(In the meadow)

Jasper: (staring at Edward's deliciously muscular chest) Edward, I've waited so long! (pained expression)

Edward: If only our stupid wives weren't so clingy!

Jasper: Hey, my wife isn't clingy, it's only stupid Bella that's always hanging on to you.

Edward: Don't talk about my annoying wife that way! (Lunges at Jasper)

(Jasper catches him and rips his shirt, Edward claws at Jasper's pants. Jasper can feel the lust emanating from Edward, Edward hears Jasper having all sorts of crude sex fantasies)

Edward: Jasper you fucking pervert (rips his pants off, and pushes him to the ground with a huge amount of force)

Jasper: Get the fuck inside me, man.

(Edward begins thrusting into Jasper's glorious butt)

(They roll around on the hard ground, killing some birds)