Episode 2: A Must Have Hobbitty Experience
As if by a sixth since telling them when elves were near, Kitty and Pearl appeared from the Giant Flying Carrot. They ran squealing into the center of the ring of elves.
The elves tightened their bows and exchanged questioning glances.
"Wow!" exclaimed Pearl. "We're actually being captured by real live Quendarion elves! I'll have to check this off on my Must Have Hobbitty Experiences, Middle Earth Tourist Guide I bought at the Barnes 'N' Noble."
She then proceeded to pull out her camera and snap a picture for her Middle Earth Bingo. The elves took a step back. One of them, blinded by the flash, let his arrow fly. The Captain dove to the forest floor and Pearl and Kitty watched with awe as the arrow wisped right between them, striking a tree with a reverberating quiver.
"Cooool!" they exclaimed in unison.
"Shot at by High Elves! That's two in a row! What luck!"
Pearl continued to add another check to her Hobbitty Experiences Guide and gave Kitty a high five.
Just then, Jester Jessi and the Lost Tourist Robby came off the ship at a fast jog.
"Hey, I don't think it's a good idea to come out here! You might get- Oh. . . Never mind."
The Lost Tourist shrugged, clearly standing corrected.
"Well," he said optimistically, "if there's one thing I've learned from being a Lost Tourist, it's that if you can't help being kidnapped by tall elves with bows and arrows, you mine as well enjoy the mini-adventure."
Jester Jessi raised her brows
"Dude, you make less sense everyday," she retorted, loading her Radio Active Salad Shooter with a click.
Kitty looked mortified.
"Jessi! You can't shoot an elf! That's bad luck for eleventh-one years!"
"Relax," said Jessi coolly. "I'm only going to scare them a little."
"Is that a Radio Active Salad Shooter?" said the Captain notably. "Have we tested those yet?"
"I don't think so. . ." Pearl replied, already having accepted the inevitable.
The Lost Tourist eyed the tall elves skeptically.
"Uhhh, Jester Jessi, I don't think that's such a good-"
But it was too late.
"Sunglasses!" shouted the Captain.
The crew reacted just in time as a blinding flash of green shot through the air. The Radio Active Lettuce exploded in an array of multi-colored fireworks (which for a moment. . . was pretty darn cool).
The crew was spellbound. They couldn't stop themselves from braking into a zombied chorus of ooh's and ahh's.
"It's so beautiful," said Pearl robotically.
Kitty nodded, wide eyed and grinning. (She liked shiny things.)
But their display of independence was ended all too soon. Sizzling heads of lettuce and cabbage and spinach leaves came crashing back down trough the trees, punching lettuce shaped holes in the forest roof.
"Meteor shower!" cried Kitty, diving to the forest floor.
"Stop, drop, and roll!" yelled Pearl, following suit.
Utter chaos broke out. The Carrot Crew tripped over, bumped into, and collided with the otherwise together and nimble-footed elves, who were currently in a disoriented frenzy. Heads of cabbage hit the earth, smoking as sizzling. Arrows flew in all directions (along with a number of elvish curses). And, yes. . . There was running and screaming involved.
"Oh, the humanity!" Jessi cried.
"To the ship!" yelled Captain Amanda, ducking from a free flying arrow, then rolling to escape the path of a head of flaming lettuce.
She was able to crawl out of range of the core of the madness, and made off for the ship. Yes! She could see the door. The Captain burst out in her victory call:
"FRRRREEEEEEEDDDOOOOMMMM!!!!"
Then, she stopped short, feeling kind of stupid. . . Why was the door closing?
"That Really Annoying Guy!" she growled through gritted teeth as though the name were a curse. She was really starting to hate that guy. Since when did he know how to work anything in the Control Room, anyway?
The Captain ran and gave a mad leap for the door. But it was already too high. Her fingers lost their grip almost instantly. She landed full force on her shoulder (which, she had to say, really hurt). She tried to remember why That Really Annoying Guy was still on their ship anyway. He wasn't even part of the crew.
Amanda switched her image transmitter to the Control Room. Sure enough, there stood That Annoying Guy, looking more than a little confused. Captain Amanda got right to the point.
"Open the door, Annoying Guy!" (There was no time for pleases and thank you's.)
"What?!" he cried in alarm. "And let in the meteors or those long-haired, savage freaks? I think not."
"Annoying Guy, I'm warning you. . . If you don't open this door right now, then- then. . . Then, you are officially uninvited to my Birthday Party!"
That Annoying Guy gasped, looking hurt.
"But- but you wouldn't. . ." he said tearfully.
"Try me!" The Captain challenged.
"Alright, alright," That Annoying Guy relented, tacking on a few extra phrases too low to be heard.
That Really Annoying Guy stepped momentarily out of range of the image transmitter. The sound of switches being flipped was accompanied by banging and clattering and flying sparks, which may have sent any lesser captain into a panic attack.
"Try the green button labeled 'Open'," Amanda suggestion, trying to be patient.
The clattering ceased momentarily. That Really Annoying Guy was still nowhere to be seen. Awkward silences were never good with That Annoying Guy.
And, then: "Aha!" Click.
Flashing red lights and ear piercing sirens followed. The Captain clasped her hands over her ears.
"What did you do!" she yelled over the news.
That Annoying Guy reappeared on the screen.
"What have I done?" he said, defensively. "It was your suggestion to press the orange button."
"Orange button?! I said the green button!"
That Annoying Guy looked thoughtful.
"Oh. . . Did you?"
"Yes!"
"Access denied. All system shutting down. Access denied. All system shutting down."
"Great," said the Captain. "Now you've angered it."
"Well, how do you unanger it?"
"It's only made to recognized myself or the Tech Sergeant! -Quick! Do something!"
"Alright! Just let me-"
"Access denied. All system shutting down."
"Ooh! Maybe this'll-"
"Access denied. All systems-"
". . . Annoying Guy? Annoying Guy!"
The Captain tapped her Wrist Transmitter.
"Perfect," she sighed. "Could things get any worse?"
A branch snapped behind her in response. Captain Amanda turned to face an arrow point two inches from her face.
"Of course it can," she sighed.
