Hey y'all its TwoMoon'sLite. littleblackneko is on vacay for now, so I'm here to update and do review replies. Anyways, here is the first interlude, which is basically just letters from Em to Crys and vice versa. We hope you like it! Also, Happy Red Pants Monday, fellow Sherlockians!
Purplepacker, ecrichard : Thanks, we're glad you like it. The whole idea of kitty!lock was my idea, but everything else was a collab. Hope you like this next chap!
DISCLAIMER: Sadly, we own niether Sherlock or John or any other characters. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle owns the names, but BBC owns these versions. littleblackneko owns Crystal and I own Emelia.
Crystal.
Dearest Crystal,
Miss you love. Sherlock (both of them) are being rather boring. Papa decided my pillow would be an excellent place to store severed toes so I am not speaking with him. Instead, I put his acid in a different container. He accidentally put it on a "very important experiment".
Mama is being herself, although she sighs more often.
Sherlock stole one of Jawn's dog toys. Mycroft got stuck in the umbrella stand (the fatty). Greg likes cheeseburgers with mustard and pickled radishes (don't ask).
See you soon, Crys.
OH! And I start school on Monday. I hope that people are nice.
With all my deductions,
Emelia Holmes
P.S. They were not nice. I don't ever want to go again.
To Emelia Holmes,
I agree. School isn't very fun, never has been. For example, I am writing this while I am supposed to be paying attention to how to do long division. You told me how to do that when you were four, I am so done with these idiots. If you don't go though, you'll have to be homeschooled, which would probably end up being your Uncle Mycroft which would not be fun, since you said that he would usually rather be shagging the DI man (you know what shagging means...I guess I need to censor myself and watch less 'inappropriate material. I won't though...such a rebel.) Dad has been working longer nights, which is good for him I guess because that means more patients. I, however, wish for him to cuddle on the couch and watch old Marvel movies. Snake Jim has been taunting both of the Jawns by leaving the barn at night and crawling up to the window with his tongue out. I wonder what's wrong with your mum (though I think Sherlock would make most people sigh eventually) I was wondering where his toy had disappeared to, that bratty cat. Maybe kitty!My could work out with turtlestrade. Dad has another date again tonight. This is their third one, but I don't think she'll last much longer (they never do). I hate them cuz they just want Dad for his money and degree. I wish you were here so you could deduce her and make sure she stays away... another generation of Holmes ruining his love life because of the ladies' idiocy. I'm about to get caught, so I have to look productive.
With all my feels, Crys Watson
Watson -
SAVE ME.
NOW.
THESE IDIOTS CRYS.
IDIOTS.
Sherlock talks to me again and Mom is getting bags under her eyes.
Neither knows that I have the journal.
I wish that Mycroft would home school me. I asked but he said no, that Papa had gone through it and so had Mama and so had he and Greg and John, so I would too. (I also know that Greg was en route to My's house, probably to shag. And don't censor Watson, its incredibly Dull...)
Sherlock was impressed by the size of my tantrum afterwards.
I did find kitty!My in turtlestrade's terrarium. Both were asleep. I'm pretty sure Little Lock is worshiping Jawn's toy, he never is seen without it.
Send me a picture and a description of her likes and I shall deduce her for you so she will leave.
Do try not to become a mass murderer before Thanksgiving Crys.
John should know by now that the ladies he dates run away because we force them because we love him. (Especially Papa.)
Gotta go, Little Lock just went in the lab and Papa is already in there. Stupid cat is going to get himself blown up.
With my deductions locked and loaded,
Em Holmes
My Darling Holmes,
Idiots are the worst. If you came here, there would still be idiots. You could help me kill them.(the not being a mass murderer thing isn't looking so hot). You would think they would know the horridness of public education and not put us through it but, alas, we are stuck in this place where the food tastes like it was made for dogs, and trust me I know exactly how it tastes since a very groggy Dad accidentally had some on his toast yesterday morning because he thought it was his raspberry jam. And I'm surprised they underestimated your Pouty Power, Em .A boy from class stole my poem book yesterday and started to read it so I punched him in the nose. Dad did not have a very good day yesterday, to say the least. Jawn misses Little Lock. He looks at me every morning like he wants me to make the cat appear with my magical powers of being a human. Enclosed is a photograph of the woman I am now calling the Brunette Bitch because she asked my dad why I didn't have a babysitter and started going off about how bad he was at parenting and how irresponsible he was being in thinking I could care for myself. I wanted to punch her too, but Da gave me a pleading look that said 'do nothing'. NO ONE CALLS HIM A BAD FATHER. HOLD BACK NOTHING EM!
With all hopes that no one gets blown up and your parents discuss their underlying emotional issues,
Your Ever Loyal Conductor of Light, Crys
P.S. The boy's name is Donny Anderson. I'm noticing a trend here.
P.P.S. I WANT YOU TO COME BACK NOW HOLMES.
To My lovely Conductor of Light,
They have underestimated the Pouty Power. Extremely.
They have yet to witness a tantrum yet, but a girl said (quite loudly from the top of the play set) that the reason Papa pretended to die was because John decided he wanted a better shag. I threw her off. Hard.
I would have ripped off her brown pigtails too, but the teacher caught me before I could. Mommy was not pleased. Papa was.
How hard did you punch him? Was there blood? Did you get a sample for me?
You should have punched her anyway.
Little Lock is giving me the same look.
Okay here goes: The Brunette Bitch has Daddy issues (lack of in her case), and is sleeping with 3 other men. She doesn't want John (as you rightly assumed), but once he shags her, she will leave. She has had 2 no 3 abortions and paid for her last shag, at a dirty run-down place. She wears cheap perfume and her "designer" clothes and handbags are cheap knockoffs. She wears too much perfume and has a tendency to be too handsy and grabby. 80% chance she will say the wrong name in bed. She is also a heartless bitch who must be stopped before she undermines Women's Rights completely. READ JOHN THIS EXACT PARAGRAPH.
With hopes that your Dad hasn't made any drastic moves and that Anderson broke his nose,
Your ever-speaking Deduction maker, Em
P.S. I have too. The little girl was Juliet Donovan.
P.P.S. PAPA PURCHESED TRAIN TICKETS FOR YOU AND JOHN TO COME UP FOR CHRISTMAS! AND JAWN AND JIM TOO!
Dear my Juvenile Detective,
We are doing a 'writing letters' unit in school, but I don't think I could use this for my assignment because the bastards here would not be alright with the cussing and subject matter. I wrote what little girls should talk about for that, and it is so not us. I am noticing a violent streak in us that would be concerning if it weren't us. There was blood. Gushing. He has a splint now. I am proud of us (and I took a blood sample for the next time I see you by not washing the shirt I was wearing which I hope is ok, considering that I was being dragged away by the elbow by the headmaster. Of course it bled. I've been being raised by a former soldier!) I don't know how my dad keeps choosing such horrible women...maybe he doesn't want to find someone or something... I hate breaking off something that Da thinks is going well because he always looks so sad after, but in this situation I had too.
Let me the set the scene: It is 11:30 at night and Dad returns home with Bitch in tow. They are snogging and I am wanting to vomit horrendously, so I blast green day on my headphones for a while cuz screw censorship. When I took them off, they were still at it and she was behaving according to your deductions (ironically, her name is Chastity). I needed to end the situation. I wanted to have a nice little sit down with my Da and explain the situation to him so he would dump her, I don't know, the next day. I did however need to stop this situation cuz I was not about to let her screw my dad over. I went and played innocent and told that I'd had a nightmare and needed hot cocoa and a cuddle. He was going to ask her to leave and comply cuz he's great like that, but then she started glaring and Da was getting uncomfortable, and I knew I needed to act fast. I had your letter in my pajama pants pocket, and handed it to her saying 'My friend is a genius' and she read it and he read it over her shoulder, knowing that you are never wrong. He looked at her incredulously and she looked at me and just to be a smartarse I asked her if she would adopt me if they got married. The next bit was a blur. She called me a little bitch and I was rearing back to slug her like you said, but Da grabbed my arm so I couldn't. He was a bit in shock at this point, but it all changed when the next second, she punched me on the cheek. Dad flipped. He grabbed his gun and pointed it at her and called the police. She is now in custody.
ON THE PLUS SIDE, I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU FOR CHRISTMAS
-Crystal
Crys-
Do not wash your shirt. that works very well for my experiment.
So proud of both my Watsons.
Tell John I said that and I'll hide your Green Day.
SEE YOU SOON
-Em
Em-
According to Dad, it is not appropriate for me to take Jim to your house, "around your neck where he could have the chance to strangle you to death" They aren't pals. Enclosed are six CDS. Burn yourself copies. Delete the evidence that I abetted you in this manner. Return them to me upon arrival on the twenty-third.
-CW
REVIEW PLEASE!
~TwoMoon'sLite~
