It was spring, turning into summer. I figured i would give up wearing so
much black for a while and start wearing some shorts. the past cuts on my
thighs were barley visible, so i figured they would be easy to cover up.
It was night and i was in my room, having a little time to myself, away
from the tv that was on all the time now. I had the radio on and was
singing out loud as i hung some things on my walls. Me, only being 5'3,
wasnt tall enough to reach some of the areas that i wanted decorations.
So, i had to stand on my dresser to reach up there. Thats when Heero
walked in. "Everyone is watching a movie down stairs. Are you going to
join us?" he asked in his one tone voice. "Ah no, im gonna stay up here
and decorate this blank room that i sleep in" i said in a cheerful tone.
He walked closer to me, and stared at my leg. "What happened here?" he
asked, observing the scars on my thigh. My heart lept into my throat as he
ordered me to get down and sit on the bed. He left the room and came back
with the others. How could i have been so blind and to not hide them well?
i mentally scolded myself for my foolishness. Look where it had gotten me
now. I wasnt careful enough and now they all knew my secret.
It was Heero who did all the talking. He got in my face and started yelling at me. "Your fucking up your body you know that!" he yelled at me. I was powerless to do anything but stare blankly at anything else but him and the others. I focused on a stain on the floor. His words cut through me like a thousand knives going straight through me. All i could do was cry. It was pathetic, to cry infront of the others because there was nothing else to do but take it all. I felt so horrible inside. I could see i had hurt Heero. It was written all over his face as he scolded and yelled at me. They left for a little bit, leaving the door open. I felt so lost, there was nothing i could do. I put my hands over my ears and tried to figure a way out of it all. Nothing came to mind though. It was Quatre who appeared first in my doorway. He asked me if i needed anything. But when i didnt respond, he left. Heero came back and started lecturing again, threatening to take my door off the hinges so they could make sure i didnt do anything again. He asked what i did it with. I lied to him, saying it was a knife, when i had used razor blades. He took them away from me and started babbling about this being his fault. He made me feel so horrible, pathetic, and belittled. I knew i had messed up, but i didnt want them to find out. "We are going to send you to a psychiatrist to find out whats going on in your mind, because obviously you wont talk to any of us" he said. I cringed at the thought of having to go to a shrink. She wouldnt help though, none of the shit that they wanted to do to me would. But then again, they wouldnt understand why i did it, and that they couldnt force me to stop, like Heero had intended to do. Its not something that people can force you to do, You have to stop when your ready. But Mr. Perfect Soldier, who knows no faults would be able to understand that concept of being a human being. It was kind of shitty, a man who is closer to a robot than a person is telling me how to live my life and what to do! He doesnt know anything about me or my situation. I couldnt even handle my own situation. And he was just blowing it up in my face. Some friend huh. He really should try acting like a friend, instead of a father figure that i dont need. Ive lived my life without a father. He died, Father Maxwell died, no more older male guidence for me. And i was not about to be ruled over by someone who doesnt know what he is talking about.
Please dont be too harsh about it! tell me what you think about it so far okies? ^_^;
It was Heero who did all the talking. He got in my face and started yelling at me. "Your fucking up your body you know that!" he yelled at me. I was powerless to do anything but stare blankly at anything else but him and the others. I focused on a stain on the floor. His words cut through me like a thousand knives going straight through me. All i could do was cry. It was pathetic, to cry infront of the others because there was nothing else to do but take it all. I felt so horrible inside. I could see i had hurt Heero. It was written all over his face as he scolded and yelled at me. They left for a little bit, leaving the door open. I felt so lost, there was nothing i could do. I put my hands over my ears and tried to figure a way out of it all. Nothing came to mind though. It was Quatre who appeared first in my doorway. He asked me if i needed anything. But when i didnt respond, he left. Heero came back and started lecturing again, threatening to take my door off the hinges so they could make sure i didnt do anything again. He asked what i did it with. I lied to him, saying it was a knife, when i had used razor blades. He took them away from me and started babbling about this being his fault. He made me feel so horrible, pathetic, and belittled. I knew i had messed up, but i didnt want them to find out. "We are going to send you to a psychiatrist to find out whats going on in your mind, because obviously you wont talk to any of us" he said. I cringed at the thought of having to go to a shrink. She wouldnt help though, none of the shit that they wanted to do to me would. But then again, they wouldnt understand why i did it, and that they couldnt force me to stop, like Heero had intended to do. Its not something that people can force you to do, You have to stop when your ready. But Mr. Perfect Soldier, who knows no faults would be able to understand that concept of being a human being. It was kind of shitty, a man who is closer to a robot than a person is telling me how to live my life and what to do! He doesnt know anything about me or my situation. I couldnt even handle my own situation. And he was just blowing it up in my face. Some friend huh. He really should try acting like a friend, instead of a father figure that i dont need. Ive lived my life without a father. He died, Father Maxwell died, no more older male guidence for me. And i was not about to be ruled over by someone who doesnt know what he is talking about.
Please dont be too harsh about it! tell me what you think about it so far okies? ^_^;
