A/N: This chapter has mentions of self-harm.


Come up to meet you tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you tell you I need you
tell you I set you apart.

Puck was at his locker talking to a random new Cheerio when he saw her enter the school. Rachel came to school looking like a completely different Rachel Berry. She had on another pair of jeans, and a black hooded sweatshirt. She tied her hair up in a messy bun and didn't even bother to put makeup on. Behind the glasses he never knew she had, he could see that her eyes were still red and puffy.

"Hey, hey are you still listening?" the Cheerio said. He shook the image of Rachel from his mind and looked back at the girl

"Yeah sorry I was distracted. Can we do this later?" She huffed and stomped away. There was most definitely not going to be a later after the way she stomped off. He made his way over to Rachel's locker when he saw five hockey players surrounding her. They were going to slushie her from all sides. That was cruel even for him. Before he could interfere, they splashed her with different flavor slushies. She looked like a rainbow from all the assortment of colors. As if on impulse, Puck walked over and slammed Karofsky against the locker.

"Lay off of her man!" Puck yelled in his face. Karofsky laughed in his face.

"Since when did you care about the freak?" Puck just slammed Karofsky against the locker harder.

"She's my friend. I want you to tell everyone that. Tell the jocks, the cheerios, everyone you can possibly see and let them know that if they mess with Rachel Berry again they will have to deal with me."

"Please Puckerman, you don't have the juice anymore," Karofsky sneered. With one last laugh, him and the rest of the hockey players turned around and walked away. After they turned the corner, Puck turned around to find Rachel gone.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start running in circles
Calling tails heads on a silence apart

"What the hell," he muttered to himself. He was angry at the fact that he just stood up for her and she just left. He looked down and saw the trail of slushie leading him to where she was at. He followed it until he reached the outside of the school. She was just sitting there on a picnic table not even bothering to wash the slushies off of her. He walked over to her and took a seat beside her.

"Hey Berry," Puck said.

"Look I saw what you did back there and as chivalrous as that was, I don't want it. You can't start feeling sorry for me now. You were one of them a few weeks ago, you were the one who started this," she said enunciating the word you for emphasis. Puck hung his head down in shame. She was right.

"Look, I know I did all those things to you years ago but I'm sorry. I know you probably don't want to forgive me but I just want you to know that if you need someone to talk to-" Before he could finish his sentence, Rachel scoffed.

"You will be there for me? Is that what you were going to say? Why? So you can run off and tell Quinn and Santana to give them more stuff to make fun of me about? So you can get me vulnerable and have sex with me because we all know that's what you're good for Puckerman." With that said, she walked away angrier than she had been for the slushie attack. Puck watched as she left not trying to look so upset at everything she just told him. When the hell did Rachel grow a backbone? Fine, if she was going to act like that then the hell if he cared. He walked back into the school and strolled into his class late as usual.

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start

Rachel walked to her car and drove home instead of going back to the school. She didn't care about her perfect attendance or her perfect grades anymore. None of that made her feel important. She ran up to her room to peel the sticky clothes off of her and hopped into the shower. She didn't plan to go back to school until Glee practice so she just changed into her most comfortable clothes. This was one of the times where Rachel really wished she had a mother. Sure, she had two great dads, they were hardly home. If they weren't at their offices all day, then they would be off on business trips. She couldn't blame them her father was a high profile lawyer and her dad was probably one of the best brain surgeons in Ohio. Regardless of how much she loved them, it was not the same as the maternal nourishment a mother could've given her.

Rachel walked over to the bathroom mirror that she was accustomed to now. It started a month ago. She would come home every night and look at herself in the mirror. Then one day she had enough; she took a large black sharpie and outlined her reflection in the mirror. After that, Rachel drew arrows pointing to the direction of the outline. The arrows were followed by words like not good enough, not pretty enough, big nose, trout mouth, not smart enough, and not Quinn Fabray. Rachel drew a new arrow and wrote the words my mother didn't want me on the mirror.

Science and progress did not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me come back and haunt me
I want to rush to the start running in circles
Chasing tails coming back as we are

She sank down in tears. Breaking down never came easy to Rachel until this past month. Sure she threw diva tantrums, but full on crying was something she never did. She pulled out her cutting shears and started to press down and drag it along parts of her stomach. She didn't wince anymore like she did the first time. Now, it felt natural. With each cut, she let out a harder sob. It wasn't because it hurt; it was because with each cut she felt herself coming back to reality. The blood was dripping down her stomach but Rachel no longer cared. She wasn't stupid, she knew that if she cut her arms, everyone would know and everyone would just say she was craving attention so she cut herself in places she knew other people would not see, her stomach and thighs. She wiped off the blood and traced her fingertips through the fresh indentations.


"Seriously Puck, what's your problem?" Quinn said once they got out of class.

"What do you want now?" he asked her. He was still mad about the whole Rachel thing and he didn't need to hear a new tirade about how he was just a Lima loser and that the baby was Finn's.

"Are you seriously that low to freaking go befriend Manhands just because I won't let you claim the fetus," she said in sheer disgust. Puck rolled his eyes. He wasn't her boyfriend and he wasn't the baby's father according to her so why should she care who he hung out. "Puck, answer me! I know what you're trying to do. You are trying to get in cozy with Manhands so Finn will get jealous and cause problems in our relationship." Again, Puck couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I had planned in mind," he said sarcastically. He was about to turn away from Quinn when he walked back to face her. "You're pathetic and you have no reason to hate on Rachel, she's been there for you more times than Santana has. Trust, when your secret comes out, you're going to wish you had a friend like Rachel." He walked away without another word. The rest of the day was going just as bad so when it came time for Glee, Puck was actually excited.

Much to his chagrin, he saw Kurt and Mercedes maliciously tearing down Rachel for her new outfit selections: a pair of sweats and a WMHS tee-shirt. He didn't know what the sudden change in wardrobe came from but it wasn't the Rachel that he knew. He just took the seat farthest from the rest of the singers, and watched as Rachel just sat there. Her face looked void of any emotion. Fortunately, she wasn't crying anymore. Practice dragged on for what felt like hours as they had to listen to Kurt bitch and moan about not being able to hit the high F. When they started working on songs that weren't Defying Gravity, Rachel would just sit there mouthing the words. She didn't even sway to the music like she always did.

Once practice was over, Rachel shot up and bolted out of the door like she has done for the past two days. This time, Puck didn't worry about it. Whatever she was doing was her own deal. She made it clear enough that she didn't want him around. He got into his truck and drove home resisting the temptation to make the wrong turn and end up in front of Rachel's house. The girl was driving him crazy and he didn't even know why. Was it because they were friends? Because she was the only one that cared for him and saw him for what he was worth? Or was it because he liked all the quirky things that she did and he didn't want to see that side of her go away because of the insensitive nature of their classmates? Maybe it was all three.

"Shit, I have feelings for Rachel Berry," Puck said to himself. He stopped resisting and made the turn to Rachel's house.

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start


Review please! Song choice: The Scientist - Coldplay