Outlander: Returning Home
Chapter 2: Gathering Information
It was hard to believe that I had been back in 1948 for a week. My time had been spent gathering as much information as I could find on the Battle of Culloden and the people who had survived. I desperately wanted to be able to find Jamie or anyone else who could have lived. I was very thankful for Mrs. Graham's help because she secretly brought me research from Reverend Wakefield's house. I had found something about an Alexander Fraser, but wasn't sure if it was Jamie or not. I knew he had cousins with similar names and that Alexander was part of his own name.
"How's the research coming?" Mrs. Graham inquired as she walked into the small living room with Roger Wakefield in tow. She had been bringing him back with her to spend the afternoons with us. I usually would watch over him reading or tending to what he needed while Mrs. Graham took care of things around the house.
"Very slowly," I grumbled with impatience as Roger moved closer to me. "I found an Alexander Fraser, but I'm not sure if it's Jamie or not."
"Roger hasn't been feeling well this morning. I thought you might have a look at him," she remarked as I gathered the boy in my arms. He was quite warm, but didn't look too bad. She brought me my medical bag that I had left in my luggage when I disappeared. I took his temperature but it was normal.
"Maybe he's just been overactive and needs a break." I pulled him onto my lap allowing him more room to lean back on me. He just lay down and snuggled into my arms. I couldn't wait to meet my own child.
"Claire," Mrs. Graham said as she handed me a small notebook, "I know you wanted to wait till the child was born, but I have a bad feeling. I'm afraid that if you don't head back sooner, things aren't going to end quite like you would want them to," she said. I struggled to stand up still holding tightly to Roger. I looked down at something she had just laid on the table. It looked like a chart of the alignment of the moon during its different phases.
"What do you mean?" I questioned as I carefully lay Roger down on the sofa and took a better look at her chart.
"I've been talking to the others, and from what we've seen, there are times when the stones are more powerful than other times. You need to go back during that time to make sure you get right where you need to be," she said as I looked over what looked like dates. According to the chart of the moon's phases I would need to leave in the next few days.
Once we discussed everything, the decision was made. I was to leave the following night when the moon would be the highest and the power of the stones would be the greatest. I wasn't as prepared as I wanted to be, but I knew I had to go back. I went about gathering all the medicines I could find that wouldn't draw too much attention to me. I made sure to procure a very lightweight, but practical medicine box to store all the things I wanted to take back with me. I added some medicines that might not have been used back then, but could come in handy. One thing I made sure to do was look up several old fashioned medicines that could be used to help ailments that wouldn't draw too much attention if used. Mrs. Graham had given me a small handwritten medicine guide she found in the Reverend's house that could help me with practical plants and herbs. It had been written in the 18th century using the items one would find during that time period.
I decided to go back in the dress I wore when I returned to 1948, but removed two petticoats, leaving me with just one. I wanted to be able to move more freely in case I needed a quick getaway. I had a small money pouch for the coins that Mrs. Graham brought me. There were quite a number of them, but the look she gave me kept me from asking her more about it. I gathered up all the notes I had made about important dates, and what had happened on those days, then hid the pages safely in the lining of the medicine box.
Mrs. Graham told me she would take the morning off to take me to the stones just before dawn when their power should be the greatest. I hardly slept due to my nerves and the growing uneasiness I felt about leaving sooner than I had planned. I was up early the next morning and went over every detail once more to make sure I had everything I wanted before I left.
"Good morning, Claire," Mrs. Graham said as I came downstairs and entered the living room. "I just wanted to tell you before we left that I knew you were special the moment I read your palm. You've been given a second chance, my dear," she said.
I picked up the belt and secured my medicine box to my waist so that I wouldn't lose it when I went through. I looked down at the two rings on my finger. I twisted the gold band that belonged to Frank, but couldn't find it in me to leave it behind. I looked at Jamie's ring as well, and realized that I was excited to see him again. I felt Mrs. Graham fasten something around my neck and looked down to see a small silver chain with Jamie's father's ring on it. I was heartbroken that its ruby was gone.
"I think we should leave," I said, my voice choked with tears. I was going to an unknown time once again and wasn't sure what I was going to be walking into. The only thing I knew for sure was I had to go.
We drove back to the stones in quiet, both of us probably thinking of what might lay in store for me or even the future here. It wasn't a dreadful silence but a peaceful one. As she turned up the drive at the foot of the hill, I felt butterflies in my stomach. "Just nerves," I thought. I knew it was too soon to feel my baby move. I placed my hand on my still flat belly and prayed for my baby to be fine. Once she stopped the car, I got out and waited. She went to the boot of the car and took out a small package wrapped tightly in cloth, not noticing the small body in back seat as she walked past.
"I think back then people took provisions such as these in cloth bags to keep them safe," she remarked. I'm amazed at how prepared she was. "It's not much, just biscuits, jam, fruit, and cheese. I thought things that wouldn't spoil quickly would be the best for a trip like this. I was also able to find an old wine skin that I filled with water for you," she said as I put the pouch on my belt along with my box.
"I don't know how I can ever repay you. I don't know what would have happened if it hadn't been you that found me. I can't think of a life without Jamie now. I desperately want to go back to him," I said as she pulled me in for a hug.
"It was nothing, Claire. I'm glad I could help you. I know why you need to go back, but to see it would be very different. I know at least this time Mr. Randall won't be making a fuss and all," she said thoughtfully as we walked up the path toward the stones. I knew I should have made some sort of effort to make Frank feel at peace about where I was and what happened to me, but for the life of me I just couldn't. It was better this way, no need in bringing more pain to him. I had been gone for 3 years, which was plenty of time for him to move on.
"Can you hear it?" I questioned as I turned to her, but she just shook her head as she looked at me with a stunned expression. It was buzzing very loudly. I moved closer to the stones as she moved a little out of the way. I was about to place my hand on the stone when I a small voice yelled my name. I turned just in time to grab Roger before he went through the stones!
"Don't go," he cried. Mrs. Graham hurried toward me, but I didn't realized just how close I was to the stones as I reached up to steady myself. All I could do was tighten my hold on Roger's arm to keep him with me as I thought of Jamie and the first time I met him.
We landed on the ground with a thump.
"Roger, sweetie, are you alright?" I pulled him up to check him over. He was crying as he clung to me. Thankfully he was fine, just frightened from having gone through the stones. Who wouldn't be after an experience like that? Holding his hand, I hesitantly touched the stone, but nothing happened. "Roger, can you hear the buzzing?" I questioned as he looked up at me puzzled.
"No," he answered, his voice trembling. I put him down to think of what I was going to do now. It seemed Roger was stuck with me, but what would happen to him here? This wasn't something I had imagined or planned on happening, but it was now the situation I was in. I could feel the uneasiness coming to me as I tried to suppress the feeling of needing to be sick. I rubbed my belly, trying to see if the baby was still there; it seemed as if he or she might be. I wasn't sure, but wasn't willing to give up hope.
"Come along." I reached out my hand for him to take once more. I gently held it as he picked up the food package that now seemed slightly squashed. We were walking down the hill when I heard shots being fired. I looked back toward where we had just come from and saw several Redcoats coming. I quickly pulled Roger closer to me as I tried to hide deeper in the brush on a ledge. I looked up again to see a few other men running around that looked just like Highlanders, but I couldn't be sure.
Roger and I weren't safe where we were, so I began to pull him along with me. I didn't want to be seen by anyone so I tried to stay as close to the ledge as possible to protect the two of us. I wasn't sure how far we had gone but when I looked up over the ledge once again I saw a Redcoat only a few feet from me as he fired his gun. The shot hit the branch behind me, and I saw a big redheaded man run in the direction of the shooter.
"Come on," I urged softly as I continued to pull Roger with me. I lost my footing and slid a few feet down the side of a ravine. I looked up and saw the one person I had hoped to never see in this life or the next staring straight at me.
"Hello," I muttered trying to keep my voice steady as the man stood up slowly. I turned to see Roger looking down at me whilst clinging to a tree, holding onto the food. I put my finger up to my lips to show him to stay quiet. He was pretty well hidden.
"Well, well. What do we have here?" the man who looked like Frank but wasn't, asked as he moved toward me. I wanted to turn and flee, but I knew all too well what kind of a person he was.
"Who the bloody hell are you?" I demanded, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible, hoping that Roger wasn't watching. I didn't want him to see anything that monster might do.
"Who am I? I am Captain Jonathan Randall of His Majesty's Eighth Dragoons. At your service," he proclaimed, looking at me as if I was something to eat rather than the lady I was. I turned to run, but didn't get far before he knocked me down. I struggled as much as I could while he forced me further into the leaves. I knew he was much stronger than I, but I wasn't going to let him hurt me or my baby. If there was still one.
"Stop! Let me go! I am a lady and you are hurting me," I cried as I tried to bring the strength out in my words and voice.
"Keep struggling; I like it!" he leered as I tried to move away from him. Before I knew what happened he began to forcibly kiss my mouth hard while pushing his tongue in. I was beginning to feel sick. "I must say you certainly don't smell like a cheap whore; you're wearing expensive scent. Although you are probably just dressed up to bring my men to their knees," he muttered, leaning back down to kiss me. This time I had it as I screamed into his ear and kneed him in the crotch. I took advantage of the distraction to get to my feet and move away from him. I could barely see Roger just overhead. He must be moving as I moved. I went to run up the ledge when my path was blocked by a sword.
"My husband is just up there waiting for me. He'll come looking for me if I don't get back to him," I said, trying to figure out how to get out of this situation without Murtagh kidnapping me. I watched as Randall had a more predatory look as though he was stalking his prey.
"Really? I truly find that hard to believe. What then is your husband's name," he growled as he moved even closer.
"I'm not some whore from whom you can demand answers. I am an Englishwoman who was just traveling with her family to Inverness," I insisted looking up to see Roger right there.
"Answer me," he demanded, seething as I turned my face away. I tried to move past him yet again, but he forced me back against the rocky outcropping. "You intrigue me, madam. Even if you are just an expensive whore; usually they are so dull and plain. Yet, when I look at you I see a woman who speaks intelligently but obviously lacks proper English etiquette," he remarked, moving in once more to kiss me which made think back to Fort William and how he abused me. His very presence was making my skin crawl. It was hard to get past the actions he did in the past to who he was right now, even though I knew he was a dark and twisted human being.
I knew deep down what he was going to do, but I couldn't find the will power to stop him. I heard Roger's soft cry from above me. That distraction was all that was needed as Murtagh came crashing down from the ledge above us. He struck Randall, knocking him to the ground. He turned back to me and reached out to me, saying something in Gàidhlig, but I shook my head. He moved toward me to jerk me along when Roger came tumbling down, landing at his feet. He looked from me to the boy.
"This way, now!" he insisted as he grabbed my arm roughly. I pulled Roger to me as he dropped the package of food. I gathered him closer keeping a firm grip on him. I wasn't going to lose either of them.
"Where are you taking us?" I demanded, knowing I'd done something similar the first time around. I turned to move from where we were, but he yanked me back, covering my mouth with his hand. I shifted to look at him but was stopped as I felt a sharp pain in my head. He'd hit me! I didn't really know where I was or what had happened after the blow, but I could feel movement beneath me, telling me we were riding or at least that's what I thought, but I couldn't feel Roger. I began to stir as I tried to open my eyes. My head was aching slightly, but it was a bearable pain.
"Roger," I murmured as I began to lift my head so that I could try to get my bearings. I could vaguely see the little cottage just up the path.
"Mama," I heard softly from behind me just as little arms wrapped around me. Thank god! I pulled his little body a little closer the best I could since my hands were tied together. I just had to make sure he was real, that I wasn't imagining him. I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to him. It was an accident that he was here to begin with, but I felt it was my responsibility to protect him.
"Dismount," Murtagh ordered as I waited for him to move first then followed behind him. I looked down at my hands as he took out a knife and cut the rope. I lifted Rodger down and gathered him into my arms.
Murtagh then pushed us through the door of what appeared to be a small cottage. This was all so familiar. It seems Mrs. Graham was correct after all. I'd been given a second chance to right the past, yet I still wasn't sure how I was going to do that. I would have to really think about what I felt needed to happen compared to what would actually happen.
"What do you have here?" Dougal questioned as I look at the very much alive Mackenzie war chief walking toward us I wanted to run back to the door to escape, but stood my ground. I couldn't believe that just a few weeks ago Jamie killed him to protect me. Yet, here he was standing before me, and the thought of him alive bothered me. It probably wasn't fair for me to dislike him, but I did because of everything he had not only done to me but also to Jamie. He was a man who no matter what, was only out for himself no matter the cost, and that bothered me deeply.
"A Sassenach wench by her speech, and her bairn," Murtagh muttered, shoving us closer toward Dougal. My dress was torn in several places just like the one I had originally worn my first time through the stones. The front of the skirt had a huge rent in it, leaving me with my single petticoat showing. My bodice had a big rip showing more of my corset and shift than I was comfortable with. I brought Roger closer to me as I pulled away from Murtagh. The man looked at me with a puzzled expression as though he was trying to figure something out. It reminded me of the look he had given me in Paris when he asked me about the dates I had lived through. I decided to think about that problem at another time so I stood as tall and calm as I could while Dougal looked me over as if I was a piece of meat.
Dougal asked my name after looking me over. His eyes kept darting toward my exposed chest while I was trying to hold Roger firmly and keep my calm. He spoke to me for a few minutes before turning back to Murtagh.
"Where'd you find her?" he asked as I looked toward the fire.
"She was havin' words with a certain captain of dragoons wi' who we are aquent," he replied, pausing as he watched me glance around the room, seeing the men look toward one an another. I knew they all knew of whom he was speaking. "There seemed to be a question as to whether the lady was a hoor." He looked at me before glancing quickly away. I could hear the men muttering around us, causing me hold Roger even more tightly to me.
"Aye, and what might the lady's response be?" Dougal inquired as I turned to face him.
"I. Am. Not!" I snapped, making each word clearly heard. The men around me chuckled slightly as I knew they would, but I wasn't going to show them fear.
"We could always test her," the man I knew as Rupert said, licking his lips, causing me to shudder.
"No. We don't have time, nor do I hold wi' rape." Dougal moved back a little.
"I don't know what she is, or isn't. But I would stake my best shirt that she's no hoor. She doesn't really look the part either. I mean have you ever heard of one traveling with child?" Murtagh asked, leaning closer to Dougal.
"We'll sort it out later. We need to get Jamie taken care of and put distance between us and the Redcoats." Dougal turned around, dismissing us. I watched as the men all gathered around Jamie. I wanted to run over and throw my arms around him, but knew I couldn't; he didn't know me yet. I kept at tight grip on Roger as I watched in horror while Rupert pulled and began to push Jamie's arm back into the socket causing him to mutter in Gàidhlig.
"Stop," I yelled. They seemed to be taken aback with my outburst. "If you do it like that you'll break his arm! You're actually causing more damage trying to jam it in that way." The men moved back. I bent over Jamie, pushing Roger behind me so that I could see what I was doing. Roger clung to my skirt as I examined Jamie's arm and shoulder.
"The way you were doing it was all wrong. You've got to get the bones aligned in the proper way for them to slip back into joint." I took Jamie's wrist and pulled it up toward me, while keeping a firm grip and turning the elbow in. I felt him tense and remembered when he told me that he could bear my pain, but wouldn't want me to bear his when we were at Lallybroch and the thought of not having children together came up. Yet, right now in this instance I would be bearing his pain knowing exactly what was in store for both us and his kin.
He drew in a sharp breath and looked intently at me. "This is the worst of it." I tried to sound reassuring, but my words faltered a little knowing just how much it would hurt.
"I dinna think it can hurt more; just get on wi' it," he muttered through clenched teeth just as I popped the joint back into the socket. I could tell it worked as I watched the bones shift and move back into place.
"It does nae hurt anymore!" Jamie looked up at me with genuine relief. I quickly moved my hand over where the bones had been protruding beneath the skin to make sure it was completely in. I could tell it was tender; he flinched while I probed the area.
"It will once you begin to move it," I warned as I lifted my hand. I heard someone call Dougal but kept my eyes on Jamie. It was almost killing me to be so close to him and not be able to touch him like I wanted to.
"I guess you've done this before." He leaned forward slightly as I watched the color fade a little in his face.
"Yes, I'm a nurse of sorts." I knew where this was leading as I pushed him back watching his eyes linger on my breasts. "I'm not that kind of nurse," I said hotly. I turn to see Dougal talking to someone in the corner. I decided to pull my belt off and put it around his arm as a sling instead of asking for one from the men. I handed the old wine skin to Roger then set my precious medicine box on the floor before I fastened it around Jamie's shoulder.
"Can ye ride?" Dougal asked. He startled me; I hadn't realized just how close he was to us. I wanted to push him away, but knew I couldn't do that. I stood up and pulled Roger to me. I watched as the men began to exit the cottage. I hung back until Jamie was moving out. I pulled Roger closer to me and felt Dougal shove me forward. That caused me to stumble into Jamie as he was heading out the door, but he was quick enough to keep both of us upright.
"You try to make a run for it and I'll slit yer throat for ye," Dougal warned, pushing me before him toward the horses. "Give me yer foot," he snarled. Jamie was seated on his horse holding out his good hand to me. Dougal gave me the lift I needed to get up. I pulled what was left of my skirt as close as I could to keep the draft from making me shiver as it had done before.
"Roger," I said as Murtagh pulled the boy from our side. "Please, he doesn't know you," I begged as I heard Jamie say something in Gàidhlig. Murtagh turned to Dougal who just nodded while Roger was placed firmly in front of me on the horse.
"Are you alright?" I asked Jamie who was behind me as I gathered Roger closer to me, turning him around so that he could hug me. I was trying to think ahead, planning for the eventuality of when he would fall asleep. This way I could hold him better than if his back was to me.
"Aye, but the night 'tis young," he answered with a chuckle. He tried to help me get settled in the saddle up against him. I was home, but it wasn't the same. "Here," I heard him say as I turned to see him twisting and pulling at his plaid.
"You could have asked me to help instead of trying to do it on your own," I groused, pulling it closer around Roger and me as I leaned to the other side pulling it loose as well before he could ask me to.
"Well you were shivering and shaking so much that my teeth were beginning to clatter together," he said softly as I tried to keep from nudging him. I remembered him telling me before that he had fallen in love with me at that very moment. He liked the feel of my fat arse and hard head thumping him. "I didna want the wean to be shivering as well," he finally said as I felt safe within the little bit of comfort I was getting from a man who didn't know me just yet, but who had become not only my husband, but my best friend.
"Where are we going?" I questioned trying to make him feel more at ease with me. I knew Roger had fallen asleep from his breathing.
"I'm not really sure m'self. Dougal met me and my companion just before we were ambushed by the Redcoats where ye were found. But I reckon we'll both find out soon enough, eh?" He grinned at me and I found myself smiling back. "How'd you come about being in the woods with the boy?" he asked softly.
"I was gathering herbs and flowers and got separated from the people with whom I was traveling. We were walking when we heard the shots and tried to hide. As I went to move, I slipped and fell down the ravine into the captain's view. He attacked me in front of my boy. I tried to flee, but he was stronger. When I thought all was lost, your friend found me." I sighed and looked down at the sleeping boy in my arms.
"Why did you not tell Dougal that? I'm sure he would have sent ye back," he remarked quietly.
"You and I both know he wouldn't have. They all think I am a spy, but I'm not. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." I was done in and decided to try to sleep. I tried not to think
about the man behind me because I was missing him terribly right now. Knowing he was right there but didn't know me at all made my soul ache.
I don't know how long I'd slept, but as I opened my eyes I could tell it was no longer raining. It was nice to see the sun, but that thought was short-lived when I realized Roger was gone. I jumped slightly when I felt an arm wrap around me.
"Calm yerself, Sassenach," Jamie said from behind me. I squirmed a little more trying to wriggle out of his grip, but he held me firmly in place.
"Where's Roger?" I demanded worriedly as he loosened his grip a little.
"The lad's fine. Ye fell asleep and I wasn't sure I could keep ye both on the horse, so I passed him off to Murtagh," he replied as I looked at the horse nearest to us. Murtagh was talking with a now wide awake Roger who was so interested in his surroundings that he didn't notice me. We were moving closer to the mountains and I could see the familiar Cocknammon Rock ahead of us. I was about to warn Jamie about the Redcoats using it for ambushes when Murtagh began saying something in Gàidhlig which caught his attention. Confused, I stared at him before Jamie moved closer to Dougal. Dougal seemed to be questioning him, but they shouted something else as I realized the men were about to hit the skirmish head-on.
"Murtagh," Jamie snapped. He pushed me off the horse just as Murtagh dropped Roger next to me. "Hide," Jamie ordered as he took off with the rest of the men. But curiously, Murtagh looked back toward me. I pulled Roger to me and half dragged him out of the way. We hid farther into the bushes, eventually making our way to a stream. I wanted to wait there, but I knew Jamie would find me a little ways downstream. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Jack Randall in the midst of the Redcoats. He looked in my direction and I ducked down out of fear.
I knew I was lost, but for the life of me I felt I needed to get as far from Randall as I could. I knew from the time before that nothing good came about from any interaction with him; there was only pain. I almost lost Jamie to him at Wentworth and in the end, my precious daughter was lost because of him. I rubbed my belly and I felt Roger grab me when I heard the sound of hoofbeats getting closer. It was the Redcoats, I just knew it! But then I saw Jamie dismounting from his horse.
"Where do ye think ye were going?" he pressed as he rotated his shoulder. I didn't see the blood I had seen the first time, so I guessed he wasn't shot this time. It was hard to keep from launching myself at him at full force.
"I'm not going back," I said defiantly as I tried to stand my ground.
"Dougal and the others are waiting just over yonder for us," he said, vaguely motioning toward the hills.
"I don't care; I don't have to go with you or them! I haven't done anything wrong," I snapped. I was so frustrated. He was my Jamie, but at the same time, not.
"Yes, ye are. Ye and the boy are coming wi' me," he said moving closer to me.
"Really? And what if I yell and scream instead? Are you going to slit my throat like Dougal said he would?" I demanded.
"No, I wouldna do that, but do you think you'd fair better with the Redcoats, then so be it." He took a step back almost daring me to run.
"He's here," I warned him, looking around as if the evil man himself would jump out at any minute. Jamie immediately knew I was talking about Randall.
"Aye, I kent that; I saw him. Dougal is waiting, lass. Ye don't look too heavy. If ye won't walk I'll carry ye. Do ye want me to do that and hurt my shoulder?" he asked with a somewhat smug look on his face. Even though I didn't want to stay behind I didn't think I should give in so quickly, either.
"No, I don't want you to do that," I retorted, moving closer to him. He mounted his horse and held his hand out to help me get on as I struggled to lift up Roger. A few minutes later we were coming through a clearing where the men were. Murtagh nudged his horse closer to us and reached for Roger. I held out my hand, not to stop him, but to make sure Roger wasn't hurt.
"Thank you." Murtagh nodded at me, saying something in Gàidhlig, but I didn't ask what he'd said. The men around us were all grinning like they had won a very big battle. Little did they know that a few years from now it wouldn't be this much fun. The men all joked about what went on, but I wasn't too sure I would have knowing just what could have happened without the warning. I was still trying to piece together just how Murtagh knew about it, and what effect this could have on the future.
"Here's to ye, cousin. This is for ye giving us a little fun with the villains in the rocks," Rupert yelled as he held up his drink. The men cheered and laughed as I felt Jamie reach toward Angus for his drink.
"Ahh!" Jamie yelped as he winced in pain. I pushed back on him just as he began to move.
"Serves you right for brawling with an injury," I chided sharply, hearing him chuckle behind me.
"Here, take a wee nip. I know it willna fill yer belly, but it'll help with the hunger." He passed me the leather flask. I took a swig knowing just how hungry I was at the moment and briefly mourned the loss of the food we had to leave behind.
I watched as Dougal seemed to circle us, all the while looking intently at me. I hated his lingering eyes. It bothered me to no end that he was the way he was. I thought back on the interaction I had with him the previous time, and wondered why I hadn't killed him beforehand. It would have been so easy to just slit his throat, but what stopped me was the same reason I hadn't been able to kill Jack. I wasn't a murderer. If it was a life and death situation, that was one thing, but I couldn't just casually kill someone. I think that was one of the reasons I had a difficult time when I was asked to oversee the situation in Paris at the behest of His Majesty, Louis XV, in the Star Chamber with Master Raymond and le Comte St. Germain.
"Let's head out," Dougal finally said and the men moved into a line. We began to move and my head thumped Jamie's chest causing him to groan again.
"Sorry," I murmured as he just chuckled.
"Dinna fash yerself. If I'm hurt ye can fix me up," he said with a laugh. I retaliated and gave him a sharp poke with my elbow.
"That's what you think!" I exclaimed as he nudged the horse with his heels, urging it to move a little faster.
I didn't know how long we had been riding, but it was getting dark fast. I could feel myself becoming fatigued sitting on the horse for so long. My eyes began drooping and Jamie's head bumped into my shoulder. "Jamie." He moved slightly, but not much.
"Unh!" he moaned as I felt the reins fall into my lap, knowing all too well what was going to happen moments from now.
"Help! Stop! He's going over," I yelled as I stopped the horse and got down just after Jamie fell. Murtagh was the first person at my side followed by Rupert.
"Quick, move him. Lean him against this tree." I placed my ear up against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat faintly. "I think he just passed out. The idiot is bleeding from his shoulder," I snapped while the men around me just looked on. "I need my box," I said as I looked toward Murtagh.
"Box? What box?" Dougal growled, looking from me to Murtagh trying to figure out what he was missing.
"I told you I was a nurse. I have a box of medicines and I was gathering ingredients for medicines when my son and I got lost," I reminded him while I pulled the neck on Jamie's shirt askew so I could look at his shoulder, revealing the bullet wound. "I need some alcohol," I said as Murtagh handed me my box. I looked inside but couldn't find any clean cloths. Dammit, I knew I'd forgotten something. I poured some whisky on the gunshot wound as Jamie jerked and lurched up.
"What the? 'M all right…just wee bit dizzy," he muttered then said something more in Gàidhlig.
"You are not alright, not at all. You've been shot and have been bleeding. Are you so daft that you couldn't feel the pain?" I scolded, pouring more whisky on the other side of the wound. It made me feel a little better knowing that it was a through and through, but still.
"Can ye fix him up?" Dougal asked. I nodded.
"I need some clean bandages." I looked up at the men, but none of them moved an inch. "Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ," I said under my breath. I seized the hem of my petticoat and tore several wide strips. I tied two long pieces together and planned to use the third as a pad to hold a paste made of herbs on the wound. I rummaged through my box until I found what I was looking for, poured a little over the wound, and then put some on the bandage. I smeared the herbs on the entrance and exit wounds and covered them with the pad; he winced slightly. I was unsure if it was from the pain or the herbs. "Come on, you goddamned bloody bastard," I snapped, trying to wrap the bandages around Jamie without any light or wiggle room.
"Never heard a woman use language like that," Dougal remarked, standing behind me.
"Yer husband should tan yer hide. St. Paul says..." Rupert was saying when I cut him off.
"You and Saint Paul can stuff it. My husband wouldn't dare strike me if he knew what was good for him," I snarled as I turned to look at Jamie. "And you, you'd better sit still or I'll throttle you. Do you have any idea the damage you could have from your lack of judgment?" I twisted the bandages, tying them the best I could in the dark.
"And here I shared my drink wi' ye," he said, laughing as Dougal gave him a leather flask from which to drink.
"He doesn't need any more of that; I need him to be able to ride. Keep giving him that stuff and he'll be drunker than a lord!" I took the flask from Jamie.
"Haud yer wheesht. Fix him up and let's get moving." Dougal gave me a look that meant to shut me up. I looked from him to Murtagh who seemed to want to say something but he held his tongue, shaking his head at me once more. All I knew was that I needed to know what the hell was going on because there was certainly something amiss with Murtagh. He was hiding something, but I didn't know what.
"Do ye think ye can ride?" Murtagh asked Jamie as I looked over the bandages to make certain they were secure.
"Aye, I can ride," he assured the older man, looking up at me as I stood up. I held out my hand to help him up then bent down and picked up my box.
"Here." I went to hand it to Murtagh who shook his head; he got back on his horse with Roger. Jamie took the box from me and tied it behind his saddle.
"We'd best keep it wi' us in case ye need it." He led the horse closer to a stump and used it to mount his horse. He turned the horse slightly and I followed him up shortly.
"You could have at least told me you were hurt. I asked you back in the woods if you were," I finally said, breaking the silence.
"I didna think I'd been shot. I knew I was stabbed but I didn't really feel a thing," Jamie admitted as I tried to twist around to see if he was serious. "It's not too deep, it can wait," he said as if he knew what I wanted to do. I decided to thump his sore shoulder slightly with my head.
"Now do you feel it?" I questioned as he grumbled something under his breath.
"Aye and ye thumping me isna helping," he said with a scowl, then tugged his plaid loose once again. I reached for it from one side and then the other, pulling it around both of us.
"Good, then you'd better not be brawling in the near future or I'll give you another good thumping!" I could feel his uninjured arm wrap around my waist while he still managed to hold onto the reins.
"I'll keep that in mind." He nudged the horse with his heels a little, telling him to move faster. I wanted to sleep a little more, but I needed to make sure Jamie wouldn't fall again. The rest of the night passed quickly. In the early morning light, I could see Castle Leoch in the distance, just down the hill from where we were. I couldn't believe I was back here again. It seemed like a lifetime ago that I was here planning my escape. Now I was back here hoping to change the future of my life and Jamie's, all the while needing to keep the past from repeating itself if at all possible.
