All The Strange, Strange Creatures

Kate cautiously approached the the small wooden door and jumped back slightly as it opened itself for them. She winced as the hinges creaked, as though the door hadn't been opened for some time. Glancing back to Osgood she indicated that they should continue onwards, despite the fact that the adrenaline was now coursing through her. Kate had to duck her head a little so that she could walk through the now open doorway, but she was able to walk upright once past the beams above her.

By some miracle, and after not too long, she and Osgood had eventually stumbled across what looked like a tavern. There had been no sign of life for miles around and then, almost out of nowhere, this small dwelling had appeared. It was wooden, crooked and looked fairly dilapidated, so neither held out much hope of it being warm and cosy. It was also quite small and rectangular shaped, the size of which hadn't surprised Kate. However, anything was better than staying outside for however long they were stuck here, wherever here was.

Osgood followed behind Kate, similarly ducking her head until she was clear of the beams. The two women turned to look at each other with raised eyebrows in silent question. It was obviously an active establishment, very warm and intimately cosy, with seasonal decorations hung on the walls and around the bar. The bar was immediately in front of them as they'd entered and a series of wooden tables were lined up against the long walls to the right of them. And to the far right, at the very end, was a large, bright bay window with a festively decorated tree in the centre of it.

"Oh, do come in!" A kindly, elderly female voice called out to them but neither woman could work out where it had come from. The door creaked slowly shut behind Osgood, which had made her jump slightly as it did so. "There, that's it. Warm yourselves up my dears." Something caught Kate's eye behind the bar and she had to stop herself from gasping as it became clear, she reached out behind her to grab hold of Osgood's hand. A very tiny, rotund woman had her back to them, her large posterior moving in rhythm with the beating of the wings that protruded from her shoulder blades. She wore a pale blue frock with many layers of skirts and a pinafore, which enhanced her shape considerably. Kate immediately brought to mind Bedknobs and Broomsticks, or Mary Poppins, where cartoon creatures had walked amongst the human characters. This woman, or perhaps fairy, wasn't quite real. Or she was real but from somewhere not on Earth. Kate wasn't frightened, in her line of work there were many aliens and creatures to be feared but she had been fortunate to make contact with some that weren't and had been fascinated by them. The woman turned around the face them and she had a perplexed look on her face, then she seemed to realise something. "Oh, do forgive my manners, I've not introduced myself. Tephra Doi at your service, although friends just call me Tepi. Please, do take a seat, by the fire if you wish…" and with a snap of her fingers a crackling fire encased within a fireplace, appeared at the other end of the room where tables had been previously. "...you both must be frozen solid!"

"I… umm… thank you." Kate responded politely before slowly taking the initiative and guiding Osgood towards one of the tables down the other end of the room and opposite the fire. They took off their warm clothing and set it out on the spare chairs beside them to dry off.

"Do you think this is safe?" Osgood whispered to the other woman, oddly not feeling at ill-ease in their strange surroundings, but cautious nonetheless.

"There's nothing to indicate it isn't. Let's just see what happens shall we? But be prepared just in case." Osgood nodded her agreement, she was very used to having to run at a moment's notice. She noticed a fluttering noise above her head, followed by a slight whoosh. She looked up and watched in fascination as four tiny robbins each held a corner of a pristine white lace tablecloth and laid it gently over the table they were sat at. Just like Tepi, they were slightly unreal, almost magical with glittering sparkles left in the air around them. They fluttered off once their job was done and then Tepi silently appeared from nowhere beside them and set out cutlery and napkins for them both.

"Now, what what you like my dears... a nice hot drink to warm you up? Could I tempt you with an indulgent slice of cake too?" Both Kate and Osgood felt their stomachs rumble at the mention of food and realised they hadn't eaten since breakfast, whenever that was. Kate's watch was stuck at 9.15, the last time she remembered looking at it. She caught Osgood's eye and nodded her agreement, despite how strange this all was there was still nothing to suggest any untoward.

"That sounds wonderful and most welcome Tepi, do you have a menu we could choose from?" Kate asked their host who then chuckled kindly.

"Oh, no menu, not here. Whatever your heart's desire, it shall be so." The woman answered cryptically and Kate looked confused. "Tell me what you would like and we'll make it for you." Tepi clarified and Kate was still unsure but she decided to go along with it anyway.

"Okay, umm… I'd like a strong milky coffee and a slice of carrot and walnut cake."

"That we can most certainly do. And for you Osgood?" Kate and Osgood's mouth fell open as they'd not yet introduced themselves to Tepi. Whatever was going on here, it was looking more and more certain that they were not on Earth.

"Err, well… I'm a bit more awkward you see… I can just have black tea and some fruit if you have any?"

"Is that what you'd really like?" Tepi asked her kindly. "Remember, you can have your heart's desire." A shiver ran through Osgood as she looked at Kate and realised just how much of a loaded statement that was.

"Umm, no. I'd really like the same as Kate but I can't have dairy."

"Of course, say no more! We cater for everyone here, you're not awkward at all. I'll be sure to rustle up something you can both enjoy." Tepi disappeared as quickly as she had arrived, leaving the two women alone for a moment.

"Well, this is certainly a very different sort of day to the one I had planned." Kate remarked dryly, as though there were days you could actually plan when you were the head of UNIT.

"Is that a bad thing?" Osgood was in a similar position but, even in light of the strangeness and uncertainty, she couldn't say that she wasn't enjoying herself. Or, more importantly, the company she was keeping. Kate looked up at Osgood with a bright smile and shook her head.

"No, absolutely not. As long as we get back to the day job alive and with all our limbs attached, eventually!" Kate chuckled, which in turn made Osgood laugh and then Kate properly laughed in response. Osgood loved that Kate had one of the most unique laughs she had ever heard and whilst normally slightly self-conscious about it, she was happy to share her laughter with Osgood.


"Are you sure they're safe?" Bill turned to the Doctor once again. They had continued to observe the two women on and off as the scene played out in front of them in the snow globe.

"Of course, what do you take me for?" She raised her eyebrows at him, given some of the adventures they'd had recently she was slightly doubtful, and he conceded slightly. "Yes, well… this is different, there's a plan."

"What exactly are you up to Doctor?" Bill asked him warily.

"Haven't you worked it out yet?" He waggled his rather expressive eyebrows at her and waited. When the penny eventually dropped, Bill's face was an absolute picture.

"Oh… oh… really?" The Doctor nodded and Bill squealed with delight and then nudged him in the side with her elbow. "I never had you down as an incurable romantic."

"Not so much romantic as practical but yes… well…"


Kate and Osgood were enraptured by the activity going on around them. Several sprites flittered in the air around them, just as the robbins had done. One, in an emerald green dress, seemed to be leading the ingredients for the cake in a merry dance into a mixing bowl, a wooden spoon stirring the contents seemingly by itself. How the liquid defied gravity and managed not to spill all over the floor was obviously all part of the strange magic that was within the building. The most incredible thing was to come; once the cake batter had been mixed together and set out in a tin, it cooked right in front of their very eyes, without the aid of an oven! Kate watched as the mixture bubbled and rose until it had set into a firm cake. It slipped itself from the tin and a generous slathering of a cream cheese type icing was laid on top.

As the cake was sliced and presented on plates, another couple of sprites set about making the drinks. The sprite dressed in the blue gown made Osgood's non-dairy coffee, adding a touch of frothy foam to the top and a sprinkling of glitter to make it look special. A purple gowned sprite made Kate's drink in the same way. All the elements came together at the same time and the sprites gently set the cakes, plates and drinks on the table in front of them with more magic. Both women hesitated in their indulgence before checking with each other and then tucking in. Kate had to admit that the sustenance was most welcome. The coffee was perfect, smooth a strong just the way she liked it and the cake moist and nicely spiced to give flavour. Osgood found hers to be just as satisfying and revelled in the luxury of it.

They'd enjoyed companionable silence as they had eaten their cake and consumed their drinks and then eased into gentle conversation about themselves after they'd finished. There was nothing more they could practically discuss about their current situation and no way of knowing what was happening back at HQ, so for once they had an opportunity to talk about more personal subjects. They spoke about their fathers and long association with UNIT, about the pressures to live up to their reputations from all sides but mostly from themselves. Kate was clearly proud of Gordy, his struggles early on in his school days hadn't seemed to hold him back from what he had wanted to do with his life. He'd gone down the science route, albeit about more earthly matters such as research into illness and disease. Osgood exchanged tales of her sister and nieces, of whom she didn't get to see as often as she would have liked but was clearly very attached to them.

Their hearts and stomachs full, the time came for them to leave the strange but wondrous tavern and head back out into the cold and try to find a way back home.