deal. He loves you Bella. It was always obvious. But what are you gonna do now? Do you think it's a good idea to stay friends with him if you're getting married? Considering he's made no secret of the fact that he loves you? And, uh…..did you say you told him you were in love with him too?"
I nodded. "But I love Edward more," I mumbled weakly.
"Damn girl, no wonder you look so stressed out. Do you want my opinion? Cos it's none of my business and you know I would never judge you."
"No, I want your opinion Angela."
"I think you need to straighten this all out before you marry Edward. You need to figure out what your relationship with Jacob is. If anything. It's not fair to any of you to take this any farther without it all being resolved. Does Edward know about your conversation with Jacob?"
I had never discussed what was said between Jacob and me with Edward. But he knew the extent of my distress over it. I had cried nonstop for 24 hours straight. And that's not counting the tears I shed when he wasn't around to witness them.
He also knew I was in love with Jacob. Apparently it had been obvious to everyone but me. But Edward had never asked what went down between Jacob and me that night. He just took my word for it that it was over.
"No, Edward and I never discussed it."
"That's probably best; it would only hurt him."
"Yeah, that's my specialty; a little sprinkling of hurt for everyone all around."
"Oh Bella," Angela forced a grin and put an arm around me. "Don't be so hard on yourself. It'll all work out; you'll see."
I wished I had an ounce of her optimism.
~~RaD~~
Well I'm sure this had to be a first for the two affluent women catering to Alice and me at the bridal store. I'd hedge bets that I was the first bride-to-be ever to don one of their exquisite lace gowns, take one look at myself in the mirror and grab the nearest trash can handy and hurl right into it.
And I do mean hurl. I heaved till my insides ached. Once I was sure I was completely done, I was too mortified to lower the trash bin and look at the expressions on their perfect, botoxed faces. The silence in the large opulent fitting room was deafening.
I lowered the can to the ground, not sure what to do with it? Should I offer to dump it somewhere? I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and glanced with trepidation at the front of the dress. Please god, please don't let anything have splashed out and onto me. Whew, it was all clear.
"Don't like that one, huh?" Alice deadpanned. I broke into nervous giggles of relief.
One of the two salesladies came forward without a word and took the trash bin from me gingerly with two outstretched fingers and disappeared into the back with it.
"But really, the way the bodice fits her tiny waist is just lovely, don't you think?" the other woman continued on as if nothing had happened. She came forward and emphasized with her hands just how alluringly diminutive I looked in this dress. When I wasn't vomiting in it, I guess.
I wanted to leave, but the incident was completely ignored and I was forced to try on a total of 8 more dresses that, frankly, all looked the same to me. The three ladies fawned around me and pointed out the assets of this one opposed to that one and I just stood there like a deaf mute letting them talk around me. Alice knew I was going to let her make the final decision anyway, so what was the point of having an opinion? Like I said, they all looked pretty much the same to me.
Once I'd been sufficiently tugged and zipped and turned this way and that and told to stand up straighter and had my shoulders pulled back a total of 4 times, the torture was over. As I stepped out of the ninth and final dress, I glanced up to see Alice studying me with a strange far-off look in her eye. I felt my gut clench again as my first thought was the Volturi; Alice must be having one of her visions and they were on their way here to kill Charlie and Jacob and everyone else who might possibly know about them. But the question she asked me threw me.
"Have you been to La Push Bella?"
"No," I answered her honestly.
"Hmmm," she shook her head and picked some invisible lint off the front of the gown.
"Why?"
"You just…..you kind of disappeared suddenly and then…..," she noticed the worried look on my face. "But then you came back," she smiled widely, to alleviate my fears. "It happened yesterday too. Just for a few minutes, you were there and then….you were gone. And then you were back again." She shook her head uncertainly. "I just thought maybe you were….." she trailed off with a frown.
"So next Wednesday, 1:30 for the fitting?" the saleslady who had taken the vomit riddled can from me breezed back into the fitting area. I liked how she addressed the question to Alice and ignored me. I was just the dolt wearing the dress.
"That would be perfect," Alice smiled, taking the little appointment card from the woman. "We'll see you then."
The conversation we'd started at the shop was forgotten as Alice and I headed to the car and she happily chattered about wedding cakes all the way home. I felt like I was going to throw up again.
~~RaD~~
"Hey! Well if it isn't Mrs. Edward Cullen."
I had more or less quit my job at the Newton's sporting goods store about 2 months ago, but some part of me hated to resign completely and Mrs. Newton was reluctant to let good help go so easily; so I remained tied to my job on an on-call basis. Which meant that I'd had two full months off, but gotten a frantic call from Mike's mom early this morning when 2 people called in sick and there was no one to help clean up the chaos leftover from the big sale they'd had over the weekend.
"Hey Mike," I smiled warmly. "Well, not yet," I added, referring to the title he'd welcomed me with.
"Well, pretty soon," he grinned.
"Yep," I nodded and gave him a tight grin in return.
"So you here to help clean up from the tornado the crowds left over from Saturday and Sunday?"
"That's what I'm here for," I stood at mock attention and gave a little salute.
"Well," Mike pointed to the north corner of the store. "Why don't you start over there? I think they've taken every shoe in the place they could find and just thrown them all haphazardly." He shook his head. "Just box them all back up and reorganize the shelves for me please."
"Okay," I smiled and headed over.
The store had quite a large selection of hiking boots and sneakers along with fishing boots and water shoes. And he wasn't kidding when he said it looked like someone had just wandered over and thrown every shoe in the place and tossed them around just for fun.
I gathered up a bunch of boxes to begin with, especially ones that retained one shoe so all I had to do was hunt for the mate. It was much easier said than done.
An hour later, I was on my hands and knees and matching up identical pairs had become a vendetta. I was in the zone at this point, oblivious to the few people in the store and the sounds of their conversations mute to me. Luckily the masses seemed to have all been here over the weekend and the few stragglers this morning were not interested in shoes, because I think I would have taken off anyone's head that interrupted my flow at this point.
I put the lid on one box and found the proper shelf it belonged on before picking up another empty box, checking the side to see what I was looking for. Size 13 men's running shoes; in black. Okay. I perused the much smaller mess on the floor; I'd really put quite a dent in the chaos I thought proudly.
Ah, that looked like it could be what I was looking for; I grabbed a humongous black sneaker that stood out from the rest of the shoes and checked the size and then the name brand and lastly the style number. Bingo! I started to put it in the box, but found my hand had frozen and I was staring at the shoe, my brain trying to remember something. My throat constricted slightly and my hand began to shake. I had to sit down on the floor for a second as I felt tears pricking my eyes.
What the hell was wrong with me? I was having a panic attack over a shoe?
Jacob's face, sweaty and pained swam before my mind.
"I'll always be here waiting for you Bella."
"Until my heart stops beating."
"Maybe even then….."
I tossed the shoe in the box and blindly reached out and grabbed its mate and threw it beside the other and through my tears, I grabbed for the lid to cover them.
"You're choosing wrong. You don't belong together."
I froze. Those were Rosalie's words; she had said the same thing to me just a little over a month ago. But who was telling me this now? And how did they….?
"You're choosing wrong Bella."
I wiped my eyes now and whipped around to face whoever was saying these words to me again. I mean, how dare they!
Mike caught the expression in my eyes as I whirled from the floor to face him, standing over me. He took a step back and put his hand up in a defensive stance, his expression wary and puzzled at my response to him.
"What did you just say?" My teeth were clenched and my voice was low.
Mike pointed to the box containing the shoes I had just placed in them; the shoes that ironically brought tears to my eyes.
"Those shoes are wrong. They don't belong together." His finger waved back and forth between the two shoes. "See? One is black and the other is chocolate brown."
We stared at each other for a minute, my face relaxing into embarrassment at my reaction to his simple observation.
"Bella? Are you okay? You need to take a break?"
"No Mike, I'm sorry. I was just 'in the zone', you know? I didn't mean to…." I smiled wearily at him and he returned it hesitantly.
"No problem." He took a deep breath and let it out. "What a trooper. No wonder my mother didn't want to let you go."
He dropped to his knees and picked up one of the piled up boxes and began to look through the strewn shoes on the floor for a match.
I wiped my eyes and joined him; appreciating his help and the diversion from my wayward emotions.
I couldn't believe I'd heard….when he'd said…. Talk about a Freudian misinterpretation.
"So how come you're not going to Mexico with Angela and Ben?"
"I don't want to be the third wheel with those two," he made a face. "I don't want to go to Mexico with a couple."
"Oh why not? I'm sure there are plenty of girls on the beach there with loose morals and low standards you could spend your time with," I joked.
"I'm sure I could find one or two," he laughed. "But what about you? Where are you and Edward going on your honeymoon?"
"I don't know. It's a surprise. Edward and Alice made all the arrangements."
Mike looked at me curiously. "Seriously? You don't know? Did you like, give him a few spots that you wanted to go to and he went from there?"
"No. He had a destination in mind and he wanted to surprise me."
"Huh. That sounds like Cullen," Mike's expression told me he wished he hadn't said that out loud and wished he could take it back as soon as it was out of his mouth.
"What do you mean?" I was genuinely curious.
"Oh, you know," Mike's face plainly said 'open mouth, insert foot' as he scrambled to get out of what he'd said. But I wasn't going to let him off the hook so easily. I gazed straight at him as I waited for him to give me some semblance of an answer. It wasn't coming easily.
"Cullen just…you know, he uh, he was always kind of, uh,…a leader, you know? He was good at taking command of people. Or no; of a group! He was good at taking command of a group. At school, I mean. You know?" He finished lamely.
"Are you trying to say he's always been controlling?"
"No! Well not…well, yeah. Maybe a little controlling." He smiled weakly. "Don't be mad, okay? I mean it in the nicest way."
I couldn't help but chuckle.
"I'm not mad Mike. I can see where you might think Edward was a little…..controlling."
Mike reached out uncomfortably and lightly tousled my hair, relieved.
"You're the best Bella. Cullen doesn't deserve you," he added playfully before getting back to the shambled task at hand.
The rest of the day flew by quickly and uneventfully; which would be in direct opposition with what the night had in store for me.
~~RaD~~
"You should have seen it Edward! She retched right into the garbage can!" Alice's giggle trilled through the spacious Cullen dining area. I was picking at a burger and some fries while Edward and Alice kept me company. Rosalie and Emmett had gone hunting with Carlisle and Esme and they were all expected back sometime this evening.
"And your sister and the two women acted like nothing happened. They made me try on like 25 more dresses." I felt like a tattletale, but that had really irked me. I was glad my vomiting had amused Alice.
"Oh come on Bella, it was 8 dresses, don't exaggerate. And that one lady took the can from you and disposed of it."
Edward gave Alice a warning look. "That's not funny Alice."
His cool fingers touched my arm, sending chills up my shoulder and down my back. "Weren't you feeling well, love?"
"Probably something I ate," I mumbled with a shrug. How was I supposed to tell him the sight of myself in a white wedding dress made me physically ill?
"Oh Edward, don't be such a primadonna. I knew she was fine. I would have seen a hospital in our near future if there was anything really wrong with her," Alice told her brother irritated.
"I'm going to go check on Project Honeymoon and see if there are any details I might have missed or forgotten. You can thank me later Edward," she hopped gracefully to her feet and headed toward the computer in the other room, leaving Edward and I alone.
"I saw Mike today," I told him, making conversation. Mike had never been one of Edward's favorite people, but he'd always been decent to me, and once he'd gotten over the idea of him and me getting together, he'd turned out to be a good friend.
"How is Mr. Newton?" Edward rolled his eyes.
I put my hamburger down; I was done picking at it, my appetite had been nonexistent the last month or so. I looked up at Edward; his hand was still stroking my arm subtly.
"I asked him if he was – ," I froze, my eyes wide and my mouth gaping in mid-sentence. The rest of the Cullen's had come in so silently I hadn't even heard them. Emmett's large frame filled the doorway, his hair matted to his head, thick with dark, dried blood. His shirt was hanging off one arm, ripped open on the right side. There were red smudges on his face, staining both his cheeks and over one eye and his shirt had what looked like a glob of bloody fur stuck to the front. If I wasn't so sure I was awake I would swear I was in the middle of one of my nightmares.
"Hey guys!" he boomed casually.
"Agh, Emmett," Edward turned around disgustedly when he saw him. "Go take a shower."
"What happened to you?" my voice was barely strong enough to be heard. Luckily vampires have excellent hearing.
"What? You think I look bad Bella?" Emmett laughed. "You should see the grizzly."
It dawned on me then that that wasn't Emmett's blood all over him, it was his prey's.
Rosalie moved alongside him in the doorway. With a sly smile, she told him huskily, "Let's get you cleaned up."
I was shocked when she leaned up against his side and licked the blood off one of his cheeks. I was going to be sick again. The metallic smell was beginning to waft its way over to the table where I was sitting. I immediately began breathing through my mouth so I couldn't smell it anymore.
"Do you mind?" Edward turned angrily back toward his brother. "Bella doesn't need to be subjected to your messy dining habits. And the smell bothers her," he added.
"Sorry Bella," Emmett smiled cheekily. "But you're gonna have to get used to it soon, aren't you?"
I was, wasn't I? I could feel the nausea clawing at my belly.
"Not tonight, she doesn't. Go Emmett. Clean him up Rosalie," Edward implored.
Rosalie giggled and shoved Emmett, coaxing him out of the doorway; his ripped and torn form splattered with blood and flesh and fur. He just ignored her efforts and held my gaze, a knowing smile on his face.
"Don't look at him Bella. And breathe; you're white as a ghost. You look like you're about to pass out." Edward leaned close to my face, trying to block my view of Emmett; concern etched on his features.
"I think I need to go now, Edward," I got up from the table and the room swam for a second from light-headedness. I took a deep breath and stood still for a moment as Edward put his arm around me, holding me up.
"That's probably a good idea, it's getting late. Better?"
I nodded my head and he walked me out to my truck, arm securely holding me in case I got dizzy again.
Edward gave me a quick kiss before I started the car and made my way back to the main road and home, where I planned to brush my teeth and fall into bed, exhausted. I shifted my gaze to the thick trees on either side of the drive, wondering what was silently creeping through the brush laying in wait. I just never knew anymore.
~~RaD~~
