Chapter Two
Kagami-okaasan!
Konata was starting to get irritated. How hard was Kagamin going to make her look before she made her presence obvious? For the past two hours she had been combing the city streets within a one mile radius of the hotel, constantly dashing back and forth to her room on the fourth floor where she would always find Miyugi and Tsukasa resting beneath the sleep-inducing warmth of the kotatsu with half lidded eyes as they went on and on with idle conversation. But not once in the five or six times she barged into her room did she see any sign of Kagami. She would have asked someone for help—maybe one of her classmates and if it came down to it she'd even go to Miss Kuroi—but as Satoshi had pointed out it was sort of her fault her purple haired companion was missing she thought it'd be best to not bother the others with this.
And so, for the seventh time that night, she found herself sprinting down four flights of stairs with her long blue hair swishing behind her head with each sharp turn she made on the way down to the lobby. On her face was plastered a look of unyielding determination, one that could inspire both awe and fear. This quest to find Kagami started off as a guilt-induced one. After seeing the state she put Kagami in she knew she wouldn't be able to rest easy until she knew she was safe. But after she had made her third trip to and from the hotel, her noble quest for reconciliation was transformed into a conquest of sorts. She felt like Kagami had issued her a challenge by hiding so well from her and it was a challenge she meant to meet head on and to crush utterly. Normally it was very easy for Konata to track that girl down but tonight was…different. Maybe Konata was off her game? No, no that wasn't it. She hastily dismissed that unpleasant thought with a shake of her head. Kagami was just particularly…on her game tonight.
She zipped down the last flight of stairs and burst through the door leading into the lobby, knocking down one of her classmates with the door but she only glanced back at her victim briefly as she raced on by.
"Ow!" he yelped, "H-hey! What the heck Izumi!"
"Sorry Sebastian!" she called back to poor Minoru as his classmates rushed to help him off the ground.
As she bolted out the front door, she just barely heard someone behind her say something "watching where she was going" or some such nonsense but it did nothing to affect her speed.
And with that the door closed behind her and she was once again released onto the streets, running about like a blue streak shooting through the dark, only stopping here and there to ask anyone if they had seen a girl fitting Kagami's description.
"…she's about yea high," went on Konata, sounding out of breath as she raised her hand way above her head to what she imagined Kagami's height would be, an older couple looking down at her with concern. "Blue eyes; purple hair tied up in pigtails—you know like a tsundere. You seen her?"
"Um…tsundere?" stammered the woman to her husband, looking embarrassed as though she should know this.
Normally, even Konata would have known better than to expect someone as old as the lovely couple before her to know what a tsundere was but she was so tired at this point that her judgment was a bit skewed.
But the man was sharper than he looked, giving his wife a doting smile. "Yeah, that's right, Aiko. Tsundere. Remember? Like L*m Invader from Urus** Yatsu**." Konata's eyes glittered with newfound admiration for this man.
"Oh…L*m!" exclaimed the old woman, clapping her hands together in realization. "Oh Ken! Ken! I think I remember seeing a girl like that. Was she that sad looking thing sitting in the booth behind us in the café?"
Her husband smiled. "Well she seems to fit this young lady's description pretty well."
Konata perked up like a Blood Hound picking up a scent. "Café? Where?"
"Oh it's just up the road a few blocks," said the man, pointing behind Konata. "Can't miss it. It's got a big ol' sign saying Wonder Café."
"Wonder Café," repeated Konata with a curt nod, making a mental note of the name.
The old woman's eyes lit up excitedly. "Wonder Café? Oh! Oh! Ken! I love the Wonder Café! Can we go eat there tonight?"
He smiled at her patiently. "I know you love it, Aiko, that's why I took you to dinner there just now."
"You did?"
"I did."
"Oh…I guess you did. I forgot."
"Yes, you're forgetful, aren't you?"
"Huh? Forget what?...Who? Wonder Café? Oh! Today's my birthday!"
Konata felt her stomach churn unpleasantly. It wasn't moe when it came from the elderly.
"So it's just up the road there?" asked Konata hurriedly.
"Yup," the man nodded. "Just a few blocks. Would you like us to come with you and help you look, young missy?" He was looking at her with the same creepy twinkle in his eye her dad always got when playing is dating sims.
"N-no, thank you. I'll be fine." The man looked disappointed by her reply…almost too disappointed. "Well…thanks for your help."
Eager to bring her conquest to an end (and to get as far away from the old creeper as possible) Konata broke out running in the direction he had indicated until she came up on the café.
And behold! There she was! Konata pressed her face against the large glass window by the café's entrance, not taking notice of the alarmed stares of the patrons seated by the window, and she quickly spotted Kagami, pigtails and all, sitting in a booth in the far back of the restaurant staring introspectively into a bowl of ramen. A wide cat-grin etched its way into Konata's face, her narrowed eyes brimming with victory as now her quest was about to come to a close. But that was a feeling she only got to enjoy very briefly. Because now that she was here, now that she had actually found Kagami, she didn't know what she should do next. She didn't even know what her options were at this point. What had she meant to do once she found her?
She vaguely remembered something about reconciliation and about consoling a weeping Kagamin but really she seemed to be back to her old self just as she predicted.
"Damn that Satoshi, getting me all worked up for nothing. She's fine! It's not like this is the first time she's gone out to eat by herself and well…she's eating (as usual). Now that's my Kagamin! Tough as nails!" Her frown deepened, that stubborn conscience of hers kicking into gear as it so rarely did. "But…I guess what I did to her was pretty mean. Still though, I didn't mean to make her cry! She totally doesn't know how to take a joke. Then again…I guess she really didn't know it was a joke so I can kinda' see why there'd be room for crying. But how was I supposed to know she'd take it so seriously? Kagami never seemed like one to get all jerked up over a guy. Especially one as ugly as Satoshi! Gah! It's her own darn fault for always concealing her inner dere around me! I knew she had a soft side but I didn't know it was this soft! I totally never would have done had I known!"
She was so deeply engrossed in the point/counter-point raging on inside her head that it took her a while to notice Kagami was now waving over to her excitedly from inside the café, looking unusually happy to see her.
"Oh no! She saw me! Okay, okay, okay! I need to abort! Abort! I honestly think I can only do more damage at this point! She can't be sure that it's me, right? I mean it's not like I'm wearing my school uniform right now so I could pretend to be someone who just looks like Konata Izumi! Yeah! After all, studies show most people have an exact copy of themselves walking around somewhere in the world. Who's to say mine's not in Kyoto?"
Poor Konata nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard the café door open with a little ring-a-ling, followed by a cheerful greeting form Kagami who she had not even noticed get up from her booth and walk outside.
"Heeeey you!" chimed the lavender haired girl as she approached her little otaku friend. "I was waving at you for a while in there, didn't you see me?"
Konata finally removed her face from the glass, looking astonished by her own obliviousness. "Damnit! That's why I don't like thinking! It's way too distracting!"
Kagami shot her a reproachful look when she took note of Konata's horrified expression. "What's up with you?"
And so, left with no alternative, an unnaturally bubbly Kagami lead Konata back into the café who drug her feet all the way until they sat down at Kagami's booth in the corner of the restaurant.
"So seriously Konata, what's up with you? I can't imagine you came all the way out here just for a bite to eat," said Kagami before slurping up some ramen, which, judging by the amount of liquid left in her bowl, was probably her first spoonful.
Konata almost forgot for a second that Kagami had no idea it was her who had set up the mock confession. At this point she could now see two options before her. She could either go with her gut, playing it stupid to avoid facing Kagami's wrath or she could go with what Satoshi told her and try to sort this whole business out so as to not cause her purple headed friend further distress.
She decided she'd do the right thing…
"Well no one had seen you for a while so I just decided to pop out and make sure everything was on the up-and-up. And I could be asking you that same thing, Kagamiiin~. What are you doing out here all by your lonesome little self? Hmmmm?"
…or leastways what she felt was the right thing.
"Stop calling me lonesome," snarled Kagami playfully. "But you know how I get around big crowds sometimes. I got so sick of spending all day with our noisy class I decided some alone time would do me good, you know?"
No, Konata did not know. In the three and a half years they had known each other since their first year at Ryoo High she had never known Kagami to actively seek solitude. In fact, she felt that she knew her Kagamin well enough to say it was quite the opposite. She hated being alone. "So if this is supposed to be your alone time then why did you look so happy to see me earlier? Huh, Kagamiiin~?" cooed Konata.
"W-well…," in her usual Kagami way, the lilac haired girl's eyes darted around frantically in their sockets as she tried to think of some kind of defense. Then she just let out a small sigh of defeat and itched her cheek nervously, "yeah okay I guess I was feeling a little lonely. Don't make a big deal out of it."
"Knew it," said Konata triumphantly with her cat-like grin returning in full force as she let her head plop down on the tabletop, her eyes fixed on Kagami as she enjoyed her ramen. But once again, her conscience refused to let her revel in the moment for long. It kept reminding her that deep down she knew that Kagami deserved to know the truth about what happened that night with Satoshi. Konata owed her friend that much, thinking back to the night of that concert when Kagami had traded seats with her short little friend so she could see better. And what really had confused Konata that night was that Kagami didn't seem to mind switching seats with her at all and she didn't even have to ask her. It was just in her nature to look after her friends like that and it was that quality of Kagami's Konata admired most deeply.
Her narrow eyes softened as the guilt really began to eat away at her soul and as usual Kagami was quick to notice something was out of sorts.
"Konata?" she said in a gentler voice she normally reserved for Tsukasa. "Are you feeling okay?"
Her green eyes drifted upwards and locked with her blue ones. She knew what she had to say, she knew how to say it, she just couldn't bring her mouth to get down to the saying part.
"What? Do I have something on my face?" said Kagami with a nervous chuckle. She was accustomed to being stared at by Konata but she could tell just by looking at her face that something was very wrong.
"Well…actually Kagami…" She perked her head up and smiled playfully. "You do got a bit of noodle right there." Her tiny hand reached across the table and she placed a finger directly beneath Kagami's lip where a stray ramen noodle was clinging to her skin. "Woah! You sure got a soft face Kagamin. Must be from all those rice-cakes! Is your diet not going so well?"
And then Kagami did something Konata did not intend. She just laughed. It was a sad, melancholy sort of laugh too that was so forced that it hurt. Kagami then wiped away the noodle and flicked it aside, looking as though she had lost her appetite. "Hey Konata…" she began, her eyes fixed on a cardboard cutout of a certain pink-haired idol standing up in the middle of the café with the words "CAUTION! WET FLOOR" scribbled hastily on it. "You don't…really think I'm that chubby do you?"
Konata regarded her with serious concern. Kagami had never questioned the playfulness of her teasing before and it wasn't hard to guess why only now she was starting to take it seriously. "Um…where's all this coming from, Kagami?" As if she didn't already know.
She sighed, pushing her ramen bowl away from her and cradling her chin in her palms with her elbows resting on the table. "I don't know…I was just so excited when me and Tsukasa first got our acceptance letters to Ryoo High because, aside from it being a good school and stuff, I figured from watching T.V. shows and stuff that High School was like the time for guys to confess their love to girls so I was pretty sure that by my senior year I'd have had at least one boyfriend somewhere along the line. But I haven't even gotten a guy to confess to me yet. Not even once." Kagami could hear her voice begin to tremble as she finished her sentence, the sting of Satoshi's "confession" still fresh in her mind. She could feel Konata trying to catch her eye as she kept her gaze fixed on the cutout but for some reason Kagami was scared to look at her. She had been hoping that night she could go back to the hotel, arms locked with her new boyfriend so she could finally wipe that mocking little cat grin off her face—the same cat grin she always made when her weight came up in the conversation. She just didn't want to see that smile right now. She didn't think she would be able to fend off the waterworks if she did. However, when she did chance a look at her blue haired friend she was surprised to see a look of deep contemplation on her face.
Suddenly, Konata slammed a hand down on the table and, with a deep red blush on her face; she got up out of her seat and leaned in so her nose was mere inches away from Kagami's. "Okay look Kagami, what I'm about to tell you is…kind of…embarrassing so you can't breathe a word about it to anyone! Got it!"
"Well I won't have to tell anyone if you don't keep your voice down. Seriously, people are staring."
Konata eased back into her seat, her face still flushed as a small angular frown further displayed her unease. "Okay, okay fine. Just…promise you won't tell the girls about this, 'kay? I've got a reputation to uphold."
Kagami was starting to think that Konata might actually have something actually meaningful to say this time. She tensed up in her seat, leaning in with an intrigued yet impatient look on her face. "Fine, fine. If it makes you feel any better I'll pinky swear to it or whatever floats your boat."
Konata crossed her arms, still not looking totally satisfied. "And you have to also promise you can't treat me any different after I tell you this."
Kagami blinked slowly, her interest peaking. "Oh-okay…" Just where was Konata going with this?
All promises now being finalized, Konata stared intently at the salt-shaker, picking it up in her hands and dashing some of it on the table top before she began mindlessly twirling her finger around the tiny mound of salt. "The reason I sometimes pick on you because of your weight is…that…that…"
Kagami leaned in on the edge of her seat, waiting breathlessly for Konata to continue. "What? What?"
She took a pinch of salt in her fingers and rubbed it together. "…It just really pisses me off when you complain about not being pretty enough…"
Kagami's engrossed expression disappeared so fast that it was almost comical. "Huh? My being upset about my weight bugs you?"
"Well…yeah! Some people would kill to have your looks, Kagamin!" She lowered her head, her blush intensifying as she went on under her breath. "I mean sure you could do with losing a little weight but still…it's not like having a little extra flab excuses your pretty face or your figure. It pisses me off."
A few moments of silence passed as Kagami watched Konata fiddle fixedly with the salt. She felt quite…touched, much to her surprise. Even though Konata had still called her slightly cubby at the end of her statement there was a compliment somewhere in there, and a compliment from Konata Izumi was a hard thing to earn. "Well, that's Konata for you," thought Kagami fondly. "The best and worst thing about her is that no matter how close you get to her she'll never bother wasting her time with flattery…unless she wants something from you but I don't think that's the case here."
"Wow Konata," chimed Kagami suddenly, breaking the silence with a cocky grin, "if I didn't know any better I would have said you just called me 'pretty' right there."
"Surprised?" Konata said, returning her smile. "Really, Kagami, maybe I should switch gears from making fun of your weight and start making fun of that awful self-esteem you got there. I mean honestly! I shouldn't have to be the one to remind you that you're good looking."
Kagami blushed. Two compliments from Konata? And within only a few minutes of each other? She was going to start getting overwhelmed if this kept up. "Awww c'mon I'm not that pretty."
Konata opened her eyes wide and shot her a critical stare from across the table, her green orbs scanning her up and down like she was sizing her up. "Hmmmm…yeah, you're right. I guess you aren't that pretty after all. What was I thinking?"
Kagami's eyes narrowed dangerously. "H-hey!"
"Ohhh I kid! I kid!"
The two girls chatted the remainder of their evening away aimlessly, talking about frivolous things as usual but that was enough to help each of them forget what happened that night at least for a little while. When the time came for Kagami to pick up the tab she barely had any recollection at all of Satoshi-kun's "confession" and likewise Konata had nearly forgotten she threw that whole business together. And so the two of them were able to walk out of the restaurant in high spirits, smiling and laughing as the brisk night air came to meet them.
"…and it's so stinky!" cackled Kagami, resting both hands on her knees for support as she laughed so hard tears began swelling up in her eyes.
And then Konata remembered. Tears. She had made Kagami cry earlier.
Soon Kagami noticed Konata had another one of those far-off looks on her face. "Konata?" she said, rescuing Konata from getting lost in her self-incriminating thought. "Are you sure you're alright? You've been acting kind of weird all night. Well…weird for you anyway."
"It's nothing," assured Konata, giving her the best smile she could. "I'm just kind of tired is all."
The wizened tsundere shook her head hopelessly. "You know, whenever someone says 'it's nothing' chances are it actually is 'something.' C'mon, Konata, just tell me what's been bugging you. You're starting to worry me with how you keep staring off into space."
Konata bit her lip nervously. Should she tell Kagami what she did? Could she even bring herself to say it? Kagami was her best friend. She should be able to tell her anything but… did Kagami count her as her best friend? And if she did, wouldn't that make what happened tonight look all that more like a betrayal of their friendship?
"Hey Kagamin…you know I really don't mean it when I tease you, right?"
"Hm? Well yeah I guess I do."
"And…you know I really do like you, right?"
Kagami cocked her head to the side, confused. "Are you being serious, Konata?"
"I'm being totally serious! Kagami, you're probably the best friend I've ever had. I know sometimes I don't act like it but I really can't imagine high school being as much fun if Tsukasa hadn't introduced me to you."
Kagami snickered playfully. "You mean it wouldn't have been as much fun if I wasn't around to tease all the time? Or how you probably would have failed out without having me to copy homework off of?"
"I meant besides those things. Jeez, Kagamiiiin~. I'm trying to be serious with you here. Don't ruin it."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is just so unlike you."
"Whatever. Can I please continue?"
"I'm all ears," said Kagami with a smile, finding all this slightly funny much to Konata's outrage. "But just to be sure you're not messing with me, what about me do you like other than how easily I give in to you copying off my homework?"
Konata's face hardened, her fighting spirit feeling challenged by Kagami's question. "Oh that's an easy one! You're like the mother I never had."
Kagami's body and face went rigid. She had not been expecting that. "Your…mother?"
"Mmhmm," affirmed Konata with a nod, "I mean it's not like I felt like I was 'lost' without my mom there to raise me. Dad did a fine job on his own. But…I don't know. Looking back on the days before Ryoo High I can think of a few times when it would have been nice to have a mom to help me do stuff, and not just helping me with homework. Sometimes dads just don't understand the finer points of womanhood, you know? To be honest, I never really felt like I missed my mom that much 'cuz I barely knew what it was like to have one but when I started hanging out with you I was a little sad because I realized how much I've been missing out all my life without my mom or someone like you."
"S-someone like me?"
"Yeah. In addition to being the tsundere of our group you're also the motherly type! I guess since you had to look out for Tsukasa for most your life it just came naturally to you, huh?"
"But that's different! Tsukasa's my little sister. I'm not…motherly to her or to anyone!"
"Oh don't kid yourself, Kagamin," said Konata, holding up a finger in an explanatory fashion. "You fuss over Tsukasa all the time—you probably don't realize how much. And it's not just Tsukasa you fuss over; you do it to me too. You're always telling me to do my homework, scolding me for playing too many video games or watching too much anime or for staying up too late. You have that wet-blanket quality my dad always said my mom had. It was actually my dad that first said you sometimes reminded him of Mom with how you scold me so much. She'd bug him about stuff like games and anime too!"
Kagami thought she tasted a bit of vomit when she heard that last bit. "I remind Mr. Izumi of his wife?" she shuddered involuntarily. "C-creepy."
"I guess what I'm trying to get across is…even though I sometimes do awful stuff to you and make you mad I don't know what I'd do if you decided you didn't want to…you know…be my friend anymore."
Kagami smiled assuredly at her friend, suddenly feeling a little bad for laughing at her earlier. "Oh c'mon Konata, I wouldn't leave you just because you tease me sometimes. It's not like you've done anything awful to me before."
There was a long pause that Kagami did not find very reassuring. "Well…" began Konata, rubbing the back of her head.
"Yeah? Well what?"
"Well…nothing. I just want you to know that, in the future if I do end up doing something really bad, I really do value your friendship a lot. I'd even trade most of my manga for it!"
"Most of?"
"Don't ask me to choose Kagami; I'm not ready for that yet."
Kagami smiled at the red-faced otaku, knowing how hard it must be for her to be this open with her or with anybody for that matter. She was touched. It was like Konata somehow sensed how miserable she had been feeling that night and she knew just what to say to make her feel better. And without even really thinking about it, Kagami soon found herself stepping forward and pulling Konata in for a warm embrace.
"Thank you, Konata," she said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. "I don't think you realize just how much I needed to hear that right now. Tonight's been…kinda' weird for me. And for what it's worth, I may not think of you as a daughter or anything but you've always kind of been like another little sister to me. You can get on my nerves like only a little sister can but you also make me feel good like only a little sister can."
Konata's blush was searing her face like a hot iron as her tiny body was pressed against hers. "K-Kagami? What are you doing?"
"Aw c'mon. What's a hug between friends?" said Kagami with a warm smile, looking down on her little otaku friend fondly.
Konata, on the other hand, did not look to be enjoying herself. The muscles in her face were tense and her whole body was racked with a heat of the likes she had never felt before. She had never been this close to Kagami before neither physically or emotionally and it was too much for her tiny body to take all at once. Come to think of it, she couldn't remember a time anyone had hugged her like this before other than her dad. It was not an unpleasant sensation—to share this warmth and closeness with someone else for a change—but it wasn't something she was familiar with. Slowly however she found herself relaxing in Kagami's embrace, feeling quite content. But before she could make a move to return the hug, Kagami pulled away with broad smile on her face.
Suddenly Kagami felt all her troubles slowly melt away from her when she saw the smile on Konata's face. So maybe she hadn't gotten her dream guy tonight like she had always hoped. Maybe the day when she finally would wasn't meant to come for a long time. But until that day did come, she would always have a best friend to help her through it.
"Best friend," she echoed back in her head. "That has a nice ring to it."
"C'mon," said Kagami, turning up the road from whence they came. "We better get back to the hotel before Miss Kuroi sends a search party out for us." Kagami had taken a good dozen paces forward before she realized Konata was still frozen in the same spot. "You comin'?"
Konata awoke from her daze, still blushing for reasons unknown even to her, but when she saw Kagami waiting for her to join her at the end of the sidewalk she let the tension roll off her and returned to her bubbly self. "Coming Kagami-okaasan!"
"H-hey! Don't you start calling me that!"
Lucky Channel!
Akira: Hiya Luckies! Well the second chapter is out at last but I'm sure most of you scrolled ahead to skip to the good part, didn't you! The part of this fic that gives your otherwise bland and empty lives some meaning!
Minoru: Oh? And what part would that be, Akira-sama?
Akira: Silly Shiraishi! Do you even have to ask? It's the part with me in it of course! And sitting next to me here is our…acquaintance and co-host: Mr. Yoshimizu Soup!
Minoru: Huzzah!
Soup: Hello again everyone! I'm the author of this lil' fic: Yoshimizu Soup! I'm still not quite used to all this writing stuff so really I'm just hoping you all cared enough to read the main-segment.
Akira: Ooohhh! Looks like someone has got self-esteem issues!
Minoru: Well I thought that today's chapter was just swell!
Akira: …Swell?
Minoru: Mmmhmm! You can really see the romance between the characters starting to heat up!
Soup: Well thank you. I tried to be as subtle with the romance as I could here too. Just like any relationship, I think it's more interesting when you just take things slow.
Akira: Yeah…reaaaal slow.
Soup: Uh…something wrong, Akira-sama?
Akira: Yeah, something is wrong. I mean, do you honestly think anyone's going to stick with this story if they have to burn through like thirty chapters just for the romance to actually start?
Soup: Er…well I don't think I'm going to take it that slow but—OW! Hey that's my typing hand!
Akira: Do not interrupt me when I'm critiquing!
Soup: But you asked me a question…GAKH! My other typing hand! Where were you even keeping that cane!
Akira: What did I just say!
Soup: To…to…to not—
Akira: HUH!
Soup: To not interrupt you, Akira-sama!
Akira: Good boy…As I was saying. The folks on fan-fiction(dot)net care about one thing and one thing only and that's seeing their two favorite characters paired together; especially if they weren't paired together in the original show. That being said, it doesn't matter if a slower transition from friendship to romance is more realistic. That tactic will only lose you readers and fast. Take my advice, kid, if you want to keep them following this story then you gotta' make the character's love for each other more obvious!
Soup: Right! Got it!
Akira: Good…And now I think it's time to address the fans!
Minoru: Oh that's right! Thanks for reminding us, Akira-sama! And thank you, our treasured readers, for taking the time to fill out a review! Namely we would like to thank Gonstika, FanFicAA, Hyperkinetic-Rabbity-Thing, Kitmaro, Arch3rher0, and OtakuGirl(s)357…and I say OtakuGirl(s) because I read your profile and I'm not really sure how many of you there are. I would also like to take this time to assure Mister or Misses Arch3rher0 that the OC Satoshi will not be playing any major role in this fic and that Soup will try his best to continue to produce quality Lucky Channel segments.
Soup: I sure will! My very best! And we would also like to extend a pseudo word of thanks to username ItzuMizu for leaving us a pseudo review! Minoru, could you please remind me to disable anonymous reviews later today?
Minoru: I will not fail you, Soup-kun!
Soup: I know you won't! C'mon! Gimme a high-five!
Minoru: Yeah! (clap) The power of friendship!
Akira: Pfft!
Minoru: …
Soup: Uh…do you have something to say to the fans too, Akira-sama?
Akira: Nope. I just don't know why you two schoolgirls are so excited.
Minoru: Schoolgirls?
Akira: I mean, it's not like the fan-fiction(dot)net community is hard to impress or anything. I wrote my fair share of fics back when I was a kid and let me tell you: they're all a bunch of push-overs.
Minoru: A-A-A-Akira-sama! Those are our fans you're talking about! The lifeblood of this fic!
Akira: Oh don't pretend like you haven't noticed it too, Shiraishi. So long as you're able to write at above a third grade level someone will be nice enough to leave a sugar-coated review. And the reason you almost never see any bad comments is because if someone hates your story they aren't going to take time out of their day to tell you. It's just not worth it. Unless of course your fic really blows.
Minoru: Uh… 'blows' is really not a ladylike word to use…
Soup: Yeah! And besides I'm sure each and every one of our readers pours their hearts and their souls into their reviews! Not only for our fic but for every fic they follow! It's part of their duty as readers and patrons of the fan-fiction arts!
Akira: Mhmmm. Suuure it is. Which reminds me, Soup-kun, this review for chapter one came in just last night. Thought you might want to take a look at it.
Soup: Huh? An eighth review? Why are you just showing it to me now?
Akira: Ohhh no reason. I just thought you'd want to read it in front of your "fans" is all.
Soup: O-okay. That's a good idea! Ah! It's from a Flygon Master.
Minoru: Flygon? You mean like the Po**mon?
Soup: Guess so. Flygon Master writes, "I hate to be the one to crush all you're hopes and dreams but... It wasn't that good in fact I didn't like it at all, and here is why.You made Konata freakin' evil. She could not be that mean to a marshmellow, yes she picks on Kagami but it's out of fun and friendship. There is no way she would ever do something like that, you went way out of charater... If someone did that to Kagami, Konata would beat the sh** out of them, so sorry but totally wrong."
Soup: …
Akira: Wow, he showed you. Surprised that not everyone just loves your fan-fic?
Minoru: Oooo, that was harsh. But you can't win them all. That's something that you gotta' accept if you're going to make it in this business.
Akira: Yeah but he does have a point. Konata's little prank was totally out of character.
Soup: …I…can't believe it. I've never gotten a review like this before.
Akira: Well hang on I'm sure they're plenty of more to come.
Minoru: There, there buddy! Don't take it too hard. Sometimes you just can't help disappointing some people. Uh…Soup?
Soup: Disappointing? I'm a disappointment?
Minoru: Well I never said you were a "disappointment" but—
Soup: Disappointment. I'm a disappointment. But am I really that much of a disappointment? Have I disappointed you that much, Father? Do you think this is fair, Father Dearest?
Minoru: W-what? Father?
Akira: Oh no! It looks like Flygon broke his brain!
Soup: So what if I don't have the same tastes in manga as you, DAD! So what if I don't like G*rr*en Lag*nn, Rur**ni K**shin, H*gh Sch**l of the D**d, Dr*g*n B**l Z, or Ikki**sen! Anime is more than just mechas, Super Saiy*ns, big explosions, boobs, violence, guns, and panty-shots ever five or six frames!
Minoru: Hey Soup-kun! Snap out of it!
Akira: It's no use. He's too far gone.
Soup: Anime needs to have some feeling to it with characters I can feel for and not to mention a plot that goes beyond exploiting blood, guts, moe urges and the female anatomy! And K**nshin and Dr*g*n B**l Z were both just too damn long!
Minoru: S-Soup-kun! Let go of me! I'm not your Dad! GAH! Hey! Those were my mother's earrings!
Soup: I just don't like animes that drag on for more than fifty episodes, DAD, because friggin' Megav**eo only lets me watch so many hours of footage a day and I get tired of waiting 12 hours after each bullsh*t cliffhanger those shows leave me off at! So what if I enjoy shows like L*cky St*r and Az**agna Da**h? Just because the girl characters aren't constantly flashing their bra and panties at the screen doesn't make me gay! I'm your son, damnit, the only one you got and changing the locks on the doors, barring the windows and leaving me stuck outside in the freezing rain isn't going to change that! And another thing, I—! (Clang!)
Minoru: …
Akira: Whew!
Minoru: A-Akira-sama! You could've knocked his head clear off with that bat!
Akira: Trust me, Shiraishi, if I wanted to decapitate him I would've. Besides, it had to be done. He was stealing the show.
Minoru: But there won't be any show if the writer's dead!
Akira: He'll be fine, he'll be fine. Now, Shiraishi, let's finish this segment on a high-note!
Minoru: R-right! The show must go on! Ehem! On behalf of Soup-kun I strongly encourage you, O' dearest reader, to tell us what you thought of today's chapter! Got any questions for the three of us or about the segment or any suggestions on how to make it better? Then don't hesitate to shoot us a review and we'll be sure to address it by next chapter!
Akira: Oops! Looks like time's all up for today! Don't forget to tell us what you thought and please don't forget me, I wanna' know how you think I did too, 'kay?
Akira & Minoru: Byeeee!
