A/N: Hello and welcome back! I am so thrilled that this story had such a great response! I am in your debt.
So, a huge thank you to: PrincessKanako, LabyFan23, Zylia Gregorvich, MissMisc3, nuckythompson, skycord1990, The Dark Lady55, BlooperLover, xBelekinax, music is life 99 xxx, Jandra1969, TinkerbellxO, XantheXV, 88dragon06, PGAEmma, dionne dance, Makrciana, hannahhobnob and CharlieCats. Thank you all for the support. I need it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Shadows.
Chapter 2
Hush-a-by baby
On the tree top
When the wind blows
The cradle will rock
When the bough breaks
The cradle will fall
And down will fall baby
Cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby, the cradle is green
Father's a nobleman, mother's a queen
And Betty's a lady, and wears a gold ring
And Johnny's a drummer, and drums for the King.
~Lullaby (1765, England)
The heady scent of tea reaches my nostrils the moment I start to stir. My entire body feels numb and sore. I wiggle my fingers and I feel the softness of the quilt under my fingertips; warming me, comforting me, grounding me. As the fog of sleep dissolves and takes my grogginess away, memories start attacking my brain but I refuse to panic. I have panicked enough; I have been sad enough. I already know from the extreme pain between my legs that what I remember is no dream, no nightmare. It is real. Perhaps I am dead. Perhaps the pain I feel is because I have ended up in the deepest circle of hell.
I try to move but my eyelids feel heavy and in all honesty, I am reluctant to face whatever awaits me. Tears gather behind my closed eyelids and I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I grit my teeth and when the aroma of green tea cuts through my senses again, I frown.
Tea? Why on earth would I smell tea? Am I…Am I alive?
As I wonder about that, I hear moving around and two voices.
"Please, send this to my mother. As quick as you can. And bring us another blanket."
That's my husband's voice and I tense up. Is he…is he alright? Is he…normal? I remember his face. He was so different. Had it…? No, it couldn't have been a dream. It was real.
"If the doctor comes, bring him through right away." He speaks again and I can hear his boots as he walks across the floor.
"Yes, Master."
I recognize the voice; Helen, my chambermaid.
So, I am alive. My hand reflexively goes up to my stomach and I can feel that it is still slightly swollen. Now, I have to open my eyes. I need to see what is going on.
With effort I open my eyes and they fall immediately upon my belly. I blink but the fog still remains. Have they…have they drugged me? Is that why I feel so numb?
"Elita?"
My head shots up at the murmur of my name. I look up and my eyes lock with my husband's gaze. He is standing by the windows in a pair of black breeches, a white shirt and a dark red waistcoat. I know that waistcoat. I bought him that vest a month after our wedding.
In a few swift movements he is next to me, his hand finding and grasping my own tightly. I stare at him because I can do nothing more. He looks…he looks normal albeit a bit pale.
What in heavens is wrong with me? Did I dream that night up?
"Thank Heavens." Barnabas breathes as he reverently pulls my hand up to his lips. His lips are warm, inviting and smooth. He looks nothing like the creature of that night. His eyes find mine and they are shining with emotion.
"What happened?" I whisper and my voice is hoarse and choked; dry.
He blinks and frowns, "Don't you remember?" he asks as he lifts his hand and presses his knuckles against my forehead. I shudder and shake my head.
"Remember what? All I remember is blood and…" my eyes peruse his form and land on his hands at last. His hands are the same beautiful hands I know and his family ring along with our wedding band shine around his fingers in the sunlight.
"The doctor said you lost a lot of blood…" he trails off and for a moment he is not meeting my eyes.
Suddenly, I feel foolish and very much insane. What is wrong with me?
"It's gone isn't it?" I whisper and he looks at me.
"I am so sorry." He says hoarsely, "I am sorry it took me so long to come. I had business at the docks and it took so much time-…"
"But you came." I cut him off and he smiles.
"Of course I did. I put you on the bed until the doctor came. We had to move you because the covers and the mattress…" he shakes his head, "No matter. It's in the past. We have to look forward." He leans closer and lifts his fingers towards me, his thumb gently brushing my lips, "Do not worry yourself with all this." He murmurs as he presses his lips to my forehead and warmth spreads through me like lava, "We shall have more children. I swear it." His lips don't part from my skin as he talks and his words instead of making me feel better they make me feel worse. I want my baby. The baby I lost. Why is not that part a dream? Why?
For a moment I think he's lying because he lingers too much in kissing my forehead but then he pulls back and his hand cups my cheek. His skin is warm and nothing like I remember it.
His thumb wipes my tears away before he hushes me and lays his head down upon my chest. His hair tickles my chin and out of habit I reach up and thread my fingers through it. I hear him sighing as I do so and my hand goes one more to my stomach. I used to feel a life inside me but now…Now it feels as if someone has ripped my insides out. I feel empty, cold…useless. Useless because I didn't protect my child, because I didn't take care of it.
A sudden flash, an image appears in front of my eyes and I tense up as I recall a pair of ice blue eyes from my dream.
Angelique. I had forgotten about her. Where is she? She is always lurking about, trailing behind Barnabas, always catering to his every need while she blatantly ignores me.
"Where is Angelique?" I ask and as I do so I feel my husband's form tensing up. He pulls back from my bosom and doesn't meet my eyes until I shake his hand that has somehow become entwined with my own on my stomach.
"Do not worry about her. You have to rest." He murmurs but I am not convinced. Is he lying?
"I won't rest until I know where she is." I say in a firm voice and his eyes show surprise at my tone. I have never raised my voice at him before; ever. Not even when I knew what kind of conduct he had with the servant girl.
"She no longer resides or works in Collinwood." He replies tersely and as he sits up next to me I can see that his fists are curled into tight balls.
I swallow hard, "Why?" I whisper and he turns to look at me.
"Because she was not here to tend to you. I have no need for maids who ignore their duties to my family." He abruptly sits up and my wide eyes follow him as he walks around to the nightstand. He picks up the cup of steaming tea and hands it to me.
I take it and I try to sit up. With his help I lean my back against the pillows and cradle the cup between my hands.
Barnabas regards me for a few moments before he leans down to me. His lips aim for my neck and I startle before I release a small whimper. He freezes and pulls back to look at me with worry.
"Are you afraid of me?" he asks me with shock and I don't know what to say to that.
What should I say? That I had a nightmare in which he used me to satisfy his thirst because he had turned into a creature of the night? He would surely think me mad.
"N-no. I just…How long had I been unconscious?" I ask and to make amends I take his hand and press a kiss to his palm. It smells of soap and I close my eyes because the scent brings me comfort.
"Three days. The doctor gave you something for the pain…Laudanum, I think." He answers as he reaches out and tucks a lock of my blonde hair behind my ear.
I nod and without looking at him I ask, "Was it a boy or a girl?" I almost whimper and his hand tightens in my hair.
"Don't ask me such things." He shakes his head and I can hear the tremor in his voice. Worried and alarmed, I look up and grab his sleeve, "Why do you say that?" I ask him in a barely audible voice.
Barnabas shakes his head, "Don't worry yourself-…"
"Stop saying that!" I screech and his eyes snap down to my face, "You don't know how it is! You sit here, telling me to calm down when I felt it! I felt how it was. Someone ripped it from inside of me! Stop keeping me in the dark, Barnabas! I need to know!" my voice is barely my own and my hand shakes as I hold onto the cup, rattling it with my trembling limb.
"Compose yourself." Barnabas' voice is quiet, too quiet, "Don't shout." His eyes are blazing with fire, "I am trying to keep you away from heartache-…"
"Heartache? You think I am not already in pain?" I whisper, "You know nothing. Just admit it. This is so convenient for you. You can keep strutting about this village, living your life as if I don't exist, playing the high and mighty lord who thinks he can solve everything with his gold. But my world does not evolve around your fortunes. I wish that it did." My voice is tired by the time I finish but I do not regret my words. I have kept my silence long enough.
He tugs his hand out of my grip and steps back, "My fortunes? You think my life is easy? You think I am content? I am sorry, my dear, but life with you is not as easy as you may think it is. I had no wish to marry a martyr." He informs me quietly before he turns on his heel and walks out of our chamber.
I stare wide eyed at the door and gradually the emotions travel up my insides like waves of seawater that want nothing more than to crush onto the shore and destroy everything in their wake. Tears start clouding my vision because this is unfair, so unfair. I have no wish to play the martyr. I have no wish to mourn my entire life. I have no wish to be unhappy. But I am a woman. I must lower my head and obey and not once have I objected, not once have I denied my duties.
"How dare you?" I whisper and my voice echoes in the empty room. Suddenly I feel sick. How could I even think that things would improve with my pregnancy?
My eyes prickle horribly and on an impulse of sheer fury I throw my cup against the wall across from me. The china shatters into a million little pieces and the liquid stains the wall as it trickles down to the carpet.
The door bursts open and Helen walks in, looking terrified.
"My Lady?" she whispers but her voice does not bring me comfort. I don't want to be her lady. I don't want to be anyone's mistress. I want to be left alone.
"Get out." I whisper as I cradle my head.
"My Lady, Master has asked me to help you bathe."
"Not now."
"But, Lady Collins-…"
"Get out!" I scream at her and my voice causes her to jump but I don't regret it, "Didn't you hear what I said? Get out!" I throw the covers away and her eyes widen with alarm as I do so but I am too furious to think about her feelings. I know I will feel sorry later.
"Helen, get out!" I bark at her in a voice that is not my own.
She stumbles back and walks out of the room with panic written all over her.
I wince as I stand and grab onto the bedpost as I make my way towards the washroom. My knees feel wobbly as I walk but I pay no heed to my body's warning. I cannot sit on that bed, I am sick of it. How could I have forgotten what I saw on that bed?
How dare he judge me? How dare he insinuate that I am burden to him?
I grasp onto the water basin and slam the door shut before I lean heavily against the stand. I look up into the mirror and my face greets me. I do not even recognize myself. I look dead.
I grit my teeth and resist the urge to destroy everything in there. My husband's various personal items mock me as I stand there and as my eye catches the long bottle of his cologne I want to vomit. I shouldn't be afraid of the monster I dreamed of. He at least protected me even if he tried to kill me in the end. I would have preferred it.
I look back up at my reflection and I snarl at it. I slip my hands into the water and splash my face with it but it does nothing to calm my racing heart. I feel as if someone is compressing on it with their fist and the emptiness in my belly is even more pronounced now that I am alone.
I should be glad this child is gone. I am free of any duties that came along with it but even as I think about it I want to sob because I had invested on it; I had put all my hopes on its existence and now it gone, taken from me.
I grip the water basin with both hands; so hard that my knuckles go white. I stare at the water and as droplets of it mingle with my tears I start to hyperventilate. Before I know it the basin is knocked off its stand and I watch as if from above as my hands throw it on the marble floor. Bits of expensive porcelain cut my bare feet but I don't care because I am too far out of myself now. A scream escapes my throat and even I can feel my anguish pulsing in and around me in waves.
My vision goes blurry and I stumble before I fall against the wall. I slide down so unceremoniously and ungracefully that my mother would be ashamed of me if she saw me right now. But I don't care. I am past caring.
I ran my hands through my hair and I am shocked when I find it untangled. Who on earth brushed my hair?
I tug harshly at my blond strands until I feel pain. I close my eyes shut and try to breathe through my nose but it's useless because I cannot calm down. I feel used, I feel betrayed, hurt and so alone.
But that last one is nothing new. I've always felt alone. Even more so from the moment I realized that my life had been built in deception and lies. I wish James was here right now. Not because I miss him but because my misery is all his fault. I wish he was here so I could kill him all over again, with my own hands.
I drag my fingers down my cheeks and down my neck with force until I cry out. I freeze when two of my nails dig into the tender skin on the side of my neck. Through my tears I frown and squint in thought. I finger the area around my carotid gingerly and even though it feels smooth and even I can feel it burning.
Alarmed, I quickly stand up and walk over to the mirror, paying no attention to the broken pieces on the floor. I blink my tears away and lift my head so I can see my neck. I see nothing at first but as I lean closer my entire form freezes up. Two tiny purple marks greet me and I whimper before I clamp my hand over my mouth. Footsteps outside my door alert me of someone's approach but I cannot take my eyes from my neck. The more I stare at them the more certain I become. I am not insane and I am not delusional. That night had happened and my husband is lying to me.
"Elita?" his voice brings shivers up and down my spine and I panic as I turn to face the closed door. In a moment of fear I hurry over to it and turn the lock. I can even hear that he has stopped breathing outside the door the moment I locked it.
"Elita, please." He whispers and I glare at the door before I turn and lean against it, "I am so sorry." His voice sounds contrite but I cannot face him. He is lying to me. He is hiding something from me. The creature I dreamed was no illusion, no figment of my feverish imagination. It was real. The marks, although concealed, are there; on my neck.
Slowly, I slide down to the floor again and hug my knees once more, feeling more alone than ever.
"I didn't mean those things. Please, torture me no more." He knocks on the door with his hand but I don't reply. I am so confused to speak, too tired to face him; too ruffled to care about the worry and desperation in his voice. But he is no saint either. His transgressions, however subtle are still haunting me and the thought that I was not or that I am still not enough makes the hole in my chest bigger.
I run my hand through my hair and my engagement ring gets caught in the strands. I free it harshly and I ignore the sting it leaves behind just as I ignore the burning between my legs. I pay no mind to the slick warmth that has gathered there. I will ignore it until it stains my white nightdress. I don't have to face it yet.
But in this short time I can face my past. I can face my fears, my hopes, my demons; I can face my story. I can tell you my story. And I will if you are willing to listen.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Collinsport, Maine, 1780 (two years earlier)…
"Ms. Elita?" the maid's voice causes me to look up from the family's pet. Marcus, our black Rottweiler, looks up at me lazily and I pout before I reach out to pet his head.
"Yes, Nell?" I call as the maid arrives at the back porch.
"You asked me to inform you when Mr. Black's ship would dock, my Lady. He is here." The maid announces rather proudly and my eyes widen.
Slowly, I turn around to face her and resist the urge to laugh like a little schoolgirl. Instead, I cover my mouth with my hands and sigh deeply.
"Thank you, Nell." I nod at her before I stand up and pass by her to get into the house.
Just before I enter the parlor I falter and look down upon my muddy shoes. Rolling my eyes, I reach down and remove the dirty footwear. Thank God, my mother is nowhere to be seen for my hem is dirty as well. Not caring much about my inadequate appearance, I tiptoe across the parlor and grab my cloak from the hanger by the door. The large wall clock shows that it is almost noon and I try to make haste because I have just enough time to head to the docks and return on time for supper.
Just as I am putting my shoes on again, I hear footsteps behind me.
"Elita?"
My mother.
Stifling a sigh, I turn and look at her.
"Mother." I smile but I can see that it is not reciprocated. I want to scream.
"Where are you off to?" she narrows her eyes and I run my tongue over my teeth before I respond.
"To the docks." I answer quietly.
"Why?"
"Mother…" I sigh and rub my temples.
"You know it's not proper to see him without a chaperone-…"
"Mother, we are engaged." I cut her off and she purses her lips tightly.
"That doesn't make a difference." She says calmly, "You know how I feel about him. I do not trust him. He's unreliable."
"Yet, you accepted the money he offered."
"Don't speak to me like that! He works for your father. He owes your father his life and fortune." Her voice is sharp, edgy and I swallow hard. I hate that she judges my every move.
"He is a captain."
"Indeed. He is a sailor. God knows, what he gets up to while he's away. How can you live with these…gossips?!"
My mother, Katherine Heartcowl, is a persistent woman and sometimes I wonder how can my father put up with her behavior.
"The only one who cares about the gossip is you. Please, I mustn't be late." I swiftly turn but before I can go out I feel her hand on my arm.
The gentle touch makes my anger dissolve, "Darling, you know that I only care for your happiness but please be careful."
I slowly turn to face her and I see the alertness in her green eyes, "Do not lay all your affection to someone who doesn't deserve it. Be careful, proceed with cautiousness. I beg of you. This is a small community. People will talk. Please."
I take her hand and squeeze it, "Alright. I promise. May I go now?" I ask her with a smile and she sighs softly before she releases me.
On my way out I hear her last warning, "Don't let your father see you with him! Don't be late!"
I grin and wave my hand as I take the path that leads me into the village and right down to the docks.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
I am obviously too nervous and excited because I don't even watch where I am going. So, when my foot stumbles upon a crate I yelp and flail my arms about precariously until a hand shots out from nowhere and grabs my arm in a death grip.
I place my hand against my chest and exhale with relief before I turn to gaze at my rescuer.
A young man is looking at me with a frown and his brown eyes are alarmed and inquisitive.
"Did I cause the stumble? If that is so, I must apologize, madam." He speaks quietly and smoothly and I blink out of my daze because he looks…fine. Too fine in fact.
"Um, no. It is entirely my fault. Thank you." I shake my head and smile and for a moment his eyes are fixated upon my mouth.
Flushing, I clear my throat and sidestep him, "Have a good day…Um, excuse me?" I call just before he walks away. He pauses and turns to look at me.
"Miss?" he cocks an eyebrow at me.
"Perhaps you could direct me to Captain Black's ship, Mr.…?" I trail off and he turns to face me fully before he gives a small bow and introduces himself.
"Collins. Barnabas Collins." He smiles when my eyes go wide.
Barnabas Collins? The son of the founder of Collinsport? Good gracious, I stumbled upon the lord of this community. And now I am staring because I have never seen him before.
Shaking my head, I bow in return, "Pleasure to meet you."
"Likewise... Even though I still don't know your name." he tells me and when I flush even more he laughs and points his hand to the right behind me, "Captain Black's ship is right over there, madam. Good day." He inclines his head before he turns on his heel and walks away, his walking stick clanking loudly against the dock's wooden floorboards.
I blink and follow his directions and before I know it I am standing in front of the Bearer; James Black's ship. My fiancé's ship.
I see his curly black hair as he stands next to the vessel and when his eyes peruse the area and find mine, I smile widely. He grins and before I know it I am right into his arms. I am safe.
End of chapter 2
Author's note: If you're scratching your heads, that's fine. My plan has worked! Haha!
I hope you liked it and as you can see I am taking a different approach with this. I hope you enjoyed it. If that is so please let me know! I need your feedback or else I am walking in the dark here.
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Until next time!
Xxx Lina :o)
