I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. Don't sue me.

2. Screw this

It only took me a second to catch the thoughts of my pack mates. Seth was the first one to see what had just transpired, and what my intentions were.

Ah come on Leah, it's not that bad.

No it's not. I kind of like Charlie.

Then why are you running? His voice was sweet. Loving. His voice made me feel safe, so I let my thoughts pour out. Self pity be damned.

Oh... He was taken aback by all the things I had bottled inside me. It felt good to release everything. Like a cork being sprung out of a bottle of champagne. I wasn't even ashamed of the pain, the want to kill my brothers, my hate. But now it meant nothing. It was nothing. I was a wolf. A gigantic, unnatural one, but still, all the instincts were there; leading me to no where. Exactly where I wanted to be. It was not like Jake who wanted to needed to get away from the pain, I just needed to heal.

That's when the others realized what I was doing. And what I was thinking.

Holy shit! Embry was shocked at how I could become a killer, so easily too.

Jake was more passive. It happens to all of us, have a nice trip. I'll need to congrat Charlie, if he's out of that coma.

Quil went along with Jake. Yeah you probably gave him a heart attack.

I winced at the memory of dad.

Ass I whined.

Sorry. Since we felt each other's feeling we were more understanding towards each other. There's another word for that! EMPATHY! God, was I creating a new motto for myself? Peace, Love and Understanding! Bring down the government! Uhg!

So I ran.

I ran from everything I wanted to get away from. Every reminder of what Sam and I had, my human nature to care about nothing. I ran to sweat of all the cares I had, about humans, werewolves, vampires, and halflings, off my weary mind.

So I ran from everything and nothing.

And I ran.

And ran.

ran

and just ran

Soon my thoughts melded together into a singular idea of survival. I ate when I was hungry; eating raw hardly bothered me anymore, drank when I was thirsty and slept when I was tired. Otherwise I was on the move. I ran to get the farthest away from my life that could be filled with joy if I tried, and forgot it. Forgot anything that had to do with werewolves, vampires and anything else supernatural. For all I knew I was another wolf. A lone wolf. Without a mate. Alone in the world.

Or so I thought.

I woke (I had no idea how long I had been gone. Days blended into nights and nights were all the same) to a smell that caused my hairs to stand on end even before I was fully conscious, vampire. I smelled deeper, almost popping my sinus cavities. It was familiar, but my werewolf had become too much a part of me. I crouched to the ground, ears flattened, hind legs ready to pounce and crept over to my target. I stayed upwind and at least twenty feet away so I was practically invisible to even vampire senses.

Then I saw my target, well the back of her. Why was she here? This was nature; it had no place for such perfect hunters. They caught any prey they set after, nothing in nature worked like that. Nature is all about trial and error. Even I made mistakes when I hunted.

I was personally offended; I had become part of nature now, and this desecration had intruded my home. I muffled a growl in my throat. I needed to be silent. Power and adrenaline flooded into my blood and made my tiny body (in comparison to the power in me) weightless. And yet, I felt no rage, why be angry when it made things messy? No, I turned that anger into more encouragement. Encouragement to rid the world of a murderer.

An eye for an eye...

Feeling my legs find support, I readied and built all the power in my legs and jumped.

I was flying, or maybe I was falling, and landed on this creature's stone back. No blood flowed into my mouth when I bit this thing's neck. All there was a crunch and some screaming. Then nothing. I smiled to myself, I had destroyed a nightmare. But my curiosity needed something more. I flipped the broken carcass and howled in defeat when the eyes staring through me were Esme's. God bleeding DAMMIT!

...makes the whole world blind.

If I had to kill any of the Cullens those at the bottom of my list would be Esme and Carlisle. They were the only two that hadn't taken any human life. Besides Bella, but she had plenty of time to screw up and no one knew Alice before Jasper. Esme was so sweet, even though she smelled like death took a holiday with some friends and she was one of them. I couldn't take her from her family, and visa versa.

I was a little reluctant to phase out, I was so used to fur and four legs. But as my legs stood tall and strong I realized that I was me, no matter what animal. I picked up her head (it was kind of detached right now...) and held it up against her neck. Horror was all I felt as her head slowly reattached itself to her body; it made an unnatural grinding sound, like sandpaper on stone, as they fused together. But as the reattachment became more complete her eyes focused on what was actually around her. Then her eyes blinked. That was my cue to let go and back away.

Confusion was engrained upon her face when she saw me standing there.

"Leah? What happened?"

Another vampire popped out of nowhere and I just happened to be in the neighborhood when he decapitated you? No, that would be too unlikely and had follow-up. I sighed,

Honesty IS the best policy.

"Uhg...cough...I...cough..." My voice was rough and strained as I spoke for the first time since Charlie proposed to Mom.

"Sorry, I, uh, got carried away..." She was still a little confused, but she knew it had to do with her blackout.

"I smelled you." A little click went off in her eyes but was taken a back by something.

"You tried to kill me?" Her voice rang true, like this wasn't too big a surprise. Oh god, she though I had meant to attack her. God damn these sensitive vampires. Can't see anything beyond what goes into their eyes.

"No, I just didn't see your face, and your smell, it's been too long." Her face softened into what I called "soft mom eyes". She breathed deeply, just an acting skill, or maybe it still was comforting to her even being a vampire.

"Yes, it's been a long two months." She sound troubled.

"Wait, what's going on?" Did Charlie get into an accident? More vampires? Oh Jesus, I shouldn't've left. Esme looked at me, my troubled face and quickly added,

"No, nothing is happening, but...we miss you." She sounded serious. And she had a "you should come home" look that added perfectly with the "soft mom eyes".

"Really?" I couldn't've been missed that much. And home didn't sound any different than it had two months ago. A shockwave hit me like a cannon shot straight through my stomach. In the end it really wasn't too surprising; I was home. These trees, this earth, I breathed in, completely dismissing the vampire in my midst and smelled growth, decay, life and death. I wasn't happy. Happiness is irrelevant in the end to life. I was content. Someday I'd go back, someday. But not now.

Esme was puzzled by my reaction, but still answered my unnecessary question, "Yes, we do." With a smile she added,

"Even Nessie is worried about you." The little demon child worried about a werewolf besides Jacob? Huh, maybe I was part of this family. I'd hold that in my heart but till then,

"Okay, see you in a while." I knew what I was going to do. Esme didn't and was stunned by my response. She looked destroyed.

Oh come on woman, you can't save us all. Did everyone think I was going to drown in depression?

That's Bella. I couldn't help laughing at this completely inappropriate joke at this inappropriate time. Esme was even more stunned and, ha, a little angry.

"What is it?" Her face was now in the "where were you, I called you five times!" look.

"It's just, I'm not going to freeze up here. I'm fine." I still had a stupid smile on my face. But Esme's "where were you blah, blah..." face now turned into a "WHAT THE..." face when she looked down onto my nakedness.

"My dear! Aren't you cold?" She immediately reached for her completely unnecessary jacket. My hand caught hers in mid-reach. Another stupid grin slithered onto my face.

Aren't you?

"No, please. It'd just get shredded to bits." I was floating, euphoric, and acting like an idiot. Oh, well. Esme wasn't one to badger.

"Well, if you ever get lonely,"-er-"just come back home." A dazzling smile left me with the impression she was okay with my decision.

"Where will home be for you guys?" I asked sheepishly. That smile died right on her face.

"In a year or two we'll be moving to Alaska. Carlisle is getting a little nervous about people adding numbers in their heads and coming up with suspicions." Then I'll be heading to Alaska soon. Maybe later, after I see Mom, Charlie and the pack(s).

I'd visit for a while, and then move on. They'd even have clothes for me. Not that I minded being naked, but polite society dictates that I must be fully clothed to appear in public. If only people could get over their insecurities, this world would be such an awesome place. Hell, I live off a diet of rabbit and dear, raw. I was a wood's woman now.

I should be the next Bigfoot. Even though I'm a werewolf. Huh, I wonder if that legend started with Jacob's ancestors? They are really, really tall. Huh...

"So will we be seeing you?" Esme's voice snapped me back into reality. A reality surrounded by green trees, gentle flowers and a slow, peaceful slide into the unknown. Did she say something?

Probably... Oh, now I remember!

Hope glistened and burned in her Saturn colored eyes. Then that planet blew up, two down, six to go.

"Of course." Another big bang happened and Saturn was recreated. Earth was still the same. Shit.

I realized my hate for these vampires was placed in a legend I had been force fed for over two years now. The Cullens weren't so bad. The Volturi, those you should be friggin' scared of. So I grabbed Esme with all the love in my body and hugged the...unlife? out of her. She was stiff and stunned at first but then she hugged me back with almost as much intensity as I had. Esme was probably scared she would break me. I broke the hug and she had the "my baby's all growed up now!" look floating in those Saturn eyes o' hers.

"I'll check in now and again but don't expect a fruit basket. Otherwise you'll get a dead dear in your kitchen." I stated matter o' factly. But Esme laughed a laugh from her...middle (did vampires still have organs?), her gut area, if she were still human. It felt good to make someone laugh again.

"Say why did you come up here?" I asked her. Something to remember, a twinkle in a vampire's eyes in NEVER a good thing.

"Oh, just checking on you. I owe Jacob one." That twinkle reminded me of a star about to go into a supernova.

"How?"

"Well I wanted to get out of the house, find some new inspiration for Jake and Nessie's Cottage"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait! How long have I been gone?" I interrupted. Jake and Nessie weren't getting married for at least another nine years. Why was Esme planning their cottage now?

"Only two weeks. Don't worry, I'm just getting ideas. Jake is going to wait till Nessie is ten before they get married. But you can never be too prepared. Alice is even planning the wedding." She seemed so confident, it unnerved me. Again my thoughts came to me, but I kept these ones inside. Who knows what might become of them.

Isn't it a boring life to have everything planned out and perfect? Life is supposed to be surprising and spontaneous.

But again I kept these to myself. Esme was too happy to be discouraged. Rather she was too happy for me to ruin it all. So I put the dumb smile on my face and gave her one last hug.

"It was great to see you again! Send my love back home!" And then I left. I didn't even see her wave good-bye. I grabbed my shirt but alas, there was none. I had hardly ever phased without taking my clothes off, to do it naked was, freeing.

And then I was running, again. Running from all that I had seen, a vampire family perfectly planned out and living each day like the last and believing they still are living a full life. Jake had a good idea. Run, and run. At least he wasn't repeating day after day after bleeding day. Now with Nessie, hopefully he would travel and keep running, with her.

I sprang into the air, leaping at least twenty feet into the air, trying to fly away from perfection. I didn't want to be a part of anything, expected. I phased, twisting around myself and landing on the wet ground I ran. I ran away from Esme and the horrible feeling her manipulations of life left in the pit of my breast. I ran away from the setting sun, and all the destruction seething from it. No way was I running toward that monstrous being, I ran toward the rising sun. One that hadn't been born yet, and toward the waning moon. But I was running towards meaningless hope that would leave me blistered and bleeding from my tired legs and bruised lips. One that nothing on this earth would let me live for. A hope that left all that I was as a withered pulp for a soul.

But there was another hope I had. One that was like a single ember glowing, fighting to use all the energy it had left to just stay alive. I wasn't dying but my faith in humanity was. Was the vampire just an extreme version of ourselves? I didn't want to say yes but that ember smoldered brighter and brighter and then it burned the walls I had constructed in my soul down. My eyes snapped shut and I galloped through the forest dodging trees just before the whiskers on my muzzle scratched them. I was lost, more than that, I was panicked.

What the hell was I? Was I just as inhumane as the vampire? I was more than some vampires. But when Jacob came back we all saw the fire in his eyes. It blazed nearly as violently as the blood in Bella's. Had he become just as much a monster as those he had hated for so long? Maybe...

My eyes burst open as I hit open water. What the hell? Shit, this was the Pacific Ocean. Apparently, I by-passed Alaska and was heading straight over to Russia.

Huh, that could work. Lots of trees, no humans (which meant no vampires) and lots of room to run around in. It'll work.

Screw fire, screw ice, screw perfection and screw the emptiness I felt in my heart. The Cullens were lovely people but besides being immortal (and apparently REALLY good sex), they were boring. Sure, they angered the superpower of the vampire world once in a while but they even expected that. I prayed for Jake and Nessie to be different, sense blood poured through their veins but spending so much time with people like that influences you in the worst way. I'm not even talking about semi-cannibalism on Nessie's part. I wanted her to live. She is alive; Jake is too, Edward and family are not.

Maybe I was praying for Nessie not to be like me. Alive in a physical body and yet so dead inside. Not zombie-like as Bella was but something wasn't there anymore. It wasn't Sam, it was the feeling I had felt for him. Love was so bitter when it abandoned you. Yet was so sweet when it was there.

A burning feeling creped through my feet, up my legs and into my chest cavity. Not a good sign. But land was in sight, my home for a while. So I pumped harder and cursed my doggy-paddle. Suddenly, walking on dry land was not looking to be in my near future anymore.

Just breath, the midnight air will do you well.

I'm drowning in what I won't be.

Duct tape and throw me into the sea...

...you can't save me now.

Various song lyrics ran through my mind. Not one of them having a happy ending. But there didn't need to be a happy ending for me. I was content, lost but it was worth it. Even if I was lost in the labyrinth of my own mind.

Finally my paws scrapped hard rock. I barreled out of the water that had numbed me to my very core. Still I wouldn't die. Not that I wanted too but I felt trapped again. Even death could not break me out of my cage.

That was almost my last coherent thought before I passed out. My very last one was,

Hey, I've never smelled that before.

Funky huh, you won't guess what it is. Well Quina, you got it.