Thank you to my kind reviewers, you made my day. I am not a writer and never will be, so i was very hesitant to put my story up but i'm glad you liked it. This is my first ever story.
So here's another chapter, even though i really am supposed to be learning everything that can go wrong with the liver in a week (who said med school was tough!). I hope you enjoy but i promise not to cry if you hate it.
Oh and in case it isn't glaringly obvious, i do not own law and order: svu!,i only ownmy computer and my stethoscope - they're my babies!
Chapter two
"You can go back in now, we're nearly done, I just need to get some medication and I'll be right back."
"Thanks" Elliot replied getting up and moving back into the room.
He moved over towards Olivia, amazed at how composed she appeared to be.
"Are you o.k?" somehow the question didn't seem adequate, but then he didn't know what else to say.
"Yes, I'm fine, just glad it's over with I suppose."
"Yeah" awkward silence filled the air as Elliot tried to think of something to say, he was saved however when the nurse re-entered the room.
"O.K. Miss Benson, we have an antibiotic for you and the morning after pill, here you go"
She offered Olivia the pills and a glass of water, and Olivia took them gratefully.
"Thanks" she offered a small smile to the nurse.
"That's ok, I'll get you something to wear home, and some follow up instructions for you, then you should be able to go home. The bruises and broken ribs should heal themselves but you do have a concussion so we would rather if someone went home with you, and you need to take it easy for a couple of days. You can take ibuprofen for the pain, and if you have any worries just call."
The nurse gave Olivia a reassuring smile and left her and Elliot alone.
"They letting you go already?"
"Yeah, I told them I'd rather not stay"
"Right, okay" he wished he could think of something to say, something that might help, but he felt that now wasn't the time, he could see that she just wanted to get home, and he didn't want her to push him away.
"Do you want me to call anyone else for you?"
"No that's ok, but do you think you could give me a ride home?"
"Of course I can, you didn't think I was just going to leave you to go home alone, did you?" Elliot was shocked that she had thought he would just leave her here alone.
"I don't know, it's late, and I dragged you out of bed, you should be home sleeping." Olivia, as independent as she was didn't want to go home alone, but she felt guilty about disturbing Elliot's much needed sleep.
"You didn't drag me anywhere, I want you to know that there is nowhere I would rather be right now, I'll be here for whatever you want, and you should never be afraid to ask because whatever you need I'll be there. I mean it Olivia, do you understand? Never hesitate to ask for anything."
"Yes. Thank you Elliot." He wanted to go over and give her a hug, but he wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do, hesitating he realised how much his uncertainty scared him, he didn't like not knowing what the right thing to do was anymore. He didn't like worrying if his actions would upset her.
A light knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, as the nurse from earlier entered. She handed Olivia a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. "Sorry, they're not exactly the height of fashion."
"It's ok, they're fine, thanks."
"Well they're clean and they'll be ok till you get home, would you like to take a shower?"
"Yes, that would be great."
"Well the bathroom is just through there, I brought you some soap, the stuff they buy here is not great."
Elliot suddenly felt guilty, he should have thought of that, he should have let her get a shower as soon as they had finished the kit but he just wanted to be near her and make sure she was ok, he hadn't even thought of it. But then she hadn't asked either.
The nurse left, and Elliot immediately tried to apologise to Olivia.
"I'm so sorry, I should have thought that you might want to shower, I should have let you…"
"Elliot stop, please, I would have told you if I wanted you to leave, I wanted to wait till I got some clothes to change into, o.k. Elliot, stop worrying, you are not doing anything wrong." Olivia tried to reassure Elliot.
"Alright, how about I go get us some coffee and give you a chance to get washed and dressed."
"o.k. that would be great, thanks"
Elliot left Olivia alone to shower and headed towards the cafeteria. As he walked away from her room he was hit once again with the awful feeling that this shouldn't be happening. Olivia wanting to shower had made him realise that despite being a tough cop, despite being strong and independent, despite being his best friend, Olivia was still, at this moment, a victim. He knew she would handle this, that she could handle this, but he realised that just because she was Olivia it didn't make her any different to the other victims he had dealt with before. The thought made him feel sick and he ran to the nearest restroom, where he threw up what little was left in his stomach from earlier in the evening. As he sat exhausted in the stall he wished he could just make this all go away, but he was old enough to know that you can't always get what you wish for.
Olivia meanwhile had headed for the shower as soon as Elliot had left. She had wanted to try to get clean since she had come round and realised what had happened but she knew she had to wait, the rational side taking over. Once the kit had been done she wanted to get washed but Elliot had come back in and she could tell he was worried about her. She knew that she had already scared him tonight, and she was afraid that he might not see her as the same person as before. She didn't want to look or act like a victim, she didn't want to reinforce his view of her that way. So she had waited, she had sat there feeling dirty, wondering what she could say so she seemed less like a victim, more like the person she was before. As she stepped under the hot shower she wondered when she had decided that the person she was before was different to the person she is after. When had she decided to draw a line through her life and label one side before and the other after?
So she stood in the shower, washing herself with the nice soap the nurse had given her, the soap she had earned by becoming a victim, and she let a few tears fall. She was afraid that she was a different person now, that she wouldn't be able to be the person she used to be. What if it did affect her job, what if people thought she couldn't handle it anymore? what if people looked at her and thought, she was a great cop before, but now she's different.
She was scared, she hated to admit it but she was. And though she was scared of the man that had attacked her, a fact she hated to admit, she was more scared of how people at work would treat her or think of her if they knew. Would they look at her differently, would they try to protect her more, would they try to shield her from difficult investigations, and if they did would she really be able to do her job?
During the kit, when they had told her it was positive for fluids, she had felt angry that someone could do this to her, an anger that had made her think that Elliot had been right, that she should report this, that she should try to seek some kind of justice. She had realised that he was right, that she wasn't the sort of person to just let someone get away with it. But now she didn't know if she could stand the looks on their faces if she told, the sympathy and pitying glances, the constant checking that she was ok, the thought that they were all wondering if she was going to crack at any minute. She still didn't know what she should do, she knew the right thing to do, but what if that wasn't the right thing for her?
