Chapter 2: He's back
March,22,2011
I sat on my moms chair I had just moved to Seattle 3 doors down from my brother Emmett's house him and his fiancee Rosalie had an apartment with internet and cable and I dint so I was sitting at their house checking my face book. Angela was getting engaged to Ben so I was iming her about it when a message alert popped up. Not thinking anything of it I added the girl. Then started messaging Angela again. Message popped up I ignored it. Then another friend request popped up. I opened it to see who it was and my blood ran cold there in the living flesh so to speak was Jake's face. With a message "I miss you" it said. I told Angela goodbye and shut the laptop. I couldn't breath when my phone buzzed. I picked it up thinking it was Angela. I opened the text from an unknown number.
Its James. Jake's brother. Are you single?
(James is in place of the rapists real brother josh)
James who? I wasn't thinking clearly. So I texted back.
James who? I don't think I know a James.
I shut my phone not thinking about it. Not ten seconds later I got another text
James black. You know im nothing like my brother
No this couldn't be happening I was just getting over this how did they find me? How did they get my number. Before I could answer the text my cell rang I picked it up not looking at the number.
"Hello?" I answered
"Hey sexy" the male answered it was Jake I knew this voice
"What do you want!" I yelled. Trying not to be to loud so Emmett and Rose wouldn't hear me upstairs
"Its James I don'tt know what happened between you andJakee but im not like that Iwouldn'tt do that im not like my brother" he stated
I couldn't say anything he may say he was James but I knew this voice it was Jake.
"will you be my girlfriend?" He asked
I saw red I blew!
"Would I be your girlfriend after everything yer so called brother put me through last year I cant fucking stand men and you ask me to be yer girlfriend just one year after what he did?"
"I'm not like him" he said again.
The tears were flowing so hard down my face I couldn't stop crying I couldn't see straight I stumbled my way up the stairs into my brothers room. My brother was in the shower it was just Rosalie.
"Whats wrong?" she asked
I then preceded to tell her what was going on. She took the phone and started yelling at Jake or James or whoever the fuck it was. The death threats began that night. So the cops were called and I was told the protection order was no longer in place. He asked if I wanted to press charges I said of course. "Mam there is nothing we can do unless it really proves to be him" the officer said before he left. "I'm sorry I wish there was more I could do" with that he left I wanted to scream at him. I knew after tonight it wouldn't stop. He wouldn't stop. Not entell I was dead. And a part inside me hoped that he would find me to end all of this suffering. I was finally starting to heal and this brought it all back like a wrecking ball. I couldn't take it. I sat in my brothers spare room that night and cried myself to sleep. But even that dint help the nightmares were worse then the night it had happened at least then I was to exhausted to really dream. But not tonight.
Dream~
I woke up I was laying in my old house in forks I looked around I was in my old room. It was dark I looked to the clock it was 1:13am march 13th the door of my room slowly opened. "Miss me?" a voice I wished I would never hear again asked. I tried to get up and run but I couldn't move anything but my head. I tried screaming as Jake came closer but nothing would come out. So I layed there as Jake raped me again and again and again while I did nothing but have silent tears stream down my face.
~end dream~
April, 12th,2011
I tried so hard this past couple weeks to ignore everything and everyone I acted tough but I couldn't do it anymore. I had posted and event on face book it was like a petition for "rapists to get the death penalty" nobody was signing it and I had a lot of mean comments stating nobody deserved to die and they dint know any better. I still haven't heard from the cops if the charges went through. I'm still at my brothers being a burden I hate this I hate my life and I just want to cry all the time again. I'm not smiling anymore I don't want to talk to anyone anymore I just wish over and over again that when I fall asleep god will take me. I wonder if this is some kind of cruel joke the world is playing on me. And I honestly don't know how much more I can take. Is this what they are trying to do is drive me mad? I have gotten letters and texts from them. They know where I live they know my number but I don't want to run anymore im tired of running. I haven't charged my phone in days so it lays on the stand dead.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore I can feel myself becoming numb. I don't care anymore. I'm here for my family im staying alive for my family. I just want to be happy again. As I sit at the computer listening to survivor by bioncee I wonder if I really am. Am I surviving or am I just here? Tears stream down my face as I think about it. And I run upstairs to my brother and his fiancee's room.
"I need to talk" I tell rose. She lets me in. "Whats wrong?" she asked I told her what I was thinking about. "Its OK to be upset" she said soothingly I try to crack a smile. "But I feel like a horrible person!" I say. She shakes her head "why it wasn't yer fault" she sais. Before I could stop it. And right in front of Rosalie and Emmett I blurted what I had been feeling for the past year. "I blame Emmett!" I cried. I covered my mouth not believing I had said that and I looked at him. His features held a blank expression. "Why?" Rose asked.
I aimed my words at him. "You dint wake up that night! You dint save me! You were supposed to protect me!" I cried. He shook his head "Bella I cant change what happened that night lord knows I wish I could because I would have killed that sick fuck" he said. He looked so empty I never wanted to hurt him. I cried a few more minutes put my mask back on and walked out. I'mm still hurtingpeoplee and I wont anymore im not going to let anyone know how sad I am or that im dieing inside. I'm gonna be happy me. Entell my end comes. And truthfully I couldn't care when it happens because im ready to stop living in pain. But as long as im alive I will never show anyone how much I hurt again. I will never let another person look at me with pity like everyone seemed to after it happened I will be strong I will fight my own battles. I'm done being pathetic!
Sorry if this is kind of disturbing to people I just had to let it out somehow and what better way then through my writing. Anyhow this is whats been happening the last couple weeks. Thanks for reading. Btw I have recently gotten a counsler and mabey I can start talking to her about this.
