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Chapter 2

It's been two weeks since I last heard and saw from the…people I left behind. It's been so horrible and miserable. I haven't eaten well, if barely, and I can't sleep at night without having to dream about him.

You might say I would want to sleep as much as possible if I get to see him in my dreams. As everyone says, dreaming of the one you love is the best thing for anyone in love who are far away from each other. Yes, even the ones who are broken hearted.

I would too, if I had the dreams that were Supposed to make me want to sleep all night and day.

But the sad truth is…they aren't.

These dreams torment me, torture me like nothing else could.

They all start the same way; Kurama walks past the apartment door in which I now live in. I stare at him in shock, disbelief; sure that he was a figment of my imagination.

It seems like we stare at each other for what seems like eternity, before I begin to cry and stumble towards him. I go with hopes that we can be together again, joy that he would search and come for me, regret at the stupidest thing I could've ever done, and remorse at what I had done.

I run towards him, about to hug him…when he gives a small step back. Just a little itty bitty small step, that could've meant nothing to anybody else.

To me…it was the world crumbling down, completely destroyed by anguish and suffering.

That small step said it all.

We wouldn't get together, we wouldn't…

After that, it all goes down. The dream turns for the worse.

Images of him beating me, torturing me, shouting hateful things, calmly saying how much he despises me, how much he wished we'd never met…those images replay every night when I go to sleep.

The worst part of the dreams, however, are not the torture scenes. There was something worse, something terrifying that made the dream-me crumble down and feel like nothing would ever be right and sane ever again...

Hearing Kurama say that he'd already found someone else, someone better than me, more worthy of his time and more EVERYTHING, as he shouted a thousand times at me in my dreams, made me break apart. My mind would stop functioning; everything seized to exist and I was just an empty shell.

Not even when he would slash at me with his rose whip, would I move or make a sound.

Everything becomes a blur after that, and I can't remember anything else until he leaves to go back to the other woman.

I wake up at that point, screaming and crying hysterically. Undeniably hurt and too far lost in mind, to stop screaming. At least, no one lives close enough to hear me scream at night…

Those are my dreams. I can't stand to sleep or even bare the thought of it. If I sleep, I know I'm going to dream about him…

Maybe, just maybe, leaving him was a bad idea. But what's done is done, and can't be undone. I must keep on going.

I don't think trying to forget him…will be an easy thing. By the way I'm faring right now, it would seem that it was better to have stayed instead of leaving. But no matter how it seems or what I'm going to suffer, I know I will heal.

And trying to forget Kurama may be impossible but… I am a strong person, that's what I have to remember. No matter how hard or tough it's going to get, I have to at least try. And even if I don't forget him, I have to heal my heart from all the agony inflicted upon it all this years with Kurama's near death experiences and wounds. I have to get the pain and worry, the stress and frustration, the sadness and trauma out of my heart.

Recovering will be a long process, but…

I'll take it one step at a time.


A warning: I'm writing the chapters as they come to mind, so theres no brainstorm or anything. I just take it out of my head and write it down.

So if theres anything that is different, sorry for that and you can tell me. I'll go back and check it out…maybe, if I'm not too lazy. .

Any questions you have, write them in a review.

R&R!