A/N: I don't own the show or any of the music! Also, the use of such an overused, ridiculous song is intentional; I wanted to show that VA is losing their "edge." Also, if you've never heard "Where I wanna Be," look it up, it's FABULOUS, and a great Jesse song!
The rest of Vocal Adrenaline did not take the news of their new "coach" all too well. There was a serious lack of cooperation, and many did not like the idea that Jesse was to be considered their superior. They were in their assigned locations for vocal rehearsals as Jesse was passing out music, and he could her several of them scoffing distastefully as they saw what they would perform.
"Oh my god, are you kidding?"
"This is like a bad soft rock radio playlist."
"Jesus, Jesse, are you like, 40?"
"Guys," Jesse said fiercely as he handed a copy of the songs to Paul, their rehearsal pianist, "Some of these are Shelby's picks too," he pulled a stool to the front of the room, and Adam, a burly but talented fellow senior rolled his eyes.
"Oh look, St. James thinks he's too good to sit with the rest of his section, he gets a stool."
"Yeah, who's going to pick soloists? It's a bit unfair if you just let yourself have one," a blonde girl in the alto section sneered. Jesse rolled his eyes.
"I'll have Paul listen to us and choose, and we'll have the same audition process for solos. For today, section leaders will take them, just like always," Jesse was quickly becoming irritated. "As for why I'm up here, someone has to keep time so we don't get off," he rubbed his temple. "Can we start with please?"
"None of these seem all that challenging," another member countered. Jesse looked to Gisele for support, but she just smirked back at him. Jesse let out an irritated sigh.
"Fine, do you guys have any suggestions then?"
"We've put a little something together while you were away," Adam said, emphasizing the last word. Jesse's nostrils flared, but he closed his eyes and ignored it. They stood, pushing chairs out of the way and emptying out most of the choir room. Jesse looked to Paul for help, but Paul just shrugged. Jesse took a seat staring into the empty room, while Gisele put a CD in the player. A familiar intro began, but Jesse couldn't quite place it. He watched the blonde girl, Chelsea, step forward, and when she began to sing, he very nearly choked.
"Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now."
Jesse rolled his eyes. He detested this song, and he couldn't understand how his teammates could possibly believe this was Nationals material. Adam had stepped forward now, and Jesse cringed; he was not looking forward to hearing him rap. Thankfully, they had used an arrangement in which he sang more than rapped, and Jesse sighed. He was full aware that he would have to consent to the usage of this song in order to get anything else done, and he had to admit that the ballet-like choreography was pretty original. His only gripe was the references to rapping, but he was sure something could be done. Reluctantly, he clapped when they were finished, and sighed heavily.
"Fine, we'll use this, but we're doing two of the numbers I picked."
"Anything but "One More Night,"" a mousy blonde boy piped up. Jesse rolled his eyes and nodded.
"Fine."
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After it was decided that they would perform "Airplanes," "The Prayer," and "Where I Want To Be," Jesse set to work on rehearsing the pieces. "The Prayer," was fairly easy, seeing as everyone had heard the song at least once. Gisele did a fine job on the female solo, and he was nearly positive she would end up getting it anyway. Adam had struggled a bit on the Italian in his solo, and Jesse had become quickly frustrated; he would have done it much better. But, he had compromised with Adam for "The Prayer" if he could rehearse the solo in "Where I Want To Be." He'd never heard the song before, but after looking through Shelby's notes, had found it circled and starred with a scribbling of "Jesse?" next to it. He had Youtubed the song and found a recording of Josh Groban performing it; apparently it was from some musical called "Chess." Jesse had been highly put off by this—a musical he didn't know? But after listening to the song, he was fully aware that Shelby had been right—he was meant to perform this song.
"This song would be performed much like Bohemian Rhapsody, with a lead vocalist and everyone else doing background vocals," Jesse explained.
"Bet you want that lead vocalist to be you, eh?" cried out a bass of whose name Jesse was unsure. He closed his eyes briefly, but said nothing.
"This song is about anguish. About doing what you love but feeling that you're being pushed and never really truly feeling happy, and you're forbidden to be with the one thing that makes you truly blissful," Jesse explained to the unwilling group. He turned and nodded to Paul, and he took a deep breath.
As he sang the song, he felt as though the song had been written for him; Shelby had been sure on that. Even with the rest of the club pissy with him, he could tell that he was striking a chord within them. When he finished, he was sweating slightly (he really had to go to the doctor and get that checked up), and his audience clapped. They continued to work the numbers, and at 6, Jesse dismissed them for their 45-minute dinner break. He pulled out his cell phone and sent a quick text to Shelby. "Hey momma. =] It's going well. They wanted to do one of their own numbers so I think I'm going to let them." He watched the rest of the group meandering out to their cars through the choir room window, and he sighed, looking up. Once again, he was alone. He missed Andrea, his female lead and best friend. She had quit Vocal Adrenaline just a few weeks into their senior year because of health problems—the doctor had pretty much told her she had to choose Vocal Adrenaline or her life, and surprisingly, Andrea had chosen her life. Jesse was unsure if even he would have made that choice, but she often said how much happier she was to have her life back. Jesse had had a slight taste of that freedom when he'd been with New Directions, and it was only now that he understood what Andrea had meant.
Grabbing his things, he jumped in his car and rushed to Wendy's, ordering his usual: a junior bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a frosty, then brought his meal back to the choir room and ate alone. God, he hated being alone. Even after Andrea had left, Shelby had spent her dinner break with him. Jesse found being alone to be the scariest thing, not because he feared, but because it was then when he would find his thoughts drifting off to Rachel Berry.
He laughed bitterly as his mind went back to that night at Shelby's when, for an instant, he believed he had fathered a child. Amidst all the panic and terror he had felt at that moment, there had been hope: hope that he would once more see Rachel and that, perhaps under the circumstances, she would forgive him and they would be in love again—but this had been a fleeting dream, and here he was, alone.
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An hour later, Jesse still sat, furiously, in his chair in the choir room. Vocal Adrenaline was purposely being insubordinate because they felt they could go against the wishes of their new "coach." He considered calling Shelby, but what good would that do, other than annoy a new mother who probably hadn't had much sleep, and, frankly, didn't care that much about the group anyway. He imagined the group, hanging out and laughing at a pizza place completely careless to the fact they hadn't invited Jesse. Things hadn't been so bad before Regionals—although he'd been welcomed back timidly (they were all still of the impression he had, in fact, left to follow the girl, despite how many times he assured them he'd been spying—Shelby had forbidden him from admitting the truth) they had still welcomed him back, and he had graciously accepted the lead in Bohemian Rhapsody. He'd gone out to get hot wings with a few of them one Thursday night, and everything had seemed back to normal. Although he hated to admit it, he knew exactly when the animosity started back up—when he'd been caught watching Rachel perform "Faithfully."
They'd been getting ready for their performance. They were last, which was god because they'd be freshest in the judges' minds. He'd told them he was running to make one last bathroom stop before they were to go on—but instead he snuck into the back of the theatre just as Rachel and Finn had made it to the stage, belting out Journey's "Faithfully." Rachel was flawless, as she always was, but Finn's performance was flawed, at best. He was pitchy, and his footwork seemed clumsy as he made his way across the stage. Jesse had to admit that the addition of the rest of the club as background vocals was creative, but he couldn't ignore the ridiculous faces that Finn made as he painfully screeched out the high notes. Rage seared through Jesse as he watched Rachel take Finn's hand and return to her place on the stage as they quickly changed gears into "Any Way You Want It." As the boys came forward and did (in Jesse's opinion) sloppy choreography, he had to wonder where he would have been placed if they'd kept him…well, if he hadn't left. Jesse felt guilty—their choreography looked unrehearsed…well, all except for Rachel, who performed the steps with expert grace. Jesse had been slightly taken aback when Puck had sung; he'd never known the teen to be much of a leading male. Clearly this section had been meant for him, Jesse deduced, and continued to watch the performance, wondering how much time he had left to watch before anyone became suspicious. Once more, the jealousy reared its head in Jesse's heart as he watched Rachel's hand trail dangerously close to Finn's lower half on a dance move. Jesse rolled his eyes in disappointment when they performed what appeared to be a "free-for-all" section; many of the girls were vogueing, the song ended and they spun. Jesse knew he would have to leave soon, but he couldn't help himself—he was incredibly curious as to their last song. Immediately he realized it was "Don't Stop Believing," and he found himself smiling—the song was incredibly appropriate for the situation. Once again Puck surprised him, and once again he deduced it was supposed to be him, but even more surprising was that of the snobby cheerleader. He'd had no idea she could sing…and she was decent! Once again, the choreography was sub-par, but they would get better in time, Jesse was sure. Suddenly, he felt a forceful hand on his arm.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Gisele asked him furiously. "We have less than two minutes!" she dragged him from the room, and Jesse turned to take one final look towards Rachel; she was dancing with the wheelchair kid, happier than he'd ever seen her before.
Jesse snapped out of his reverie—it was 7:30; this was ridiculous. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Gisele. It went to her machine, and Jesse rolled his eyes furiously.
"Where the hell are you? We have two weeks to Nationals, in case you guys forgot, so get your asses back here now," he growled, snapping his phone shut.
"Wow, Jesse. I've never seen you quite so spiteful," said a voice, and he spun. There was Andrea standing in the doorway, arms folded and a smile on her face. Jesse's eyes widened and he rushed over to her, enveloping her in a tight hug.
"Oh my god, Andi, I am so happy to see you," he exclaimed, beaming. "God, today has just been such hell," he added. Andrea frowned.
"Where's Shelby?' she asked.
"Probably changing diapers," Jesse hissed, and when Andrea looked at him confused, he added, "She adopted a kid." Andrea's eyes were wide.
"So…she just…left you?"
"I'm acting director for rehearsals, but she'll still come represent us at Nationals…if we're even ready by then. They all ditched because they think since I'm in charge it doesn't matter if we rehearse…and they want to do "Airplanes" at nationals. Can you believe that? Fucking "Airplanes." I mean, give me a break," Jesse rolled his eyes, while Andrea laughed. "How'd you do it, Andi?"
"Do what?" Andrea questioned, puzzled. Jesse turned to her.
"Give up everything you thought you wanted for something more important?" he sat back down in a plastic chair, and Andrea followed.
"I had to Jesse. I had to or I would have died. I was seventeen years old; I wasn't ready to hear something like that. But there it was, staring me in the face, and I had to stop. I had to give it up," she shrugged. "Sure, it sucked at first, but the benefits far outweighed the downsides."
"I just can't imagine being Shelby. I mean giving everything up, an entire lifestyle, just to have something you've always wanted. I mean, she told me she wanted to be a star, but she knows that's never going to happen…is that going to be me? Am I doomed to fail and am I going to regret everything I've chosen for myself?"
"Maybe," Andrea said. Her answer started Jesse, and he stared at the tile floor for a long time before he spoke.
"This used to make us so happy And. What happened?"
"What always happens? Life."
"I'm going to be out of here in a month," Jesse spoke with realization, "And then none of this is going to matter. It won't matter if I got a solo or not, if I was a superstar or not. No one is going to know and no one is going to care," he said. Andrea shrugged.
"It's complicated as hell, isn't it?" They laughed, and there was a clatter as the choir room door flew open and the laughing students poured back in. Andrea stood quickly, but it was too late—Gisele was already over to them.
"Oh, Andrea. Lovely to see you here," she said with a sneer. Andrea smiled politely, but her eyes said it all.
"You too Gisele," she turned to Jesse, "I should be going."
"Right," he said, and they began to walk towards the classroom door. "Get set up for "Prayer,"" Jesse instructed, and he leaned against the doorframe.
"Lovely girl," Andrea said sarcastically as she stared after Gisele. "She was all to happy to take my place, wasn't she?" Jesse just laughed.
"She's usually flat," he admitted, and Andrea snorted. "I'll see you around?" he questioned, and Andrea nodded.
"You know it," she said, waving. "Bye Jess."
"Bye And," he said, watching as she meandered down the hallway before turning back to the room. "Alright, five minutes of scales, now."
