yo. I really need to update my other stories, like seriously. But while you wait with baited breath, here's a heaping side order of failure to tide you over.
love yous.
He doesn't need you.
He doesn't want you.
He wants Carly, you can see it in his eyes.
You don't know why you always big up every little affectionate action he does towards you, as they clearly mean nothing and he wants Carly.
He wants Carly. You need to get that into your brain. You were 'best buds'. That's what you called yourselves, but let's face it, you were never really friends at all.
Because the only time you were really with him was because of Carly, without her you wouldn't even know the guy. Without her, he wouldn't even want to know you. You're just part of the package deal that you get when you fall in love with Carly.
You'd be stupid to think that it goes any deeper than that. You need to stop thinking about him, talking to him, seeing him. Because even though you don't want to, you do over think every little smile, every accidental touch, every laugh you have with him. And then he goes and worships at Carly's feet again and you just go home, act like nothing's wrong until you're in the safety of your own room and you can cry for a few hours, watch other peope's relationships on tv while emptying an ice cream bucket, sleep, and then wake up in the morning and pretend it's all okay.
But it never is, really.
You need to realize that he loves Carly and you're just that annoying girl that won't leave him alone. Seriously, you torment him so much you might as well just tattoo attention seeker, or desperate on your forehead.
Because that's what you need this to be over now. You can't take it fall into a hot, teary restless sleep, your duvet over your head, your own private world, and try not to think about tomorrow.
Because tomorrow, you're going to try to cut him out of you life.
Shoving a hair band into your curls and throwing on some of your usual clothes, you run outside and catch the bus to Ridgeway, your back pack slung over your shoulder. Your old vans squeak down the hall way, but you hold your head up high, like you're the girl who couldn't care less, and not the girl who cried for hours and ate her own body weight in ice cream last night. You hold your head up high like you mean something.
Even though, deep down, you know you don't.
You see him, standing at his locker, and he's talking to Carly. You convince yourself that you don't care and walk over there, and say hey to Carly. She says hey back, and Freddie nods at you, not even really looking in your direction, and you tear your eyes away from him, and give no response. He knows you saw him nod, and he just rolls his eyes.
'So, Sam, you coming over after school?'
'When don't I?' You ask, shoving your books into your locker.
'Freddie's coming over and we're gonna watch all of the iCarly episodes in like a kinda marathon. It was his idea, pretty sweet, huh?'
'Actually Carls, that sounds kinda boring. I think I'll just stay home tonight. There's probably something on TV.'
'What? You love watching our old episodes-'
'Well, I'm just not in the mood I guess.' You say, and then you give her a quick smile and dissapear without even looking at Freddie's expression. But as you walk away, you hear him comment, 'Well, it'll be even more fun with just the two of us.' In a lame way to bust-a-move. You exit the school even before first bell to go home, tears running down your face. But you don't cry all day.
You just... Lose all have no tears left, so you walk around in a state of numbness. And that night, you don't even get a text from Carly or 're too numb to care.
Right?
He shows up at your door.
At first you think you're going crazy, or its some kind of messed up dream, but nope, he's here, in the flesh.
And he looks so gorgeous. You nearly smile, but then you remember, you're cutting him out of your life. You watch him through the banisters as your mom answers the door.
'Uh. Hi?' Your mom asks. Of course she doesn't know any of your friends, apart from Carly. In this situation however, it's quite useful.
'Hey, is Sam here? Could I please speak to her?' He asks politely. You roll your eyes, he's so PERFECT all of the time.
'Who are you?' Your mom asks.
'Freddie.'
'Wait one sec.' She hold's up a bony finger. Swirving around, she calls up the stairs to you, 'PUCKETT, GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWN HERE. THERE'S SOME GUY CALLED FREDDIE HERE TO SEEYOU.' And then you have a flash of inspiration. Maybe you can make him feel as hurt as he makes you feel. All it takes is just one question, so you call, sounding confused, '...Freddie who?'
You hear him suck in the air, in a small gasp, and murmers, 'Benson,' to your mother before she can even ask.
'BENSON!' She make sure to wait a minute before replying, 'Uh... OH, him. What does he want?' In a disgusted tone. Your mom starts to get impatient with this little game, and so she justs sends him up, with a small warning about you, which for you, is an added bonus to this plan. It's like he's a total stranger. He shuffles up the stairs, and you manage to dart into your room before he can see you. You jump on the bed and look casual as he strides over, after shutting your bedroom door.
'What the hell? Freddie who? You've known me years and years Sam.'
'Did you come here to yell?' You ask, glaring at him.
'That kinda hurt my feelings!' He presists, and you roll your eyes and murmur a, 'Whatevz.'
'Sam, do you hate me or something?'
'Of course.' You say, not making eye contact, staring at the floor.
He snarls and says, 'Y'know, I'm only here cause Carls was worried about you. I don't know why I bother.'
'Neither do I.' You say without hesitation.
'Why are you such a bitch, Sam? What did I ever do to you?'
'You think I'm not this way with every annoying person? You think you just get special treatment? Like you're the only one I hate? Well guess what... You're not. So suck it up, and leave as you so clearly want to.' You snap, standing up and opening your bedroom door for him. He looks hurt for a second but soon snaps out of it.
'Why am I annoying?'
'You just are.'
'What's annoying you, Sam?'
'EVERYTHING about you.' You say, shoving him out of your room and slamming the door. He pushes his way back in and locks the door behind him.
'That's not an answer. Sam, we've been friends for years. Just tell me why you seem to hate me so much.'
'Because you're so... Full of your self. You act like you think you're God's gift, like even though Carly constantly turns you down, you're too good for any other girl, like just because you're smart you're better than everybody, when in reality you're just a STUPID nerd. And that's why I hate you.' You say in a rush, and then try to make a dash to unlock your door. He catches you by your waist and looks you in the eyes.'That's not fair.' He says softly. You could nearly cry, because he's trying to FLIRT you into saying sorry, and by God it's nearly working. But you know the routine, he'll flirt, make you feel special, you'll give in, and then he'll go straight back to Carly and you'll be pushed to the back ground again. You seriously can't take it anymore.
'Get out of my house. You disgust me.' You whisper, and his puppy dog face flickers into a suprised one.
'Sam...'
'JUST STOP IT!' You yell, and he looks worried as you drop onto your bum and furiously scrub away the tears falling out of your eyes.
'Stop what? Sam, what's going on?'
'You! You never give me a break! I know you don't like me, so stop flirting with me! Stop using that as a way to get what you want! It's not fair and I hate you for it! I hate you! You're such a fucking bastard!' You scream, and he stands over you in shocked silence. Seconds tick by, all that can be heard is the clock and your deep breathing as you try to stop the tears. You peek up at him, and he's gaping down at you, so you growl and get up.
'Please, just go. I can't... Deal with... Freddie, leave. You already made me cry, something that's pretty hard to do, so just... Just, please.'
'I can't go now.' He says, looking at you with a torn expression.
'I can take care of myself.' You whisper, glaring at him.
'Sam, I'm so sorry that-'
'That you don't like me?' You finish, looking him straight in the looks at the floor in silence.'That's okay. Just go. I'm fine.' You say in a voice that dares him to argue. He unlocks the door and walks out. You slide to the floor again with a bump and bury your head with in your hands. He comes running back in, hearing the bump. He see's you crying on the floor and rushes over to cradle you.
'Sam, look... I don't care what you say... I can't leave you like this-'
'Don't touch me!' You snap, clawing out of his hold. 'I don't want you to touch me! It's all lies! It'll just get my stupid hopes up like always and then... I can't get hurt anymore! Just let me get over you!' You kick him away, but he reaches for you and whispers, 'Sam... I like you back.'
'No you don't! You like Carly!' You growl, trying to push him off, to no avail.
'I know... I don't know what to do. I like you both, I guess...'
'No, you don't. You're trying to make me feel better. You're in love with Carly and I'd rather you just tell me that than lie about it.' You snap, and he goes rigid.
'I... I haven't said I'm in love with Carly for a very long time...' He ponders, and you stop scrambling to look up at him quizzically.
'What?' You ask, and he sighs.
'If I think about it... I don't love her... I always assumed I did but... I don't. I can't imagine going out with her now... We're so alike... I could be her brother...' He keeps thinking, and you sniff in his hold.
'Stop lying, Freddie. You. Love. Carly.'
'I don't love her!'
'Well fine, but you do LIKE her.' You sits in silence again, and you can tell he's really thinking things over.
'I... I can't believe I'm about to say this... But I think... I think I'm over her. It sounds bad but, I just thought about which would be worst, losing you or her... And I would be more upset if I lost you. And then I thought about who I would rather date... And I think I would want to date you...' He says, sounding puzzled.
'What?'
'I mean, why wouldn't I? You're crazy, funny, beautiful, smart, sexy, and we go on so many adventures...' You sit up and look him in the eyes.
'Freddo...'
'I need to think things through.' He concludes, before getting up to leave. He gives you a final hug, his arms snaking around your waist, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles on your back, and suddenly, he leans down to place a soft kiss on your cheek. You blush, and he leaves with a quiet, 'S'later.'
Three hours later, and your phone rings. You're sitting on the park in the dark, and you don't expect it. It makes you jump, and you don't even bother checking the caller ID. 'What is it?' You ask into the phone, hoping it's not your mom, because she'll just moan about your tone of voice.
'Sam.' It was Freddie.
'Ugh.'
'Look, I know you're upset with me-'
'I was actually hoping we could just forget everything. You know, pretend like it never happened... Go back to normal.' You murmur hurridly.
'Sam... I don't wanna do that. Where are you? Home?'
'The park.' You say gruffly, and you hear him sigh.
'In the dark? You could get into all sorts of trouble and-'
'You coming or not?' You snap, even though you know he's looking out for you. You don't even wanna know why you feel like you need to see him at the moment.
'Of course, I'm already half way there. Stay safe till I get there, at least.' He asks, and you nod, it's not like he can see you, but you do it anyway. Snapping your phone shut, you go and sit on the round about. You push yourself around with your feet. and feel the wind blow your curls a little. Ugh, you hate him. Why are you still here? Why did you tell him where you are? Why do you wanna see him after you told him how you felt? You're stupid, that's why.
He's behind you, you can hear him chuckling.
'Seriously, what are you laughing at, dork-'
He shuts you up with his lips pressing yours.
Hey, it's better than talking.
YO CLIFF HANGER, KINDA. Well, i couldn't find it in me to finish it, but yeah he decides he likes her, and the rest is history blah blah blah... Don't get me wrong, they're so cute together, but this story got boring fast. I'm so into writing Sam angst, I need to do something different. Freddie angst? YEYE, on it like a bonnet, in the words of the amazing Russell Brand.
R&R I would be so honoured my dearies.
