A/N: Hello, I'm back with the first chapter! Thank you for those of you who reviewd, so encouraging! I love you all!
I just wanted to explain a few things, the title 'Scarred' is just a working title so far and actually so is the summary, because I seriously have no idea where I'm taking this story.
I've always been one to give up after a page of writing because I am that fickle, so updates will probably take me a while, I'm sorry in advance.
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I just make her characters suicidal!
EPOV
The flame burned bright, a whirling mixture of red and orange hues. My eyes wide and fixed, hypnotised by the flickering light.
28th June 2008.
12 years today.
Happy fucking anniversary.
Every year, I'd do the same, light a candle for her.
She would've gone to the church. But it didn't feel right to me. What benevolent God would let something like this happen to her? If he was really up there, full of fucking grace, why would he let her suffer like that? Why would he take her from me?
Besides I was pretty sure if I did step foot in a church the priest would leap on me as soon as he realised; waving his holy water at me, exorcising my demons. But some demons couldn't be exorcised, some were here to stay. And what more physical proof was there than me?
I watched the flame fade slightly and then burn brighter still, she was holding strong.
I wonder if he thought about her too, incarcerated in his piss-soaked cell. Did he even care enough in the first place for her to weigh on his mind? Did he remember her eyes, a piercing forest green like mine? The way she used to hum when she did the dishes, the way she sat me on her lap, her arms loose around me, as she knitted a jumper in my size, yarn in an ugly mustard yellow trailing along the threadbare carpet. Did he remember? Did he care?
Was he sorry?
And the tears squeezed acidly out of the corners of my eyes, just as they always did, when I thought about that night. I pressed the heels of my palms against the onslaught of tears. They didn't help, they just made you weak. I knew that, he'd drilled that particular proverb into me often enough. No, tears wouldn't help; I would carry on struggling for survival, as I always did, as I always would.
The wax pooled on the table as the candle melted down to a stub, valiantly fighting to stay alight.
Ephemeral.
Like her, like he had made her.
The tears spurted out with a vengeance. Tears didn't help, but they certainly didn't hurt. She deserved to be remembered like this. Someone needed to show that they cared she was gone. My body shook as silent sobs were wrenched out of my unresisting body. Somebody cared.
I fucking cared.
Anguish pierced my heart. Twelve fucking years without her and it still hurt the same. Each year the pain grew minutely more unbearable until I thought there was no way I would be able to make it through another year like this. And every year I did it again, curled into the foetal position on my bed, as if that could hold in the pain, fingernails digging into my palms leaving crescent shape marks embedded in my palms. And I wanted to scream, scream at him, scream at God, scream at her for fucking letting him do that to her.
But there was no sound.
I made no sound.
My mouth gaped wide open in a silent scream. I wasn't supposed to tell, I couldn't tell, I didn't tell.
I would never tell.
They had tried again and again to make me tell.
'Tell us Edward.'
'It's ok Edward, just tell us.'
'No one can hurt you now Edward, tell us '
But he could hurt me, couldn't they see? He was waiting to hurt me, just like he did to her. He thought it was me. He thought I told.
But I didn't! It wasn't fucking me!
I could feel the panic seeping through, my throat was constricting, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't fucking breathe. I groped at the sheets, fighting for air. My throat hurt, everything hurt. And I couldn't stop it, I couldn't stop the blackness from swallowing me, pulling me into oblivion.
And all the while I didn't make a sound.
A/N: So? Any good? I'm sorry it's short btw, it's just so hard! Please review and let me know what you think!
