DISCLAIMER: I do not own Undertale or the characters, I do own, I suppose, the OC's.
WARNINGS: Same as last chapter.
This fic is also posted on Ao3 under my pen name Melas, so no, this is not a stolen work. I am not that much of a bitch.
NOTE: obviously I'm messing around with the geography of earth a tad, seeing as there is no Mt. Ebott in Asheville, North Carolina. I think. Anyways! This is fiction, FAN-fiction and as Cartman from South Park once said, "I do what I want."
Respone to my guest reviewer, Trashly, will be at the bottom.
Enjoy.
Voodoo Powers of Bullshit.
Chapter 2
It should be a rule. A law. A God damn decree! Never allow Devon Hines to wander off by himself. Otherwise shit goes down, hard. And when shit goes down around you it tends to go down like the Hindenburg.
Too soon?
Nah.
After your group of three left the restaurant you all went back to the "Mom Van" and made your way up to a designated parking area up on Mt. Ebott. You decided to sit in the middle row of seats this time around so you could make sure that Ryan actually did get all of your hiking gear.
Accurately guessing your intentions for sitting there Ryan spoke to you while he backed the car out of it's spot, "While your back there can you get….can you pretty please get my the trail mix out. We have a twenty minute ride ahead of us and traffic might be a bitch."
You nodded and casually threw out your automated response of, "Language," and began to carefully dig through his bag while Devon snorted at Ryan. "We literally just ate, you truly are a bottomless pit."
"I'm a big boy who needs a constant stream of food to keep this temple going."
"If that's the case then I vote we stop feeding you so hopefully you'll just stop growing. You're tall enough as it is, Sasquatch."
You smiled at their meaningless conversation. Once you found the trail mix baggie you moved to pass up the requested snack, that Ryan actually made himself, before you paused and stared dubiously at the mushrooms in it. You shrugged once to yourself and threw them onto the driver's lap before you continued on with you self assigned task of making sure the bags were properly packed.
Upon a close inspection of all bags you felt secure that you and your friends could spend a solid week out in the wilderness and survive. You sat back in your seat, content, and felt that you should let Ryan know.
"You did good. I trained you well."
Ryan's eye looked at you through the rear-view mirror, his expression screaming how unamused he felt. You grinned.
Devon smirked, reached over to pat Ryan on top of his head and proceeded to talk to him as if he were a dog, "Who's a good boy? You are! Yes you are!"
Ryan growled, shook his head to dislodge the shorter guys hand and turned his eyes back to the road while still talking to you, "_, you pack too much shit. Like, why the fuck do we need to carry a tent in each bag? It's fucking ridiculous."
You could see Devon's head nod in agreement.
You sniffed in mild irritation and crossed your arms, "Always be prepared for the unexpected. You never know when you'd get separated from the group and have to survive alone. It's better to be over prepared than under-prepared and dead."
This time it was Devon who questioned your need to be prepared as he turned around in his seat to look back at you, "But is it really necessary to pack clothes for, like, every, season? What do you think will happen? Sunshine and rainbows one minute, intense rain the next, followed by a spontaneous blizzard?"
You nodded sharply. "Yes. That happened back in Colorado, I don't see why it can't happen here."
Your friends both looked at you with a judging stares.
You glared at them. "Don't judge me. One day ya'll gonna be thankful for my over preparedness. Just you wait."
This time Devon glared at you and grumbled as turned back around to face forward, "You better not of jinxed us somehow."
Ryan rolled his eyes, "The day we actually need to use all that shit is the day I stop being a disappointment to my father."
Devon nodded, "And the day that my dad realizes that my step-mom is the wicked bitch of the west."
You shook your head at your friends comments then gently smiled. They may have fun ribbing you on your packing habits, but they understood why you did it. Why you had to basically pack a small house into your hiking bag. It was just too far ingrained into your psyche to stop.
Your stepfather made sure of that…...
You shook your head roughly, as if to shake away your thoughts. It seems you've been do that a lot lately. After blinking a couple times you noticed the car turning into the designated parking area at the base of Mt. Ebott.
Once parked, and camping equipment strapped onto your backs, you started up a path. The path you followed was one you all knew like the back of your hands, so when Devon momentarily stopped playing Pokemon Go and dropped his camping gear, you weren't worried when he ran off with a yell of, "HARCORE PARKOUR!"
Your shorter guy friend ran right at a rock that about reached his waist in height. He extended his left hand when he was just under a foot from it, placed it on the top, shifted his weight from his feet to his shoulder, launched his body off the ground, and kicked his outer leg sideways as he went over the obstacle. Once he touched the ground he ran towards a tree, kicked off it, and used his new found height to grab a thick branch of a neighboring tree. Devon easily pulled himself up, sat on the branch, and pulled out his phone.
You chuckled and followed him, putting your phone away and dropping your gear. You repeated his moves exactly. As you dangled on the branch you noticed you had no room to pull yourself up. You glared at the chuckling young man sitting above you.
"Scoot your caboose," You just about snarled out.
"Okay." Your friend scooted closer to you, almost sitting on your hands.
Your eye twitched, "The other way, please."
"Okay." And he was back in his original spot.
Ryan was snickering as he passed your tree by, easily carrying both your's and Devon's dropped equipment to the base of the tree before he continued on without you guys
Eh. You mentally shrugged as he walked further away.
The dude may have long legs, but he was a slow walker, so much so that you were positive that a snail could win in a race against him. You knew that if he wandered too far out of your sight you'd find him quickly later.
Turning your attention back to your remaining, more annoying, friend you began to shift your weight to violently shake the branch.
Devon gave a soft, very unmanly, squeal and frantically held on to the branch, phone almost falling to the ground, "Yo! Knock it off, ya wanna snap it?"
"If you want to live, move over and let me up then!"
"Fine, you little psychopath." Devon grumbled but moved over to make enough room for you to pull yourself up.
"Jerk." You murmured.
Devon huffed, "Bitch," then went back to staring at his immobile character and putting up an incense to attract any nearby Pokemon.
Once you situated yourself safely on the branch you began to plan your petty revenge. You made sure to wait until he had a Pokemon ready for capture, finger ready to swipe, when you punched him in the shoulder.
His pokeball went flying off screen and the Pokemon ran off.
Devon squawked in indignation and rubbed his arm, "Ow! Damn it _ that was a dick move! You made me lose a master ball and a rapidash. I don't have a flaming stead! Couldn't you have waited for when I had, like, a pidgey, or somethin'? I have too many of those damned sky rats."
You laughed in reply while you leaned your back against the trunk of the tree and got out your phone to continue playing the game. You took Devon's idea and put up an incense while said friend continued to mumble and pout about his misfortune as he carefully edged further down the branch, away from you. Luckily the branch was large and long enough for him to do so without the threat of the branch breaking under both of your combined weights.
Not even five minutes of peaceful, nature filled, silence passed before Devon broke it.
"Hey, _."
You hummed in question without looking up.
"I have a question, it's pretty important."
You finally looked up to see your friend staring at a loose strand of string on the hem of his shirt that he was fiddling with.
You grew mildly concerned at the nervousness that your friend seemed to be portraying. "What is it, Devon? Something wrong"
Devon sighed and looked at the branches above both of you, "No. I just…. I just wanted to know." Another sigh and then he turned his head to look at you, face very serious.
"Why did the tree have so many friends?"
You narrowed your eyes at him, all sense of concern and worry evaporated before he even finished his sentence. Your voice grew flat, "I swear I will push you out of this tree."
Your friend ignored you and began to wildly smile, "Well then, if you're not gonna answer I'll just have'ta tell ya! It's because he branched out!" And he began chortling at his pathetic pun.
Ryan, who had stopped to sit on a fallen log not even five feet away and was close enough to hear Devon, sighed heavily and looked up to the sky and yelled, "Queen Latifah give me strength!" before he got up and continued his way slowly down the path.
Reluctantly you snorted, and your lips twitched in a wanna be smile, but you forced it down. You extended your leg and pushed Devon. He fell off the branch, but the moment he hit the ground he smoothly rolled away from where he landed. He stood up, turned around to flip you off before grabbing his gear and running after Ryan.
Distantly you could hear the two converse.
"Ryan _'s being mean to me!" Devon whined.
"You deserved it."
"Rude!"
Before you could jump off and go after them your phone dinged. Looking down at it you noticed that a text came in. You smiled when you read who it was from. You hadn't heard from Amanda in a while, which was odd since she was your closest girl, and actually oldest, friend. She was the oldest sister you never had and you despaired when you moved from Colorado to North Carolina, leaving her behind. While you two kept in constant contact it just wasn't the same, but when it came time to decide which college to go too Amanda picked one in your state.
Sadly, she couldn't go to your school seeing as her parents refused to help her pay for college unless she went Duke University. You were thoroughly surprised when your longtime friend actually went along with what her parents wanted for once in her life, she was always butting heads with them.
You blinked rapidly a couple times, what was wrong with you today? Getting lost in thought so often was really unlike you.
You focused on the text and read:
From: Amanda the Sass Master.
- Heyya Boo, what're you and the two goons doing this fine, fine day? Hopefully nothing to mature. Because I thought you'd know that I'm suppose to be your first. ;)
Your snorted and shook your head.
Message Sent:
- Ryan decided to take us all camping, we're up on Mt. Ebott and headin to the old hang.
From: Amanda the Sass Master.
- Really? The King of Laziness has gotten off his throne to go outside and you didn't bribe him with your sweet sweet body?
Message Sent:
- He heard that a dragonite was rumored to be in the area. So he thought he'd take Dev and I with him on a spontaneous pokemon adventure.
From: Amanda the Sass Master.
- Of course thats why McNerd Bird would leave his nest. anyways sounds romantic. Why don't I tag along, we could make it a foursome. Devon might object, but that's what gags are for.
You rolled your eyes, same old Amanda. She couldn't go two seconds without slipping an innuendo or some sexual reference in somewhere. One just had to ignore the sex talk to decode a message from her.
Sent Message:
- Sure! That would be great! We haven't seen eachother for months. How about you round up the rest of the gang and just make it a spontaneous vaca for us all?
As you waited for a reply you deftly got out of the tree, hardly making a sound when you landed, grabbed your bag and made your way down the path towards your friends. Who you could still vaguely hear snarking back and forth.
You finally caught up to the, now silent, pokemon hunting duo and they made room for you to walk between them when Amanda's next text finally came in.
From: Amanda the Sass Master.
- Your wish is my command, my beloved! We should all be there sometime tomorrow morn. Even if I have to kidnap everyone one and lock them in the trunk.
You smiled and pocketed you phone.
"Hey guys, Amanda's going to round up the gang and bring 'em up here."
Devon let out a joyful whoop from your left, "Yes! We're getting the band back together!"
Ryan, too, let out a whoop of joy, "AH HA! I FOUND YOU, YOU LITTLE FUCKER! YOU'RE MINE NOW!"
You stumbled in shock from Ryan's holler from your right. You turned to look at him, "Want to be any louder? I don't think China heard you."
Devon was rubbing at his right ear as he look at your manically happy friend, "What are you yelling about now McGee?"
"A DRAGONITE IS NEARBY!" Ryan cackled as he quickly walked off the trail in an attempt to find the sought after digital creature, "I'MMA MAKE IT MY BITCH! MAKE IT BOW BEFORE THE POKEMON MASTER THAT I AM! HAHAHAHAA!"
"You're insane McCreepy!" Devon called after him.
You watched Ryan as he disappeared into the foliage, "Be careful there might be poison ivy."
"No mere leaf will keep me from becoming a Pokemon master!" Ryan called over his shoulder.
Devon cupped his hands around his mouth to project his voice, "If they get in your way just tell them to leaf you alone!"
"I hope you fall down the mountain." You deadpanned as you debated if you should follow after your taller friend or once again punch the punny one.
"What, like you did in outdoor lab?" Devon snarked back and smirked at you.
Your eye twitched at the reminder that you once fell and rolled down a mountain back in Colorado on a school camping trip. You would forever be thankful to that aspen tree that stopped your constant rolling, but you would forever despise the child who videotaped the entire ordeal.
"That was one time, and you weren't even there." You noticed the dragonite hunter nearly stumble into a tree, his eyes intently glued to his phone, "Ryan! Look where you're going!" Worried for your friends physical health you carefully followed after him.
"I've got it!" Ryan said as he disappeared behind a couple of trees and out of your line of sight.
Not even a minute passed before you heard a loud snap followed by a thump.
"SON OF A BITCH TITTIES! MEDIC! I NEED A MEDIC!"
You swiftly left behind a laughing Devon, who was still on the path, and headed towards your cursing friend. You made your way around the trees that Ryan vanished behind, and had a hard time stifling your chuckles when you found your friend face first on the ground with one foot stuck in a fallen, decaying, log.
"You okay there Ryan?" You asked as you knelt next to the log and began to carefully break away the dead bark that pierced his skin.
Ryan's voice was muffled as he replied, "I'm just fan-fucking-tastic. What the hell do you think? "
You smiled as you chipped away the last of the wood, allowing Ryan to sit up and turn towards you, "I'm just going to assume your trip wasn't very nice then, huh?"
His eyes narrowed at you, "FUCK YOU!"
You tsked, "Language, plus you don't have to shout at me," you quickly took out a first aid kit from your bag and retrieved disinfectant and bandages, "you're just mad at the fact that you know you should of listened to me."
You began to clean and disinfect the minuscule abrasions on Ryan's ankle as Ryan, very maturely, stuck his tongue out at you.
Ryan hissed out in slight pain as the disinfectant worked it's magic, "I'm pissed that Devon has infected you with his punny ways."
"Language."
"I can say piss if I want! Everyone takes a piss. You take a piss, I need to piss, Devon pisses me off. I will not confirm to your narrow minded, censorship filled views!"
You narrowed your eyes in thought, "I am beginning to believe you're on something at this moment."
"... You can't prove jackshit."
You sighed in exasperation, "You drove while high?"
"No. I drove on the ground."
The face Ryan wore was so serious you had a hard time figuring out if he was joking or not.
Another sigh left you, "Are you high right now, or are you just pulling my leg?"
Ryan ignored your question to ask his own. "Hey, where's Devon? Wait a minute." He began frantically looking around him, "Where's my phone? FOR FUCKS SAKE!" Turning around and getting onto his hands and knees he started frantically patting at the grass and leaf riddled ground for his missing device.
"My dragonite nooooooooo! I was so close! So close, yet so far."
Biting your lip in mirth you took out your own phone and called the missing cell. Pretty soon your friends high pitched ringtone went off.
Let me out I'm stuck in your pocket! Let me out I'm stuck in your pocket!
The two of you followed the annoyingly amusing ringtone to a nearby bush. Quickly, Ryan snatched up the easily seen phone, ignored you call, and went back to looking for digital creatures.
"Yus! It's still here! Somewhere….. Probably over a rainbow, way up high."
You one again watched you friend walk off with a amused look upon your face. You shook your head at your friends antics. This game was going to get you all killed, you could see it now. You made to move after your wandering friend when a glint from the bush that Ryan's phone was in caught you eye.
Turning towards it you knelt down and grabbed a small pair of wire framed glasses. For a brief moment in time you were confused on how someone could lose something as important as an instrument that helps one see, especially so far off the path, but then it truly hit you.
The glasses were small.
So small.
Almost child sized…..
Hastily you dug the missing flyer from out of your pockets and you looked at the youthful face. A face that was wearing the exact pair of glasses you held within you hands.
"Oh. Oh fuck a duck."
As fast as you could, without toppling over due to your backpacks weight, you stood up and followed the fading footsteps of your taller friend.
"Ryan! Ryan get back here now, we need to go!"
You heard what must've been stumbling somewhere ahead of you.
"Damn it woman, what do you want, I'm so close!"
"Where's Devon, we need to call the police."
The footsteps stopped and you finally caught up to Ryan, who looked down at you with worried filled eyes.
"Did you find a body? Did your voodoo powers work their voodoo magic?"
You held up the glasses you found and the flyer side by side and you watched as your friends naturally pale face get even paler. Ryan gulped and logged out of his game. Without a word the two of you swiftly head back to the trail only to find it sans Devon.
Ryan stomped his foot once at the lack of Devon in his sights, "Fuck me sideways. Devon, where did your skinny ass go?"
You hollered as you tried to call your missing companion, only to go straight to voicemail, "Hines! Where you at Hines!?"
Before either of you could utter another sound a high pitched girly, recognizable, scream echoed through the air and the sounds of heavy steps quickly made their way towards the both of you. Two pairs of eyes snapped towards the ruckus only to see a dashing Devon being chased by a giant black bear from down the path.
You gulped, eyes bulging, and only had time to say, "Ohhhh...frak," before you turned tail alongside Ryan and ran up the path. Any bear safety tips you possible knew disappeared as you and the two guys ran for your lives.
Ryan seemed to have enough air in his lungs to yell, "What the hell did you do!?"
"I'M SORRY! I PANICKED OKAY!" Devon yelled back.
The three of you run until you reach a slight cliff, you all only hesitate for mere moments before jumping off it.
"I DON'T WANNA BE A STATISTIC!" You screamed as you all but slide down the mountain slope.
"I DON'T WANNA BE BEAR SHIT!" Devon cried from behind you.
"I JUST WANTED TO CATCH A DRAGONITE!" That was Ryan. Damn you Ryan. If you died, you were gonna haunt his ass.
"WHOSE GONNA CLEAR MY BROWSER HISTORY IF YOU TWO DIE WITH ME!"
Fuck you Devon, you were gonna hunt his ass too.
NOTE: First parkour move described; speed vault.
Comments, questions, concerns, haikus, or poems?
To my guest reviewer, Trashly. I happy you like it so far, and I hope I did't lose you in this chapter or in the next ones. So far it seems I have done my job on the "endearing and comical" aspect of the trio. I basically try to have the Reader as another OC, just without a name and truly defining physical characteristics. Honestly a part of me didn't feel like coming up with a name for the Reader because every name I came up with sounded to Marry-Sue to me, plus on Ao3 (where this fic started out) Reader Inserts are pretty popular and I wanted to try my hand at one.
Hopefully the Reader, or the story in general, doesn't get to cringey, and if it does please do not be afraid to call me to task.
Until next time!
