Caught! Chapter 1: Why Me?
By Annie
This had to be a dream, or some kind of sick cruel joke. Who would do this to me? Why me? Gah, channeling my mother again, she'd be so proud. Next thing you know I'll be pulling out the big guns. Yup you guessed it, the iron and Jim Beam.
Taking stock of my surroundings, I notice Connie behind her desk, filing her nails. She's trying to act like everything was normal, but I detected a slight twitch in her hand when my eyes landed on her.
Vinnie is still rolling around on the floor. Hmmm wonder if I could get Ranger to send him somewhere. Maybe Mongolia. Do they have ducks in Mongolia?
Something still seems off with this picture though. Oh! There it is, sitting on the couch in lemon yellow spandex. Lula. She is being waaayyy too quiet. That's so not normal. Hmm, shifty eyes. Fidgeting. Sweating. No food in sight. Yup, definite increase in tingle here.
"Why, hello Lula, didn't see you over there, you were being so quiet. What's up?" Kill them with kindness. Catch more bees with honey. And all that jazz.
"Umm…" She clears her throat. Must be a frog. "Nothing's up Steph. How's your day been? I was just heading out myself. Need some food ya know. Us big girls need our nourishment and all. So I guess I'll see ya around. Have fun!" She makes tracks for the door. Oh, I know she did not just try to bail on me!
"Stop!" Lula freezes mid step. "Turn around." I see her gulp. She turns and her eyes are as big as saucers. Yup definitely something going on here. "Sit." Wow, I've gone from channeling Mom to channeling Ranger. This is much more fun. When she's seated back on the couch I make my way over and stand in front of her.
"Explain." I cross my arms over my chest and raise one eyebrow at her. Or try to. Hey, I'm getting better at it. At least it's gone up a fraction this time. Practice is paying off.
Lula gulps again. And fidgets some more. I'm about to ask her if she needs a glass of ice water because she is sweating so much when she finally speaks.
"It's not my fault!" Un huh. Hey, wait a minute! That's my line! I drop my arms and reach for my bag. When I pull out my stun gun Lula starts hyperventilating. "OK, ok, I'll talk. No need to get all physical and shit. Jeez."
I cross my arms again and start tapping my foot. The message is clear: I'm waiting. Man, I'm getting good at this Ranger thing. Probably I've been spending too much time at RangeMan lately. Lula starts blabbing.
"She made me ok?! She called me and I was gonna say no but she blackmailed me. And then I was gonna call you and she held the donuts hostage! What kind of person holds the donuts hostage?! That's just cruel and unusual. You just don't do that. It's so wrong. So you see I had no choice. I had to save the donuts. They were being threatened. So, it's really not my fault!" Okaaayyyy.
"What the hell are you talking about, Lula?" Lula clams up. Her mouth snaps shut and she doesn't move a muscle. This is just surreal. I hear Connie clear her throat in the background. When I turn to look at her she just silently points to the file I'm still holding in my hand. Oh yeah that. I was hoping that was just a dream, a hoax, a something… guess not.
Once again ominous music plays and time slows to a crawl as I lift up the top to the file. I read down the page again. Yup info's all the same. Wait. There's something else; something I've missed. WHAT?!
"You put up the money to bond my grandmother out of jail?!"
