Part Two of a vignette series, but I make alot of empty promises. J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and all its affiliated copyrights.


I can't help it now I suppose. Everything just got so out of hand. I would gladly lay down my life for my friends if it meant that in the end they would be happy.

I hope, I pray that there is happiness after death, for them at least, never mind all of the people injured.

I can name seven people off the top of my head, without blinking or even bothering to think, that I hate more than anything else, that are too good, even, for death. They deserve every moment of pain and suffering life can put them through. Never mind the fact that the whole lot of them are sociopaths.

Dear God… I failed.

If I can even survive this hellhole of a prison alive, what guarantee is there that my god-child will ever want to learn the truth, what guarantee is there that Remus would ever believe me. I deserve everything given to me. Every speck of dirt that litters this cell I have to accept into my own soul. The agonizing pain of reliving my worst memories just taints my soul into a deeper darkness of pain, this black and purple bruise, gangrene on all my emotions.

… I would have never thought… that someone who I was willing to call my brother could have betrayed everyone.

I should have known something, should have guess. Of course, it all explains everything: the added losses, the increasing amount of casualties, the foiled assignments.

Peter was a rat after all.

A dirty, filthy, sewer rat.

Ironically it is Peter that can keep my sanity alive. Each and everyday I focus on all evil that he did, I turn that anger in my soul into my private strength. If I can last just one more sec then I can last one more minute, then I can last one more hour, then I can last one more day, then I can last one more month, and then I know that I can last as many years as it takes to escape and seek the proper revenge.

James, my brother. The bond of friendship shared between us is thicker than blood, thicker than time.

As much as I love you brother I can not help but wonder if you knew this all along?

You probably did.

You probably are even tossing and turning in you sleep… somewhere… with the nightmares of me being carted away to the darkest cell in Azkaban.

No matter. I love you brother. I forgive you, even if I cannot forgive myself for being so stupid.

When I opened my big mouth, with my grand idea that Peter and I should switch places of who is secret-keeper you smiled. That secret knowing smile you always smiled when we successfully watched a prank; if only the look in you eyes were not so dead.

What was always attributed to being shy, being quite (when not acting like a boisterous ass) was nothing more than a secret strength.

Brother, I've always admired you. I don't believe I would have the strength to do even half of what you had to do, all by yourself.

You protected us, protected me, protected Lily and Harry, protected Remus, and God-forgive, and I know you even protected Peter, all for as long as you could.

God damn hero complex.

I would have DIED to save you.

I am dying trying to save you.

It is so dark where I am at.

This darkness in my soul, eating away at me, from the inside out. Hate is such a consuming passion.

I'll find a way out, in the end. I promise you that. I swear to you that; on my life and the memories of you, Lily and Harry together.


Sirius stumbled out of his cell, the cold, dead arms of Dementors dragging him along. The cold stole the strength out of his limbs, out of his resolve and he moaned; this terrible, long empty moan that told of the utmost pain and suffering.

Sirius' breath came out ragged, and each stumbling step wobbled as he was guided into his transport.

Mad Eye, who had actually trained Sirius and James together for the Aurors, looked at him in this cold dead stare. Sirius cried. The pain of his body was nothing compared to the pain he felt in his soul.

The door of his cell clanged shut and Sirius curled into a little ball; his protective fetal position.

In Azkaban each waking moment was a nightmare.

And such darkness everywhere…


There it is. Sirius' POV. Hope you all enjoyed it. Please R + R.

I'm also sure someone asked, though i think it was in another story, whether I was foreign or not.

Read my profile you idgits. Stupid Americans. shakes head Almost makes me ashamed to be a citizen of the same country as you are. A though im already not ashamed of the president... yeah, not the place for politics...

I'm a Californian girl.