Title We Can't Always Get What We Want
Author: GEM
Date: 1-31-12
Character: Olivia
Rating: T
Summary: In order for him to be President, the people have to elect him. We are the People. We help make the history. Olivia contemplates her decisions regarding Fitz and answers a question Verna once asked her What do you want out of this? What did you get out of this?
Disclaimer: Scandal is Property of Shonda Rimes and ABC et al.
A/N: This is not a one shot any longer. I have ideas for at least three more chapters I hope you all will enjoy this look into the mind of Olivia Pope. It the near future we will also be looking at Fitz's mind as well.
Chapter 2
"You try so hard to get that man to walk away from you. Have you stopped to consider how painful it would be if you succeed?"-Verna Thornton
Olivia pushed again. She never knew when to stop with him. Verna was right. He let her go and she felt let she had been kicked in the gut. She felt like she was half a person. She pushed and Fitz let her go and it was painful as hell. She couldn't breathe, She sat in the chair willing him to come back as she cried. He would come back won't he? No. She pushed him and this time she pushed too hard. He wasn't coming back this time.
Olivia never thought this day would actually come. She wanted to tell him that she didn't hate him for falling in love with her. She wanted him to come back to her She wanted to hear him tell her he wasn't letting her go but none of that was going to happen.
She was alone. She was truly alone, in the dining room of a restaurant she used to love. A restaurant she would never set foot in again because this moment would replay in her every time she came here.
She tried to get herself together. She tried to tell herself that Fitz was right. They had to be responsible. She replayed ever moment with him in the past few years. The Oval Office the night of the Inauguration. She pushed him away that night but their love finally won over, the Sally Hemings Thomas Jefferson comment, the night in the Rose Garden, and those were only a few examples of the numerous times she pushed him away. Olivia the fixer overtook Olivia the person.
When she finally got herself together and left the restaurant; she went home and cried some more. Olivia heart shattered into a million pieces every time she thought about him. She walked around for days in a fog, wine had become her best friend. She stopped watching the news for fear she would catch a glimpse of him. She loved him and she pushed him a way and it was painful as hell.
Verna was right. Olivia didn't think this far in advance. She never considered what it would be like not to be able to talk to him, see him, touch him and take in his intoxicating scent when she was in the same room. Olivia was dying inside. She couldn't breathe without him. She needed to breathe. She pushed him away. He walked away from her and she was miserable without him, but she needed to move on, needed to stop pinning over someone that wasn't hers to begin with. By definition Fitzgerald Grant was away he was never hers. He is married, he has children and he is the leader of the free world, by definition he is away. Olivia would always love him. She didn't know any better. She just has to be get used loving him and to living with the pain of him not being a part of her life.
