~*~ Hold on to Joy: A Christy fic ~*~

Part 6

Christy had risen from bed before her alarm had even rung. For some reason, she felt very anxious to get the day underway. She took great care in choosing a dress to wear and took extra time on her hair. Looking just right today was important to her-- in case Neil did show up at school. Finally satisfied with he appearance, she ventured downstairs to breakfast... and Ruby Mae.

"Mornin', Miss Christy. Lordy, but you look extry-special purdy today!," Ruby Mae declared with a huge grin on her face. Christy could tell that ruby Mae assumed she had accepted David's proposal since the curious girl was straining her neck to catch a glimpse of Christy's left hand.

"Good morning, Ruby Mae. Is Reverend Grantland about?" She inwardly hoped that he was gone, knowing that the hurt of her refusal was still fresh in his mind. However, with Christy's question, the grin on Ruby Mae's freckled face managed to grow even larger.

"No, ma'am. He's done been to breakfast and is off somewhere. All I seen was his dirty dishes. Maybe you could find him, teacher." The insinuation in the girl's response could not be missed. Christy knew she'd have to tell Ruby Mae the truth sooner or later, but now just didn't seem right. Suddenly, she was no longer hungry and decided to walk over to the school a bit early.

As she strolled thoughtfully to the school, Christy 's heart felt heavy. She longed to talk to someone about all of the emotions raging inside her.

"I can't talk to David, of course. And Miss Alice... well, she's never truly approved of my relationship with Neil... and now with Margaret back in the cove... I can't even talk to Neil-"

"Christy?" The familiar voice of a friend jolted Christy out of her thoughts. She turned quickly to see Fairlight Spencer looking at her with a mix of amusement and concern.

"Fairlight, you startled me!"

"I'm sorry, Christy. I didn't mean to. Did you know you was talkin' out loud just now?" A friendly grin shone on Fairlight's face. A look of embarrassment came to Christy's.

"No, I didn't." The young teacher lowered her red face and continued walking toward the school, Fairlight at her side.

"Seems to me you got a lot on your mind today," Fairlight said.

"You have no idea, Fairlight."

"Oh, but I think I do. My younguns couldn't wait to tell Jeb and me all about the preacher givin' you that big ring-- and about Neil MacNeill watchin' the whole scene from atop his horse." The understanding and compassion in Christy's eyes told her that this was what she had been praying for--someone to share her burdens with. Happy to unload, Christy told her friend all about what had taken place after they had parted company the previous afternoon. She recalled how she had gone to Neil's only to find him locked in an embrace with Margaret--how David had given her the ring right in front of Neil and the children-- how she had just walked away-- and later how she had refused David's proposal. By the time she was finished, tears were flowing from her troubled blue eyes. Fairlight gave Christy a comforting hug, much like a mother caring for her child.

"There, there now, Christy. I know that things look pert near impossible to handle right now, but I'll tell you one thing. The Almighty put that there love for the Doc in your heart for a reason. Now, I can't say as I know how it's gonna all work out, but I just keep thinkin' of that verse in the Bible. You remember-- the one about trustin' the Lord with all your heart and how if'n you acknowledge Him then He'll give you the desires of your heart." Christy nodded in recognition. "Well, that's just what you're gonna have to do. Trust in the Lord, Christy."

Fairlight's word soothed Christy's troubled spirit almost instantly. When she had first come to the cove, she thought she would be the one doing all the teaching. Surprisingly, Christy was the one who never stopped learning from the wisdom of these people, Fairlight especially.

With one last reassuring smile, Fairlight was off and Christy was left to herself.

*******************************************************************

Preparing for her students, Christy still could not get rid of a gnawing feeling of nervousness. Part of her hope Neil would forget his agreement to teach this afternoon, while secretly she knew she would be very disappointed if he didn't show.

The sounds of children's voices began to drift inside the building from the yard outside. Ruby Mae and Lizette Holcombe were the first to come in. Their hushed whispers, giggles, and smiling eyes told Christy exactly what was on their minds. As more children entered, the young teacher thought the day would be endless. However, the morning's lessons went by more quickly than Christy had expected. She hadn't even thought about Neil once she began teaching, but when lunchtime rolled around, the anxious feeling had returned. With her lunch in her hands, she went out onto the front steps and began to eat. In no time at all, she was surrounded by curious students.

"Miz Christy," Creed Allen began. "How come we don't see that thar ring the preacher give ya on yer finger? If'n you're gettin' married, don't ya have to wear it?"

Leave it to Creed to ask what was on everyone's minds! As Christy scanned the crowd, she realized they were all anxiously waiting for her reply.

"Well, Creed, marriage is a big commitment that shouldn't be taken lightly. Both people need to make sure that the marriage is what God wants for each of their lives." Christy could tell that it wasn't exactly what the children had wanted to hear.

"Don't you love the preacher, Miss Christy?," Little Burl asked sincerely. She knew the little boy held a special place in his heart for David. She chose her words carefully.

"Of course I care about Reverend Grantland very much. He's a wonderful man and I-" Christy's words were cut off by a very exuberant Ruby Mae.

"I knew it! Teacher's a-gettin' maried! Lordy be, Miss Christy! Can I help with the weddin?" The redhead's excitement spread to the other girls and they ran off to begin planning the event. Shortly thereafter, the boys wandered back to their games. Christy sat in amazement for a moment before rising to go back inside. As she reached the door, she was jolted by the sound of a very masculine and very Scottish voice.

"Good afternoon, Miss Huddleston." It was Neil! Her heart jumped when she turned and looked upon his handsome face, yet tired, face and tousled hair.

"Dr. MacNeill," she said, trying to remain calm although her insides were all a-flutter. "I didn't expect you to be here today. I figured you would probably forget."

"Forget about you?" he replied with that rogue-ish grin. "I could never forget about you, Christy?"

She felt herself blush immediately. He always seemed to have that effect on her. He loved to catch her off guard. Christy had to reprimand herself for getting so excited at his presence. Just yesterday she had seen him with his wife. She must remember that he was married and not to read anything into his words. Besides, Neil had never completely expressed any romantic interest in her, and now it would be unacceptable for him to ever do so.

He climbed the steps as Christy stayed rooted by the door. His grin disappeared and a serious, almost pained look replaced it.

"I suppose my congratulations are in order, Miss Huddleston. From all the chatter going on in the schoolyard, it sounds as if a wedding is underway." The sadness in his blue eyes was almost more than she could handle. She had to snap herself out of it or she might say or do more than she should.

"Don't believe everything you hear, Doctor." Her eyes began to water with the longing she felt to comfort this man. Neil could also sense her need to be comforted and wanted nothing more than to take her petite form into his arms and never let her go. But his sense of honor would not allow it, so he forced a small smile and said," Well, shall I get started with the lesson?"

"Of course," Christy said quickly moving to ring the bell. Neil went inside and Christy watched as he set up for his presentation. Even after many soft moments with this man, she was still uncertain of his feelings for her but no matter. There could be nothing between them. *******************************************************************

The children were awed by Dr. MacNeill's presentation, as always. Christy was amazed at the way he held the students' attention throughout his whole lesson. Many times throughout the afternoon, his eyes had met Christy's and held them captive for brief moments. Each time left her breathless. His eyes had always been able to look deep into her soul and fill her with a warmth and peace.

Christy's thoughts wandered to other times when Neil had taught her class. There was the time he had enthusiastically told the story of "Bonny Prince Charlie," which filled the children with such pride. Then there was the time he had demonstrated a volcano, and she could never forget when he donned his ridiculous Scottish kilt to teach the children highland games! At that thought, Christy laughed out loud. All other noise stopped and every eye fell on her, including the doctor's. Suddenly realizing her slip, she was once again red-faced in front of Neil.

"And what may I ask is so funny, Miss Huddleston? I hope it's not my lesson. Is it something you'd care to share with the rest of the class?" His teasing tone had returned to put Christy at ease.

"Well, actually, Doctor, I was thinking about you." Her response had now caught him off-guard, and Christy could swear that his face was turning shades of pink. A few giggles were heard from the children as eyes were looking at both adults and waiting for the next move.

"Well then," Neil began,"I won't ask to give any more details seeing as it might incriminate me." There was that smile again. If he only knew what it did to her heart.

After the students were dismissed for the day, Christy could tell Neil wanted to talk. He was standing by the door nervously shifting his weight from one foot to another. Little did she know that he was trying to calm his nerves at the thought of being alone with her. Yesterday, when he had returned to his cabin and found the phonograph playing and flowers on the table, he had been so sure that it was Christy. His heart had almost burst from the steps to his front door, but when the door opened it was Margaret... not Christy. He had never felt like such a child about anything or anyone before. He had always been so in control, but ever since Christy Huddleston had come to Cutter Gap, his life had been turned upside down.

Christy walked over to the door and Neil, trying to stay a picture of calm. "I want to thank you for coming. As always, the children loved your visit...and so did I." The last words were out of her mouth before she realized what she had said. He blinked in amazement at her honesty. Quickly, she continued. "They learn so much from your presentations.... I have to admit, Doctor, I thought you might not come, what with all that has happened in the last day or so."

He drank in her beautiful young face that was trying desperately to appear business-like. Thoughts of her with a wreath of flowers on her soft hair crossed his mind.

"I honor my commitments, Miss Huddleston," he replied softly gazing into her eyes.

What exactly did he mean by that? Christy's wondered. Was he talking about his lesson or his marriage to Margaret? She wanted to ask so many questions-- to tell him so many things.

Suddenly, the realization of his situation dawned on Neil. Here he was standing with the woman he wanted with all of his body and soul, but he knew he couldn't have her. She would never give herself to him as long as he was a married man. He scolded himself inwardly for letting his feelings go this far-- for getting this close to Christy. His tenderness was instantly removed as he said,"I suppose we won't be seeing much of each other since you're engaged and Margaret is back." The look on her face was one of devastation. He hated to be so cold, but it was the only way he could distance himself from her.

"So, Margaret's staying?"

"Aye."

"Well, I guess I should have known seeing as I saw you two at your cabin yesterday. You looked quite content. Maybe this time she's really changed, Neil. Maybe this time things will work out for you and Margaret. I'll keep you in my prayers. I hope you'll be happy together."

Knowing she was near to tears, Christy turned abruptly and went back inside to her desk. Neil stood motionless, not knowing how he should respond or if he should. Did her sudden change of mood mean that she cared for him?

"If you'll excuse me, Doctor, I have work to do." Christy didn't dare to look at him again, so she busied herself with moving papers around on her desk.

That was that. He had been dismissed. Neil left without another word. Once he was out of sight, Christy let the tears flow as she realized she hadn't even told Neil she had turned down David's proposal.

***********************************************************************

Part 7

The next two weeks passed without much excitement. Christy and David continued to avoid each other, and Neil had not been around sine his lesson. As another school day came to a close, the schoolyard was filled with barefoot children running and playing their mountain games. The older girls were off to themselves, giggling about weddings and husbands. Christy had still not told any of the children that she in fact was not marrying the preacher. She didn't want to wound his pride anymore than she already had.

Just then Christy noticed a familiar figure walking beside a horse. It was Miss Alice back from Cataleechie. Many of the children rushed to her side, anxious to receive the latest news. When she reached the school steps, she stopped and offered a friendly smile to the young teacher.

"Well, Miss Huddleston, it appears as though I have missed out on quite a lot while I've been absent. Please, won't thee fill me in?" Alice walked into the school and took a seat on the nearest bench. She looked eagerly at Christy, but the young woman did not speak.

"I have found that when my heart is so troubled, the load can be lightened by a friend. What is the matter, Christy?"

"Oh, Miss Alice," Christy began. It's been just awful! David proposed to me--AGAIN-- and I turned him down. I just don't think it's what God wants for my life. Ever since then, David has been avoiding me and sulking like a child. I guess I haven't made much of an effort to mend our relationship. I do want to still have him as a friend... I need that, but the way things look now, we may never speak again."

Miss Alice pondered Christy's words for a few moments before responding. By her silence, Christy knew she was contemplating her words.

"David Grantland still has some growing up to do, I'm afraid. Although it undoubtedly has hurt his male pride to be rejected, he will just have to learn to accept thy decision. I am confident that in time he will see the wisdom of your choice. He is a good man, Christy,just a little immature. Is that all that is on thy mind, Miss Huddleston? Your eyes seem to speak of more."

How did Miss Alice always see more than Christy wanted to show? She couldn't tell Miss Alice that she was pining away for the woman's son-in- law, but Miss Alice did deserve to know about Margaret's return. Christy hesitated briefly and then finally spoke.

"Miss Alice....Margaret is back......at Neil's." The comforting, calm look on the older woman's face changed instantly to one of shock. She rose from her seat and began to walk away before turning to say,

"Thank you, Miss Huddleston." After her farewell she was gone.

Christy was ashamed to be the one to tell her. She knew Miss Alice's struggle over Margaret was far from being over.

***********************************************************************

The last weeks had been strangely calm at the MacNeill cabin. Margaret was still there. Neil had moved her into the bedroom and taken the downstairs cot for himself. Her cough was getting worse with each passing day, and there wasn't much else he could do besides make her as comfortable as possible. Without saying it out loud, both knew her end was near.

Apart from checking on her periodically, Neil avoided any other time with her. Although she tried in her own way to win his attention, he would have none of her---only that of a doctor-patient relationship. The first night Margaret had returned, she was filled with hope by Neil's tender actions. However, since that next day he had grown distant and cold, and so had her hope.

She had tried to gain his attention by slipping into his favorite dress of hers from years ago. She had found it while looking through some old stuff in the bedroom. The dress was lavender silk and had always taken his breath away, but when he entered the cabin and saw her standing there, his eyes filled with rage. Then his look of anger turned to disgust. All he had said was, "Take it off," in a calm yet firm voice. He stormed into his laboratory and locked the doors.

So now here she was-- living with this man, her husband, who cared no more for her than any other patient--perhaps even less. She knew it was time to face facts. Neil and she would never be able to reconcile, and by staying here she was only making them both miserable.

Neil had told no one that Margaret was back except Dan Scott and Christy. Christy...he tried not to think of her, but couldn't keep her from his thoughts. Every time he looked at Margaret, he began to think of Christy and how different these two women were. Even though Christy was some years younger than Margaret, her maturity far surpassed the elder, as did her tenderness and selflessness. He found himself wondering what it was he had ever seen in his wife. Then he remembered his own young arrogance and immaturity--- which in turn led him to thoughts of David Grantland. The young preacher had finally convinced Christy to marry him. Every time that crossed his mind he was filled with anger and, for some reason, a sense of betrayal. How could she?!

After all the intimate talks and special moments he had shared with her... He could see those big blue eyes gazing into his...No longer could he deny the effect she had on him Life without her would be miserable. How could she marry that young upstart of a minister? Most likely she would be leaving Cutter Gap whenever the reverend so desired. Anger and frustration began to fill his soul, and Margaret could sense his inner turmoil.

"You've been awfully quiet ever since you got back from that school the other day, Neil. Wanna share what's on your mind?" Margaret's words caught him off guard. He shot her a look of warning, but that only enticed her to more.

"It's that little ol' school teacher,isn't it?," she asked already knowing the answer. "Why do you keep beating yourself up over her, Mac?" She replaced her sensitivity of that first night more common biting sarcasm. "You're not as young as you used to be. Look around....what do you have to offer her? She's used to tea parties and fancy dresses, and soon enough she'll realize her holier-than-thou ambitions for this cove are hopeless. Then you'll be left alone again, heartbroken." Margaret's cruel words were her attempt at gaining any reaction from Neil, and she could tell by the look on his face that it was beginning to work.

"Such innocence...I wonder what she would think if she knew where it was that you met me? Then she might not think you were so honorable, Mac." The mention of how they had met stabbed at his conscience. Margaret noticed his every flinch and it only fueled her to action. "Yes, there are some things Miss Christy Huddleston needs to know about the great Doctor MacNeill and maybe I'll just have to be the one to fill her in."

The devilish grin on her face was more than he could stand. He could stay silent not longer. He stormed over to Margaret, backing her up to the wall. His eyes were ablaze with anger and Margaret suddenly wished she hadn't gone so far.

"You listen to me, Margaret... Christy Huddleston is TEN times the woman you can never hope to be! She has a heart of gold, not stone. She respects these people, this place, me, and herself-- something you certainly don't know anything about. She thinks of others before she ever thinks of herself, and if you ever speak ill of her again, I'll...I'll.." He stopped for only a second before changing the direction his speech was taking.

"To this day I'm not sure why I ever married you and brought you here. I do know that I wasn't thinking with my head! I should've seen it coming, but I was blinded by foolish infatuation. And that's all it was, Margaret. It was never anything more-- and never will be!" With that, Neil was finished. Quickly gathering up his jacket, he headed out the door before Margaret even had time to recover from his tirade.

Neil's speech sealed Margaret's decision. Christy's visit to the teahouse had given Margaret a last bit of hope for reconciliation with Neil. His staunch defense of the teacher had destroyed that last bit of hope and told her what she must do. After taking a deep breath, she marched upstairs and began gathering together what few things she owned.

*********************************************************************** Part 8

The days since Miss Alice's return had found her pensive and distant. Christy knew she was struggling with the fact that her daughter was back again and not making any effort to contact her mother. The teacher wanted so much to soothe Miss Alice's troubled spirit, but she wasn't sure how. Then one afternoon opportunity knocked. Alice found Christy in the parlor and hesitantly approached her.

"Miss Huddleston, we need some supplies from Doctor MacNeill. If thee would be so kind as to ride Prince over to his cabin, I would truly appreciate it. With Margaret there, I don't think it would be wise for me to go. Our last meeting was somewhat a failure of Christian love and forgiveness. She would not be too pleased to see me, I am sure."

The surprised look on Christy's face showed Miss Alice that her request may have been too much. Then the shock was replaced by one of understanding. Christy realized that Miss Alice was eager to know how Margaret was doing, but was not quite up to confronting her daughter again.

"Sure, Miss Alice. I'll go," Christy conceded despite her own deep apprehension. A look of relief shone on Miss Alice's face. "Good,very good, Miss Huddleston. Here is the list, and Prince is already prepared to leave. You know he is faster than walking or riding old Theo."

Christy smiled and shook her head in amazement. Miss Alice had been banking on a positive reply from her. She gathered her jacket and the list and took off out the door. ***********************************************************************

Riding along the path to the MacNeill cabin, Christy began to feel that anxiousness once again. What would she find there? Neil and Margaret in wedded bliss? Her sinful nature wanted to find the two at odds, but she tried earnestly to overcome that sin through prayer.

"Please, Lord. Forgive me for thinking such awful thoughts about Neil and Margaret. I know I should be praying for their marriage, but my own selfishness is taking over. I just ask that you give me the strength to accept Your will, even if it's not the same as mine." ***********************************************************************

Margaret was in the bedroom gathering her things when she heard the knock on the door.

"Dr. MacNeill? Dr. MacNeill, are you in there?" Christy noticed the door was cracked open, so she entered the cabin. Pleased to see no one home, she crossed to his medicine cabinet to gather the supplies. She would leave a note telling him what she had taken. Working quickly, her bag was full in no time, and she headed to the door.

"Why, Miss Huddleston,are you stealing?" The sarcastic voice stopped Christy where she stood. She turned to see Margaret standing on the steps leading from Neil's bedroom. For some reason, the thought of Margaret in his room put a knot in her stomach. Gathering her wits, she finally responded to the accusation.

"I'm sorry, Margaret. I didn't think anyone was here."

"Well, you seem to be well acquainted with this cabin and where Mac keeps everything."

Christy looked away, feeling somewhat ashamed. "Miss Alice sent me for some supplies. Dr. MacNeill hasn't been by the mission for a while, and we were beginning to run out of some things."

Margaret chuckled as she sauntered down the stairs. "Mother sent you for supplies, eh? You mean she sent you to spy on me--to check and see if I was even still around--if Neil and I had made up and were living happily ever after."

Christy could see the unhappiness on this woman's face and hear it in her voice. How could one so outwardly beautiful be so bitter inside? Margaret could see the questions in Christy's eyes and grinned the grin of a spider ready to pounce on a fly.

"You've been so sheltered from the bad things in this world, haven't you, Miss Huddleston? You only see the good in people and turn away from the ugliness. Well, all I've seen is the ugly." She could tell Christy was taken aback by her words, so she kept talking. "Did Neil ever tell you how we met?" Oh yes...she would enjoy this! A smile spread across Margaret's face.

"Neil was recently back from school in Scotland. The world outside Cutter Gap was still so new and exciting to him. He wanted to experience all it had to offer, and I was one of those things." Christy didn't seem to fully comprehend what Margaret was implying, but Margaret continued anyway.

"He was staying with some friends in the city who just happened to be 'business associates' of mine. You see, I was working at a local dance hall--- imagine the El Pano teahouse on a much grander scale." Margaret noted a look of realization on the young teacher's face. "Finally, Pollyanna, you get the picture. Neil came one night to the hall and we hit it off, quite well as I recall." She could see that Christy was becoming unsettled by these words, and this only spurred her on.

"We were both looking to get away from where we came from and soon we married. Not much thought went into it, really. It was purely a physical relationship."

"Margaret, you don't need to explain anything to me," Christy interjected.

"Then I'll cut to the chase. It was silly of me to come back. I should have just went on to Atlanta when I had the chance. There's no hope for me here, Christy. May I call you that?" Margaret was serious now.

"I thought you and Neil were working it out. He told me you were staying." A mocking laugh escaped Margaret's lips.

"I can't stay with a man whose heart is constantly longing for another. No, Neil would never turn me out seeing as I'm sick. But I can't live with his pity, so I'm doing him a favor by leaving--for good."

The reality of those words stirred Christy to action. "No! You can't leave him again! What about your health?"

"I'll do as I wish, thank you." With that, Margaret picked up her coat and started to put it on. Every move only added to Christy's raging emotions. Margaret's leaving would destroy Neil and Miss Alice all over again. Christy grabbed Margaret's arm and twirled her until they were face to face.

"Now you listen to me! I have held my tongue whenever you've been around because I didn't feel it was my place to say anything. But I cannot stay silent any longer. You are the most selfish, bitter, despiteful person I have ever met! You blame all of your problems on everyone else except on the person who deserves the blame--- YOU!" Christy's grip tightened. Margaret could do nothing but listen.

"You've made your own choices, Margaret. No one's forced you to do anything-- not Neil and not Miss Alice. I don't think I could ever forgive you for all you've done, but they both have. Yet you continue to hurt them. No, you don't deserve either of them, and by running away again, you only prove every word I just said." The two women held each other's gaze for a tense moment.

"Don't leave, Margaret." Christy was breathing so hard after her speech, yet she did not take her eyes from Margaret's. Seconds passed like hours, until Christy finally dropped her hand from Margaret's arm and took a step back.

"Are you finished, Miss Huddleston?" Margaret asked calmly. Christy nodded her head bracing for whatever came next. "Then I'm sure they're waiting for you back at the mission."

Realizing Margaret would say no more, Christy picked up the supply bag and walked out the door. ***********************************************************************

The meeting with Margaret left Christy shaken. She was chiding herself for losing control as Prince rounded a bend. There coming towards her was a very sullen Neil. Before he noticed her, she saw him pull out a small bottle and take a drink. The brooding look on his face told her he'd been drinking again. The last time he'd been drunk, David had obligingly given him a black eye. Finally, Neil spotted her, but his expression did not change. Christy brought Prince to a halt and climbed off to meet him as he neared.

"Doctor MacNeill."

"Miss Huddleston." His aloofness made Christy uncomfortable.

"I just came from your place. I had to pick up some supplies for the mission. You were gone, so I hope you don't mind that I gathered them up myself. I saw Margaret. She seemed upset."

He shot her a hateful glare. "Miss Huddleston, I'll thank you to mind your own business from now on." The offended look on her pretty face was just what he was hoping for. "Oh, did I hurt the fair maiden's feelings?" She couldn't believe he was speaking to her this way. He came closer until Christy could smell the moonshine on his breath.

"But you'll not be a maiden for long now, will you? Now that you're going the marry the wonderful Reverend Grantland... And don't you think that you should start acting like a proper betrothed young lady and avoid any meetings with a married man?! What will everyone think of you, Christy?"

The hurt exploded from Christy as a hard smack across Neil's face. He stood amazed, holding his cheek in his hand.

"How dare you, Doctor!! How dare you speak to me that way! Maybe if you tended to your own 'business,' you wouldn't be here right now acting like a drunken fool!" Christy snorted and turned to mount Prince. Before climbing on, she swung to face him once more with fire in her eyes.

"I would have thought after the black eye David gave you last month, Doctor, that you'd have learned your lesson about drinking moonshine. But then again, maybe you're not as smart as I thought you were."

And with that last retort, she quickly mounted her ride and hurried off toward the mission, leaving a much sobered Neil in her dust.