Aya POV

I walked into the cold, deserted mansion. I knew that no one would be home, and yet, I still came here. I needed human contact at this moment. There was nothing more in the world that I craved at that moment. My stomach growled informing me that there was something else that I needed. I sighed. Even though my body needed food, I had no appetite.

I walked past the kitchen and up the stairs to the second floor, where most of the bedrooms were. I headed to my room, keeping my eyes dejectedly to the floor glancing up only to look at the doors. I stopped and turned to look up at my door. Signs covered the door. They were fairly happy and bubbly captions and pictures. I gagged at the sight of them. I didn't want to be happy right now. I hadn't felt that emotion in some time. I had no clue what caused my depression, but I knew that if Tsunade sent me on a mission now, I would fail. Fail with my life as the price.

I wrenched open the door of my room, resisting the urge to tear the papers from the door. I slammed the door behind myself, jumping as the noise echoed through the mansion. I laughed weakly. I was a pathetic mess. I trudged to my bed and collapsed onto it. I didn't bother to undress or take my shoes off as I drifted off to sleep.

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I woke with a start. I didn't feel too well. I sat up with a wince. My back was sore. I groaned as I stood. I should of known better than to sleep fully clothed. I rolled my shoulders and cracked my neck in an attempt to relieve some of the pain. I rolled my eyes as the pain continued to burn. I finally bent over and took off my shoes. The rest of my clothes followed. I dropped them on the floor as I made my way to the bathroom that was connected to my room.

All of our rooms had their own bathrooms.

I headed to the shower. Maybe it would help. I turned on the water. It was near scalding hot, when I stepped in. I hissed as the water hit my flesh. My back arched away from it. The water, eventually, became bearable. I stayed under the water until it started to turn cold. That was when I finally moved to wash my hair and body. I turned the water off and sat down in the tub. I leaned my back against the cool porcelain. My back felt slightly better. I looked up at the ceiling, wondering what this day would bring.

"Maybe I should go back to the Akatsuki..." I mumbled to myself. Deidara always knew how to cheer me up. There was always another way. I stood sharply, nearly slipping in the still wet tub. I went to the sink and hit the top of the counter violently. A small drawer, way too small for much of anything to fit, shot open. I picked up the small metallic object, that was my other way out. I could of used anything for what I was about to do, but this small, square piece of metal worked best. It didn't leave a scar nor did it make a jagged cut. I sat on the toilet and held my arm over the sink. I raised the razor and slid across the soft skin.

A perfect cut. At first there was nothing, but as if magic it turned red. Blood welled in the wound for a moment, before running down my arm to drip into the sink. I let out a breath as the familiar sensation went through me. I felt like a crack addict who just got her fix. I felt better than I had when I went to sleep.

I watched the blood flow. It didn't last long for the wound to stop bleeding. I turned on the water and rinsed the blade. It shined bright as always. I dried it off on a towel that I had just retrieved from a cupboard above the toilet. I placed it back into the drawer and pushed it shut. I wrapped the towel around my hair and stood. I walked back into my room and to the nightstand. I opened the top drawer of my nightstand and pulled out a bandage. I wrapped it firmly around my wrist and sighed.

I dressed quickly, putting on a tank top over a black, long-sleeved fishnet shirt and a pair of tight shorts that went down to my knees under a miniskirt. I pulled on a pair of black strap heels and made my way to the kitchen. I entered the kitchen and looked around. I knew the cupboards were stocked with ramen, but I suddenly didn't feel like eating. Another emotion was welling up within me.

"Che..." I frowned, as my eyes skimmed over the kitchen. It was usually really lively in the kitchen, even though Toboe was usually on missions. Akira was always there to keep me in line and make things bearable. I slammed my fist into the wall.

A puff of white dust erupted from the wall, as my fist went through the wall. I cursed loudly. I cursed loudly. I knew that I'd have to fix that soon. I sighed and turned on my heel, storming out of the room. I headed for the door of the mansion. I stopped suddenly and shook my head. A harsh laugh escaped my lips. I did a few handsigns and poofed just outside of the leaf village.