Let's have a moment of silence for Megavideo and Videobb. They have served us well over the years, providing us with all the videos and TV shows we've ever wanted.

In other news, sorry for the wait. Worse news yet, I don't know when next I'll be able to update. SHNH really wrote itself and this one's giving me a bit more of a challenge. In addition to which, I have exams in 2 weeks and that period is quite lengthy. Since I cannot afford to fail in school or else I'll be a vagrant with no computer unable to update anything, I'm going to need to focus on academics for a while. Have no fear, I won't abandon this story. There will just be a wait. Enjoy!

Consciousness the next morning was met by the thought that I was no longer Robin's girlfriend. The pain had lessened now, either because of the fog that sleep had spread through my brain, dulling my senses, or acceptance had made the pain diminish, so there was no more longing for tears to free me. Unwilling to get off my bed, I just lay there and basked in my wonderful memories.

Two months earlier, on August eighth, I had been lucky enough to get to celebrate my birthday with him. Originally, I hadn't planned to let any of them know it was my birthday but when my phone went off in the middle of a sparring session, I asked Robin to read me the message. It was Tanya wishing me a fantastic birthday and ensuring that I was attending the prom. The secret was out and all my teammates wished me a happy birthday and asked me about my plans. Prom had been scheduled for the same day and though I was initially unwilling to attend, Robin convinced me that it would be a great way to I could spend the evening with him and our friends on the team. Robin had me pitch the idea to our team that we all go to my school's prom. Megan seemed excited. Wally seemed interested. Kal and Artemis looked a bit sceptical. Conner looked passive as usual, focusing only on Megan's enthusiasm at the whole idea. After some discussion, it was agreed upon. Despite the short notice, most everyone had outfits except Artemis who I offered to lend a dress and she agreed. I felt bad about not spending my birthday with my family but they assured me that it was fine and that if I came back before midnight, we could have some cake and ice-cream to celebrate. It sounded like a plan to me. That way, everyone won.

Artemis and Megan came over to change and get ready. Artemis wore a lime green strapless, knee-length dress with a flaring skirt and Megan morphed a white, spaghetti strap dress with a sweetheart neckline and a flared knee-length skirt around her attractive shape. I wore a deep purple, strapless dress with a flaring knee-length skirt which was embellished with a black bow at the centre of the sweetheart neckline and a band of black polka dots lining the neckline and the hem. By the time we were all dressed, I knew the guys were going be drooling all over themselves. When the guys came through the front door, I got the shock of my life as well. It was as if the suits had transformed them from the comrades I knew into the classy and handsome boys before me that put the word 'sexy' to shame. Conner's was pinstripe and suited him surprisingly well. Wally and Robin's were plain black but Wally accentuated his with a gold tie and Robin wore a bowtie. Kaldur wore no tie but the fabric covering the buttons of his shirt was decorated with a filigree pattern that made a tie unnecessary.

The night was absolutely amazing. Tanya met us there and I didn't see much of her. She was enjoying her time with the date I'd set her up with, Stephen Romano, who was a genuine-hearted guy with a crush on her. I knew by the way she barely wandered out of his presence and his arms that she was warming up to him as more than a friend. I also tried to push Wally and Artemis just a little closer together by leaving them to dance with each other several times throughout the night. We all danced with each other for the whole thing and I split my time between Robin and Kaldur mostly, trying my best to not look like I was favouring Robin the way Meg favoured Conner for fear of revealing our secret. The dance ended at ten and Robin and I saw the group back into the limo that Boy Wonder and the other guys had come in. Robin had told them that he had to walk me home for my mom but we both knew that was half the excuse for him sticking around. I didn't tell them why I had suddenly opted to walk in heels but they didn't seem to be interested in asking. I wondered if our secret was already out.

Once the limo had driven off, Robin took my hand and we started walking in the opposite direction from my house, going around the corner of my school. There was a small park next to the school and at the other side, closer to the centre, was a white gazebo. Somehow, as if I'd read his mind, I knew that that was where we were headed. As soon as we'd gotten into it, he pulled me to him and led me in a dance.

"We have no music," I told him. He started humming a tune I'd heard once, 'Am I Blue' by Bobby Vinton. At the dance, I couldn't rest my head on his shoulder like I had wanted. I couldn't allow myself to be completely against him as we danced. There were few slow dances so we couldn't enjoy the opportunity to be close and romantic much anyway. Now, when we were alone, when it was just us and how we really felt, we could slow dance together like a girl would dance with her boyfriend.

After a while, he stopped humming but we maintained the dance, content to be in each other's arms.

"Thank you for tonight," I said.

"Thank you for being born. Happy fifteenth birthday, Hy."

"Yes, yes, it is. Very happy indeed." I placed a kiss to his neck and he sighed. "We should make our way back home."

"Sure. But first, I have to spin you."

I lifted my head off of his shoulder and allowed him to turn me but he surprised me by leaning me backwards. There was a flutter in my stomach, not at the sudden movement bringing me closer to the ground, but because I was so taken by the pure bliss of the moment. And then he kissed me, making the moment the most perfect ever, pulled straight out of some movie from the fifties or sixties. When we straightened and stood, he took my arm in the crook of his and we walked back to my apartment to enjoy some cake and ice cream with the family. It was purely and utterly perfect. There had been no indication of his waning interest. Instead, it was almost as if he had fallen in love with my family and our relationship the way I was in love with him. For that moment, it really felt that way.

I supposed that, like his mentor, he was very good at showing only the emotions he wanted to portray and he could mask all others.

He left at midnight and when I'd finally taken off my dress, removed makeup, changed into night clothes and put everything away, I headed to bed. Tanya hadn't called which meant she was either already asleep or she was too consumed in her thoughts of her night with Stephen to even think of me. Either way, it was nice. I thought that if she could find even an inkling of the happiness I had found in Robin's arms that I would be happy for her.

It was approaching one a.m. when I finally crawled into my bed to sleep. Just as I was about to turn out the light, my phone rang. Somehow, I knew who it was before even looking at the phone.

"Hey," I said.

"Hi. Did I wake you?" He was forever a gentleman.

"No. I was just getting into bed. What's up?"

"I wasn't tired. Felt like calling you."

"That's sweet. I hope tonight wasn't totally painful for you."

"Nah. Not totally." He chuckled and I rolled my eyes. "Nah, it was totally great. So glad Tanya reminded me."

"It must have been some kind of divine indication for us to go. The one day I give you my cell phone to hold on to, I get Tanya's text about both my birthday and prom."

"How come you didn't tell me?"

"I dunno. Didn't want anyone to make a big deal about it. Didn't know what your plans were and I didn't want to try to book you up so impromptu."

"I was already going to prom with you. But I'm glad the team could come. It was more fun that way. Wally strays a lot, doesn't he?"

"Yeah. It's why he doesn't realise where his own happy love story resides."

"You're talking about him and Artemis, aren't you?"

"It's so painfully obvious. But hey, some people need to go at their own pace." I turned out the light so that anyone passing by wouldn't get curious as to why I was still awake. "I wonder if Kaldur secretly has a lady friend of his own. And I mean like girlfriend lady friend, not friends with benefits lady friend."

He chuckled. "I know what you meant. Why do you always busily try to get someone with someone else?"

I shrugged and then remembered that he couldn't see. "I don't know. I guess I'm just a sucker for romance and I like to see my friends happy. Teenagers our age tend to think about dating a lot. I mean, look how happy Conner and Megan are. It's so...great and I want other people to feel that way. Like us."

"Our relationship is pretty great, isn't it? We can tell each other anything instead of having to skirt around each other. We can just be honest and uncomplicated."

"Well, as uncomplicated as our relationship can possibly be, yes."

"True." I unwillingly let out a yawn. "Oh, you're tired and I'm keeping you up. You should go sleep."

"No, I can stay awake until you get sleepy. I'm actually surprised you're not tired after all that happened today."

He yawned. "Okay, apparently, now I am sleepy. Either you're really boring, you're a magical cure for insomnia or yawns are contagious from over the phone."

"Ugh, you are so insufferable. You know you think I'm amazing."

He laughed. "And don't you forget it. Now goodnight. Sweet dreams of me."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, alright. Goodnight. Sweet dreams." I shut the phone, put it on my bed side table and snuggled into bed, smiling happily and never even imagining that my happiness would be shattered in two months.

He had done it coldly. He had just asked for us to be friends without giving any reason as to why things had come to a stage where he just wanted to be friends. There was no subtle pulling away over time. I wasn't prepared for it in the least; there was no way I could have seen it coming. That was probably why it hurt me more. Generally, I could pick up on body language, proxemics, reactions, that sort of thing. But there had been no subtle signs. Just like that, I had been dropped on my ass.

I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to just stay there for the next several hours and have a lazy Saturday where I could stay in my room and hold the rest of the world at bay with my door and window. Tanya would call at any moment. My first thought was to turn my phone off and put it under my pillow where it couldn't disturb me. And in here, in my room, I would be safe from the rest of reality. I could take my time getting back on my feet.

But that was exactly what I shouldn't do. I shouldn't stay there and feel sorry for myself. Even if I didn't understand why or how this could have happened, I couldn't allow myself to dwell in misery. Every time I let myself dwell, bad things happened. I remembered the first and last fight Robin and I ever had, when Jason returned to town and I was confused about whether or not there was still something between us. Robin tried to encourage me to move on and I said something that hurt him and I felt so bad about it that I was distracted during training and got my ass kicked. Now that I was out on the field with the team, I knew my enemies would be less forgiving and forbearing than Black Canary had been that time. Being distracted out there meant dying. And I just couldn't do that to my family.

There was a knock at my door just as I got out of bed.

"Yeah?" I said. My voice was thick with sleep but sounded mostly normal, as if nothing bad had happened. Truth be told, my tone was lying. I wasn't okay. But I could ignore it. I was always good with uncomfortable situations...until I reached the point where I burst. Shaking my head, I pushed that thought away, into the same hole that I was going to bury how I felt about Robin.

"Morning, honey," mom said from the other side of the door. "I'm making breakfast. Your dad just came home and I thought we could have breakfast together." Her tone was a bit suspicious, careful, like she had her kid gloves on. She was going to be treading around me like I left eggshells in my wake. I rolled my eyes. This was only going to make things worse.

"Coming." I unlocked the door and opened it. Mom wasn't fast enough in hiding the sorry expression on her face, so I saw it before it morphed into surprise. Her expression became one of care, not even bothering to hide the fact that she thought I would be in a state. She knew I was. And she also knew that I liked to be confronted head on rather whispered about in the shadows.

"You okay, baby?"

"Yes, mom. I'm doing alright."

She took a long moment to examine me. "Well, alright. If you need me..."

"Yeah, thanks, mom." As if I wanted to talk about it. "I'm gonna go clean up."

"You do that." She turned and walked towards the kitchen and I walked to the bathroom.

Despite having not cried one tear, my face looked like one damn mess. I brushed my teeth with some level of haste then went straight for the shower rather than just washing my face. I took some time to wash my hair, giving the water more time to undo some of the physical damage that the first boy I'd ever loved had wrecked. No, I had to avoid thinking of him like that.

But he already knew that that was what he was. I had told him clear as day many moons ago on the rooftop of this very apartment building that I was falling in love with him.

But, of course that was a lie. I wasn't falling in love with him at all. No, that particular expression meant that I was getting there. I was already there. What would have been the correct thing to say was 'I'm in love with you and I keep falling deeper and deeper in love with you'. Words he would never hear me say now.

As if the universe knew I wanted to torture myself for even allowing myself to think about it after I specifically made up my mind not to, some suds dropped out of my hair and into my eye. Minutes after I'd rinsed it, it continued to sting. I hoped that it wasn't too red; my mother would assume I'd been crying in the shower. I wondered if she'd told dad and what his reaction was or would be like upon finding out.

I changed into some jeans, a tee shirt and a zip-up hoodie with sneakers, deciding that walking around aimlessly all day was a better alternative than staying inside with nothing to do and the occasion to dwell. I took my seat at the table just as mom brought out the hash browns, crisp bacon and scrambled eggs.

"And where are you going?" mom asked.

"Out. Just need some sunshine."

"No Tanya or Robin?" dad asked. His question and the way he said it indicated that he didn't know.

"No. Just me. Me time is good." Dad shrugged but I noticed the look in mom's eyes.

"Robin didn't walk you home yesterday?" January asked. Mom glanced at her as if worried about what her question would do to me and I snickered humourlessly and smirked. Eggshells, eggshells, everywhere.

"No, Jani. He had some stuff to handle."

"He said he'd fix my charm bracelet for me. One of the links broke. Just wondering if he brought it yesterday."

"He still has it?"

"Yeah. I wanted to wear it to Sarah's tomorrow. She invited me so we could study together."

"Oh, nice. I'll, uh, ask him for it."

"Anyways, what's Tanya been up to? She has any shows coming up?" mom asked.

"No, she's just been doing lots of extra practice. She's their best but she's intent on making sure that Marcie Duvall, who used to be their best, doesn't get anywhere near her level. For good reason, too—Marcie's good and hates her and is willing to train to get her spot back."

"Ballerina's sure are competitive," dad said.

"Yeah, but it's because they love it and they know it's worth it. It's a position that makes them feel good and powerful. That's why they're so willing to fight for it."

"Glad you understand Tanya so well."

"That's what friends are for. To understand. And to help you hide the bodies."

Dad chuckled but I found that Jani and mom were both too quiet. I had a bad feeling that this was conversation was going to get ugly at some point. I tried to hurry my eating to get out of there before it could.

"How's it going with Robin?" dad asked. Just as I was about to make my last piece of bacon disappear. Shit.

I put down the fork, the bacon curling in and out of the spaces between the teeth, like a ribbon. "We broke up."

Jani's fork clattered down onto her plate and dad put his down more gently and balanced his cheek on his fist with his elbow on the table. Her reaction reminded me of the time that we had told her that we were dating, when she had the exact same reaction. It was so ironic that I almost laughed.

"What!" Jani spat. "How could he!"

"Calm down, January. It's no big deal," I told her. She sat quietly but the look on her face told me that she was stewing. I wondered if it was about her bracelet or if she was really appalled for me. Over the past month or two, she'd overcome her shyness and became pretty fond of the idea of Robin and me dating. Whenever he came to the apartment, they would banter and chat like normal friends or like siblings. There was a long moment of silence, where dad just studied me carefully and mom blocked her mouth with a hand as if she was deliberating over something. When I finally got around to eating that last piece of bacon, it would taste like cardboard all the way down. I couldn't tell what kind of thoughts exactly dad was thinking. He had liked Robin very much.

"When did this happen?" he questioned, finally.

"Yesterday."

"Did you break it off with him?"

"No but—"

"So, he broke up with you?"

"Sorta but—"

"What do you mean when you say 'sorta'?"

"Chill out, dad. We decided to just be friends."

"We? As in it was a mutual decision?"

"Basically."

"I thought you said he broke up with you."

I exhaled and pinched my nose bridge as if it would make things less excruciating. "Look, dad, yes, he broke it off. But it's okay. We've agreed to just be friends and I'm okay with it. We had promised that if our relationship ended that we'd stay friends and that's what's happening. So if he still happens to pop in here once in a while, you can't remove his heart." I stuffed the cardboard into my mouth, stood up and took the plate to the kitchen. I went to my room, grabbed my cell phone from the night stand, turned it off and stuffed it in my pocket before heading towards the front door.

"Hyacinth," dad called, stopping me feet from the door.

"Yeah, dad?"

"Did he tell you why?"

"No. But the reason doesn't really matter."

"Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"I'm learning that you can never be sure about anything, dad." He didn't seem to have anything to say to that so I gave a wave and walked out of the apartment.

Octobers in Happy Harbour were relatively cold, even with the sun shining. Usually, it didn't snow until late November or early December. I wondered if global warming would make it snow earlier. I didn't know where I was going but I started walking as fast as I could anywhere my feet were willing to take me. I hadn't even noticed that I had forgotten to tie my hair into a pony tail so, as I walked, it fluttered behind me like a cape for my head. I laughed at my own comparison as I walked. Maybe people who saw me laughing thought I was crazy. To some extent or other it was true. Everyone was some degree of crazy.

I ended up in the park just around the corner from school. There was barely anyone there. It was eight in the morning. Most people were interested in sleeping in rather than being awake. I started to walk through the park, taking notice of the little old couple holding hands and sitting together on a bench and the kids with Frisbees and tennis balls and dogs, bursting with energy and livelihood and smiles. They were all happy to be awake and eager to be out to play or just spend time together. It was cute. The world wasn't any darker a place because Robin had let me go. There were still other things to be happy about. There were still happy people. I decided that I wanted to be happy, too, even if I was broken and crushed on the inside, bleeding internally and ignoring it. I found a spot at the very centre of the park where a swaying tree's branches spread shade to interrupt the consistency of the sunlight and, with nothing better to do, I laid on my back and looked up at the sky.

There were still good things in the world. I was alive. I had my five senses. I wasn't ill. My family was alright. We had a good home. I had friends who cared about me. I could go to school. I had the materials and support to do what I loved: fashion design. Our finances were in a good place. I hadn't really lost Robin. We were still best friends. Yes, there was still good in the world.

But I wasn't totally happy. It was all well and good to be able to list some of the good things in my life but they didn't take away from the fact that I loved Robin and I wanted to be able to stay with him, just like my mom was able to marry her first true love. Despite the fact that I was fortunate in ways that other people were not, I was still agonised by the fact that I couldn't be with him.

But I knew it was what he wanted. It wasn't for me to blame him for what he wanted. And if he was happier that way, I should be glad. I shouldn't question what brought on his happiness. I shouldn't agonise over whether or not it was torturing him to be with me. I should be happy that he was happier now. I closed my eyes and exhaled.

It was true. I didn't blame him, didn't hate him, didn't want revenge. I wanted him to be happy. Even if I was miserable.

I reopened my eyes and began to recite a paraphrasing from the Bible that my mother had told me many times. "Love is patient and kind. Love is never jealous, boastful or conceited. It is never rude nor seeks its own interest. It does not take offence or hold grudges. Love does not rejoice in wrong doing; it rejoices in truth." I swallowed. The next part was especially important for me to remember. "It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes." I closed my eyes. "Love never comes to an end." And the last line resonated within me.

I just lay there in the grass, soaking up the warm sun and the cool shade, eyes closed to everything around me. Certainly, it was dangerous to just lie down in the middle of the park with your eyes closed. It didn't matter. I just lay there, breathing in the scent of the grass and the breeze and the world. I just lay there, hearing the sounds of the children and the birds and the trees sashaying in the breeze, mimicking the sound of light rain. I thought of a Taylor Swift song that was a bit inaccurate to my given situation but soft, acoustic and calming and very in tune with my current surroundings. I sang it to myself in my head and just soaked in everything around me without having to see.

After what I assumed was several minutes, a soft panting noise started to come closer and some soft footsteps and then something wet touched my cheek, pulling me from my deep, deep reverie. I opened my eyes and standing over me was a big brown dog and a little boy wearing a baseball cap, hands on his knees and leaning over.

"Hey, are you okay?" the kid asked.

I raised a hand to play with the dog and when the dog took a couple steps back, I sat up. "Yeah, I'm great, kid."

"Then why are you just lying here?"

"Because, it's nice to just take in the world. If you depend on your sight too much, all your other senses won't develop as much and you'll miss all the great things there are to appreciate." The kid looked at me with a confused expression on his face. "Try it. Just lie here and listen to the birds. Aren't they amazing the way they're so tiny but you can hear them from way up in the sky and the trees?"

After a moment of contemplation, the kid lay down on the grass and closed his eyes. His dog did the same and while the kid just took in the world, I looked at him. He was a very cute kid with long eye lashes and full lips.

He reopened his eyes and found me looking at him. "You're right. It is nice to lie here."

I chuckled. "Yeah. Just don't do it too long. It's not safe to have your eyes closed for more than a minute or two."

"You've been lying here for like half an hour."

I checked my phone, realising that it was off. I had no idea what time it was. "You have a watch?"

"Yeah. It's almost ten. I got up, gave the dog one last pet and ruffled the kid's hair. "Thanks. It was nice listening to the birds with you. I gotta move on."

"Okay. What's your name?"

"Hyacinth. You?"

"Henry."

"Nice to meet you, Henry. Enjoy your life, Henry. Love your dog. Take nothing for granted."

"Uh, thanks." I waved and walked away. The kid probably thought I was mental.

By the time I banished myself home, it was midday. I headed straight for my room but just as I passed the kitchen, my mom hailed me out.

"Hyacinth."

I took two steps back and looked in the doorway. She was chopping pimento peppers. "Yeah?"

She paused, seeming to change her mind about what she wanted to say to me. "Come help me make lunch, will ya?"

"Sure. What's on the menu?"

"Baked stuffed potatoes, meatloaf and steamed broccoli."

"Mm. I'm pretty hungry."

She chuckled. "What's new?" She turned back to her chopping and I went to my room to change into home clothes, old, faded denim shorts and an orange and white striped tee-shirt. When I emerged into the kitchen again, she was searing the minced meat and the chopped pimentos, garlic and onion in a skillet. The scent in the kitchen wasn't helping my hunger.

"Cut up the broccoli for me please and get the butter out of the freezer," she asked. I obeyed and after another minute, she was transferring the meat into a baking tin that was greased and coated in breadcrumbs, and sprinkled breadcrumbs on top before sticking it in the oven.

Watching her cook was always an amazing thing to me. I wondered if someday I would be amazing like her, working a steady job that I loved, managing a family and keeping myself looking as beautiful and youthful as she did.

But somehow I knew this was a trap. Not that we didn't cook together, we often did, but something in the way that she just called me as I was on my way to my room, the minute I walked into the house reeked of being suspicious, of being too normal given the circumstances.

"Where's dad and Jani?"

"In Jani's room playing chess."

"Just like that? I thought he'd be sleeping since he just came home this morning."

"I thought so, too, but he said he wasn't really tired. He went into our room and started reading a book and then Jani came and asked him to play with her. He was only too happy to oblige."

"I think he thinks he misses out a lot because of the unusual hospital hours. Tuesday to Thursday straight is rough and it only gets worse when he has to cover for someone else."

"His family is so important to him. You can't imagine what he would do for us." It made my throat tighten to hear her talk about him like that. It was evident that after all this time, she was still so in love with him, and still falling deeper. I wondered if I was sentenced to the same fate without the cheerful outcome of happily ever after.

It was quiet for some time while I thought about how my parents were so in love. Two beautiful people that met and their worlds were made complete with each other. They were so lucky.

"Are we going to talk about it?" mom asked, breaking the silence.

"I don't know. Are we? You know if you ask I have to answer."

"Hyacinth, this isn't about obedience. If you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to."

I stopped cutting for a second, looked at her washing potatoes and then returned to the veggies before me. "Ask away. It doesn't matter anyway."

"Are you sure that's how you want to handle how you feel?"

"Yes. I'm perfectly happy convincing myself that everything's fine."

"I thought you hated lying."

"Don't consider it lying. Consider it avoidance and the imposition of will."

"You're trying to force yourself to be nonchalant about this."

"You got it."

"Alright. Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"It was simple, quick. He called me to the basement, told me that he thought we should just be friends. My insides froze over but I said alright." I was aware of her putting down the potato in her hand and turning to look at me even though I chose not to look at her.

"Froze." She picked up another and started rubbing. "I'm sorry, sweetheart." I shrugged. "I really liked him a lot. So did your dad. So did Jani."

"So did I." Lie. I loved him. I still did. "It's not a big deal, mom. We're still friends."

"Are you sure you're okay with that?"

"It doesn't matter. A long time ago when I realised I liked him, when I was fighting with myself about whether or not a relationship was even possible between us, I decided that being around him is better than letting him go. If he prefers that we be friends, then I'll stand by him. He's done so much for me—the least I can do is not complicate his life and be his support."

She hesitated to respond. She finished washing the potato and picked up another. "It's more than that, isn't it?"

"You know me enough that I don't even have to answer."

I saw her nod from my peripheral vision.