"God dammit!" Matt yelled, punching the nearest wall, "This didn't have to happen," he growled as he paced the waiting room of the hospital.

Jake sat in a chair, bandages tightly wound against his face and arm. He stared blankly at the wall opposite of him, it was something that everyone recognized, the thousand-yard stare. He was trying to escape the chaos around him, by shrinking into his mind.

Andy shook his head, "Matt," he said calmly, looking up the five foot seven man, "Sit down."

"You sent them in there!" Matt's voice got quieter but not softer, "You could have prevented this, why didn't you?"

Ben stood up between the two, "Hey, hey! Calm down everyone. Look at what you're saying to your captain, Matt."

"I know damn well what I'm saying," Matt said dangerously, "He's no leader to me if he gets Johnny killed."

"The doctors haven't come out and said that yet," Ben glared at Matt, "Now sit the hell down or I'll pull rank on you."

Matt slowly sat in a chair as Ben backed away and leaned against an opposite wall. A few minutes later, the door opened and the whole team looked up to see a man in scrubs and a lab coat.

"Is this the family of John Snowden?" he asked solemnly, he looked tired and like he was about to bring very bad news.

Andy stood up, "We're the only guys he's got at the moment," he said, "So, yes, we are."

The doctor looked around the room, "Perhaps we should take this to a place a bit more private," he said.

"I don't see anyone but us here," Andy retorted and it was true, the waiting room was vacated except for them.

The doctor took a deep breath, "I'm sorry," he said to the whole team, "There was nothing we could do."

Jake left the room in a huff, he couldn't take this. Kim shook her head, "I could have pulled him out of the way, I could have saved him," she said quietly.

Matt glared at Kim and Andy, "We can't even save one of our own," he yelled as he stood up, "Dammit!" he stalked towards the captain. Ben begun to push himself away from the wall when Leah stepped in between them.

"Stop it," she said calmly, her words seemed to reach Matt and Ben because they slowly relaxed their positions, "Alright, if you can't hold it in line Matt, get out. This is a hospital for goodness sakes. Ben, sit down."

Matt shrugged off Leah's hand and he stalked out of the door. Ben slowly sat in one of the hard plastic chairs and cradled his head in his hands.

Andy looked around the room, "I've got to call his parents," he said as he left the room.

Greg stood up and left the room, "I'm outta here," he said.

"What are you doing?" Ben asked as Greg was about to walk out the door.

Greg turned on Ben, "Does it make a difference, Johnny's dead, there's nothing I can do here."

Ben made to stand up before Leah placed a hand on his shoulder, "Just let him go."

Greg walked away from the room, rubbing his eyes.

Andy returned from the phone call, his eyes were red and puffy. He sat down hard in one of the chairs and Leah, Ben and Kim sat with him for the rest of the night until the parents came in. After hearing the news from the doctor, the mother and father collapsed against each other, crying. Andy sat there with them, comforting them as Leah, Kim and Ben stood in the hallway, watching from far away. Finally, Kim left, "This is too much."

Leah offered to drive her home.

The ride home was silent, there was nothing for them to say. Kim stared sullenly out the passenger's side window, her arm in a sling. Leah kept her eyes on the road, she glanced towards Kim finally and said, "This wasn't your fault Kim."

Kim didn't say anything, she just kept staring out the window as the neighborhood flashed by, "Kim," Leah started.

"This is my house," Kim said and Leah pulled over.

Leah leaned onto the glove compartment as Kim walked up the steps, "I'll see you tomorrow," Leah called as the door slammed shut.

Leah had no other place to go but home, she pulled into the parking lot, right next to her Harley. Normally after a tough day she'd take the motorcycle, a gift from her brother, out for a fast and furious ride through the streets of Toronto. Right now though, she was beyond tired, all she wanted to do was take a shower and sleep.

That's what she did. She went into her apartment, threw the keys on the counter and took a shower.

It was always known among firefighters that no matter how much you shower, the smell of smoke would never leave your skin. It was there forever, a constant reminder of what you do for a living.

Leah tried hard to scrub the soot off of her skin, she often joked that she used to be lighter than this. No one was laughing now. The water ran clear finally but the smell of smoke was still there. Leah got into a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, she staggered to the bed and flipped on the TV out of sheer habit.

The news station came up and the anchors were covering the warehouse fire, "Earlier yesterday, a fire and explosion at a warehouse killed a firefighter and injured four others. Fire services have the fire under control. We'll turn this over to Jeff Sanders for more coverage. Jeff?"

The screen switched to a middle aged reporter, he looked jaded, like he's covered things like these before, "Yes Christina. Smoke was reported issuing from this warehouse at 6 am, fire services sent an engine to investigate the fire and soon it was obvious this was a bigger fire than they initially thought-,"

Leah turned the TV off, she knew what happened, there was no need to go through that again. She turned off the light and slipped into a deep sleep . . .

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

Leah opened her eyes she looked at the alarm clock, 3 pm. She laid in bed for a few minutes, wondering what woke her up. The persistent knocking sounded again so she got up and walked to the door.

Looking through the peep hole, she saw Jake standing there. He looked uncomfortable and like he hadn't slept in ages, which was close to the truth.

The firefighter opened the door, "Jake, what are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to someone," Jake admitted, "I tried the whole team. Andy's talking to the parents, Matt won't even talk to me, Ben's filling out reports, Greg's hit the bars and Kim won't even answer the door."

"Come in," Leah said, motioning Jake into the house, "You want a drink?"

Jake nodded, "Yeah, thanks."

Leah came back with two bottles of beer from the fridge, they drank in silence, Leah waiting for Jake to start off. And finally, he did.

"I could have saved him," Jake said softly, "He was right in front of me Leah, holding his hand out for help. I reached out, I tried to, but the damn structure collapsed. If I had been faster, I'd have saved him."

"Jake," Leah began slowly, "There was nothing you could have done differently to save Johnny. This isn't your fault."

"Really?" Jake said, "Cause I'm feeling pretty damn guilty right now."

They both sat in silence once more, reaching a point where Leah knew nothing she could say would help Jake at the moment. It was up to him to forgive himself.

Jake slowly got up, placing the now empty beer bottle on the table, "Thanks for the drink," he said as he grabbed his jacket and headed to the door.

"Wait, where are you going?" Leah asked as he got to the door.

"Home," Jake said as he opened the door, Leah quickly ran up and intercepted him.

"No way, you're impaired," Leah said, wrestling the keys from him, "Let me take you home."

"You drank a beer too!" Jake protested, trying to grab the keys back.

"Half a beer," she corrected as she led Jake out the door, "Come on, I'll drive you home."

Jake retorted, "I'm good, really!"

"You're practically impaired," Leah interjected as she lead him out of the building, "I'll drive you home, come on."

Leah went to Jake's car and they both got in, Jake on the passenger's side, Leah on the driver's side. "Thanks," Jake finally said, "For everything you know."

"Don't mention it," Leah said as she pulled out of the space and into the street, they drove in silence before Jake spoke again.

"Why don't you blame me?" he asked as he looked at the road, "Everyone else seems to."

Leah didn't take her eyes off the road as she answered, "Jake," she said evenly, "You didn't cause that building to collapse. I know you did the best you could and that's the only thing you can do."

Suddenly, someone ran up to the side of the car and waved for them to stop, "Help!" they shouted, "HELP!"

Leah quickly pulled over on the road right next to the lake, "What happened?"

"I don't know," the bystander said, panicked, "I lost control of the car, it must have hit black ice or something. I crashed into this other car and, oh god. Oh my god," the person was breaking down, "I swear it was an accident."

Leah tried to calm down the driver as Jake ran to the other car, he saw its sole occupant unconscious in the driver's seat. He listened to the man's labored breathing and looked up at Leah, "Have you called 911 yet?"

"Yeah," the driver said as he sat down heavily on the road, still in severe shock.

Jake shook his head, "Leah, get me the medical kit in the back seat, I think this guy has a pneumothorax," he yelled out.

Leah jogged to the car as Jake checked the man for any more signs of injury. Soon, the medical kit had reached him and he took out the stethoscope and listened for breathing, one side of the chest was completely silent.

"Yep," Jake said, "Leah, hand me the needle," Jake's gloved hand was outstretched.

He felt the cool plastic of the needle in his hand, he raised the man's shirt and jabbed the needle neatly into the chest, the sound of air issued from the tube. Jake stood back as the ambulance arrived and the paramedics took over.

"You knew what you were doing then?" a police officer asked Jake as he was interviewed at the scene of the accident.

Jake nodded, "Yeah," he said crossing his arms, "I'm a firefighter."

"Good job on that warehouse fire yesterday," the officer said, "My condolences," he said as he closed the note pad and walked away. Jake nodded and left as well.

Four weeks later

The team sat at the table, ready to start another shift. Kim sat next to Matt, discussing extraction tools. Leah and Jake stood at the end of the room, not talking but looking over the room as Ben and Greg were discussing something else. Andy finally walked into the room with another man, a stranger to the team already gathered there.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Andy said as he introduced the man, "I'd like you to meet our newest member, transferred from Vancouver. Nicholas Harper, nice to have you on board."

"Please," the man said, "Call me Nick. I'm sorry for joining you guys under these circumstances," he took a deep breath, "I know what it's like to lose a teammate, only to have him be replaced. Don't hate me for it."

Nick felt very much disliked as he looked around the table after his speech and looked at the impassive faces that stared at him, "Look, it any of you want to talk, I'm open."

"No, we don't need to talk," Matt said sharply as he openly glared at Nick.

The alarm shrieked in the station, snapping everyone out of their individual thoughts, "Time to get to work!" Andy said as the team rushed out of the room, ready for their next job.