Scene: Chandler's office, just after the phone call with Monica
Chandler: (hanging up the phone) The wife says "Hi!".
Wendy: Ah. Fun conversation?
Chandler: Ah well, she's got this weird idea, that, uh, y'know, just because you and I are alone, that something is gonna happen.
Wendy: Huh? Really? - Hm, that'd be so terrible? (She gets hold of Chandler's tie, slowly moving her hands upwards on the tie, getting closer and closer to him, seductive.)
Chandler: This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but... you're getting ham on my only tie . . . Whoa-ho, back off, Missy! (He takes a step back, but she still keeps her grip on his tie.)
Wendy: (laughs) ...Missy?
Chandler: I don't know; I'm not used to girls making passes at me! ... (She lets go of his tie) Wait a minute... am I sexy in Oklahoma?
Wendy: You are to me... (She gets closer again, putting her arms around his torso.)
Chandler: (flattered) No,... no... (realizing) NO! (He quickly gets several steps away from her.) Look, I'm, I'm married!
Wendy: So? I'm married. (Showing him the ring on her finger.)
Chandler: I'm happily married.
Wendy: Oh.. . What's that like?
Chandler: Right. So, I'm sorry...
Wendy: Seriously? Happily married. So that phone call before, that was ... happy?
Chandler: Well look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart, you know. She's entitled to be a little paranoid... or, in this case: right on money! ... You know, she's amazing, and beautiful, and smart, and if she were here right now, ...she'd kick your ass. Look, you're a really nice person... ham stealing and adultery aside. But, what I have with my wife is pretty great, so nothing is ever gonna happen between us.
Wendy: Okay, let me ask you something: if what you and your wife have is so great, then why are you spending Christmas with me?
Chandler: well because I have to work, you know bring in the bacon (starts sniggering) the bacon on the table right here . . . (she stares blankly at him) I know for a fact my wife would have at least pretended to laugh at the mediocre pun right there
Wendy: ohhhhh so that's why you're with her, because she laughs at your jokes?
Chandler: no there has to be way more to it than that (thinking) although it's a pretty big part of it. . . you know what I don't have to prove to you why I'm married
Wendy: you're absolutely right, the only person you should have to prove that to is thousands of miles away but me I'm here . . . waiting
Chandler: waiting for what (realizing) you're still talking about the sex aren't you (she looks seductively at him) has nothing I've said had any effect on you?
Wendy: Chandler you can say whatever you want but actions speak louder than words
Chandler: I can still be here even if its during the most important holiday of the year and still be happily married . . . oh I just heard it
Wendy: Chandler stop denying you want this, I mean you sent everyone home but me, are you really telling me you were planning on us just 'working' tonight?
Chandler: well there's an awful lot of work to do
Wendy: starting with me (she slides everything off the table and jumps on it)
Chandler: oh good god!
Wendy: but listen if we're going to do this you have to stop talking about the 'wifey', its kind of a mood killer
Chandler: no being married is a mood killer, I can't do this . . . I mean I don't feel that way about you
Wendy: you're not even a little bit curious
Chandler: hey I'm still a guy (she starts smiling) no, no, no stop thinking the thoughts of sexiness . . . at least with me anyways
Wendy: alright fine (she gets off the table) your wife is a very lucky woman
Chandler: I know right but try telling her that. . . . that was sarcasm, my wife is crazy about me
Wendy: I'm crazy about you too
Chandler: you know if you weren't trying to seduce me you and my wife would be really good friends, I mean you have common ground (pointing at himself) . . . alright lets just get back to work and pretend none of that happened. . . right so the WENUS
Wendy: you read my mind Bing! (she jumps on his lap) get those pants off and show me your WENUS!
Chandler: whoa!
Wendy: say more dirty things to me!
Chandler: I'm really not that irresistible! (he pushes her off)
Wendy: was that you 'working' again?
Chandler: YES!
Wendy: so you really want to work then?
Chandler: god yes!
Wendy: (thinking) right so I'm off
Chandler: what!
Wendy: to be honest I only stayed because I thought you & me were going to
Chandler: stop right there!
Wendy: so merry christmas and all that crap! (she leaves & Chandler looks very confused)
Wendy: (enters again) I'm taking the ham with me! Now you're going to be alone and hungry (she leaves)
Chandler: Wendy wait!
Wendy: oh good you've come to your senses (starts unbuttoning her shirt)
Chandler: exactly . . . I'm quitting
Wendy: (stops unbuttoning her shirt) come again?
Chandler: I can't work here and be away from my wife. . . my job just isn't that important to me
Wendy: so why are you telling me . . . if you think I'm going to throw a going-away party for you you have another thing coming
Chandler: no but as vice-president here you are now in-charge and that means I can leave and you must stay and get all this work done (throws loads of paper up in the air)
Wendy: then I choose not to accept your resignation, I mean you at least have to put it in letter from
Chandler: you're absolutely right (grabs a napkin) do you a spare pen? (she glares at him) . . . totally losing the momentum of what's supposed to be me storming out right now
Scene: Monica & Chandler's, Ross, Rachel & Phoebe are there
Phoebe: this kind of sucks
Rachel: yea I'm with Phoebe
Ross: Rach I just gave you your christmas present!
Rachel: its not only because of the present but come on I mean none of us even live in this apartment and here we on Christmas eve, I just miss the others
Phoebe: I miss Joey too!
Ross: Pheeb's I think she was talking about Monica and Chandler as well
Phoebe: oh right . . . well I wasn't (Chandler enters)
Chandler: Hey!
(Surprised, uttering Ahhs and Ohhs, the others are coming over to him.)
Ross: Oh my god...
Rachel: what are you doing here! You're not supposed to be here!
Chandler: merry Christmas to you too Rach (they're all staring at him confused) I quit my job
Everyone: what?
Chandler: it was a stupid job and I couldn't stand spending so much time away from Monica . . its alright you can say it, I'm whipped . . . so where is she, I can't wait to tell her
Ross: you know its actually kind of a funny story
Chandler: what are you talking about?. . . Monica honey you here! (checks the bedroom) this is the only time I'm ever going to say this but all jokes aside where is my wife!
Phoebe: she left you . . . couldn't handle christmas alone (Chandler's looks distraught) ah got ya!
Chandler: Phoebe!
Phoebe: (laughing) the look on your face
Rachel: Chandler you aren't going to believe this but Monica flew to Tulsa, she didn't want you to spend Christmas alone
Chandler: so you're telling me that Monica is now going to spend Christmas alone
Ross: not alone she's with Joey (thinking) that sounded better in my head
Scene: Tulsa, Chandler's office, Monica & Joey enter
Joey: I'm starving
Monica: you've been saying that since we landed
Joey: but I am!
Monica: Joey this will be quick, we're literally going to grab Chandler and run. . . back to Manhatten if we have to! (looking at the door) this must be his office (she enters and Wendy's there) you're Wendy aren't you? . . . you know what don't answer, I'm taking Chandler back home, I don't care what happened between you two . . . well I do care but thats between me and Chandler!
Joey: (checking Wendy out) I can't believe you only came runner up for Ms. Oklahoma
Monica: now's not the time Joe!
ok just one more chapter, hope you're enjoying it
