Okay, I am so glad you guys are enjoying the Trunk Ride! I tried to really hard to get into Wyatt's head in this chapter regarding his marriage. I honestly don't think him and Jess had a good marriage so this is me really exploring what he truly feels guilty about. So, I hope you enjoy and the next chapter will feature more Lyatt and be longer, I promise! Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!
Wyatt sighed,he wished he could get some coffee before he had to engage in conversation beyond grunting,"Fine. What is it, Rufus."
Rufus pulled up a chair with a loud slap causing Wyatt to raise an eyebrow. He had seen the pilot annoyed before but this was a whole new level, "something wrong?"
Rufus stared at him incredulously, "Is something wrong? Is something wrong?!" His voice taking a shrill tonality causing Wyatt to hold up his hand, "All-right, All-right, I get it. You're pissed."
"Look, Wyatt," Rufus pinched the bridge of his nose taking a deep breath, "I meant what I said back in 1918, I don't care if you admit your feelings about Lucy but she is like a sister to me."
Seeing that Wyatt was about to interrupt, Rufus gave him another glare, "not done. I don't know what happened back there in that trunk but this whole leaving the room every-time Lucy comes in, not eating dinner with her and basically dismissing her anytime she tries to speak to you has got. to. stop." Rufus stated emphatically, "Wyatt, despite the craziness of all this Rittenhouse shit, at the end of the day it doesn't affect us, not really. Once this is over, our lives will still be the same. But Lucy… has lost absolutely everything. Her sister, her job, not to mention everything she has ever known being twisted into something dark and evil." Rufus stared at him, "and you're hurting her."
Wyatt look at the ground ashamed, his guilt from earlier magnetized. He didn't realize he had been so obvious about trying to avoid Lucy. He could only imagine what Lucy thought, "I'm sorry," Wyatt told him gruffly, "I wasn't trying to hurt her, I just needed some…breathing room."
"Why?"
"Lucy is the first woman I have…" Wyatt trailed off, "well cared about since Jess."
Rufus seemed to digest this information before smiling sadly, "My dad died when I was a kid from a heart attack."
Wyatt blinked at him wondering where that came from, Rufus had always talked about his mom and brother openly but had never once mentioned his dad. Wyatt just figured it was because the guy hadn't been around or something. It had never occurred to him it was because he had passed away.
Before he could think of a suitable reply, Rufus shook his head, "It messed with my mom something terrible. They had not been in a good place for a while. The chemistry they once had was no longer filling in the cracks of the marriage." He looked pointedly at Wyatt, "and the night he died, they had one of their worst fights. I mean screaming like I had never heard from either of them before. It just kept going and going until my mom finally told she was done. She wanted a divorce and only a few seconds later, he keeled over." Rufus paused wearily, "and just like that he was gone."
"I'm sorry man." Wyatt told quietly, "I didn't know."
Rufus shrugged, "I don't like to talk about it. But my mom to this day blames herself. She is convinced that the shock of telling him she wanted out is what killed him. It didn't matter that the autopsy report showed clogged arteries or that my dad's side is prone to heart disease. In her eyes, she killed him. So, now she has created this fantasy in her mind of what kind of marriage they had. Something perfect and pure that no one else could ever touch."
Rufus looked away before meeting his gaze head on, "I know you blame yourself, Wyatt. I know that you think it's your fault because you drove off that night and Jess was killed. But this grief I see in you, I saw it in my mom. You wanted out of your marriage with Jess, didn't you?"
Wyatt glared at him as the oxygen was suddenly sucked out of the room, "get out," he growled fiercely pointing to the door, noticing that the pilot was refusing to budge, he took a menacing step forward, "I mean it Rufus or I will throw you out."
Rufus just shook his head, "No. I'm sorry Wyatt and you can hit me if you want too but I am not leaving. Not until this is all out in the open."
"I am not talking about this with you," Wyatt snarled, "You don't know what the hell you are talking about. Jess was my wife and I loved her. How dare you come in here and say that to me."
"I don't want to say it!" Rufus yelled finally losing some of his composure, "But I have lost my mom to this idea of her fucking perfect marriage. She loves me and Kevin but carries this weight of guilt on herself like some damn penance for wanting a divorce and I refuse for you to do it too."
Rufus grabbed his shoulders and Wyatt pushed him, furious at him for talking about this, but to his credit, Rufus simply pushed him right back, "Damn it, Wyatt, you need to hear me on this. My mom was right that night. Their marriage was over and they both knew it. It doesn't mean that she didn't love my dad or he didn't love her but sometimes people are not meant to be married. If he had lived, I have no doubt they would be divorced and happy. She didn't kill him because she recognized that and you didn't kill Jess either, Wyatt!"
Those words finally sunk into Wyatt's rage-filled fog. His knee's buckled and he slowly sank against the wall to the floor. He heard Rufus sigh but he didn't shrink away. He simply sat down next to him, shoulder to shoulder as Wyatt stared at the ceiling.
"The night Jess died," Wyatt said finally after almost ten minutes of silence, his voice hoarse with emotion, "we had not spoken one word to each other for days. We had been fighting for a while and it had only been getting worse so it just seemed easier not to talk."
Rufus nodded solemnly, "That whole if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all, thing."
"Yeah well," Wyatt told him dryly, "it's worse than fighting sometimes. Fighting means there is still passion or something. But silence is cold, dead even."
"So, what happened that night?"
Wyatt snorted, "we decided to go to our old hangout. I don't even remember why. Probably because we were going stir crazy in the house being locked together but not talking. Once we get there, Jess took off for some of our friends. Including this male co-worker who always seemed to be around and their level of comfortability irked me." Wyatt rolled his head to look over at Rufus, "I saw something between them that was no longer there with us."
"I'm sorry man," Rufus told him quietly.
Wyatt nodded but now that he had started talking about it, it was like a damn flood that could no longer be held back, the words just kept coming out of him, "Actually I don't know if that chemistry ever existed between us. We got together when we were kids and there were days that I didn't know if we were still married because we wanted to be or if it's because we didn't know how not to be together. And that," Wyatt laughed a little hysterically, "scared the shit out me. So, I yanked us out of there and just let loose about her flirting with this guy which pissed her off. So, she demanded I pull over and I-I-I did." Wyatt stammered out, "I drove off and it took me about five minutes to realize what I have done, so I turned around. As I was driving back and was cooling off, I knew it was over. If we had reached this point, we were not going to make it."
Rufus smiled sadly, "Yeah probably not," He paused, "Just because she died doesn't erase that Wyatt. It doesn't mean you should create this fantasy of what your marriage was… It's okay to mourn her because you did love her and she absolutely did not deserve what happened but you didn't kill her. Don't you think Jess was having the same thoughts as you?"
Wyatt had never really thought about it. He had always been so ashamed for thinking about leaving Jess, that he had let his marriage crumble around him, he had almost forgotten that Jess was there too. That he didn't just fight with himself, she had probably been exhausted by the fighting, cold silences, and distance same as him.
"I hadn't ever really considered that" Wyatt admitted, "She probably was, I think it would have been a relief for both of us but we didn't know how to say it. Then Jess was gone and I…" He trailed off suddenly exhausted but somehow a little lighter by his confession, "I got so wrapped up by guilt for leaving her like that and my desperation to find out what happened, I just blocked everything else out."
"Until Lucy happened," Rufus said with a grin causing Wyatt to smile thinking about his first encounter with the professor. "Yeah, I felt a spark with her the moment she snapped at me for calling her ma'am. A spark I hadn't felt since…"
"Since even before Jess died." Rufus filled in knowingly. Wyatt was silent for a minute before he nodded wondering why confessing that didn't hurt more.
"It's okay to admit that you love Lucy, Wyatt. Jess died because someone did an evil thing that night but it wasn't you. You have a right to be in love with someone who makes you whole. Maybe even in a way that Jess couldn't for you, which is what I think you really feel guilty about… I think Jess would want that for you because if she had lived, I bet she would have gone looking for someone to make her whole too." Rufus finally told him softly.
Wyatt just sat there absorbing everything Rufus had told him, thinking his buddy may have missed his calling, his friend would have been one hell of a therapist. Wyatt did feel something in that trunk that he had never felt before, not even with Jess. That is what had scared him to isolation when they returned for their last mission. That he was on the verge of falling deeper in love than he had ever been before had terrified him. But Rufus was right. His marriage with Jess was over long before she got out of his truck that night. It didn't mean she deserved to be murdered and he will always wish she could be able to live her life fully but it was not his fault.
He slapped Rufus on the shoulder, feeling better than he had in a long time, "Thanks buddy," Wyatt told sincerely, "I owe you one." He sighed heavily thumping his head back against the wall, "I have no idea how I am going to make this up to Lucy.
Rufus sighed, "yeah well you better figure it out quick or Jiya will knock you upside your head with her baseball bat. Trust me, I got to your door just a few seconds before her and she wouldn't have done the whole gentle talking thing."
Wyatt laughed darkly, "noted." He turned to look at Rufus, "Where is she?"
"Taking a shower," Rufus told him somberly, "She is probably a prune by now but- "
He was interrupted by a blood-curdling scream, causing Wyatt's blood to run cold, "Is that-"Rufus asked frantically,
"Lucy," Wyatt breathed in alarm before sprinting from the room.
