So This Is...
A Lizzie Bennet Diaries fanfic by Aisling Yinyr Ngaio
Pairing: William x Lizzie


Chapter 2: Numbness

He was back to going through the motions of everyday life. Meetings, lunches, debriefings, sleep. He never realised how mind-numbing it was until now. It was his coping mechanism, it was how he stayed sane in the dark days following his parents' deaths, with him suddenly the head of the Darcy family and business empire, totally unprepared for what he assumed he would have time to learn gradually from the ground up.

It was how he was staying sane now, in the aftermath of... her.

Forcing himself to block out the heartbreak caused by the one person he had wanted to let into his heart after being responsible for so long was draining, but he made himself remember her biting words to him, and tried, in spite of his low spirits, to enjoy the festivities with his close circle of family and friends in the weeks after that horrendous Halloween instead of retreating into his personal bubble and rebuffing everyone's kindness and love, like he did to disastrous effect during that wedding so long ago.

Thanksgiving passed well enough, even though it was the first time he was thrown back into the company of Caroline after he - and she - left Hunsford, a visit that had left him an enlightened man to the chicanery of the person he once thought as friend.

The easy friendship, bantering and sarcastic commentary were gone. She no longer played the damsel in distress or tried to recruit him for errands, which he was thankful for. They were both being very careful around each other whenever they were together, because he still appreciated Bing's friendship enough to tolerate his sister. Enough to put on a veneer of civility as they toasted and partied and dined together in the weeks before his annual ski trip with Gigi.

He was relieved when he was finally alone with Gigi at the ski cabin, out of the company of the forcefully cheerful Bing (he didn't like to dwell on it, but Bing's cheerfulness had somehow lost its easygoing charm after he left Meryton) and annoyingly chirpy Fitz. Skiing was something the Darcy siblings enjoyed, and it was... some form of escape. Courses to ski, concentration in the angles and slopes driving out thoughts other than successful navigation, exhaustion from the exercise meant they could blank themselves out just this once every year and not think about Pemberley, college, or failed romances.

Strange that despite this being a Darcy tradition he looked forward to in years passed, he found more solace and anticipation in waiting for her next vlog episode. Waited religiously every Monday and Thursday morning for her vlog to be uploaded on schedule, so that he could still feel some connection to her life, however whimsical that might be.

He was barely keeping himself together, but for her, he will. Fitting then, that she was his anchor to life, even if she would never know this.

- To Be Continued -