Chapter 2:
Sunshine, Lollipops and Dark Jak
"So, Praxis, why are you here?"
"I just told you in the last chapter, dumbass"
"Oh, right, right. A journey of Dark self discovery... what does that mean?"
"I'll have to talk to you later for two reasons; one, Razor's started to ring my office number, and two, Daxter's back. Bye, Eco Freako!" Praxis disappeared in a whirl of fluffy pink underpants.
"Hey, Jak... braaaap... I met some nice girls back there..."
"Are you sure that they're into orange weasels that fell into vats of Dark Eco when a super-sexy mute kid was really young and hadn't learned to talk?" asked Jak, in the most cocky voice possible.
"Breakin' the forth wall a bit there..."
"I'll boot you through the fifth wall in a minute"
"The fifth wall?"
"The ceiling." They both burst into beer induced laughter, an walked to the girls who DID seem to have a thing for orange weasels that fell into vats of Dark Eco when a super-sexy mute kid was really young and hadn't learned to talk. The lord works in mysterious ways...
THE FOLLOWING MORNING... IN CAPS LOCK
Jak awoke to see Praxis' ghost looking down at him. In the rudest place possible.
"Ahhhhhhh! Do you have to look in that place in particular?" screeched Jak.
"I'm a bisexual, whadda you expect?" replied Praxis, with a a knowing smile on his face.
"Your bi?
"Well, the author wants me to be, and Naughty Dog wants you to go through puberty aroundish fifteen years late."
"I went through puberty at 13, thank you very much!"
"Yes! I can't believe I got that out of you! The boys on will be SO intrigued by this!"
"I have a fan site?"
"Yes, mostly populated by gays and bisexuals. I infiltrated Torn's computer history and found that most of his time was spent there..."
"Can you cut to the chase please? I expect that everybody reading this would love to hear about Torn's secret (s) but we really must be getting on with the story" said Jak.
FOURTH WALL BREAK COUNT: 3
I think...?
"To give your Dark form full strength, you must go to the Hip Hog Heaven bar." said Praxis, in a voice worthy of a story continuative character (continuative isn't even a word... HA!)
"I got to go to bar to make myself stronger? WOO HOO! C'mon, Dax, we're going to the bar!" said Jak happily.
"Again? Oh man... I've already got one hangover... I'll get my goggles..."
TRANSITION SEQUENCE TO AVOID POINTLESS WRITING
They arrived at the bar to find it completely empty. Except for two people.
GOL AND MAIA. UNFOURTUNATELY, NOT IN PINK FLUFFY UNDERWEAR.
"Gol and Maia? What are you doing here?" shouted Jak.
"We are here to finish you off! You humiliated us so badly! We're here to destroy you for good!" screeched Maia.
"Uhhhh... yeah. What she said." grunted Gol.
"Finish me off? Yeah right. Daxter?" smiled Jak, "Play track 59."
"Jak? Are you sure? Track 59?" said a worried Daxter, who was pulling out a stereo from behind his magical ear that shall be explained later in this story.
"Yes. Track 59."
"Ok, whatever you say..." Daxter placed the disk into the stereo, and Jak glared malevolently at Gol and Maia.
The stereo began to play:
Sunshine, lollipops and, rainbows!
Jak curled into a ball as bolts of Dark Eco hit his skull. His eyes glared with the darkness of 27,563 Dark Eco silos, and his skin turned the whitest of the white... he was the new, improved... DARK LOLLIPOP LADY!
I mean, DARK JAK! MUHAHAHAHAHA! Etc. etc.. A Dark Blast filled the room, and where Gol and Maia were stood seconds before, there were very small piles of dust.
"I've... never... felt... this much... POWER!" exclaimed Dark Jak, as the entire night shook with evil.
SOMEWHERE FAR, FAR AWAY FROM THERE
"Finally, my plan is coming into place..." said a shadowy figure "Praxis is doing well... but I will need more strength if I wish to eradicate him... Natalie?"
"Yes sir?"
"Hypnotise the father..."
"But he's dead."
"Hmm... slight technicality... call the author... we have someone that we need to call from the dead..."
DUNDUNDUNNNNNNN!!!!!
REVIEW! Please...?
Pretty please?
Pretty please with vats of Dark Eco on top? Thank you.
