A N: I don't own community. Deal with it.
A N 2: But how much cute-yet-awesome was 5x05? I felt 1000 years younger just by watching it.
Britta hated her job.
After their expulsion from Greendale because of their very loud, very destructive sex and the restraining order put on them by the now mysteriously avoiding Dean, Jeff and Annie had reclosed themselves on Jeff's apartment, coming out only for the few group meetings held out of Greendale at apartment 303 and, as Abed's creepy-yet-convenient cameras around the city revealed her, to go to always a different restaurant once a week.
She didn't know where the hell they got all that money, being both of them jobless, but, humph, whatever…
The now 5 members of the study group had so tried to pass the Biology Final without their two friends.
"Tried" being the keyword here.
Because after some time, their Yam got smashed by an unknown assailant, professor Kane giving all of them a passing C for their efforts.
And then Starburns died in a car crash, which then caused his meth lab to explode, making his body disappear.
And then Professor Kane had resigned because of Starburns death, forcing them to retake the class in summer school.
And then the Dean refused Britta's idea to host a Starburns memorial service who she was sure would have soothed the group hidden-but-evident sorrows. He didn't even show up to do it in person. The coward!
And then Chang's thought police had entered the cafeteria and forced them to bend and spread.
Oh, yeah, Chang had also been promoted as Greendale's first Illuminate Leader, instituting a reign of terror through the employ of his army of preteen minions.
Did she forget to mention that?
Still, she had rightly refused to do so.
So Joshua, their leader, ordered to arrest her and bring her to the "Interrogation Chambers."
It sounds less creepy then it was.
So Troy had jumped in to defend her, which she would have found sweet if she wasn't against those kind of gender roles.
She still found it sweet, through.
Then Abed jumped in to defend a crying Troy.
Then Shirley jumped in too, her Mama Bear (Damn, she should spend less time with Abed!) instincts setting in.
Then Pierce jumped in to not be left alone.
Things escalated pretty quickly.
In less than an hour, they had started a riot of massive proportions, the Chang-lorious Basterds being overwhelmed pretty quickly by the army of angry students.
And that's when the police entered the scene.
After an awkward call to Jeff and Annie to bail them out, they exited the police station, free, but now them too expelled by the school.
At least they still had each others.
What Britta didn't have, however, were the money for her rent. Or for her food. Or for her cats many expansive surgeries.
She so began to search for a part-time job.
She found it almost a month ago. It seemed perfect, with flexible hours, a lot of people interactions and, most important of all, a good pay.
Her job interview went well, as the interviewer seemed to like her.
He was…
He looked like…
He seemed…
Britta couldn't quite remember him. She was sure that he was skinny, almost skeletal, and that he had a deep, gravelly voice, which crept the hell out of her.
She got the job, and when she asked him why he had choose her, he had simply said:
BECAUSE I SEE POTENTIAL IN YOU. AND ALSO, BECAUSE YOU LIKE CATS.
The memory of that voice still made her shiver at night.
She quickly firmed the contract, without even thinking to read it.
She was sure that the Jeff Winger inside of her was now shaking his head in disappointment.
She sighed as she stormed through the hospital's corridors, unnoticed by the nurses and the doctor passing by.
She was holding a parchment in his hands, on it a name, a date, a place and an hour.
Behind it, an instruction.
Wait.
The funny fact was that she didn't remember WHY she had applied for that job.
Or what the job was in the first place.
She just remembered a sudden attraction towards it.
She actually remembered for what she had applied once she signed that damn contract.
Then, it was too late to do anything.
She could just rant about it.
She approached one of the rooms, in the lone bed inside was laying an old man, no one near him.
She entered the room.
"Ehm, Leonard Rodriguez?" She asked hesitantly.
The man blew a raspberry at her.
She winced.
"It's him", she thought as she approached the bed.
She glanced at her watch. It was almost time.
"So, I believe that this is new for you…" She began to say, trying to lighten the mood and cheer up Leonard, "… But think of it as a voyage to a new home, filled with flowers, sun and all your familiars and friends!"
She looked around the empty room.
"Speaking of which, where are everybody? I knew you kind of have two sons and four grandchildren, why aren't them at your deathbed."
Leonard sighed, "They never wanted to have anything to do with me."
"Oh…" Britta began to say, saddened, "… I'm so sorry…"
"Don't be…" He said, with a faint smile, "… You said it before, it's just like a voyage…" He casted a faraway glance at the window, "… A long, beautiful voyage…" He sighed again, "… I just hope that they all will forgive me, you know, after…"
A single tear was produced by Britta's left eye.
She glanced at her watch. Ten seconds.
He chuckled, "… Weird, I feel… sleepy… it usually never…" And he slowly closed his eyes.
It was time for the second part of her job.
She hated that part, she hated it with all of her atheist might.
Leonard's Ethereal Form appeared next to her.
"So, what's now…?"
"Now…" A big, leather covered book appeared in her hands, "… we need to discuss about your new… existence arrangements…"
She opened the book.
"There is anything that involves macaroni and white women in there?" He asked with a serious tone.
"We see what we can do…"
She was a Grim Reaper.
She could walk through walls, have the power to teleport near his "Job" and not be seen by normal people.
This being Greendale, she could be seen by almost everyone she knew.
Her work clothes were also perceived as her usual outfits when she was outside of work.
Which was a good thing since she couldn't take them off.
Every day, she had to go to the place signed on her scroll, follow the instructions behind it and then judge an afterlife for the newly dead.
The fact was, thought, that she had always believed in the freedom of choice.
That meant discussing with her "Clients" about their most comfortable final resting place, happy to have helped someone even in their final hours.
Taking exception for murderers. And rapist. And animal-bashers. And rich capitalists. And evil jags in general.
For them, she was Judge, Jury and Executioner.
Britta closed her book.
"Are you sure about this?" She checked.
"Hell, yeah!" Leonard agreed.
"Because I must tell you that, after this, there's no coming back…"
"Don't care. Now, give me my afterlife!"
She sighed, "Fine."
And Leonard was no more.
She had tried to miss the call, or to warn them, at the beginning.
But every time she had tried to save them, things always got worst.
Every time she had tried to avoid her duty, her work clothes burnt on her skin every wasted second.
She had tried everything, but her robe was glued to her skin, the scroll was indestructible, and the contract was nowhere to be found.
And to top it all, she couldn't resign till the end of her mandate.
Hell surely had a weird conception of part-time job.
She entered Apartment 303 for a Study Group meeting.
Everybody was staring at her from their sits.
"What…?"
"Britta…" Annie began cautiously, "There is anything you need to tell us?"
She froze on the spot.
"Annie, if is because of your condition, I'm…"
"No, no, don't worry, it's not because of the werewolf curse…" She hastily interrupted her.
"Talk for you…" Troy somberly muttered.
"Britta…" Shirley said with concern, "… We're preoccupied about your… health."
"Guys, what's wrong?" She asked preoccupied.
"Nothing?"
"What are you talking about?"
"There's nothing wrong, sweetie."
"Your tastes are wrong, Brittles."
"W-wrong? You guys said there wasn't anything wrong!"
"Their worried because my hidden cameras captured you going in and out of various hospital several times."
"Abed…" Annie reprimanded him, "… We had decided to be gentle with her…" She side-whispered to him, turning then toward Britta, "… Ehm, you're sure that nothing had happened to you?"
She stared at her. Then at the group. Her family. They deserved to know.
She sighed, "Okay, I tell you what's happening, but you promise me to not freak out."
They promised.
She told them.
They freaked out.
One of her clients had tried to defend himself, once.
He was a lieutenant colonel. He shot her thrice with his gun. All the bullets hit her.
She hadn't felt a thing. She had turned behind.
The wall behind her had three bullet holes.
That was the day she had realized that she was immortal.
Shirley's Inexistent God only knows until when.
END TAG
Jeff and Annie were lying on Jeff's bed, both soundly asleep.
One of his cabinet's doors slowly creaked open.
"BABA BOOIE! BABA BOOIE! BABA BOOIE!"
Jeff and Annie jerked awake as the black shadow jumped out of Jeff's closet.
"Shut up, Leonard. We both need our beauty sleep, go do your Bogeyman's crap somewhere else." Annie remarked with a sleepy tone.
"You will miss me." Leonard said before disappearing in a puff of purple smoke.
Jeff stared at her.
"What?"
He began to grin like an idiot.
