Knowing Too Much

Watson P.O.V

I walked into my doorway, glad to shrug off my heavy coat and sit in my parlor. The day had been cold and damp which made moving difficult. As I sat in front of the fireplace, I heard the sound of Mary behind me. She smiled as she kissed my briefly before sitting down beside me, "You poor man, the weather must be doing a number on that old war injury." She said softly rubbing my bad knee. I smiled and squeezed her hand before returning to face the fire.

"I feel a lot better now that I am here with you. I apologize for being late, Claire and Holmes had a tale to tell me." I couldn't believe how animated Claire had been when telling her fight with Greg. I still couldn't believe that this twenty-five year old woman had endured so much without me noticing. Part of me still saw a rebellious girl at our family gatherings who liked to ride horses and play rugby with the stable boys. I shook of the thought, there was so much I still didn't know about my own family and I was scared about what I would soon find underneath all those memories. I turned again to Mary, her blue eyes sparkling as she started to sew. I didn't see any harm in telling her one tale about Claire, they had only met briefly and I hoped for a friendship to develop. God knows Claire could use a good female role model. "Did you know that my cousin Claire used to work for Scotland Yard?" I raised an eyebrow in hope for a surprised look from Mary.

She did not disappoint, her eyes widened considerably. "No, I am very surprised to hear that John. Is the story she told you about that?" She was eager, and excited which only made my grin widen.

"Sort of, you see she was sort of an agent for Lestrade, and she got her big break working for a gang." As I began to weave this tale from my cousin's past, I began to wonder how she felt now that was all behind her.

Claire P.O.V

I sat behind the desk, glad to be done with the day's mail. Most of it had been rubbish but, I didn't mind the busy work. Telling that story made me miss those days again when I was a younger and more put together woman. I take a look over at Mr. Holmes; he was sitting in his chair like he had been doing all day, musing over the lack of cases. I wish there was a crime; it would give me plenty of distraction from the gripping loneliness I had been starting to feel. Ever since William, it had been hard for me to keep friends, especially with my bouts of paranoia. But, I was lucky enough to have gathered a select few people who helped me keep my spirits up and was there when I needed them. Especially my good friend Rebecca Jenkins, she worked in Whitehall and sympathized with my dark past. But, that is not the reason I became her friend, her presence makes me calm for some reason. She is an unending beacon of positive thinking and with her engagement to a Sir. Francis Xavier, I was afraid of losing her. Luckily, I was to go over to her country home this weekend.

I still needed to ask for leave from Mr. Holmes, since we didn't have any cases yet, I didn't think there would have been a problem. "Mr. Holmes, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind me leaving for a few days. I have been invited out to the country by a friend, and since we don't have any cases..." I trailed off, knowing he would make some deduction about my friend or some such. I didn't mind his powers of observation, he had used them when we were in the gag together but I had been too busy to care. He looked up from glancing in the window at me, his green eyes boring into my blue ones.

"Of course, Miss. Watson, I hope you have a good holiday. I hope your friend's fiancé is a fine man." He gave me an encouraging smile which I found odd.

"Thank you Mr. Holmes, if a case falls into your lap, I am certain John can take over." I smiled slightly more as he kept his gaze on me. Mr. Holmes is a good man to work for, he is not the easiest but he is better then some. He nodded again and as I was about to take up the index he coughed and shook his head.

"Don't start updating that index again, Miss. Watson, it is too early in the New Year to start crossing off deaths. I would wait till March; crimes don't take much of a holiday." He got up and picked up his violin. He began playing aimlessly on it, creating a strange sound that I likened to cats caterwauling. I winced a bit, but did nothing to stop it, because I knew that when his mind was restless, he relied on a less then savory means. I had been tempted to use the drug, to get away from the nightmares, from when Jack died to when I was almost killed by Alexander. I would wake in a cold sweat and wish desperately for a warm shoulder to touch only to have nothing there. I knew that I chose this life and that it was better then what I could have had in the country. I was to be married off to the local lord when I took to my feet and ran off to London in search of something better. I had sacrificed so much to get where I was now, and looking back; I knew I would never change a thing.

Mr. Holmes must have noticed me retreat into my thoughts because he stopped wailing on the violin and stepped over to me. "Are you alright, Miss. Watson? You seem quieter then usual." His concern was surprising, and touching.

"I am quite alright Mr. Holmes, just thinking some things over. It is still a shock to me how much as past between the pair of us. I sometimes forget how much of my young life was spent in that pub." I shook my head, three years of underground work, all for a slap on the back and a cash bonus. I never cared about the reward; it was about doing good work out there for those who didn't have the means to do so. Mr. Holmes smirked as he sat in his chair and motioned for me to sit in the one opposite.

He lit a pipe and held my gaze of indifference, "I know, those years seemed long to you because it was your first taste of crime. For me, Miss. Watson, it was something different, since I was there only to satisfy a curiosity it doesn't hold the same with me. You see it as a memory of which you were, I just see it as another case." He waved his hand, directing the smoke away from me. "I know you want to impress the fact that you are an exceptional woman, but you do not need to try to impress me or your cousin. The stories of our exploits while entertaining, do not do much good except to enlighten Watson of how damaged you are." His tone was monotone, and I hated that he was rationalizing my motives to tell John my tales. I knew he was right in a way, I found myself feel better only if I kept showing how different I was. But, that difference is why I was so good at my job, I could escape what it meant to be a middle class girl for a bit and do something extraordinary.

I looked at my employer, wondering why he was bothering to tell me this. "Why are you concerned about this? I thought problems concerning women were beyond your expertise? Besides, it is not like I tried to hurt myself, bad things just happened to me." My thoughts drifted momentarily towards those fights, and that kidnapping that still made me scream at night. I pushed them down again, I would not become a victim of pity, I was a strong woman and I was going to persevere. Mr. Holmes touched my cheek with his hand, which made my mind snap back to reality.

"Since you are my employee, I must do my duty and care for my employee's problems. However, trivial they might be to be to figure out. Miss. Watson, I know you are a proud woman, and even stubborn but you must listen to reason. With all your efforts to air out the past, you are forgetting how it still controls you. You need to let it go, Miss. Watson, otherwise I don't see you remaining stable." His green eyes were so close, I could see my own trembling from the force of his tone. I was unsure what to do at first, my body wanted to slap him for trying to control me. But, I wanted him to understand, maybe to help me, he knew that I carried a heavy burden.

"You know as well as I with Alexander looking for me, there is no assurance of letting go of the past. As long as that man lives, my life is an ending maze where the turns could lead me to my grave." I sighed, Alexander had more of an interest in me than the man he worked for. I was glad only because that meant only a small portion of the gang was looking for me. "It won't be long until he figures out whom I am working for and will soon places a call to try and get you to roll on me, Mr. Holmes." My heart was beating in fear again, the last time I saw Alexander he tried and failed to shoot me while I jumped out of a cab. Mr. Holmes sighed and puffed away at his pipe as if the thought of Alexander here was laughable.

"You are true about that being the lynch-pin to you coming to full terms with the past. But, I give you my word if Alexander comes here I won't let any harm come to you or Watson. That man needs to be dealt with for what he has done, and with him gone Moriarty will have to come out of hiding." There was a flicker of fear in his gaunt face, but I ignored it. We both knew what that man was capable of. "Just to clear the air , Miss. Watson I was wondering if Moriarty ever...?" He left the words out of it, but I knew what he was getting at.

"Thank the lord no, he is rather like you in that regard Mr. Holmes. He never showed me the slightest attention, although he did have affection for Alexander that spooked me a bit." I shuddered at the thought. Alexander was charming when he needed to be, but I always saw him as a brother since I had been getting over the death of Jack. He was very popular with the ladies and from the mouths on the streets, with some of the lads as well. It didn't bother me who he was with, just the fact he seemed obsessed with finding me and adding me to his collection of women he had mentored. The problem was that he never taught me anything except to never trust anyone even those you work with. Mr. Holmes smiled and laughed, which made me jump a bit in surprise.

"Well, Miss. Watson, the hour is growing late and I know you have a train to catch tomorrow. Again, I wish you a good journey." He stood and bowed to me before sitting back down, a ghost of a smile still upon his face.

I smiled back, "Thank you Mr. Holmes, I know the country air will do me good. Thank you for your concern and wisdom they are always appreciated." I placed my hat on top of my head and bound my coat quickly. The night wind slapped me hard across the face as I ran to my flat to pack. I was glad that even for a moment, the burden of knowing too much had been lifted. I entered my room, glad to be indoors again and began to pack, ready to become one within society even if it was for a short while.