...You took a knife to my heart

And cut out the rational parts...

I knew that you were just misunderstood - Mad Love. by Jojo

A/N: I'm cross posting this story, it's also on my Tumblr. It's Dean Ambrose x OFC with hints of Finn Balor x OFC on occasion. Lots of angst and eventually, some smut which is kind of why the story has an M rating. I don't want to get myself into serious shit by labelling it Teen when it's not going to stay teen, you feel?

Anyway, I split up the POV and I write OFC's POV in first person (I/Me) and Dean's in 3rd which is weird but it's how I do things and I'm used to it that way. I hope this won't confuse anyone. I've never posted anything on before, so if it's trash, I'm sorry?

If there are any triggers, I will tag them here at the beginning of the chapter so no one gets triggered or upset by anything I've written.

PLOT:

Kristina is in a fwb ( friends with benefits) relationship with Dean Ambrose. She wants more than just his friendship though. After another one night stand, as he's leaving, it hits her ( and him) and rather than talk about it, both of these stubborn little shits proceed to do the things that result in an angst filled love plot with some comedic relief (and awkwardness of course) along the way. Will they finally get themselves together? Or will things take a completely different turn with the introduction of another interested party in the mix?


The door to her hotel room was open and some old rock song was playing quietly from within and even though he shouldn't, even though he swore to himself that he was avoiding her and it was for the best and that's just how it had to be, he couldn't stop himself from leaning in the doorway quietly as he watched her dancing around the room.

looks like she's got a date

did you really think she wanted you, man?

she's probably relieved this is all over

On accident, something fell off the table next to him and he flattened himself against the wall beside the door, hopefully she wouldn't see him.

she's too damn busy to notice ya

it's been a month, man… not a call, not a text, nothing

Finn stepped out of his hotel room and growled to himself as he saw Dean standing next to Kristina's door. "Ambrose. Sod off."

"Fuck yourself." Dean snapped and he squared up, eye to eye with Finn before suddenly stepping back and grumbling to himself as he made sure to add hastily seconds later, "I was just leavin anyway, fuckin asshole." and away he stormed, down the hallway, slamming the door to his own hotel room behind him promptly.

He leaned heavily on the other side and then worked on the mix of emotions he was feeling. They ranged from emptiness and hurt to bitterness and jealousy. What the fuck did Kristina see in that muscled up asshole Finn anyway?

He swung at the door and swore as he shook his hand out, the door had been harder than he'd thought it would be and punching it probably not the smartest thing to do.. and then he uncapped the bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the table with a bow on the neck. Jack had gotten it for him earlier, a Christmas present.

It looked like it was going to come in handy tonight.

Down the hallway, Kristina was totally oblivious of everything.. But getting ready to go out with Becky and some of the others to at least try to pull herself out of the void she'd been feeling lately before it consumed her..

And Finn was watching her from the doorway, smiling to himself as he did so.. He'd never noticed certain thing about his old friend before and looking at her lately, it was like seeing her in a new light, in a better one. Things hadn't worked out between Finn and the girl he'd been seeing and lately, he and Kristina had sort of been a comfort to each other. Nothing physical, just two people who were hurting really badly and trying to deal with it and having no success doing it alone.

He stepped into the room and cleared his throat, flashing her a grin. "Are ye 'bout ready ta get down to da bar wid da rest?"


"Yeah, just give me a second. I gotta find my other shoes." I called out to Finn from the bathroom. I stepped out and blushed all over when I found myself pressed against him, he was holding out my shoe to me. "Dis 'ne?" he asked me with an amused expression on his face and I bit my lip. His eyes are this intense blue and I was only just now really noticing it for some reason. The nagging guilt I felt seconds later was the big cause of me stepping away quickly and giving a quiet cough as I dragged my hand through my hair and looked up at him. "Which bar are we supposed to be meeting them all at again? Like, I think Becky sent me the name and directions for my GPS but I accidentally removed the message from my phone.. I was umm.. I was cleaning out my phone."

Finn nodded and chuckled. "Ye don't 'ave to explain anythin to me."

"I know I just.. I guess if I keep reminding myself, I won't cave in?" I pondered the thought aloud. Last night had been a hard one, the hardest yet. I unpacked my stuff and I found Dean's t shirt in my things and it was one I hadn't gotten around to washing and it smelled exactly like his cologne and I held it and cried myself to sleep.

Until last night, I'd been feeling a little bit better. Last night set me way back and I found myself for a good hour there, picking up my phone and staring at it, starting texts and then erasing them before I could hit the SEND button.

Then, this morning.. I couldn't avoid it, Dean and I showed up at the same fast food place at the same time and seeing him just… have you ever wanted to run and jump into a person's arms before, to grab hold and never let go?

I had to make myself leave without any breakfast because it took literally everything in me NOT to run over to him and just pour out my soul. I think the only thing that did stop me was remembering what he'd told me a time or two before, how he 'wasn't the kind who wanted to settle down' and 'relationships were bullshit' and he 'didn't know how to love someone properly'.. Not in those exact words as far as the last statement but… The meaning was there and my own mindset being so similar, I got it and I knew exactly what he meant.

And that's when it started to hurt me. By the last night we were together, the constant knowledge that he'd never even try to let himself be loved or to love someone else it just… It was literally crushing me. Because I wanted to love him and I wanted him to love me back.

you said the same thing too, genius… that night you two started all this?… really can't hold him to fault because he agreed and told you up front

at least he didn't lie to you like most other men would have

Finn broke through my thoughts, hugging me, - a little tighter than usual I noticed, and he told me calmly, "Ye won't because I won't let ye."

"Thank you.." I mumbled, the sound was muffled against his blazer and I exhaled sharply, taking a breath or two to sort of center myself before stepping out of the lingering hug that just didn't feel like Dean's arms always seemed to.

you have got to stop this, you're hanging on, you're comparing what was never yours to have from the start to guys who could actually be yours… who might actually want you! do you not see how insane that is?

the heart wants what the heart wants… and Finn is amazing but… he's just always been your best friend and to try to make something happen when you know you don't and you won't ever feel the same way about him as you do Dean… it's only going to cost you a friend… Keep this platonic for Christ sake, don't be weak and crawl into bed with him too!….

Finn cleared his throat and held out his arm and I slid my arm into it, let him lead me out of my hotel room. As we walked past Dean's open door, I did my best to keep my eyes off of his room.. I'm pretty sure it didn't matter, he was probably already gone anyway, he never closes door behind him.

It's like nothing scares him.


Dean watched them walk by and it took all he had not to walk out, to keep from stopping them in the hall and punching Finn Balor in that smug looking face of his. In the end, Dean reminded himself that if he did that, not only would it upset Kristina, then he'd have to deal with seeing her with another guy, a better guy, one who could actually make her happy, give her what she deserved and what he didn't think he'd ever really be able to.

Still though, it didn't stop him from throwing the bottle in his hands against the far wall of his hotel room or punching the door after he slammed it shut. Five minutes later found Jimmy and Jey knocking, Jack Swagger in tow.

"C'mon. Get your ass out of this room. Look, you our boy and all uce, but… all of this shit is kind of on you.. And her, but you don't have to keep quiet. You could talk to her, man." Jimmy told Dean as Jey tossed clothes at him and pointed to the bathroom.

"I'm not fuckin going out."

"In that bathroom, uce or we'll throw your ass in.. Looking like a damn hobo and shit, your hair all greasy and the same damn sweats ya had on at the gym? Uce.. You want the girl back, right?"

"Fuckin butt outta this."

"He wants her back.. But handling it all like this," Jack swept his arms wide as he spoke.. "It's not the way, man. I thought lunatics didn't get scared… Here you are, hiding away like a little bitch."

If Jimmy and Jey hadn't grabbed the two, Dean probably would have drunkenly lunged and swung at Jack but Jack smirked because the end result was the one they wanted when they came to drag Dean out.. Dean was showered, sobering up and ready to go out with them when he stepped out of the bathroom again.

"Where are we goin?"

"Probably the arcade in town.. Kofi and some of the other guys want to play laser tag. Thought you might wanna hit the batting cages or something, find a way to get rid of your pent up feelings man." Jack chuckled as Dean glared and growled, "I don't have pent up feelings, god damn it."

"Riiight.. That's why you were over here acting like a little bitch, throwing shit around your room in the dark while drunk off your ass."

"Swagger?"

"Yeah?"

"Remind me to punch ya in the fuckin dick later."

"I don't give a flying fuck as long as you leave this room and come out with us.. hell man, she's not the only girl on Earth, you might even meet a better one!"

"I don't want a better one. I want her."

"THEN TELL HER DUMBASS!" the twins gave their friend an exasperated eye roll as they yelled it at Dean at the same time. Dean flipped them off and grabbed his key card..

…. if she's movin on, you might as well… because you'd only fuck it up, you'd only scare her… you're not good enough, you'll never be good enough!