Convoluted
CHAPTER 2
Maybe I should start at the beginning of this mess.
I was a good fifteen and eleven months. Maybe a little less than that.
I accomplished the art of being a full fledged Animagus towards the end of February. That was just after one full moon, so we thought we'd surprise Moony on his birthday.
After that, I forced Sirius and Pete into a fully intensive course and we accomplished it in a fortnight. Perhaps Moony felt alone during those few days, but we wanted the results of those final legs to be a surprise.
And it was. It was the most emotionally conflicting day of his life, March 11th 1976.
The proudest day of mine. When I went as far to feel assured that I was a good person.
I think we, Sirius and I in particular, became a little too ahead of ourselves after this success. I know I went around feeling quite clever, knowing that my results didn't matter since I'd already been through the toughest known branch of Transfiguration.
Stuck up prig.
Usually at the age of sixteen, most people are extremely insecure. By simply being confident, we stood out. Our already high social status skyrocketed.
Lily called us arrogant and narcissistic.
I suppose it got into our heads a little.
And I went all out in my year long quest for my Lily-Flower.
Which, obviously, only succeeded in making her hate me more. If only if I was as good with her as I was at illegal magic.
(And even idiots could deal with girls. Lily had a boyfriend once who had a straight running A-for-Acceptable average.)
Needless to say, I never understood it. So I bragged and boasted. To show her I was smart, talented and better than whatever boy she stuck with.
Very clever, that.
She never was mean to Severus Snape though, so I hated him loads.
Then one day I saved his life. In an event that nearly wrecked my friendship with Sirius, I saved his life.
On Remus' behalf.
I got really mad with Sirius. He nearly made our best mate a killer. And killing was one of Remus' biggest fears. That and after staying with Remus for years, I wouldn't have curse lycanthropy on anyone.
SNIVELLIUS of course thought I took part in that ploy to have him killed. He thought I had chickened out and helped him to avoid guilt-and claim credit.
I was extremely insulted.
So between a guilt-wrecked Sirius, a snivelling creep, I hexed Snape no end to cheer Sirius up while getting my revenge.
Which ended up in that major screw up Sirius calls The Squid Incidence. See, Snape was...well, walking about as usual and it was during the OWL period. Sirius and I, frankly, were quite stressed due to the recovering friendship strain and out other two friends' endless worrying.
Actually, what Sirius said was that he was bored.
So I hexed Snape. Yeah. I did.
Nasty bigger deserved it too.
Evans played the usual heroine and defended Snivelly. She didn't know the background story of course. Snape was forbidden to tell-and goodness knows, with us trying to get her attention so much,
and Remus being her friend
I think she had her suspicions about the werewolf part of it already anyway.
It would have been risky to allow her to even try to guess the rest.
I wanted to tell her so that she would admire me even though it was selfish but I didn't though I thought of it way too much and it was wrong.
Self-centred urges crossed my mind.
So really, I had been hacked off. I was bordering on hopelessness by then. I thought I would ask her out just once more and give up.
The circumstances were rather unfortunate.
So, I bullied Snape. Who darn right deserved it.
Evans had to be a saint though. She went to stand up for the bastard.
I threatened to hex her.
And wasted my chances.
I think that proved in her head that I wouldn't hesitate to hurt the people I claimed to like. I incriminated myself with that.
Snivellius went a step further.
He called my Lily a mudblood. A mudblood. I hate to even think the word. Lily helped him. Lily cared, Lily loved, and I would have done anything to have her feel that way about me.
Although, I'm not sure they didn't have a small rift going on back then. I think she was suspicious of him.
But what happened was . My. Fault.
It was. Not entirely, but yes.
She yelled at me then. Usually I'd yell back. It was an Evans/Potter tradition. But I didn't.
She said I was as bad as Snape. Even though I never, never would have used a biased, idealistic word like that. Never. My parents brought me up better. I was better than that.
But she said I was. She said she'd rather date the giant squid than me. She said that I was bad, horrible. As bad.
It hurt. Because I didn't want to be bad. Because I wanted to be good and for her to think I was good and understand me and know me so that I could love her and she could love me back.
It didn't matter, really. That was when I gave up on her for a while.
I'm a liar liar liar and I lie to myself.
As you can see, it was going to a long journey getting her to go out with me.
Tedious too. And honestly, not so long. It happened in the same school, same place... Yes?
Emotionally straining and filled with pessimism. I didn't believe she would ever hold me in good light for anything at all.
For a while, she really didn't.
A/N: Hello all. We (FreezingPenguins and I) were both waiting for each other, so yeah. Long chapter in the making. Deliberate delays and all that.
Please review! And get the Take That Progressed EP/re-release if you haven't already! Though The Circus, we've agreed, is always going to be the best TT album.
Again, run on sentences intentional. And the entire fic is official disclaimed. It wouldn't be here is JKR didn't give fanfictions her blessing.
AND OH GOSH WE WATCHED HPDH2! :D I loved it, but FreezingPenguins thought it wasn't dramatic enough and that Pansy was too pretty. She thinks Hermione as Bellatrix was pure gold though. I agree! Helena is a freaking genius. Neville became so heroic. FP hated the ending. I didn't quite warm to it either. AND THEY MISSED OUT FRED'S DEATH :O How could they! And Draco's role was too minor. So I couldn't stare endless at his 3D hotness – because it WASN'T endless. Ah well. Go watch it anyway
