Lily and I happily made our way to the Gryffindor dorms, she was so exuberant that she could barley contain herself from dancing down the dimly lit hallways. Lily was of course happy I was in her house, and I was relieved she did not mention my little episode in Dumbledore's office, or remark on it further. I thanked the heavens that I had befriended a very understanding person, who did not question subjects I seemed unwilling to talk about. Like, for one, why I was starting as a sixth year, and another, where I had been while not attending Hogwarts, a third, my mark, and lastly, all the other strange things about me that she was only beginning to get a taste of. I sighed heavily and wished she would stay away from me and not somehow get dragged into the dangers that appeared to be drowning me, pulling me further and further beneath the murky depths of their darkness. But, at the same time, I was immensely relieved she was still with me, by my side.
We hurried down the hallways, having no trouble with any questioning stares—that were mostly directed towards me—because all the other students where patiently awaiting the opening ceremony. As we approached a large portrait of an enormous woman wearing the ugliest pink dress, Lily said a word, and then repeated the password for me, telling me how to enter the Gryffindor house. I nodded and understanding as the door swung open to reveal the common room, furnished in red and gold, with a large wooden book shelf to the back and a comfortable looking sofa complete with fire place. I scanned the room shortly before following Lily up the stairs to the right.
"Remember," Lily said, pausing halfway up the stairs to turn around. "Boys left, girls right." She informed me, relating to the dormitories. Then continued up the red-carpeted stairs to drop my trunk off.
As we approached the dinning hall doors, Lily was telling me all about the opening ceremony, the rules of Hogwarts, classes, and lastly the people. I listened attentively as she explained that all Slytherin's hated Gryffindor's and vice versa, which girls were annoying, sluts, or just plain bitches. Which guys were players, good homework companions, or as Lily put it stupid arrogant pigs, on top of that list was James Potter. I smiled briefly, at her descriptions of everyone, including some of her friends. Erin and Erica, whom shared our dorm, and were also twins. She said she still couldn't tell them apart, and not to be taken aback by their bluntness, and that their actually super nice, if not a bit shallow.
At the door, waiting anxiously, were what Lily had told me were first years, who were waiting to be sorted, as I had just done moments ago. I shuddered at the thought as a cold chill trembled down my spin. I heard a hollow laugh, and the same snake like voice as before, but with none of the same power over me. Ill be back… I know, I thought bitterly, the voice laughed again, its eeriness sending another tumbling tremor down my back. Lily noticed silently, but kept to herself, stopping at the front of the pack of nervous huddling children to say hello to a rather stern looking professor who was undoubtedly trying to calm the hyperventilating new students. They exchanged quick greetings, before we slipped through the tall wooden doors, trying to be inconspicuous. The heavy doors shut noisily behind us, and suddenly every single eye in the entire dining hall was on us. We froze, and I turned hastily towards the door.
"Could that #$% door be any bloody louder?!" I whispered harshly at the entrance door, glaring at the new object of my hate. Lily giggled, placing a hand over her mouth, before taking my arm and leading me over towards the Gryffindor table. We slinked into some seats, and two dirty blonde haired girls grinned up at us.
"Nice entrance." They said in unison. These must me Erin and Erica; they looked almost exactly the same. Lily giggled.
"Thanks," I said sarcastically, and they smirked identically.
"Lily made a new friend," They cooed and I flashed Lily an I'm-so-not-enjoying-them eyebrow raise. Lily waved her hand dismissively at my expression.
"Hey guys, long time no see." Lily said,eferring to the twins. "NOW all of you, pay attention." She said sharply, turning towards the professor table, where Dumbledore was making an opening speech about he first years before he waved his hands and the doors opened, revealing the skittish eleven year olds.
---
The rest of the ceremony went smoothly, and as the last child went up, Dumbledore stepped forward again and explained the rules to the group of attention lacking students. I turned away, Lily had already explained to me the rules, and looked around the hall. My eyes traveled along the walls, as the torches flickered unnoticeably whenever my eyes trailed along their orange light. I glanced up, and for the first time saw the hovering candles ten feet above my head. I reached up, and the hovering candles dipped as if the person who held their invisible strings suddenly let out slack so I could reach them, and one slipped into my grasp. I examined it carefully, trailing my finger over the off white waxy surface, watching the flickering flames subtly.
"How do they make them hover?" I asked absently, letting go of the candle and waving it away as it lingered slightly before floating back to the remaining suspended candles. I turned towards Lily casually, waiting for her answer. Her eyes flickered from me to the candles briefly, before her face returned to normal.
"I don't know," She said shrugging, "I never really thought of it before." Lily turned towards Erin and Erica, "Erin, Erica, this is Kira." She introduced us indifferently, and stuffed a piece of bread in her mouth from the platter that had miraculously appeared. The twins looked at me in astonishment for a moment, looking dazed, before snapping out of it and smiling sweetly at me.
Over the meal, the twins gave me a complete run down on everybody, from every teacher to all the second years, and even some firsts. I listened offhandedly, picking at the food on my plate. I soon found out that Erica, and Erin were more than complete and utter gossips, but also absolutely boy-crazy. I actually found them quite entertaining as they gushed in sync about all the beautiful 'hunks'.
"And that one over there," Erin babbled pointing slyly over her shoulder.
"Don't pretend like you didn't notice him." Erika joined in, flashing me a suggestive eyebrow wag.
"His name is Ryan Vetch, and even though he's Ravenclaw—" Erin continued but was interrupted by her sister again.
"And all Ravenclaw's are total nerds." Erika added, while taking a sip of her apple sider. Erin grinned and nodded approvingly.
"Your right sis, they totally are, – Even though he's Ravenclaw, as you can see there is no end to that muscle, and that hair!" She sighed dramatically, throwing a hand to her forehead and pretending to be fainting like a opera singer, "I think I might melt just thinking about him!" Erin dragged her hands down her face dramatically, and sighed dreamily. Erica patted her sisters shoulder sympathetically.
"Don't worry E, if you melt, Ill scoop you up." The other honey blond said playing along. They smiled their signature sweet smiles at each other.
"Ditto twin." They grinned happily and continued down their list of guys. I listened, more for their dramatic performances than the actual people, chewing slowly until Lily excused us. We left the dining hall, along with a couple other students who where leaving also, all of them giving me curious side-glances—that were increasingly rubbing my already sensitive temper raw.
"What exactly had you heard about me over summer?" I asked, trying to sound calm and collected, but my voice sounded strained and annoyed. Lily smiled at me, as we walked down the long corridors that were growing dim, like shadows growing as the sun set.
"Oh nothing much. It's mostly just about your looks." She said, looking at me briefly before steering us down another extended corridor.
"Looks?" I growled clenching my jaw, and shaking my head bitterly. "Why is everyone so bloody shallow." I snarled more to myself than Lily. She smiled anyway.
We reached the portrait hole and walked into the Gryffindor common room. It was bright and cheery within the space, filled with happily reunited students, who were conversing excitedly. I looked over the crowd indifferently, before walking to the stairs, with Lily following me closely.
"Lily! Lily!" A male voice shouted excitedly. I turned instinctively, watching the same young man from the train wave his arms franticly, trying to push his way through all the people while still holding her attention. I rolled my eyes.
"He really is pathetic." I muttered. Lily looked panic stricken, and was desperately searching for escape.
"I know." She wailed miserably, clutching her face in her hands. We were at the base of the stairs, and I stepped aside motioning for Lily to go. She ran up the stars without another thought, and I followed her, leaving the scrambling desperate James behind.
---
The ceiling in our dorm was not at all interesting. The white, dead paint was sucking the rest of the color from the room, making it seem as dead as I felt inside. The voice that haunted me was inhaling all my life, leaving me a white colorless empty shell, like the ceiling. I wondered how much more I could handle of his constant presence, all my energy was put into restraining him within me; keeping him from controlling my every move like a puppet. It was like climbing up the face of a cliff, hand over hand, a grueling, tedious and not to mention exhausting task. My muscles constantly clenched, my body aching from the strenuous non-stop ascend, and the soreness of my neck from always looking up at the endless rock face, that seemed to go on forever. It reached into the sky like a towering mountain crag, and disappeared into the darkening grey clouds. On the other hand, I knew how easily I could let him win, let him control my body, it would be exactly the opposite of climbing, like falling effortlessly towards the thick and monstrous waves of the ocean below the vertical surface of the cliff, letting my body sink into the thin foggy air, as it whistled past me, and I plummeted into the dark waves below, into his jurisdiction.
Tired of looking at the dull ceiling, and the depressing trail of my thoughts, I pushed myself up on the small bed and turned toward a sleeping Lily. Erin and Erica were on the other side of the room, passed out on the small red sofa that was more the size of a chair. They leaned on each other lazily, their breathing synchronized, the slight moonlight gleaming dismally on their blondish hair. I sighed heavily and heaved myself off the mattress and swung my legs over the side of the cot. It squeaked under my light weight, and I stayed still for a moment, listening to the noises of night that echoed somberly from the cracked open window.
The moon provided me enough light to see as I walked to the red door in my pajamas, my limbs feeling like lead because of my exhausted body. I paused with my hand on the bronze doorknob, looking at the dim room from the golden reflection on the round handle. The curtains swished silently, as a light breeze drifted in through the window. Crickets sang sadly outside. I released my light grip on the knob, pressing my back slowly against the door. As I watched the leaves on the trees rustle subtly out the window, a lone gray cloud passed over the grey moon. The room darkened slightly as the cloud passed and then the pale silver light returned, casting dramatic shadow across the floor. I slid down the wooden door, and slumped to the ground, weaving my fingers through the maroon carpet. I was too tired to go outside, even though I longed for the fresh air and the freedom of the wind. Instead I watched from the open window across the room, listening to a distant anguished howl of an unknown animal, and I wondered briefly what had made it feel so sorrowful.
-----
I awoke with a start, the dream still thick in my mind. My heart was racing like a scarred rabbit fleeing a forest fire, my skin was coated in a thin film of sweat much like mourning dew, and I was breathing as if I had just ran a marathon. The fear from the vivid nightmare was paralyzing, and as I glanced around the room franticly, it took me a moment to realize that I was just where I was yesterday.
Nothing had happened.
I swallowed hard, and choked back a hiccup-y sob, gulping air as I did so, like I had been under water for too long. Panting I pushed myself up shakily, flashes of shady images flaring behind my eyelids. The imagery was too much for my conscious mind to handle, and I stumbled to the bathroom just in time to puke in the toilet bowl. I choked, and gagged again, swallowing lungfuls of air. Tears streamed soundlessly down my cheeks, as I lay down on the cold tile floor of the bathroom. I thanked Merlin that Lily and the twins stayed all night. If they had left even for a moment, I'm sure I would be in worse shape, although it's hard to believe at the moment.
When I sleep, and the constant defenses I keep up while I'm awake fall, the dark cloaked man who haunts me has access to my vulnerable mind. If I'm not alone, he will simply bombard me with painful nightmares, some—I believe—are just memories of myself with him (how I know him I don't know) but he adds pain and fear so thick it clouds my mind like a dense cold fog, and I end up waking up like this –every time. But…if I'm alone, it's a whole new story. If there are people present he does not dare make a scene, or produce solid evidence of his presence, but when no one is around, and I am sleeping, he attacks me…physically. I end up screaming trapped in an endless painful nightmare, and when I finally awake, scratches in the pattern of long fingernails coat my body, broken ribs and bruises. They are real. As real as him, and the danger that surrounds me.
When I was able to stand, I examined my self in the bathroom mirror, its mid-evil surface showing that I had no external injuries. Although, since I fell asleep next to the door, with my face smashed against the rug, I had a lovely carpet pattern on the left side of my face. My eyes showed no evidence of expelling tears, and my face returned into its usual cold mask. I examined my features with disgust. My glossy eyes the color of a depthless indigo ocean with thick lashes framing the stormy pools. My sun-golden skin stretched tight over the cheekbones of my face, and the flawless airbrushed look I'd only ever scene in muggle make-up magazines. And then my hair, the dark sable loose curls waved wildly around my perfect face, hanging nearly down to my ribcage. I cringed away form my reflection, I did not deserve such disarming beauty. In fact looking at my repulsive reflection, I realized when I saw my face; I saw the hatred, the pain, the sadness, and the misery, emotions directed intensely upon my self. I raised my angry fist, ready to strike the cold, dead mirror staring at back at me blankly, but I thought better, letting my clenched hand fall limply to the white porcelain sink.
Instead I stepped away from the haunting reflection, deciding it best to take a shower, and wash away my stress before my fist day of classes. I locked the door and let the searing hot water wash away my worries for the moment.
I tumbled out of the shower just as Lily woke. She smiled sleepily at me, looking like a languid orange kitten as she stretched, and padded into the bathroom herself. I dressed quickly, finding it easier to put on attire when there was only one thing I could choose, the school uniform. I didn't bother brushing my hair, or caking on make-up like the twins were doing happily by the full sized mirror. Both of them were plopped on the maroon carpet leaning towards the reflective surface, cursing loudly whenever they poked their eyes with the vile substance. Lily was ready soon after, and we all made our way down to the dinning hall, walking down the still-dark corridors as Erin and Erica's voices bounced off the walls excitedly.
Breakfast looked rather unappealing. Perhaps it was the fact that I had a sneaking suspicion I would be vomiting it up the next morning. I ate slowly and did not accomplish much. I barely finish the small cup of cereal in front of me. The mealtime ended abruptly when the stern looking woman from yesterday night started handing out schedules. I took mine with out glancing at it.
Lily suggested that we head to our classes about ten minutes to eight, and I agreed full heartedly, watching the light reflect on the polished floor as Lily and I made our way to the Great door. It danced and shimmered. Looking like the floor was the one projecting the shimmering array of luminosity. But I was pulled out of my revere when Lily stopped me before we reached the large wooden doors.
"Hold on, lets open our schedules now, to see if we have any of the same classes" She suggested. " If not, I'll just walk you to your first class. I don't want you getting lost." She grinned at me. Actually I had most of the castle memorized, from last night's tour, but I wasn't going to say that.
"That would be thrilling." I muttered sarcastically. "I would probably get ambushed by these psycho portraits." I snorted coldly, glaring at the closest painting. Lily laughed lightly, ignoring my bitterness, as always since the moment we met. Again I am thoroughly surprised she puts up with me. So far, that is. I ripped mine open carefully, more slowly than necessary, as if opening a letter from an address and person you knew as dead. The thin paper slipped into my hands and I shoved the outer shell of the envelope in my bag, to dispose of later. When I unfolded the white parchment, Lily was already scanning hers, mumbling to herself. I sighed and looked down at it, dreading this day with the icy intensity of a numbing winter.
Shuffling footsteps and chatty, fairly tired sounding voices approached us, and I heard Lily beside me look up and groan quietly. Whatever the reason I didn't have the energy to glance at the cause, and leaned against the smooth wall slightly, my eyes tracing the paper.
Adv. Transfiguration, Prof. McGonagall
Adv. Divination, Prof. Trelawney
History of Magic, Prof. Binns
Adv. Potions, Prof. Horace E.F. Slughorn
Adv. Defense against the Dark Arts, Prof. Lockhart
Care of Magical Creatures, Hagrid
Adv. Anciant Runes….ect
What is all this advanced nonsense? I've never been to a school in my life. I quickly scanned my memory to back up my statement, the results came up empty.
No memories remember?
What a painfully ironic sentence.
I was only vaguely aware of the voices talking with Lily, who was reluctantly answering. Paying them no mind, I continued to search through my faulty recollection. My mind skipped through my most recent thoughts, backtracking until the day I awoke in London. This I remembered clearly.
The floor was cold. Very cold, sucking the heat out of my body as if draining my life. My eyes were still closed, I had only woken moments ago, my body still weary, and groggy, not to mention the feeling of awakening from the dead. Noises around me were faint, far away, but not literally, just to my adjusting ears. My body was propped against an uncomfortable object, my head lolled to one side as I battled the sleepiness, trying to find the energy to open my eyelids. A task that seemed the equivalent of opening an old rusted window. I took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of my surroundings. I could taste the musky thick smell of dirt and urine, and my nose crinkled involuntarily. A sudden swish, jolted me out of my trance like state, and my eyes flew open, my body suddenly alert. I could here the vibrations of the noise still echoing. It took me a moment to realize that that swish, was actually a flush. And the noise came from a dirty public toilet. I had woken up in the stall of a London bathroom.
I pulled myself out of the memory and attempted to flit further back into my mind, searching for something that dated back further. There was nothing, a blank wall, so disturbingly impassive it burned my eyes. I growled under my breath, and it was this moment that the conversation around me had turned to me. How repulsive. Couldn't they leave me out? Who ever they were.
"And who might this be?" An overly attractive male voice asked coyly, extending a large masculine hand into my vision, which was directed casually downward to my school classes. I didn't glance up, and focused on subtly creating a bored expression, which wasn't hard considering. "Allow me to introduce my self," he continued with out pause, "I'm Romeo, ready to fall in love?" I heard muffled laughter from beside him, laughing most likely at theincrediblycheesyline. As I looked up slowly, I wiped my face clean of emotion. I noted James Potter standing beside the boy who was currently attempting to talk to me. Potter was most likely the reason for Lily's icy expression. I raised one finely arched brow at the young man in front of me. His hair dark, disheveled and messy, his tie crooked and shirt wrinkled, with an award winning idiot grin. First glance, the guy seemed like a dumbfuck. Just as slowly I turned my attention back to my schedule, hating all the adv.'s I saw on it.
"That was smooth," I answered in a bored tone. "How many times have you been rejected on that one." My tone came out icier than I anticipated, sharper, like the silver glint in a pointed knife. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him recover from my insult and strike a more casual pose, retracting his hand defensively. But then a wild and arrogant grin stretched across his features unexpectedly.
"None, actually." He said, his tone completely ignoring my previous comment.
"Well that says something about the girls here." I muttered sarcastically under my breath, and he chuckled. I shot him a cold glance, and handed Lily my class list, turning towards her also. "Why do most of my classes say advanced?" I questioned wearily, feeling the lack of sleep hallow out my bones. She eyed it for a moment, set on the distraction from Potter who was shooting questions about her summer at her a mile a minute.
Without looking up she answered.
"Mmm. I don't know." She handed it back to me, "Have you ever gone to a school for witch craft and wizardry before?' She inquired, piercing her lips in contemplation as she handed it b=back to me.
"No." everyone's eyebrows raised in shock.
"Well…that is strange. But Dumbledore chose all your classes for you because you didn't take the O.W.L.'s. Maybe he has reason to believe your exceptionally good at magic." She smiled prettily and then glanced around the Hall. "We should get going, We have the first two classes together al least." And then we were off, leaving dumb and dumber—looking confused—behind.
