Riku glanced around as he pulled up next to the lake.
The lake was sitting by a fairly deserted rode, but he would still have to be careful at certain stages of his plan. Pulling out his backpack, he set it safely away from the car and pulled out a diagram, examining it carefully with a frown. This part was going to be tricky. He hadn't been able to test it, for obvious reasons. On the plus side, if it didn't work he'd probably be able to try again. If it somehow failed enough to kill him, his death would be put down as a bizarre accident. That wasn't his plan but it would do. Riku smiled, the small smile of someone who has had a thought that is not really funny but has, nonetheless, amused them. He might even earn a Darwin award. Riku paused his work for a moment as a car went by, then resumed his task. He didn't want anyone to see.
Pulling out the cord he'd brought with him, he set to work. Soon he had the gas pedal tied down. Now he would just have to start the car and-
Riku jerked out of the car as it went right into the lake. Soon it was floating out into the water, but it quickly sank. He'd left all the windows open to ensure it would. Satisfied with his work, Riku picked up his backpack. He had a fair ways to go before he reached the place he needed. He was oblivious to the eyes watching him from the trees.
Sora, meanwhile, was speechless. He had been the person driving by, and he'd parked not far down the road and walked back. Riku had sunk his car? Why? Sora was starting to feel afraid. Riku's behavior was utterly bizarre but it was definitely planned. Why was he doing this? Sora cautiously followed, trying to keep the silver haired man in sight without alerting him to his presence. Fortunately for Sora, Riku was completely wrapped up in his own thoughts. Very dark, depressed thoughts.
I was never worthy of him. Sora will find someone better. Maybe Demyx, Dem likes him. Or maybe he'll go for a girl. Maybe Kairi. She would be good for him. I hope he'll be happy. Riku heaved a sigh that was almost a sob, and closed his eyes for a moment as he walked. I wish I could have been someone else for him. But he couldn't let himself dwell on that, not right now, or he would break down. And he needed to stay clear minded for just a bit longer.
This was a place he'd found when he was ten. He'd lived near here, in a particularly abusive foster home, so he'd come here whenever everything was too much. He would follow this trail and hide in the cave he had found under the waterfall. It had been a beautiful escape, but a much darker use for it had occurred to him then. Riku probably knew it was some kind of sign of mental illness, that he'd had those thoughts even at ten, but it seemed more like a logical reaction to his life.
Sora watched, wide-eyed, as Riku slipped behind a waterfall. Then he followed hesitantly. But how was he going to see inside? He hadn't brought a flashlight. Fortunately for him, Riku had brought something better than a flashlight… a lantern. He froze as Riku lit the lantern and carried it with him, illuminating the cave. The light it gave was enough for Sora to follow, although he was afraid of Riku hearing his footsteps. But the echoes in the cave would be confusing, so he probably wouldn't notice. Probably.
Riku didn't notice, although he did hear plenty of echoes. He dismissed them, since he had to be alone. How could anyone else be here? The cave went fairly deep into the rock, until it became quite dark, but Riku kept going. As far as he knew no one else knew about this cave, but he didn't want to make it easy for anyone to stumble over him. Not for years, at least.
Setting down his lantern, Riku took a seat on the cave floor, resting his back against the rough limestone. Reaching into the bag he withdrew the last thing he had brought with him, a very sharp steak knife. It would do what he wanted. Very easily, in fact. Riku regarded it for a long moment, smiling a little sadly. Even if someone found his body years from now, there was almost no chance they would figure out who the bones belonged to since no missing persons report would have been filed. He'd planned this very well.
Riku had thought about suicide from a very early age and over time, his plans had gotten very refined. He'd thought out every bit of this, but his goals were, he thought, a little odd. Riku had read up on suicide over the years and read that most suicides had an element of anger in them. A "you'll be sorry when I'm dead" mentality. At first, he had thought that way too but eventually it had repelled him. Maybe when he was a child it would have made sense, but at this point all his friends were trying. It wasn't their fault he was a completely worthless human being. The people who had helped screw him up in the first place probably didn't even remember him. His suicide would hurt only the people who really cared about him.
So he'd decided they shouldn't know. They would think he was living in Hawaii, when the cards finished coming. And Sora would be able to go on with his life without any guilt. Just a few sad memories of a boy he'd once known. A silver haired boy named Riku who had cheated on him and walked away without a word.
Riku dropped his head, closing his eyes as his grip on the knife tightened. Worthless. Useless. Lost my job and got raped at a club like a drunken frat girl. They were always right. I was never any good for anything. Oh Sora. I love you. Find someone good for you. Riku took a deep breath and positioned the knife at the crook of his arm-
"Riku! NO!" His eyes shot open at that sudden cry. Sora? Utterly shocked, he stared wide-eyed as the brunette boy shot out of the darkness, almost tripping over the lantern. Riku quickly lowered the knife as Sora hugged him.
"Wh-what?" Riku felt like his thoughts had suddenly slowed down to the speed of molasses. How could Sora be here? Was he dead already or was he dreaming? This just wasn't possible. But he could feel Sora's arms around him, the little brunette sobbing into his chest. "Sora, how… what…?"
"Why Riku? Why would you do this to yourself?" Sora looked up at him, his blue eyes full of tears, and Riku swallowed convulsively.
"Why?" He heard himself say like a far off dream. "I'm a fuck up Sora. I'm useless. I couldn't hold my job and I couldn't hold onto you. I screw up the things that matter the most to me all the time. I get raped at a club like an idiot-"
"Raped?" Sora blinked and Riku winced. He hadn't meant to say that. Then Sora went pale. "Someone raped you? Why didn't you say anything?"
"I don't know for sure." Riku muttered, looking away. This was a dream. Wasn't it? Sora couldn't really be with him right now. But it felt so real. "I just can't remember anything at all and I think there's a drug that can cause that. But I don't know. It's all a blank."
"But why didn't you say anything? It would have made a difference to me, and I'm sure the police have a test for that!" Sora doubted the police could really help much at this late date- Riku would have destroyed any evidence by accident- but they could at least confirm whether or not he had been drugged. Riku swallowed.
"Because… because I'll still be a worthless fuck up Sora. You deserve someone who can, can show their feelings and be what you need. Not a cold b-bastard like me. I'm sorry Sora. I didn't want you to know. You shouldn't have known." Riku was breathing heavily and finally couldn't hold back the tears anymore. The slid down his cheeks and into Sora's hair until he reached up to wipe them away. "You shouldn't have r-remember me except as that b-boy you knew a long t-time ago. And everyone could be h-happy…" It was ruined now. All his careful plans were gone. Sora was here and Sora would blame himself, Riku knew that. What could he do? What should he do? This wasn't a dream, it was real.
"Except for you, because you would be dead!" Sora cried, gripping him so tightly it was a little hard for Riku to breath. "Riku, you're so stupid sometimes. I love you. Don't you understand that? I love you!" Riku swallowed heavily, his mouth feeling dry and his head buzzing.
"Sora, you shouldn't love me. You should find someone good for you, like Demyx maybe, someone who-mph!" Sora had silenced him by pressing his lips over his. Riku felt faint.
"Riku, it doesn't matter what I should do, I love you. I love you so much. That's why it hurt so bad when I thought you slept with someone. Why didn't you tell me about being drugged? Why do you always keep things to yourself?" Sora demanded, then shook his head. "Nevermind. You're Riku. It's okay, we can try again." Riku sniffed, enfolding him in an embrace.
"How many times can we try, Sora?" He asked softly. They'd already tried so many times to make things work. How many times could they do it? Sora was silent for a moment, then looked up.
"As many as it takes. Because I love you and you love me." Riku smiled, a weak, watery smile and Sora smiled back for a moment. Then his eyes narrowed. "And if you ever try to kill yourself again I'm going to hurt you! Got it?"
"Got it." Riku managed to say, finally feeling his heart coming back to life. Feeling the bleeding stop. Sora loved him, even if he was a complete screw up. That counted for something, didn't it? And he couldn't kill himself now anyway. Sora would know and Riku couldn't bear to think of him sad.
"C'mon, lets get out of here." Sora tugged him to his feet, and Riku picked up the lantern, leaving the knife and backpack behind. They didn't matter anymore.
"My car is at the bottom of the lake." He mentioned as they walked out, and Sora nodded, keeping an arm around his waist.
"I saw that. I'm parked down the road." Riku thought for a moment longer as they walked. His aborted plans had left all kinds of practical problems behind.
"All my stuff is in storage. I probably can't get it out for a month." Riku was hazy on that. He hadn't paid much attention to the terms of the contract since he'd just planned to let it lapse and the storage company could seize his stuff to pay for the bill. Sora just shrugged.
"You can stay with me and Axel and Roxas." Riku thought about that and winced. Roxas wasn't that fond of him either, probably because he was very close to Sora and had seen their ups and downs. But it was either that or the floor of his apartment. And he'd already handed in his thirty days notice. He was truly messed up at the moment.
"Okay." Riku smiled down at the shorter brunette. "Thanks Sora." All of a sudden, he was glad to still be alive. A moment ago he'd had no hope but now… now he did again. It was strange, how Sora could do that to him.
"You're welcome. Just don't do this again, please." Sora didn't want to think of the world without Riku in it. Riku was wrong about himself. He was really an amazing person, and he deserved better than to die forgotten in a hole somewhere.
"I promise." And Riku meant to keep that promise. He would live for Sora. And hopefully, they could finally make things work.
