South Korea, neck snapped back into its usual place, was perched on the wall outside, swigging a Coke, when Russia found him.

"Oh, hey, Russia. Did you want to see my sister?"

"Not particularly, I was just looking for someone to ask about something."

"Really? What?"

"This 'sexual act' thing," Russia said, proffering the book.

Korea blinked. "Uh, yeah, probably better you don't go to my sister about this. China will get mad."

"Isn't he always mad when you're around?"

"No, that's just brother's way of saying he loves me! When he's really mad ... well, you know that knife brand my people made where the label warning came out as 'keep out of children'? That wasn't a mistranslation, it was self-defence."

Russia nodded sympathetically. "So do you know what it means?"

"Oh heck yes!" Korea said cheerfully. Unlike everyone else, he actually seemed keen to explain. "Sex originated in Korea, you know!"

"Really?" Russia put the book down on the wall and produced a notebook and pencil from one capacious pocket.

"Yep. And so did a ton of other stuff," Korea said, waving airily. "We had to invent sex pretty early, of course, we were running out of people."

Russia's brow wrinkled as he made his notes. "This sex thing makes people?"

"Well, it makes babies."

"Don't you have cabbage patches in Korea? I thought that was what kimchi was ..."

Korea snickered. "That's not where babies come from. Did you ever actually see a baby in a cabbage patch?"

"Well, no, now you mention it. But why would Ukraine lie to me?"

"When did she say that?"

"Oh, back when we were little."

"So maybe she didn't know then and never got round to telling you when she did find out. She works on a farm, she's gotta know the truth. Besides, babies still get born at times of year when cabbages don't grow, right? So how can you find a baby under a cabbage when there aren't any?"

"Hm, I never thought of that ..."

"See?" Korea grinned. "Should have come to me earlier, I know ieeeee/i-verything. Of course it doesn't make babies every time, but that's what it started out for. Then we figured it was fun too."

"So have you done 'sex' before?"

"All the time!" Korea wilted under Russia's curious expression and amended his statement. "Well, maybe not with other people involved. Ah, but one day, big brother, one day ..."

Russia backed away slightly, feeling uncomfortable. Korea was getting the same look on his face that Belarus always had when smashing down yet another door. "Um, are you okay?"

Korea ignored him, hugging himself and cooing. "Yes, brother, someday, yes, yes ..." To Russia's shock, Korea's nostrils suddenly fountained blood, and he yelped, pressing his sleeve to his nose. "Dammit! Um, I've gotta go take care of this ..." He hurried back indoors, walking extremely oddly.

Russia blinked, and looked at his notes. Well, that was something to go on, at least. Better go and ask someone else. He hoped not everyone got nosebleeds when discussing it, or he'd never get an explanation.


Poland was in the bar, sipping something pink with an umbrella in it. He scowled as Russia approached, then looked curiously at the book in Russia's hand.

"Poland, can you tell me what this means?"

Poland looked at the book, looked at Russia's face, and burst out laughing so hard he fell off his chair. Russia waited patiently for him to answer the question, but he didn't seem like he was going to stop laughing soon. It appeared Poland wasn't going to help either.

Prussia was now sitting at the other end of the bar, glaring into a beer bottle. Russia heard him muttering something which sounded like "should have known the big stupid bastard wouldn't know which end to work with" and "made me feel dumber than he is". Russia looked at him, and he shrank away in terror. Russia wondered why.


(The "keep out of children" knife is allegedly real, though disappointingly enough it actually was just a mistranslation.)