Just borrowing the characters for fanfiction purposes!
Chapter 2
The short drive over to Matt's beach house was relatively quiet, with C.J having fallen asleep very soon after leaving the office. On arrival, Matt briefly left C.J sleeping in the car whilst he unlocked and checked her room was ready. Matt thought back to the day he bought C.J here for the first time just after buying the house, having decided which room she would have but wanting her to chose for herself. He smiled remembering how she had picked the very room he had in mind and then invited her to pick out the colours and linen for her room. Back then C.J had been filled with excitement and joy, revelling in her new life and looking forward to the new adventures ahead of her, here in LA. Sharing in that fun, Matt had asked C.J to help him pick out colours for his room and the rest of the house – she had an uncanny knack that even she didn't know she had for simple but effective interior design. C.J had yet to find a house for herself at that point, and until then had been sharing a large flat with her late friend Connie, who worked at the Museum. Connie had been one of her greatest and closest friends going all the way back to college and then together at Harvard, albeit in separate schools. Matt had always liked and respected Connie and was deeply saddened at her death but more so how it had ripped through his best friend in a way he could never have imagined. C.J had only a handful of friends but they were close and supportive ones and together they shared many holidays, jokes – often at his expense and revelling in the adventures that life had thrown at them, but they had always been there for one another through the good, the bad and the down- right ugly. Having no direct family of, her own and being an only child, C.J had grown-up knowing the importance of good friends and had surrounded herself like a comforter, with good reliable and close friends.
Matt walked back to the car where C.J was still fast asleep, gently scooping her up in his arms he carried her to her room and gently laid her on her bed. She never stirred. He gently removed her shoes and jacket and placed her comforter over her. Matt sat by her side stroking the hair away from her face and gently kissed her on her forehead before leaving her to her sleep.
After making coffee, Matt called Chris to explain that he was taking C.J away as yet not known but would of course keep her up to speed. Chris had become a good friend to C.J and they shared the same quiet mannerisms and had mutually taken each other into their confidence when sharing on a personal level.
"Is she going to be Ok?" Chris asked
"I'm sure she's gonna' be fine, but this has been a long time in coming as you know and I have no idea how long it's going to take but I need to give her the time and space away from the demands of the office to work things through." Matt replied.
"sure, but you will let me know if there is anything I can do, she did share a bit with me over the last couple of months but not a huge amount, she hasn't been herself for quite a while" Chris responded, her voice etched with concern for her good friend.
"I sure will...what did she share...are you able to say?" Matt asked
"It was mainly fear across the board really" Chris replied
"Fear... I'm not with you?"
"Matt when I went into the hospital to see her those few times after she was shot, she was really scared...I'll bet she never mentioned that to you. She was scared at how fragile life was and how, when she learnt she had been touch and go throughout the surgery to remove that bullet and then being on the critical list for some while after, she was scared. She was scared that she could still die and without saying the things she wanted to say and accomplish the various things she wanted to achieve" Chris quietly explained.
Silence met her. Yes C.J had been very seriously injured and had been on the critical list for about five days slipping in and out of consciousness. Other than helping Hoyt to catch and apprehend Carter and the drug smuggling ring that had framed and then killed Connie, Matt had stayed at C.J's side throughout her stay in hospital. He had watched and of course fretted over C.J and generally drove the doctors and nurses crazy with his questions, but underneath he was scared. He feared that his friend, no his best friend may not recover even though her doctor had reassuringly said she was going to make it on several occasions. Yes she had to fight, but she was strong and fit and that would help her to pull through. It had never occurred to Matt to ask her how she was really feeling, not just on the surface but deep down in terms of the effect of being shot and the emotions that came with it.
"Houston...Houston are you still there?"
"Yes...yes sorry Chris, still here... sorry you knocked me for six somewhat, I never thought to ask how being shot had actually effected her internally, you know how it had affected her psychologically and I for one should have known that. What on earth was I thinking and doing?"
"Matt you were just wanted to help get her through that and help her recover, you can't think of everything" Chris replied. "that's where friends come in – we all have our part to play".
"Thanks Chris, I really appreciate what you have said and shared" Matt replied.
"Houston there's more" Chris continued "You need to talk with her about Butterfly and why it had such a massive impact on her"
"Butterfly?...what is it Chris?" Matt asked surprised "I know the case had affected C.J somewhat but I thought things were ok in that respect, what on earth did I miss?"
"I think C.J needs to share that with you when she is ready, but Matt it's not good and she is still to a large extent working through it herself"
Matt's protective instincts immediately rose to the surface "What happened Chris?...did something happen to her that I'm not aware of? ...Chris... please" Matt begged.
"Please Matt, I think C.J needs to be the one to tell you, as and when she is ready, she hasn't fully told me; just snippets have escaped when her guard has been down, but you know C.J better than I do, she closes off pretty quickly once she has shared information about herself that she hadn't planned to"
Matt swallowed hard and closed his eyes- what could possibly have happened when he wasn't looking. His best friend was keeping something back, a secret that no-one was privy to, except for odd bits of information shared with Chris on different occasion. Matt ran his hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, this was going to take a long time.
"...ok I understand, I won't put you in an awkward situation Chris. If she doesn't share this information herself voluntarily, I'm worried she may never fully come through this; so I may have to revisit this conversation with you at a later date, I'm sorry" Matt said, fully appreciating that asking Chris for this information might have implications later between her and C.J. Their friendship mattered to Matt as much as his own did with C.J and he didn't want to see anything damaged.
"Thanks Houston and yes ok I understand. I just hope she will share everything with you when she is ready. As you say she is exhausted and probably no-where near a place where she can feel she can begin to open up...she hasn't even grieved for Carl yet and I'm worried about that as well" Chris continued.
Carl...Carl was a whole different subject altogether and yet totally intertwined with where C.J was at present..totally lost, confused, exhausted and barely able to cope with what life was throwing in her direction.
Matt thanked Chris and rung off, taking his mug of coffee out onto the balcony and started to think through everything Chris had shared and what she hadn't. Matt wondered whether a professional therapist might be better in helping his close friend though what appeared to now be a maze of bottled emotions. Matt quietly wished his father was still around, if anyone could give good sound advice about his best friend it was his father. What would daddy have advised, Matt pondered? He picked up the phone and phoned his other closest friend Vince Novelli. Sure Hoyt knew C.J but when it came to a deeper friendship, Vince knew C.J far better.
"hey Vince, it's me Houston...how's life treating you over there in the sun?" Matt laughed
"Houston ...what the devil.." Vince replied elated at hearing Matt's voice once again.
"It's been too long that's for sure, how's the wife, Mama and the boys?"
"They're all good, thanks, Mama's restaurant is going down a storm over here, when are you coming over and more importantly when are you bringing C.J over, Mama keeps going on about how only C.J appreciates her pizzas"!
Matt laughed and then grew serious again "actually Vince, it's C.J I need some advice on, she's in a bad way"
Vince grew quiet and concern entered his voice "What's up buddy, what's wrong?"
Matt shared all he knew and then said "I just don't think Im the best person, maybe I should get a professional counsellor and..."
"Houston of course you're the right person, you seriously think C.J would open up to a total stranger, c'mon buddy you know you're the right person, she simply wouldn't trust another person not enough for appears to be bottled up inside her" Vince replied almost exclaiming in horror that Matt would suggest anyone but himself.
"but what if I screw up, make it worse..."
"Buddy you won't...you know you won't. Give her time and plenty of it, space and a place of safety and she will open up" Vince responded trying to replace the confidence that his buddy apparently to badly needed... "I would suggest you take her somewhere familiar where she knows she can relax. Personally I think taking her back to the cabin might be too premature, in terms of helping her grieve for Carl. What about the ranch she loves it there and it only holds happy memories as far as I can recall".
"...Yeah you're right, I knew you could help me" Matt mused
"hey no problem I'm here for the both of you, you know that" Vince replied with a smile... "hey and buddy you take care of her ok and give her our love. When she is ready, you bring her out here; Mama will feed her up and get her back on her feet again, that I can guarantee!" with that both Vince and Matt chuckled.
"I think you have a deal there, I'll suggest that to C.J when she wakes up"
"Leave her to sleep as long as she can, sounds like she needs it, the poor thing"
"I will and thanks again Vince. I'll call when we have a plan"
"You do that buddy and we'll speak soon. Take care of yourself as well" with that Vince rung off.
Matt placed the phone back in the receiver and looked up towards the room where C.J lay fast asleep. Matt quietly walked up the stairs to check on his best and closest friend. Assured she was sleeping peacefully, Matt picked up some work files, grabbed himself a sandwich and went to his study and quietly got on, steadily working through most of them. Before Matt realised, it was almost eight o' clock and he found himself suddenly very hungry. Matt wondered whether he should wake C.J for food or not; but remembered Vince's advice..let her sleep, she will wake when she is ready. C.J had now been asleep for several hours without a stir and not eaten since ten this morning. Trying not to fret he warmed up some homemade chilli, keeping some back for C.J should she wake, and went to eat in the lounge watching the news.
The sky grew dark outside and Matt begun to switch lights on as he moved about his home, concern quietly mounting for C.J. The realisation was beginning to dawn on Matt as to how absolutely shattered his dear friend was. Matt needed to reassure himself that all was ok and quietly went up to her room. C.J had barely moved since her lay he down on the bed this morning, with that he moved over and sat her side watching her sleep. It was time for bed and she was still fully clothed. He gently began to wake her so she could change into something more comfortable.
"C.J...C.J you ok hon" Matt whispered whilst rubbing her shoulder.
"C.J... c'mon hon, let's get you changed into something more comfortable"
Gradually she began to stir and stayed awake long enough for Matt to help her a change, tears slowly making a river down her cheeks
"I can't do it Matt, I just can't cope, I don't know what I'm doing from one minute to the next, it's just a blurr, everything is just...just a blurr" CJ said desperately trying to fight back the tears but giving in. "Everyday... life has been a blurr since ...since..since Carl died and I still..still can't forget how they killed Connie. Why...why them not me?" C.J broke down again and cried into Matt's chest.
Matt just silently held her tightly but deeply concerned at her last comment, 'did she want to die... is that what she was wishing for... to end it all? "Please God no" Matt prayed fervently.
Cupping his hands around her face and using his thumbs to gently wipe the tears, Matt looked into CJ's eyes and said "C.J ...C.J listen. Honey you survived a very serious bullet shot wound but only just...a lot of people were praying hard that you would survive, you had us all very worried for quite a while and I thank God almost every day that he spared you. I cannot even begin to think what life would have been like without you, nor do I want to start having to think about the possibility. You're a born survivor, you always have been and I greatly admire that in you. C.J you are incredibly special to me, I really want you to know that and hold onto it Ok.. ...They killed and framed Connie; they were intent on making sure she didn't speak to the police, and I'm only very sorry and very sad we didn't manage to get there in time that afternoon when she called you".
CJ nodded her head but only very slightly, but still the tears ran down her face in two steady rivers. Matt wiped the tears and then took her in his arms and let her cry herself back to sleep. Gently Matt settled her and covered her with the comforter, leaving the small bedside lamp switched on and then quietly left the room. Tomorrow he would take her down to the ranch, picking up stuff from C.J's home and the office en route. Tomorrow hopefully the talking and sharing could start...just maybe.
