Disclaimer: I don't own Noblesse. However, the dubiously delightful heroine of this piece and other such original creations are mine.

A/N: The second chapter of Girl. In this one, we get an insight into the…circumstances behind her birth. Once again, many thanks to my beta, Smortz! ^_^

Girl: The Tale of a Dire Lack of Contraceptives and Sensible Baby Names

If the Lord had been inclined to talk about that night – which he was – he could have told Gejutel K. Landeger that it had indeed been a dark and stormy specimen of nocturne.

Unortunately, though the Lord was willing to gossip to all and sundry, Gejutel was not quite so willing to listen.

Despite Gejutel's selective deafness, the Lord managed to find an eager set of ears in Verdana, his fellow Noble and mother of a delightfully bookish little girl called Rozaria, and this is what he told her –

"She was so plump. And juicy! I just wanted to eat her up right there…"

Verdana arched a coquettish brow. "And did you?" she inquired.

"Indeed!"

"Wha-! Right there? In front of….?"

"Not THERE, you daft woman! In the hayloft." The Lord looked quite proud of himself as he made this announcement.

Verdana snorted and twitched little Rozaria's book a few inches further from her nose. The child didn't need glasses that early in life. "Yes, yes, heaven forbid the farmers and potters and ostlers and weavers, plus barkeeper and barmaids get a view of the action and mayhaps pick up a few pointers! A grunt here and a push there and smacky, wet kiss or two and it's all over. Or so my maids tell me."

"Really? Poor things," the Lord shook his head in sympathy, golden locks glittering in the dappled sunshine coming through the windows. "Well, no matter. They could hear plenty, couldn't they? Should be enough to tell them what they're doing wrong – or not doing, as it were."

"Eh…? They could hear everything?" Verdana made her eyes as big as possible in the hope of eliciting more details. Explicit ones. Rozaria snuggled closer to her mother's knee and read on silently, but kept one ear glued to the confabulation happening above her head.

"Well, the hayloft was right above the barroom…"

Both females scowled at the obtuse answer – one openly, and the other from behind the safety of her book. "Lord…," Verdana warned.

He chuckled wickedly and held up his palms in surrender. "All right, all right, don't throw me out! But location is important, you know, for the right sounds to be heard. For example, at certain locations, they no doubt heard constant demands for 'oooooh more suckin', sirrah, oooh – oh-oh-pull 'arder!' At others, they could make out, if they concentrated, a rhythmic slap, 'nnngh!', slap, 'mmmm!', slap, 'faster, faster!', slap-slap-slap, 'mmmmh ooooh yeessss oh 'arder, sirrah, an' deeper!', slap-slap-slap-slap – and so on. Now that was an interesting bit of geography! Produced the most interesting noises no matter what you did to it!"

Rozaria was busy scribbling down whatever the Lord was saying verbatim in the margins of her book while still managing to read the story written in it. Fascinating tale about some big, brawny fellow called Ulysses. Her mother, on the other hand, positively wriggled in delight. "Especially if you…treated it as dinner?"

"'mmmmmmm, oh don' you stop, don' ever stop! Mmmm-mm-ah-aaaahhhh-oh! Oh, oh my, I didn' know you could kiss a girl there…ohhhh don' stop, please, sirrah! Oh, that feels 'ot, so 'ot and wet, mmmmm…oh-ohhhh-oh-oh-oh my-ahhhhhhhhhhhh!'" was the placid narration the Lord put forth to his fascinated audience.

"Oh…my," was all that Verdana was capable of breathing. Little Rozaria, from whose head thoughts of reading had fled entirely, put aside her pencil and stared down at her book in consternation as the silence stretched.

For his part, the Lord had been enjoying the effect his tale had had. Still he didn't like to boast so much, so he attempted to shrug a modest shoulder. "Well, she was quite loud. And verbose."

"I'll say!"

"And of course, the location of the hayloft was most convenient, too."

Verdana nodded mutely, imagining he complete silence that must have dominated the barroom below said hayloft – and the ensuing chaos afterwards. The Lord, in the meantime, snapped his fingers frantically in front of her glassy-eyed face, afraid that he had broken her brain, but finally realised that she was merely overcome and probably incapable of stringing together a coherent sentence just then. Accordingly, he decided his time would be better spent playing with his darling little Brutislava, and took his leave. Little Rozaria left too. It was as good a time as any to look up the meaning of those sounds in the library. Besides, her mother looked like she could do with a few minutes alone…

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