TWO

~.~


A young man came to see Mama. Jade watched her mother speak with him while she played with her doll near the fireplace. The only people who came to this manor was a young Boland, who brought the firewood Hassan had paid for, and Boland's one year older brother Solaf. Solaf liked Clarice. He worked at his small Gray Pine Goods store and each time he saw her, he'd always gave her a tiny lump of rubber. Saying it'd protect her from his "giant package". Clarice only laughed at him, Jade never thought he was that funny.

The young man gave Mama a letter, but she didn't open it. She served him her famous Snowberry Tea, and he said thank you. He didn't say very much after that, except to talk about the cold weather and how pretty Mama's Deathbells looked peaking through the white snow. He said it was a long ride from whatever town he had come from. Mama gave him biscuits and forgot all about Jade.

She knew something was wrong. Mama sat too straight and she spoke very softly. "She's a pretty little girl," the man said and smiled at her. Jade looked down again, embarrassed, afraid Mama would send her from the room because he had noticed her.

"Yes she is. Thank you."

"She looks like you. Prettier than the moons shining in the night sky."

Mama smiled at her. "Jade, won't you go outside and pick some flowers for the table?"

Jade took her doll and went out without word or argument. She wanted to please Mama. She put on her coat and then took a sharp knife from the kitchen, going out into the flower garden. Mama loved lavender the most. She added Nightshade and then a few tiny white mountain flowers until the straw basket on her arm was full.

When she came back inside, the crackling fire engulfed her, melting her frozen cheeks and red nose. She noticed the young man was gone and quickly hung her coat, pushing the double doors into the living area. The letter was open in Mama's lap. Her eyes were bright and her cheeks were full of lively color once again. She smiled as she folded the letter and tucked it into her sleeve. She stood and came to Jade, lifting her and swinging her around the open room gaily. "Thank you for getting the flowers, my gem." She kissed Jade. When Mama put her down, Jade put the basket on the table, picking up some that had dropped with Mama's twirling.

"I just love flowers," Mama hummed. "They're so lovely, aren't they? Why don't you arrange them this time. I need to find something in the kitchen. Oh, Jade! It's a beautiful, wonderful day, isn't it?"

It was a wretched day, Jade thought, watching her go. She felt sick with dread. She lifted the big vase down from the table and carried it outside, dumping the wilted flowers on the compost. She pumped fresh water into the vase quickly and tread back up to the house. She slid it back on the glass table, adjusting the two wooden chairs back underneath. Jade didn't trim the stems or remove the leaves. She didn't care how they looked, and she knew Mama wouldn't even notice.

The Dragonborn was stopping in for a visit... Hassan was coming back.

Mama returned to the living area with Clarice. "Oh, darling, I've the most wonderful news: Clarice has made some plans to go to Solitude this week and she wants to take you with her. Isn't that grand?"

Jade's heart beat fast and hard. Her mouth dropped unknowingly.

"Isn't that sweet of her?" Mama went on brightly. "She has a friend who owns an inn, and he just loves children. Has one of his own! A friend, doesn't that sound nice?"

Clarice's smile was stiff and cold.

"B-" She looked up at her mother quickly. "But I don't want to go. I want to stay with you here." She knew what was happening. Mama was sending her away because her father didn't want her. Maybe Mama didn't want her now either.

"Nonsense," Mama laughed. "You've never been anywhere but here and you need to see something other than the manor, woods, rain, and snow. Oh and the shore, you will just the docks! Jade, it is so lovely. You can go for a boat ride and even build castles in the sand while Clarice is relaxing in the sun. Just wait until you feel the foam tickle your toes."

Mama looked alive again. Jade knew it had something to do with that letter. Hassan must have written he was coming to see Mama. She wouldn't want another scene like the last time, so that meant getting rid of the cause. She watched her mother's glowing face, and her heart was sinking.

"Come on, now, dove. Let's go get ready to go."

Jade watched her things be folded and stuffed in a dusty old carpetbag. Mama couldn't wait to get rid of her. "Where's your doll?" Mama said, looking around. "You'll want to take her along with you."

"No."

"Why not? You're never without your doll."

"She wants to stay home with you and wait for me to come back."

Mama frowned, but she didn't protest. She didn't pursue her. What good would it do? She wasn't going to change her mind.

Clarice came back for Jade to tell her the carriage was waiting for them outside. The driver took care of their carpetbags, and Clarice lifted Jade into the coach. When the servant climbed in, she sat across from her and smiled. Her brown eyes gleamed. "We're going to have quite the adventure, Jade!"

Jade caught sight of her mother waving them away, her face calm. The door was shut quickly. Jade wanted to jump out of the carriage and run into her mothers arms, but she knew Mama would only send her away again. She clung to the door of the wobbly coach, eyes flicking left to right while others waved at the duo inside. The horse's clanking hooves echoed over the stone bridge, pulling them through all sorts of roads. Everything familiar with Jade was quickly gone from sight, and she sank back against the uncomfortable wooden seat. The further they went, the more desolate she felt.

"We're staying at the Winking Skeever. Unique name, huh?" Clarice said, clearly pleased that Jade seemed content to be quiet. She'd probably expected her to fuss. If she'd though it would chang Mama's mind, she might have done so. She'd never been away from Mama for more than a few hours. But Jade knew it wouldn't change things. Hassan was coming, so she had to go. She sat still and solemn. "They've fine food and decent rooms," Clarice told her. "Not to mention the palace and being close to the sea. There's a beautiful bridge that almost lets you see Morthal and below the surf pounds on the rocks. It's a wonderful sound, and the smell of the salt air is better than anything."

Better than anything...

Jade liked home. She liked Mama's flower garden and the bees that were attracted by them. The woods that surrounded them gave enough adventure. She liked the light patter of the rain on the roof and playing in the mud puddles with Mama or the snow that nipped at her ears and cheeks and having Mama call her in for hot tea.

Fighting tears, she looked out the window again. Her eyes smarted and felt gritty from the dusty road. The hours passed too slowly, the hard pounding of the hooves giving her a headache. She was tired-so tired she could scarcely keep her eyes open, but each time she closed them, the coach would lurch or sway sharply, frightening her awake.

The driver stopped the coach once to change horses and make minor repairs. Clarice took Jade back to the outhouse. When Jade came out, Clarice was nowhere to be seen. Jade ran to the coach, then to the stables, then down the road, crying out Clarice's name.

"Hush that noise! My word, what is the ruckus all about?" Clarice said, hurrying toward her. "One would think you were a chicken without your head the way you were running around."

"Where were you?" Jade demanded, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Mama said we were to stay together!"

Clarice's brows arched. "Well excuse me, your ladyship, but I was having a mug of ale." She reached down and snatched Jade's hand roughly, leading her back to the stables.

"We're good from here. You and your kid go get something to eat and we'll leave in an hour."

"She is not my kid."

A plump woman stood in the doorway of a small inn, wiping a dented cup with a dirty dishcloth. "What a pretty little girl," she said, smiling at Jade. "You hungry, sweetie? Can get you some of my Venison stew."

Jade lowered her eyes, timid beneath the man's scrutiny. "No thank you, ma'am."

"And polite, too," the woman said.

"Come along, Jade," Clarice said, giving her a nudge inside.

She nodded and allowed them entrance, giving Jade a light pat on the head while ushering her in to a table. "You need to put a little meat on those bones of yours. Eat it all up, and I'll even get you a sweetroll."

Clarice sat down and took up her mug of ale again. "You need to eat something before we leave."

"I'm not hungry."

"I don't care if you're hungry or not," she said in a low voice. "You'll do as you're told."

Jade stared at Clarice, struggling not to cry. Clarice sighed, then reached to pat her face awkwardly. "Just eat something, Jade," she said. Obediently, Jade waited for her food, and once the bowl of Venison stew was place in front of her, she picked up her spoon and began to eat. Mama said this trip was planned for her, but even Clarice acted like she was in the way. It was clear Mama had sent her off to get rid of her.

When they set off in the coach again, Jade was quiet. She sat beside the window and stared out, her small hands clasped in her lap, her back straight. Clarice seemed grateful for silence, finally dozing off. When she awakened, she smiled at Jade.

"Smell the sea air?" she asked. Jade was still sitting in the same position she had been in when Clarice dozed off, but she knew her dusty face had white streaks from the tears she was unable to stop. Clarice just stared at her sadly, then turned to stare out the window.


They arrived at the stables outside of Solitude just before sunset. Jade clung to Clarice while the driver untied their carpetbags. Jade heard a great roaring like a monster and was afraid. "What's that sound, Clarice?"

"The sea crashing on the rocks. Wonderful noise, isn't it?"

Jade though it was the most fearsome noise she had ever heard. The wind howled in the trees like a wild beast searching for a warm-blooded prey, and when they tread up the steep hill to the gates and in The Winking Skeever it was replaced with loud laughter and shouting men. Jade drew back sharply, not wanting to go inside.

"Woah now," Clarice whispered, pushing her forward. "Take your bag. I've got my own to carry."

Jade dragged her bag to the edge of the door. Clarice shoved the door open with her shoulder and went in, Jade following right behind her. Clarice looked around the open floor, then smiled. Jade followed her gaze and saw a man at the bar, arm-wrestling with a brawny sailor. A short, plump man at the counter was pouring another round of ales, and he spotted Clarice right away. He leaned over to nudge the man who was arm-wrestling and nodded toward the door with a quiet word. The man turned his head slightly, and the sailor, taking advantage of his lack of attention, smashed his arm down on the bar with a shout of triumph. Jade watched in fear as the beaten man surged to his feet and hit the sailor in the right eye, sending him crashing to the floor.

Clarice laughed. As did the entire inn, the howling ratting Jade's core. Jade hid behind Clarice's skirt, whimpering quietly when the big man made his way to Clarice and gave her a sound kiss. Causing more ruckus from the drunkards. When he looked past the brunette to stare at Jade, she thought she may faint from fear. He raised his bushy eyebrows. "A love child? You must've taken up with a pretty fellow by the looks of her."

It was a moment before Clarice had a breath back and knew what he was talking about. "Oh, her. No, Rupert. She's not mine. She's daughter of the lady I work for."

"What's she doing here with you?"

"It's a long, sad story I'd rather not get into just now."

Rupert only nodded, patting her cheek. "How do you like the city life?" He smiled, but Jade didn't think it was a nice smile.

Clarice tossed her head. "It's everything I ever hoped it would be."

He laughed and took her carpetbag. "That's why you're back at The Winking Skeever, eh?" He took Jade's back, too, and grinned boldly, laughing at the way she drew back from him as though he were a Daedra.

Jade had never seen anyone like Rupert. He was very big and black hair and a trimmed beard. He reminded her of the pirate stories Mama told her. His voice was loud and deep, and he looked at Clarice as though he wanted to eat her up. Clarice didn't seem to mind. She paid no attention to Jade and walked across the room. Jade followed, too afraid to be left behind. Everyone was staring at her.

"Hey, Corpulus, give our Clarice a mug of ale!" Rupert shouted at the owner behind the bar who welcomed Clarice with a wink and a grin. Rupert caught Clarice around the waist and lifted her high, plunking her down on the bar, knocking over both empty and full cups of mead. "And some watered wine for this pale lass." He felt her velvet jacket. "Your mama must be rich, eh?"

"Her papa is rich," Clarice snorted. "He's also married."

"Oh." Rupert gave Clarice a mocking grin. "So that's how it is. I thought you was after respectable work."

"It is respectable. Besides, no one looks down their nose at me."

"Do they know you worked in a meadery for six years before you decided to improve your station in life?" He slid his hand down her arm. "Not to mention a little work on the side..."

Clarice glanced at Jade, then brushed his hand away. "Adara knows. She's not one to look down on others. I like her."

"Does this little mite look anything like her?"

"Spitting image. She looks a little like her father, too, though."

Rupert chuckled, taking Jade's chin and stroking her cheek. "Eyes green as jades and hair like the night sky. Your mama must be real pretty if she's anything like you. I'd like to meet her..."

Clarice stiffened, and Jade thought she was angry. Clarice didn't like it too much that Rupert was giving Jade all his attention. She just wished Rupert would just leave her alone, but he kept stroking her cheek. Jade wanted to get as far away from him as possible and just sleep the trip away.

"Oh, leave her alone, Rupert. She's scared enough as it is without you teasing her. This is her first time being away from Adara."

"She is turning even paler, isn't she? Come on, dove, I won't bite. Now drink up." He pushed the watered wine to her. "That's it. A little of this and you won't be scared of nothing." He laughed again when Jade grimaced with distaste. "Is she used to something better?"

"She's used to nothing," Clarice snapped, Jade was sure now that she was angry. Clarice looked at Jade, clearly annoyed at the way she was reacting to Rupert. "Don't be such a coward. He's all wind and little else." Corpulus and the others surrounding the bar laughed, Rupert with them.

Jade wanted to jump down and run from the loud voices, the laughter, and the staring eyes. She gave a soft sob of relief when Clarice reached out to lift her down, then took her by the hand, guiding her to a table. She bit her lip when Rupert followed them. He pulled out a chair and sat down. Whenever mugs got empty, he ordered more. He made jokes, and Clarice laughed a lot. Once he reached under the table, and Clarice pushed him away. But she was smiling, and talking more and more. And her voice sounded funny, like the words were running together.

It was raining outside now, the hard drops pelting against the windowpane. Jade was tired, her eyelids so heavy she could hardly keep them open.

Rupert raised his mug again. "Pup's dragging her sails."

Clarice touched Jade's head. "Cross you arms on the table and sleep awhile." Jade did as she was told, wishing they could leave. Clarice obviously wasn't ready to leave. She seemed to be having a good time, and she kept staring at Rupert and smiling in a way Jade had never seen before.

"Why'd you bring her here with you?" Rupert asked. Jade kept her eyes closed, pretending she was asleep.

"Because her mama is entertaining her fine papa and they both wanted her out of the way." Clarice's words were cold. "Don't do that."

"Don't?" He laughed low. "You know it's what you came here for. What's the matter with those country boys?"

"Nothing. One's even after me to marry him."

"Let's go upstairs and talk about why you came back here."

"What am I supposed to do with her? I was so angry when Adara stuck me with her."

Tears pricked Jade's eyes, and her throat closed up. Didn't anyone want her anymore?

"Seems to me it'd be easy to farm out the pretty little thing. Somebody ought to want her." Rupert grumbled, pity almost meeting his low voice.

"That's what I told Adara, but she just says no. She trusts me. The only thing she's got when her man isn't around to play house is this child. About the only thing Adara knows is how to look pretty and how to grow flowers."

"Wow. I thought you said you liked her..."

"I like her well enough, but anytime His Majesty decides to call and use her up, guess who gets stuck with the brat. It gets tiresome dragging a child around with you, especially one that doesn't even belong to you."

Rupert chuckled. "Well, why don't we just toss her off the point? Maybe her mama and papa would see it as a favor. Might even get a bonus."

Jade's heart pounded.

"That's not funny, Rupert." Clarice's sigh was heavy, annoyed. "I'd better wake her and put her to bed. She's had one long, rough day." She nudged Jade, who looked up in relief. Clarice took her hand. "Come on. We're gonna get you settled in bed now. Say goodnight to Mister Rupert."

He grinned. "I'll see you safely upstairs, m'ladies."

When Clarice opened the door of her double bed room, Rupert held it ajar and came inside. Jade looked at Clarice in alarm. "What're you doing?" Clarice hissed, giving the young child a worried glance. "You can't come in here with me! She'll tell her mother, I'll lose my position for sure."

"I'll take care of that." Rupert bent down and hooked Jade's chin with his forefinger and thumb. "You say anything about me being in this room with ye dear Clarice, I'll cut your little pink tongue out. Understand?" Jade believed him, and nodded her head. He smiled slightly and let her go. She darted to the corner behind the ceiling-high bookshelf and crouched there, trembling and feeling sick. "See?" Rupert crowed gleefully. Obviously pleased with himself. "Nothing to worry about. She won't say a word to us about anyone."

Clarice stared at him, her eyes wide. She looked upset, and Jade hoped she would tell him to leave. "That was terribly cruel," she said, looking at Jade. "He didn't mean it, lovey. He was only fooling. Don't believe a word he says."

"You believe it, girl. I wasn't fooling at all." He caught Clarice, pulling her in to him. "Cruel? Cruel would be putting me out when you know I just want to be with you."

She pushed him away. He reached for her again, and she dodged him-but even Jade could tell the effort was half-hearted. How could Clarice let this man near her?

"I know you, Clarice." Rupert's smile was half-mast, his eyes gleaming. "Why did you come all this way to The Winking Skeever? To see our King Torygg? Just to look at the sea again?"

"It's in my blood as much as yours."

Rupert caught hold of her and kissed her. Clarice struggled, trying to pull away, but he held her tightly. When she relaxed against him, he drew back enough to say, "More than that's in your blood."

"Rupert, no. She's watching-"

"So what?"

He kissed her again, and she fought this time. Jade sat frozen in fear. Maybe he would just kill them both. "No!" Clarice cried angrily. "Get out of here. I can't do this. I'm supposed to be taking care of her!"

He laughed. "I didn't know duty was so important to you." He let her go, but Jade didn't think Clarice looked glad at all. She looked like she was going to cry. Rupert smiled and turned his back to Jade. "Come on, kit."

"What're you doing, Rupert?" Clarice demanded when Jade scrambled to escape him.

"Putting her out. It won't hurt her to sit in the hallway awhile. And don't say no. I know you all to well. Besides, she'll be right outside the door. No one is going to bother her." He ripped the tucked blanket from the wide bed and took a pillow. He motioned to Jade, "Don't make me come get you."

Jade didn't dare disobey.

She followed Rupert out the door and to the left. A small table with two chairs were set up against a wall that overlooked the noisy sailors and bards below. Jade stared up at the burly Redguard, wide-eyed.

"You sit right here and don't move an inch. If you don't stay put than I'll take you down at the docks and feed you to a Slaughterfish. Understand?"

Jade's mouth was dry, and she couldn't make a single word form. She only nodded.

Clarice came to the doorway. "Rupert, we can't just leave her out here. I thought I saw a rat just now."

"She's too small for rats to bother her. She'll be fine." He patted Jade's cheek. "Won't you? You stay out here until Clarice calls for you. Don't you move until she does."

"Y-yes, sir," she stammered, her voice catching in her throat.

"See?" He straightened and turned Clarice around, pushing her back into the room. He closed the door firmly behind them.

Jade heard Rupert talking and Clarice giggling. Then the giggles turned into low grunts and heavy panting and Jade became afraid. She wanted to run away from the sounds they made, but remembered what Rupert had said he would do if she moved. Terrified, she covered her head with the thick blanket and pressed her hands over her ears.

The silence that followed grew heavy. Jade strained her ears, only to hear that everything had went quiet. The songs and hollers below. The noises from the bedroom. Even the snores from the other room. Though all was silent, she felt eyes watching her. What if it was the rat Clarice had spoken about? Her heart was like a drum, her whole body wracked with it's beat. She heard soft scratching and drew her legs tight against her chest, staring down the dark hallway and down the stairs. Shadows forming in her vision.

The door clicked open, and she jumped. Rupert came out. She pressed herself back, hoping he wouldn't notice her. He didn't. He had forgotten she existed, just like everyone else. He didn't even glance her way as he went down the hall toward the stairs. Clarice would fetch her now. Clarice would bring her out of the cold and let her sleep in the big bed with her.

Minutes passed, then an hour, and another.

Clarice didn't come out for her. Curling in the blanket and pressing against the wall, Jade waited-as she had waited for Mama the day Hassan had come.


Clarice's head ached when she awakened with the sunlight on her face. She had drunk too much ale last night and her tongue felt as if it was swollen. She stretched out her hand, but Rupert was gone. It was like him. She wasn't going to worry about that just now. After last night, how could he deny he loved her? She needed some hot tea. Rising, she washed her face in the basin and put on her clothes. Opening the door, she saw the child huddled up in her blanket, her green eyes darkly shadowed.

"Oh!" Clarice said faintly. She had forgotten all about her charge. Fear and guilt attacked her. What if Adara found out she'd left her daughter in a hallway, backed up against a cold stone wall, for an entire night. She picked Jade up and carried her into the room. Her little hands were like ice, and she was so white.

"Don't tell your mama," she said tearfully. "It'll be your fault if she lets me go." She grew angry to be put in such a precarious situation, her position in the hands of a child. "Why didn't you come to bed last night the way you were supposed to? Rupert told you to come back inside when he left."

"No, he didn't. He said not to move until you fetched me," Jade whispered wretchedly, beginning to cry at Clarice's anger.

"Don't lie! I heard him! He didn't say that at all!"

Jade cried harder, looking confused and frightened. "I'm sorry, Clarice. I'm so sorry." The little girl's eyes were wide and red-rimmed. "Please don't tell Rupert. Don't let him toss me off the docks and feed me to the Slaughterfish like he said he would."

"Hush! Stop crying," Clarice said, calming down. "Crying doesn't do you any good. Has it ever done anything for your mama?" Filled with remorse, she pulled Jade into her arms and held her. "We won't tell anyone. We'll keep this between the two of us."

Corpulus propped his young son on the bar, giving him a sweetroll. Saying something about Rupert had started his sail back to Hammerfell. Clarice got drunk that night. She put Jade to bed early and went back to the ruckus below, hoping Rupert would come in later. He didn't. She stayed a little longer, laughing with other men and pretending didn't care. Then she took a bottle of Argonian blood wine upstairs. Jade was sitting up in bed, wide awake, her eyes huge.

Clarice wanted to talk. She wanted to vent on what an arrogant pig Rupert is. She hated him for breaking her heart again. She had let him do it to her so many times before. When would she learn to say no to him? Why had she come back? She should've known what would happen, what always happened.

"I'm going to tell you something, little girl. You listen good." She took a long drink and swallowed down the tears and misery and let the bittlerness and anger rise and flow. "All men want to do is use you. When you give them your heart, they tear it to shreds." She drank more, and her voice slurred. "None of 'em care. Take your fine papa. Does he care about your mama? No. But she's under the illusion that he does."

Jade dug frantically beneath the covers and plugged her ears. So the little princess didn't want to hear the awful truth? Well, that was just too bad. Furious, Clarice dragged the blanket off of her. When Jade scrambled away, Clarice grabbed her by the legs and dragged her back. "Sit up and listen to me!" She pulled the child up and shook her. "Look at me!" Clarice raged, not satisfied till obeyed.

Jade stared at her with wide broadened eyes, terrified. She trembled violently. Clarice eased her grip. "Your mama told me to take care good care of you," she said. "Well, I am going to take care of you. I'm going to tell you about this little illusion. So you listen and you learn." She let go and Jade sat very still.

Glaring daggers at the little girl, Clarice dropped into the chair by the window and took another swig of the green bottle. She pointed, trying to steady her hand. "Your fine papa doesn't care about anyone, least of all you. And all he cares about your is what she's willing to give him. And she gives him everything. He shows up when he pleases, uses her up, then rides of to his fine home in Whiterun with his aristocrat wife and well-bred children. And your mother? She lives for the next time he can do it all again."

She watched Jade inch back until she was pressed tightly against the headboard of the bed. As though that would protect her. Nothing protected a woman from the cold hard facts. Clarice gave a sad laugh and shook her head.

"She's a sweet stupid fool. She waits for him and falls on her face to kiss his feet when he comes back. You know why he went away for so long? Because of you. He can't stand the sight of a bastard like you. Your mama cries and begs, and what good does it do for her? Sooner or later, he's gonna get tired of her and toss her into the trash. And you with her. That's the one thing you can count on.

Jade was crying now, and she reached up to wipe tears from her cheeks.

"Nobody cares about anybody in this world," Clarice said, feeling sadder and morose by the second. "We all just use each other up in one way or another. To feel good. To feel bad. To feel nothing at all. The lucky ones are real good at it. Like Rupert. Like the "hero" Hassan. The rest of us just take what we can get."

Jade watched as Clarice kept mumbling, sagging deeper into the chair, until her chin rested on her chest and she fell asleep. She slept loudly, drool dripping from the corner of her sagging mouth.

Jade sat up in the rumpled bed, shivering and wondering if Clarice was right. But deep inside of her, something told her she was. If her father cared, would he have wanted her dead? If Mama cared, would she have sent her away?

An illusion? What was the illusion?

They left the next morning. Jade never once got to glimpse the sea.