Review responses will be next chapter. BTW, for those curious, the title is a reference to one of the film titles in the original Franchise Plan in The Fractured But Whole.
With that said, let's continue.
In the South Park Elementary cafeteria room, news was abuzz about the latest flick in the Coon and Friends franchise. It seemed all anyone could talk about was how spectacular of an action film it was.
"I'm telling you, you should've gone and saw it with us last weekend!" Isla was telling Theresa at their table. "The effects were some of the best in the franchise so far!"
"Yeah, it seemed so real!" Riley added. "And did you hear? Lola and Jenny Simons got a cameo in the film."
Some of the girls gasped. "Our Lola and Jenny?" Heidi asked, stunned. She turned her head towards the two girls in question, who were sitting at another desk far off. "How the heck did they manage to pull that off? I can only imagine how tight the hiring bid for that franchise is."
At that moment, a certain Clyde Donovan happened to stride up to the girls. "Hey ladies, what's up?" He asked in a suave tone.
"Nothing, just talking about the latest flick," Isla replied.
"Oh, you mean that Toolshed movie?" Clyde asked. When the girls nodded, he leaned in and whispered, "You know - and don't tell anyone else this - but I hear they're actually hiring from this very school."
"Yeah, we heard that two of the cheerleaders already got in," Heidi replied.
"You know, I'm actually friends with a few members of those Coon and Friends," Clyde said slyly. "Perhaps I could put a few words in, and they'll look to hiring you for one of their shows?"
"Really?" Some of the girls said, their interest piqued.
"You know, just a suggestion," Clyde said, stepping back. "If you're interested." With that, he turned and headed off, leaving the girls to ponder his words.
As soon as he took his seat between Token and Kenny, Kyle asked, "Did it work?"
"Totally," Clyde replied. "Those girls bought it hook, line and sinker. I spread the word to the volleyball team, too."
"Sweet," Stan said, seated next to Kyle. "So not only will we be stinking rich, we'll also be swimming in chicks!"
"Stan?"
Nearly springing out of his seat in surprise, Stan whirled around to see who had spoken. It was Wendy.
"We're still studying together after school, right?" She asked, her face blank.
Stan was silent for a few moments, briefly wondering if she'd heard his last statement. After a few moments, he replied, "Um, yeah, totally. I'll be at your house at 4 o'clock."
Wendy gave him an odd look, then left to return to her table with her friends. The moment she was gone, Token said, "Hey, has anybody seen Craig, by the way? I looked at our schedules, and his film is up next."
The boys turned to Tweek, who was sipping at his coffee anxiously. When he noticed all the eyes on him, he asked, somewhat alarmed, "W-What?"
"Is Craig up-to-date on The Super Craig Movie?" Cartman questioned. "We have a tight schedule, and we can't afford any screw-ups."
"What?" Tweek asked, twitching slightly. "O-Of course he is! Craig is always up-to-d-d-date-"
"Tweek, Craig knows how we run this," Kyle reminded him. "We release a batch of episodes for our Netflix series, and then we get on to the film, then return to the show. This is a monthly thing, Tweek; we can't afford for him to go off-schedule!"
"I know, dudes!" Tweek reassured them, though his tone was exactly the opposite.
"Then could you at least remind him?" Kyle asked. "Don't forget, The Human Kite Movie is scheduled to come out immediately afterwards. We wrote Craig's flick in a way to set up the circumstances for my movie. I, especially, can't afford any delays."
"I got it, you guys!" Tweek said, twitching even more. "I'll tell him, I promise!"
The moment school was over, Tweek rushed off to find his boyfriend. It didn't take long until he found chullo hat-wearing boy sitting on the bench, his chin resting on his fist.
Craig wasn't known for his vast array of expressions. The only people who could tell what he was feeling at any given moment just by looking at him were Craig's family - and Tweek.
And right now, Tweek knew Craig was contemplating. On what, exactly, he wasn't sure.
Taking a seat next to him, Tweek said, "Hey, babe."
"Hey Tweek," Craig replied in a dull voice. Though his tone was hardly different than usual, Tweek could tell something was off. He sounded more. . . fatigued than usual.
"I was talking with the guys, and they wanted to know if you were up-to-date on The Super Craig Movie?" Tweek explained. "You know our schedule, right?"
"How could I forget it?" Craig replied, not even looking at Tweek. "Cartman and Kyle only mentions it every fucking day."
Tweek paused for a moment before replying. "So. . . you're on it? The film, I mean? You finished the first season of The Super Craig Show, so you're working on the film, right?"
Craig let out a sigh. "Tweek, um, these past few days and all, I've been thinking a bit," He said, his voice a little wearing. "And I feel like I need to get something off my chest."
"Um. . . okay," Tweek said, a little worried by Craig's tone. "What is it? You can talk to me."
Craig rubbed the back of his head. "I think this is something I need to tell the whole group, actually," He said, a regretful tone in his voice.
Tweek raised an eyebrow. ". . . Okay," He said, though deep down, he was a little worried. Craig almost never sounded so. . . fragile.
What could possibly have gotten him so concerned?
"Stan, which of these dresses do you think I should wear for my date with Kevin?" Red asked Stan at the mall later that day, holding up three dresses. The two were joined by Annie, Lola and Bebe.
"Um, the black one looks nice," Stan said, though he was truthfully ambivalent on all of them.
Ever since Coon and Friend's franchise plan had kicked off, Stan had found himself spending more time with the girls. While he'd previously considered some of them to at least be outer-circle friends, they seemed to have gained more of an interest in hanging out with him, especially now that word had spread through the grapevine that he was part of Coon and Friends and was part of the hiring team. While part of him was indeed flattered by the attention, he hoped his real girlfriend wouldn't get the wrong idea.
"No way, the green one looks best," Bebe interjected, snatching it out of Red's grip.
"Uh, I guess the green one is nice, too," Stan replied, shrugging.
"Honestly Stan, someone with your fashion standards needs girls like us to keep you grounded," Bebe said to him. "Imagine what will happen when you go on your date? Wendy will be all prettied up and you'll just be in your normal dull coat."
Stan blushed a bit. He opened his mouth to disagree, but went silent when he realized how accurate Bebe's words were.
"Alright then," Lola said, picking two suits. "Which of these looks best on Stan?"
Before Stan could give his opinion, the other girls immediately interjected. "Definitely the blue one!" "No, the black one!"
As Stan watched the girls bicker with each other, his phone rung. He noticed it was coming from Kyle.
Inching away from the girls, Stan asked, "What is it, Kyle?"
"Human Kite calling," Kyle replied, his voice deepened. "Craig called. He's hosting a meeting at our HQ. Be there in-costume in twenty minutes."
"What?" Stan asked. "But I have to study with We-" Before he could finish his sentence, the call ended.
Stan let out a groan. At that moment, the girls walked up to him, Bebe asked, "Well Stan, which suit will it be?"
Stan turned to them. "Um, actually, I need to run. Bye." He turned to leave.
"But your date's this week!" Annie reminded him.
"I'll choose later!" Stan called out to them. With that, he rushed out of the mall and headed to his house to get his costume.
In the headquarters of Coon and Friends, the Coon paced around the table. Most of the other members had already arrived, with the exception of Toolshed, Wonder Tweek, and ironically, Super Craig.
"What's taking that stupid asshole so long?" The Coon asked, annoyed. "He's the one who called this stupid meeting."
"You know Craig," Tupperware replied. "He's never been one to give a crap about anything. Including being on-time."
The basement door opened, and the group heard Cartman's mother call out, "Honey, do you have all you need? I've baked muffins for your friends."
"Not now, mom!" The Coon shouted.
After a few more minutes, the final three members of Coon and Friends finally showed up. "Took you guys long enough," The Coon said as they took their seats at the table. "Now, let's address the matters at hand."
As Super Craig was about to open his mouth, Mosquito piped up, saying, "So, what's the news on The Toolshed Movie?"
"It's been very nice, Mosquito," The Coon said. "The latest news says it's on its way to making $200 million by the end of the month; our highest gross yet."
The other members of Coon and Friends immediately started cheering. "And Mysterion's Netflix series has been a huge hit, too!" Tupperware replied. "Each episode has managed to get more viewers watching it."
"We're gonna. . . we're gonna. . . be st-stinking rich, for sure!" Fastpass stuttered out.
"Now that Super Craig's series has finished its first batch, we can get on to making the movie!" The Human Kite said. "And not only that, but it'll serve as a teaser for my flick, getting even more people interested in seeing me on the big screen!"
"We're gonna net a billion dollars for sure!" Toolshed exclaimed.
"Now guys, Super Craig called this meeting," Mysterion reminded them. "We have to hear what he has to say."
The group all turned to Super Craig, who was sitting at the far end of the table. "Oh, yeah," Toolshed said, shifting his eyes. "Alright, Super Craig, what is it you wanted to tell us?"
Super Craig took the time to look every other member of Coon and Friends in the eyes. He hesitated for a few moments, then hung his head and let out a deep breath.
"I quit."
A haunting silence fell over the group. Every other member went numb, their brains seeming to shut off at the same time as they were struck by the news.
"W-What?" The Human Kite said, wondering - hoping - that he'd heard wrong.
"I'm quitting Coon and Friends," Super Craig repeated. "I don't want to be part of the group anymore."
". . . You can't quit Coon and Friends," The Coon said, aghast. "Your movie's scheduled to come out next month!"
"I'm sorry, you guys, but I'm just not feeling it anymore," Super Craig said. "You'll just have to continue on without me."
He got out of his chair and turned to leave, but the Human Kite rushed up and stopped him. "Craig, stop!" He said in a panicked tone. "Don't you remember? Our two movies are connected! You can't just quit now! Do you have any idea how many rewrites we'll have to do? That could delay my movie by, like, two months!"
"Look, Kyle, I'm sorry-"
"You don't sound sorry!"
"-But I just can't do this anymore," Craig finished. "Goodbye, you guys." With that, he walked up the stairs and left the basement, leaving the rest of the group in utter shock.
". . . That inconsiderate asshole," The Coon whispered, still stunned, after a few moments of silence.
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