Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor would I care to with the current writing. (Though I'd take a share in the Chris Colfer episode if it was on offer...)
AN: This is a bridge, so to speak, between "Doesn't Hurt At All" and a third part I have yet to write.
A Little Hurt (Goes A Long Way)
To: Brody Weston
From: Unknown number
I wanted to thank you again, for being there for me when I desperately needed someone – and didn't understand it. I owe you, more than I can say. I'm leaving New York today, but if you ever need the favor returned (any time, I mean it!) you can contact me through Isabelle Wright at / Kurt Hummel P.s. For your own sake, you probably shouldn't let anyone know about your part in this. D.s.
Living in London was different to everything Kurt had experienced before. It was nothing like Lima, of course, or any of the cities he'd visited, but it was also very different from New York.
He loved it.
Coming here, he reflected, might have been the smartest thing I've done in a long, long time.
To: Burt Hummel
From: Kurt Hummel
Subject: Contact info
Dad,
I should probably have called you about this, and sooner than this, but I couldn't. I can't take anymore talk about Blaine, about how heartbroken he is about me breaking off the engagement or how I should have acted differently. I did what I had to – what was right for me – and I am not going to apologize for it.
I'm not saying you would have expected me to, but. Ever since I gave Blaine his ring back I have listened to you. It's time you listened to me.
I'm not sorry for breaking things off with Blaine – only for taking so long to see that getting engaged, or even back together, was not the right choice for me. I broke up with him for a reason, a good one, the first time and I should have remembered that.
I asked Blaine to leave me alone after the breakup – after both, actually – and specifically not to get my family involved. Apparently that didn't get through, since he's been hounding me ever since. It's gotten to the point where I feel forced to hide. I can't go to school. I can't go to work. I can't go to my own apartment.
All because Blaine can't respect my wishes.
And I couldn't deal any longer. So, when you get this I won't be in New York. I've found a new job, in another city, and I'm starting over. And dad, I'm sorry, but I'm not telling you where. I love you, I do, but right now I don't want anyone to know where I am. I need to by myself for a while.
My number has been disconnected, and my mail is being returned to sender. For now, this email is the only way you'll be able to contact me. I need this, dad, so please, please respect it. Also, please don't pass this address on.
I love you, and I'll write soon.
/ Kurt
His new home was a shoe box, basically, a tiny room that made him grateful he's not claustrophobic. The only reason there was room for anything besides a bed was that said bed is lofted. Still, it was a far cry from what Kurt's used to – and he didn't care.
There was a door he could close and lock – something he had missed terribly in the Bushwick loft – and all the privacy he could ask for. The others sharing the flat respected his desire to not talk about himself. They also respected his belongings, and didn't expect him to take care of them or pull their asses out of the fire.
That was worth more than a few (hundred) extra square feet.
His days were packed. Between long hours at the office – which were, this time, payed hours – and trying to get to know his new city Kurt didn't have time for much else. He did, however, make time to meet up with a therapist once a week. After everything that had happened, not just over the last year, with Blaine and losing Finn, but also the bullying and losing his mom... Well. It shouldn't surprise anyone that he needed help to get his head screwed on right again.
And he wanted that, more than anything.
He also wanted to contact Adam, to tell him that he was in London, that he regretted ending things and wanted a second start, that he wanted him back... He didn't though. Going too fast now would only hurt him – hurt both of them – in the end. No. Better to take things slow, take the time to heal and then... Then he could see.
Maybe Adam would never forgive him. Maybe he'd moved on. Maybe he would be willing to forgive Kurt, but only as friends. Either way, Kurt needed to make sure he was in the right place to deal with what a contact attempt would bring with it.
He also needed to be sure, one hundred percent, that Adam was what he wanted. That he wouldn't turn tail and run when things got hard. That he was ready to give as much as he got, and that he was free from his past.
And that meant keeping up with counseling.
When his phone flashed the "Adam returns to England" alarm Kurt had been in London for two months. He'd been in counseling for six weeks. And he was not ready. Admitting that was hard, and painful, but it was also a huge step in the right direction according to his therapist. Kurt...agreed.
It took him another two months before he felt secure enough to take that first step.
To: Adam Crawford
From: Kurt Hummel
Subject: Please read
This is...hard to write. Especially since I have no idea if you'll even read it, or just delete on sight.
First of all, I owe you an apology. Well, several. But the biggest one, the most important one, is for how I dealt with our relationship. We were on the edge for a while there, straddling the line between casual and really, really serious and I knew that if I allowed myself I would fall so hard for you. I could see myself with you, years in the future, and that was scary.
I was trying to figure things out, and I was close, and then. Then you told me you were going back to London after graduation, and I panicked.
London and New York are so far apart. I couldn't see a way for us to be able to maintain a relationship over that kind of distance – both because we wouldn't be able to see each other more than a few times a year, and because I had already been burned. And so I began pulling away.
And then, of course, I went back to Lima and got myself even more screwed up.
It's a long story, of course, and one I'm not going to go into here – though I'll tell you all of it, if you wish – but I messed up. Beyond reason.
It took me some time, but I finally had my wake-up call. Another long story, but, I am no longer engaged, I'm no longer in New York and I've started to get myself sorted out. I have a lot of work to do still, but I'm getting there. And so I was hoping you'd be willing give me another chance to be in your life. Because I miss you, Adam, so, so much. I understand if you don't want anything to do with me, or if you feel you can't trust me, but I hope you'll find it in your heart to do so. I'd like to be your friend again, if nothing else.
/ Kurt
~ The End ~
