A/N: Obviously I did not invent this magical world of awesomeness. All credit goes to Rowling!

1. The moment clichés entered my life

"Can you dance like a Hippogriff?"

I growled.

"Can you kiss me like Mermen do? Yes, kiiiiiss meeee."

I was going to bloody well murder her. "WILL YOU SOD OFF?" I yelled, annoyed at my friend who couldn't hold a tune to save her life.

"Good morning to you too, my little Mandrake of sunshine."

"How, in the name of Merlin, can a Mandrake be of sunshine?" I muttered, pulling my pillow over my head. I have never been a morning person and I probably never will be. Usually I'm not this unpleasant - and with usually I mean, in the Summer holidays - but at Hogwarts I'm always awoken by the sweet and terrible voice of my best mate Cassandra. I love the girl with whole my heart, but in the mornings? When she is this chipper and singing and whatnot? She'd better stay away.

Of course, she rarely ever does that.

"Do not go and ruin my mood, Rosemary Kendal Woodstock." I cringed at the use of my full name and muttered incoherently into my mattress. "Now get out of bed, before that handsome boyfriend of yours goes to breakfast without us."

"Leave my handsome boyfriend out of this, Cass," I sighed, having given up on sleeping at all, and sat up. I went with a hand through my hair and looked around our dormitory. It seemed like everyone else had already left, which was rather strange. We were almost always the ones to get up first and wake up the others. "How late is it exactly?" I wondered, cursing the fact that watches didn't work at Hogwarts. I mean, sure, we're magical folk but should we completely ban everything Muggles made? Do they even have any idea of how handy a mobile phone was in a big castle like this?

"It's almost half past eight," Cassandra shrugged.

"Half past eight?" I squeaked, before I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom like a lunatic. Naturally, being the capable witch that I am, I tripped and bumped my head against the doorframe. I cried my displeasure to the heavens, while I brought my hand to my forehead. I wasn't bleeding. Thank Morgana for that, I thought, while I got up again and dashed into the bathroom. While brushing my teeth, I realized I hadn't brought any clothes with me so I ran back into the dorm.

Cassandra looked up from where she sat on her bed and laughed at me. I sent a glare her way and still giggling softly, she turned her attention back to the Witch Weekly that she was currently reading. I stormed back into the bathroom, finished brushing my teeth, put on my clothes and quickly went with a comb through my hair. Jumping up and down, while putting on my shoes, I went back to the dorm and tied my shoelaces on my trunk. "All done," I announced proudly.

"Finally," sighed Cass, while throwing her magazine back on her nightstand. "Let's go. Class is about to start."

I gave her a look. "Breakfast?"

"No time, Mandrake of mine," she shrugged, "you'll just have to wait 'til lunch."

"What about you?" I protested. How come I had to wait until lunch? What about her?

"I already ate," she grinned and I gave her a slight push. "Great friend you are."

"I am," she acknowledged, "that's why you love me so."

I rolled my eyes and continued my way downstairs. Unlike what Cassandra had promised me, my boyfriend was not waiting for me there. "Where's Taran?"

"Sweetheart, I had to say something to get you out of bed," Cassandra smirked, before she ran off.

I rolled my eyes, annoyed with her behaviour, and ran after her. We ran all the way to our Potions class and again I thanked Dumbledore that our common room was in the dungeons. Before you start to even think it, I'd like to make clear that I am not a Slytherin. For some reason everyone always seems to forget that another house had taken residence in the dungeons. I'm a proud Hufflepuff, thank you very much.

Our dorm mates were already standing at the door, waiting for it to open. The Gryffindors had arrived as well and were staring at us with all the haughty arrogance they could master. Or at least... he was.

"Late again, Woodstock?"

"Shove it, Potter," I snarled, turning my back to him as a statement of my dislike for him. I heard him chuckle at my response, which only annoyed me more. James friggin' Potter. What's there to say? His daddy saved the world and now the little brat thinks he owns Hogwarts. Obviously, half of the school thinks so as well and worships the ground he walks on. Ah, well, to be fair I actually should say a little bit over the half of the school, since I'm sure some blokes are lusting after him as well. Perhaps if he hadn't been such a total twat to me in our first year, I'd probably lust after him too. But let it be known to the Wizarding World and beyond, I can hold a grudge like a mother guarding her child.

Heh. Not really sure were that comparison came from, but I like it. It has a nice ring to it, even if it doesn't make any sense.

But back to the annoying likes of Potter. It isn't like I'm the only one holding a grudge here, Potter would like nothing more than to hex me into oblivion... Which he has on multiple occasions, unfortunately. I've always prided myself with the knowledge that I didn't lower myself to his level by cursing him when his back was turned. I just liked to shout at him. A lot. I highly recommend it as a way to ease your mind.

"Must you?" Cass hissed, while she gave Potter a tiny wave. He must have waved back or something, because she flushed.

"I must," I solemnly said. "Now please stop crushing on my archenemy. You're starting to look like a dying fish." I stared at her in wonder. Sure the bloke was good looking, but her mouth popped open and closed again as if she was trying to think of something witty to say, but came up blank. "Seriously, stop it. You're freaking me out."

"You're a Hufflepuff," she snapped, coming out of her daze frighteningly fast, "start behaving like the loyal friend you're supposed to be and support me. You're supposed to say that he'd be lucky to have me and that he secretly wants me so bad that he has wet dreams of me. You're supposed to cheer me up when I'm down when he has a new girlfriend!"

I gave her a look. "First, then I'd have to cheer you up three times a day. Even you can't keep up with the way he goes from one to another girlfriend in only a matter of hours."

"He isn't that-"

"If you were planning on saying the word 'bad', I'd highly advice you to swallow it," I threatened, waving with my finger in front of her face just because I know it'd annoy her. "Secondly, of course he'd be lucky to have you! You're way out of his league and you could do so much better than a twat like him. Thirdly, would you really want all the media attention? Because let's face it, if you date James Potter for a time longer than three hours it would be instant front page news. Your face would be on every newspaper in the world, proclaiming either what a whore you are or how lucky the son of the great Harry Potter is to finally 'have found love'." I used my fingers to stress my point. "No guy is ever worth the trouble."

Cassandra seemed to think over what I had just said, before she shook her head. "Nah, I think he is worth it."

"I don't mean to interrupt or anything," said an annoying voice from behind me, which made me stiffen and ball my fists. "But you do realize that I'm only standing six feet away from you and can hear everything you're saying?"

I turned around and faced the subject of our conversation head on. "Has no one ever told you that it's impolite to listen in on other people's conversations?"

"By the way, I do think I'm worth the trouble." He gave Cass a wink, the ratfink!

"You should keep your nose out of other people's business, Potter," I started angrily, but was interrupted before I could go on with my very impressive lecture on polite behaviour.

"You made it everyone's business when you started to go off like a banshee about how much of a manwhore I am."

"Aha!" I shouted, pointing a finger at him. "So you admit it!"

He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Admit what?"

"Manwhore!" I yelled and ignored the angry protests from the girls in our small crowd that had gathered around us.

"There, there, miss Woodstock, that's no way for a lady to talk."

Potter smirked, which I pointedly ignored and turned around to see our professor standing in the doorway.

"But, professor," I began again, but he shook his head.

"I want to hear nothing of it, miss Woodstock. Detention, tonight at eight in my office."

Potter chuckled softly at that and I glared at the floor. It was so unfair that he could just go unpunished because he was the son of the great Harry Potter. I scoffed silently and entered the classroom last. I went to sit at my usual table, but professor Malcorn - I kid you not, that really is his name - shook his head. "Oh no, miss Woodstock. You're going to sit next to Mr. Potter."

"W-What?" I stammered. He couldn't be doing that to me, could he? Was he even allowed to do that? Never mind. Stupid question, I thought heavily. Of course he was allowed to do that, he was the professor after all, but still... "You can't possibly mean for me-"

"I mean precisely that, miss Woodstock. You are so perceptive today, it's astounding!"

The class laughed at my expense and I decided to glare at them all as punishment. As you can imagine they all screamed in fear.

"Professor, please, don't let me sit beside him today. We're more likely to kill each other off than get some actual work done!"

"I wasn't talking about today," professor Malcorn admonished, "I was thinking it might be better if you sat with Mr. Potter for the rest of the year."

Even Potter's smirk faded. "Professor," he protested immediately, "you can't do that!"

"I most certainly can, young man. So both of you, sit down and stop complaining, before I see myself forced to use a potion, yes?"

We all blinked at him. Sure, professor Malcorn wasn't all that sane most of the time, but it was outrageous the way he thought he could speak to his students.

"You can't talk to us that way, professor," I started, but when he gave me an evil look I hurriedly went over to Potter's table and sat down.

"Chicken," Potter muttered under his breath.

"Asshat," I replied.

Potter turned around and gave his friends, aka Fred Weasley and Oscar Wood an annoyed look. He made sure to do it in such a way that I'd notice. I growled and could hear Weasley and Wood chuckle. Annoying Gryffindors. I was in my seventh year at Hogwarts, which meant that all the houses were represented in this class. There were only three Slytherins and only five of us, Hufflepuffs. The rest of the class consisted of Gryffindors and Ravenclaws. We were largely outnumbered to say the least, not that we let that bother us much.

"So, if Mr Potter and miss Woodstock are quite done glaring at each other," the class laughed, "we could perhaps continue on with the lesson, eh?" Professor Malcorn made a wide and absurd gesture with his hands, before tapping the blackboard with his wand. On it stood the instructions of how to make a sleeping drought. "Be cautious, my dear students, for this potion is rather difficult and those who will manage to brew it perfectly, will get four extra points on their examination at the end of the year." I stared at him dumbfounded. Four extra points, really? Surely this potion couldn't be that hard that he was even willing to give away that big a reward? I bit my lip to try and stop the smile that was threatening to light up my face. I was so owning this.

"Since this potion is so hard to brew, I'd rather you all work together in pairs. I've discussed it with your other professors and instead of two hours you will be granted three hours to finish your potion."

What? We were supposed to have Defense Against the Dark Arts after this! I heard my fellow classmates whispering about it as well, which seemed to annoy our dear professor.

"Like I said before," he shouted to shut us all up, "I've got permission to keep you all here until fourth period and that's what I'm doing. Does anyone have anything worthy to mention?"

My hand shot up.

"Yes, miss Woodstock, you have to pair up with Mr Potter. Anyone else?"

I glared at him. Most of the time I adored him, but right now I wanted to chuck my cauldron at his head. Cassandra turned around in her seat and gave me a weak smile and a shoulder shrug. As if she wanted to say: "What can you do?"

I shrugged back and gave Potter the Evil Eye.

"Don't look at me like that, Woodstock. If you had just kept your big mouth shut earlier, we wouldn't be in this stupid situation to begin with," he snarled, grabbing his book and opening it at the proper page. "You'd better not suck at making potions."

Excuse me? "How dare you! It's obvious that I didn't want anyone to hear what I was saying to my best friend. I can't help it that you feel like you're so important that you have to listen to everyone's conversation in the hopes of catching them talking about you!"

Potter rolled his eyes. "You were talking about me and as the subject of the conversation I felt it justified that I knew what you were talking about. Besides you screech like a banshee on her period, when you're frustrated."

"I do not!" I yelled, making several classmates turn around in their seats and stare at us.

He cringed. "You just proved my point, Hufflepuff."

"Shut your trap, Gryffindor, before I make my wand do it for you."

"I would love to see you try."

I scoffed at that. He has always underestimated my craftiness as a witch, so why would this time be any different? No matter that I'm at the top of my class in Defense and Transfiguration... No, I must be a crappy witch for sure! Stupid Potter. I stood up, got our needed ingredients and gave him a filthy look. I knew he didn't completely suck at Potions, but that didn't mean he wouldn't mess up our potion to annoy me. "Let's just work together, okay? We can go back to yelling the crap out of each other after this class."

Potter gave me a look as if to say that I was daft to even suggest a temporary peace.

"Or not," I muttered darkly. Honestly, what did all those bimbo's see in him? We started to work in silence, both of us refusing to say another word to the other unless it was absolutely necessary. I even went as far as to gesture which ingredients I needed, which of course Potter ignored haughtily. I positively growled and pushed him aside so I could reach the frog eyes. I threw them in the cauldron and noticed that we weren't even close to the midnight blue we were supposed to have by now. "Potter, our potion is green."

"Nothing gets by you, Woodstock," he said drily, while he stirred the potion with his wand and tapped the cauldron three times afterwards.

"We weren't supposed to do until that after we added the dragon's blood! What are you trying to do, Potter? Ruin our grade just so you can feel better about your crappy self?" I screeched. Okay, so maybe I could be good at imitating a banshee, but don't ever tell Potter I thought that.

"Will you please calm down, Woodstock?" Potter yelled, waving his wand around like a madman.

"Put your wand down, Potter, before somebody loses an eye," I snapped. I turned back to our potion, which now had a wonderful shade of yellow. "Look at what you've done!" I wanted to pull my hair out and heard Wood and Weasley chuckle behind us. I turned around and glared at them as well. "You think this is funny, do you? Why don't you people have normal friends, who actually care about their grades and, Merlin forbid, other people!"

"I do care about other people, I just don't care much about your grades and about you."

"Thanks, Potter, because that was totally the point I was trying to make." I poked him in the chest and he growled.

"Do not touch me."

I made a point of waggling my finger around, before I poked his shoulder. Okay, so maybe I'm not even half as grown-up as I'd like to think, but Circe be damned if I let myself be bullied by the likes of him.

"Guys," Wood started, but Weasley but a hand on his arm and shook his head. Wise man, I thought. I was about to explode and scratch Potter's eyes out, when a Slytherin came slithering by.

"Jesus, Potter, at least try to act as if you're not an old and married couple." The Slytherin, Lucas Goyle, rolled his eyes and started to walk away.

Potter balled his fists. "What did you just say, Slytherin?"

"Seriously, what is it with you and using people's houses to address them?" I asked, annoyed endlessly.

"Shut it, Woodstock."

Goyle laughed and pointed his wand at Potter.

I decided to ignore them and focus back on our potion. We had less than two hours left to finish it and it looked like we would have to start all over again. But what if I added another owl feather? Wouldn't that counteract the dragon's blood? I shrugged and decided that that would be worth a shot. I had just dropped the feather in our cauldron, when I saw a green flash coming straight at Potter and me. It was too late to take my wand and Potter grabbed my arm to shove me out of the way just when our potion exploded, soaking us completely, and the curse hit us dead on.