Spock and Nyota had agreed to see Dr. McCoy as soon as he had a free night, so Spock strived to stay busy. He scheduled emergency maintenance on the warp core after an ensign reported strange noises emanating from it, even though he was pretty sure it was just Scotty enthusiastically reading the latest issue of Women with Wrenches. He helped analyse stool samples from the Enterprise's latest biological expedition. He even offered to fasten down all the objects in Kirk's ready room so that they wouldn't go flying every time the ship lost inertial dampening.
"Are you sure you do not require my assistance with any other matter?" Spock asked once they were finished, "Perhaps we could fasten down the objects in your quarters or perhaps maintenance is needed on other areas of the ship."
Kirk gave him a strange look and thought for a moment.
"You're acting strangely, Mr. Spock," he said, "Perhaps you should report to sickbay."
But that was where he was going to meet Nyota.
"I am trying to avoid Nyota," Spock admitted finally.
"And why would that be?" Kirk asked kindly, sounding slightly amused.
"Nyota wants me to have her baby," Spock said quickly, and Kirk's amusement turned to a grin.
"I suppose if you stay with any girl long enough, it always gets to that point," he said softly with a wink, "Although I never saw Nyota as the type to get there so quickly."
Kirk looked up, as if reminiscing.
"Jim," Spock interjected, "That is not what I mean. I have not suddenly become bad with pronouns."
Kirk stared at Spock for a moment, looking confused again, until his eyes became wide.
"What the heck?" he whispered.
And Spock found himself telling Kirk the entire story.
"That's your problem," Kirk interjected at one point, "You need to learn how to talk to your father. Whenever my mother asks why she doesn't have any grandchildren, I tell her that statistically speaking she probably does, and she doesn't ask any more questions."
Spock thought that that was unlikely to work with his father. Especially since he knew something about statistics.
"I don't know why you're so set on Nyota anyhow," Kirk said at another point, "I bet you could find another girl who's willing to have your children in a minute."
Spock had always thought that these were the type of girl he wanted to avoid.
"I would prefer to stay with Nyota," Spock stated mildly, "Even if it requires some concessions."
"Concessions?" Kirk spat "Don't you think you might be a little whipped, just a little?"
x x x x x
"You want me to do what?" Dr. McCoy asked. Nyota had just explained her preposition as Spock sat impassively at her side.
"Impregnate Spock," Nyota said calmly.
McCoy rolled his eyes, as if he already knew that much.
"And where did you even get such an idea?" he demanded, standing up.
"It was on Jerry Springer IX," Nyota replied.
The doctor looked flabbergasted.
"Aren't you supposed to aspire not to do things you see on Jerry Springer?" he asked.
Spock thought that this was a fair point, but Nyota looked irate.
"It's not my fault that our society is so backwards," she yelled at McCoy, standing up, "That men who contribute fairly to childbearing are on the same show as adulterous hate-criminals who prostitute themselves to pay for their trans-species operation!"
McCoy sat down looking mildly shell-shocked.
"And Spock, what do you think about this?" he asked finally.
"What she said," Spock said quietly, indicating Nyota.
x x x x x
"The first step," McCoy explained, "Is to make embryos. In a few days, we can implant them."
Spock and Nyota nodded in agreement.
"Spock," the doctor continued, sounding very professional, " I need you to take this cup into the back room and provide a semen sample. There are a couple of magazines in there if you need them."
"That will not be necessary," Spock replied, "I can use the power of my mind."
Nyota lowered her head and began to laugh quietly. Both men looked at her.
"This from a guy who had hundreds of issues of Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears stashed away in his quarters," she explained finally.
"Six million men subscribe to Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears," Spock replied defensively.
McCoy walked way slightly, and put his hands behind his back.
"But you still have every issue you've ever received," Nyota continued, "You have issues from before you were born!"
"They used higher quality photographic techniques in those days," Spock spoke quickly, "And ever since the destruction of Vulcan, the variety of models has been fairly limited."
Nyota gave him an unimpressed glare.
"And what about that Blood Fever stuff!" Nyota went on, "With couples having sex with like dead guys impaled on swords nearby with like crowds of family members watching."
"It is based on the ancient Vulcan ritual of—" Spock murmured.
"I don't care what it's based on," Nyota interjected, "It's some sick shit!"
"Can we focus on the matter at hand?" McCoy asked quickly, inserting himself into the conversation.
"Sure," Nyota said, with an air of superiority, "Just don't let him give you any of that 'power of his mind' crap."
Spock took the cup an annoyed tug and walked off wordlessly.
"Collecting eggs," he heard the doctor say in the distance, "Will require sticking a long needle up your ..."
Spock was glad that she was getting the butt end of things for once.
A/N: Please review if you get a chance. I love hearing back from people!
