Perry left his lair and started down the hall.
He figured he'd get a snack from the vending machine before he flew to Doofenshmirtz's. Surely nothing would happen if he got there a few minutes late. Doofenshmirtz usually waited for him before beginning his evil scheme.
Perry turned a corner and nearly crashed into Devon the dog, who was holding a box of magazines.
"Whoops." Perry backed up. "Sorry, Dev."
"That's okay." Devon said with a sigh. He readjusted the box in his arms.
"You look upset."
Devon nodded.
"I heard about Carrie."
"I don't even know why we broke up." Devon mumbled. "She didn't tell me."
Perry could tell Devon was legitimately upset. Devon was usually very excited, to the point of appearing oblivious and strange.
"She said she saw you at the mall with another girl and you lied about it when she called you." Perry said.
"She was there?" Devon looked even more upset. "Aw… man… it wasn't… it wasn't supposed to be like that. That girl was my cousin Dorothy. We ran into each other at the mall."
"Then why did you lie?" Perry asked.
"I was gonna surprise her." Devon said quietly. "I didn't know she was there… I was out buying this."
He shifted the box to his right arm and reached into his fur pocket.
"Oh…" Perry's eyes widened. "Oh… wow, Dev…"
Devon looked down forlornly at the ring. "I know. I should have just talked to her instead of lying. But I didn't want her to suspect it… I wanted her to be surprised."
"Aw man, I'm so sorry." Perry said, shaking his head. "If there's anything I can do to help you guys… she loves you, Dev. We'll get this sorted out. You can still propose to her, and she'll still be super happy and super surprised…"
"I hope so." Devon said. He put the ring back in his pocket.
Perry watched him walk away.
It just wasn't fair. There had to be some way to get Carrie to trust Devon again without giving away the surprise.
Perry landed his hovercar on Doofenshmirtz's balcony and got out.
He started to walk towards the large inator sitting in the living room.
BAM!
Suddenly Perry was trapped in a huge box shaped like a cell phone. The screen was a little window he was able to see out of.
"Well, well, well, Perry the platypus." Doofenshmirtz said, coming out from behind the inator. "Seems like your call has been cancelled. Wait… that makes no sense. Ugh. I was trying to think up some kind of pun that had to do with you getting trapped and like, a dial tone or an answering machine or something… eh. Speaking of puns, did you know that airline people hate puns? Anyway, I bet I know why you're here. It's because of my new app, right?"
Perry frowned, replaying his briefing in his head.
"There have been two bank robberies in the past two weeks." Monogram said. "Only one-hundred and forty dollars were stolen each time. We suspect Doofenshmirtz. Get out there and get to the bottom of it."
"What?" Doofenshmirtz raised an eyebrow. "That's not why you're here? Well, that's my whole scheme today… ugh, now I have to explain everything." He leaned against the inator. "So, the other day, I came up with this cell phone application or whatever. It's called Doof-N-Dial. Basically, you open the app up, and all your contacts are stored in it. Whenever you call one of them, you have to pay one hundred dollars, and the money is sent directly to me! …Just… one teeny problem, though. No one actually… downloaded the app. Ever. So I created the APPLICATIONBUYERINATOR! With this inator, I can blast someone and they will be compelled to instantly download and start using my app! And soon, I will be the richest person in the tri-state area! And with those riches, I can… take over or something. Anyway, what do you say we fire this baby up?"
Perry shook his head.
"Well, I don't care what you think." Doofenshmirtz turned around and started to activate his inator.
Perry reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny drill. He drilled a hole in the phone screen and pushed it out.
"It's startinngggg!" Doofenshmirtz said excitedly. "You ready to buy a new app, Perry the platy- OOF!"
Perry kicked Doofenshmirtz in the stomach, shoving him against the inator. He saw the self-destruct button was on the bottom right.
He grabbed Doofenshmirtz's hand and slammed it against the button.
The inator exploded.
"Ow." Doofenshmirtz rubbed his hand. "Why do you always do that? It's easier just to push the button."
Perry smiled at him.
"You're a little meanie." Doofenshmirtz said. "You know that? No manners."
Perry climbed into his hovercar and flew away.
"CURSE YOU, PERRY THE APPAPU- I MEAN, PLATYPUS!" Doofenshmirtz yelled.
"JEREMY'S GONNA BE HERE SOON!" Candace shouted, throwing open the door to her closet. "I HAVE TO GET READY!"
"Okay, Candace." Linda called from downstairs. "Thank you for letting the entire tri-state area know."
"Might I suggest something in pale blue?" Perry said.
"Get off my bed, meatbrick." Candace snapped. "You're not even supposed to be in here."
"I live here." Perry said.
"Not in my room. Get out."
Perry stretched and yawned. "I've got just as much right to be in here as a bug in a rug."
"That makes no sense." Candace held up a green sweater. "What do you think?"
"Eh." Perry shrugged.
"This is a great sweater." Candace said. "I wore it when Jeremy and I went on our sixth official date."
Perry shrugged. "Kind of clashes with your hair."
Candace sighed and tossed the sweater back in her closet. "Fine. How about this cute sweaterdress?"
"Candace, I don't even wear clothes. I have no idea how to help you pick out an outfit."
"What do you think I should do for Jeremy for Valentine's Day?" Candace asked, putting the dress back in the closet. "Should I get him chocolates shaped like his head… or a nice bouquet of flowers…"
"The chocolates shaped like his head may give off the wrong message." Perry said.
"Really?" Candace asked.
"One: I'm a creepy stalker who has memorized your face to the point where I can easily carve it into a chocolate bar. Two: Cannibalism is fun."
"Well, I have to think of something." Candace said. "I can't just show up with nothing. Boyfriends ALWAYS do cutesy things for their girlfriends on Valentine's Day."
"Not necessarily. Last Valentine's Day, my girlfriend and I broke up."
Candace rolled her eyes. "So what are you doing for your girlfriend this year?"
Perry shrugged. "I dunno. I was thinking I'd take her to dinner or something."
"Dinner? How long has it been since you last saw her again?"
"Don't know. A month, maybe?"
"Perry!" Candace shook her head. "You have to do something big to make up for that. If Jeremy went a whole month without seeing me, I'd flip out!"
"I know. I remember that one time when you didn't see him for a whole two hours."
"But seriously, Perry. She's probably really sad. She might think you've lost interest in her." Candace looked at her watch. "How can he not be here yet? It's five minutes after he said he'd come! What if he isn't coming?!"
"Oh Candace. You're right, though. I should probably think up something a little better than just dinner."
"Of course I'm right." Candace placed a giant sunhat on her head.
"Not July yet, Candace." Perry said.
"Who cares? It's in style and I look adorable in it."
The doorbell rang.
Candace squealed. "He's here! All right, get out of my room so I can get my dress on real quick."
"I can't. I live here now."
Candace scooped him up and tossed him out the door. "Out!"
"Out of the hallway? Okay." Perry turned around.
Candace slammed the door in his face.
"Just messin' with ya." Perry said.
Perry was really starting to get sick of all the romantic happenings at the agency.
At least six couples had gotten together. There had been four public declarations of love.
And no matter where Perry went, there was always someone trying to ask him to the O.W.C.A dance. Half of the requests were from agents he hadn't even met before.
Perry was seriously considering hiring someone to walk alongside him to make it look as though he had already been asked by someone.
"A bunch of red roses? For me?" Someone exclaimed.
Perry looked back. Herman the hedgehog stepped out of his cubicle, holding a large bouquet of flowers.
"I shouldn't have!" Herman said happily.
Perry wasn't sure whether to laugh or feel sorry for Herman.
Someone tapped on his shoulder.
"Once again, the answer is…" Perry faced forward again. "Oh. Sorry, Pops. I thought you were another agent desperate for a date."
"Wanna go to the dance?" Poppy joked. "Just wanted to get your help with something."
"Sure." Perry said. "To the help thing, I mean."
Poppy pulled her phone out of her pocket. "Aw man, two more people unfollowed me on Laterpix. I never should have posted that cheese pun."
"But cheese puns are gouda." Perry said. "They're grate, in fact. They're cheddar than anything. Bet you a dollar all of your followers were airline workers."
"So I figured I'd get Toto flowers for Valentine's Day, because he loves them, you know?"
"Ugh. Do I have some neon sign flashing above my head saying 'Come To Me To Help Solve Your Romance Problems'?"
"Well, I found out different flowers have different meanings, and I'm guessing he probably knows enough about flowers…"
"You don't want to accidentally get him one that means 'Hi, I want to divorce you'." Perry finished.
"Yeahhhh." Poppy shut her phone off and stuck it back in her pocket. "And the internet was no help, so… I need to figure out a different gift idea. What sort of things do guys like?"
"Cheese puffs."
"You're no help."
"Seriously. Why are you asking me? I don't know Toto well enough. Doesn't he have some friends that can tell you?"
"No, he lives kind of a secluded life." Poppy's phone buzzed. She glanced down at it. "Great. My own daughter just unfollowed me."
"That's kind of a good tactic if someone's harassing you online. Just post a pun and they'll leave you alone."
"Anyway, if you think of something, let me know. If it's not… weird, you know."
"Pops, you poured an entire bottle of water on my head so that we could agree there would be no more weirdness."
"Right. Great. Thanks." Poppy started to walk away. Her phone buzzed again. "Seriously? Even Toto?"
"Shunned by the pun." Perry said.
Someone grabbed Perry by the shoulders and whirled him around.
"Woah, Pinky." Perry said. "Slow down."
"We have to do something." Pinky said.
"About what?"
"Devon and Carrie. I found out Devon was actually trying to-"
"I know. Slow down."
"We have to fix it!"
"We? Pinky, do I have a sign that says 'I Will Assist With All Romance Problems And I Need A Date To The Dance' on me somewhere? NO ONE will leave me alone today."
Pinky blinked. "Yes, actually. There's a sticky note on your back."
Perry reached around and closed his hand around a piece of paper. He could hear some of the new recruits giggling.
Pinky shook his head. "Never mind that, Perry. Come on. We're Devon's friends. And, through the transitive property of friendship, Carrie's. We've got to help them. We have an obligation to."
"I have an obligation to go home and order takeout."
"Come on." Pinky dragged Perry down the hall and out the door.
