Thanks for the reviews. Some potentially triggering themes in this chapter, idk how the whole triggering things work but whatever.
Review if you have ideas (Because I don't) or want me to write moar!
Truthfully, Gakushuu Asano had never meant to put himself in danger.
He first started taking pills last year; Something bought over the internet to help improve concentration. They seemed to work well enough- despite his status as a 'star pupil' Asano was actually fairy easily distracted, especially in lessons were he already knew all the content.
Then third year rolled around and things got more intense; Studying, student council, exams, sports, pressure from his father. Being the perfect pupil meant he didn't have time for being tired after an all-nighter, so he started a new pill- something to help him stay awake.
It was a small white pill that prevented him from sleeping, he bought it over the internet and it was even more powerful than coffee.
It's only temporary until the work-load lessened. He always told himself, as he knocked back a pill before he left for school. The all-nighters left his body feeling exhausted, but his mind was always wide-awake thanks to the medication- it felt like an electric current wired through his brain, keeping him for falling asleep. He was constantly artificially awake,
Dark circles grew under Asano's eyes, his skin became paler- but so long as he kept turning in results, and working above average, he knew his classmates and teachers wouldn't notice, and certainly not his father.
But being on the pills left him feeling too awake. He couldn't sleep even when he wanted to. He felt himself becoming more irritable, and suspicious verging on paranoid. His blood pressure was too high. It was getting hard to concentrate again.
Asano would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, a million half-brocken thought running through his head, unable to sleep, a strange sense of anxiety running through him;
There's so much I need to be doing I can't just lie here I have to study and make a lesson-plan for the tutoring session and there's a sports match with another school I need to prepare for and the student council is running an assembly next week and-
His grades started slipping a little in class. His father noticed and called him out on it. Gakushuu knew that something must be done about it.
So then Asano started on a third pill- Lorazepam. To help with relaxation and sleep. His life was ruled by chemicals; He needed a pill to wake up, and a pill to fall asleep.
His emotions became blunted and numb, he'd sit in class feeling more like a robot than a person. He didn't really feel anything other than a sheer determination to make it through the day, and complete all his tasks. As long as he could be the perfect student, nothing else mattered (if he couldn't do that, people would no longer admire him, they'd look upon him with disdain).
To make sure the pills kept working, Asano had to take more and more as the weeks went by as he built up a resistance to them- One, two, five, six. When did he start loosing track? He started to loose track of memories- he'd suddenly be sat in the class and have no recollection of coming to school that day. At one point he was sat at the train station for two hours without realizing were he was. That was when he knew he had to stop.
It was easier said than done, stopping the pills. He tried cutting back first, but it was difficult- he could no longer function without them. The impulse to pop another pill was too strong. After a week of on and off again quitting he felt he ill, always moments away from fainting.
That day, he'd come home late from school; He had to stay after school to run a student council meeting, then afterwords he had to discuss the meeting with his father.
"And that's why the student council have decided to- " Asano started, but he trailed off, his mind drawing a blank and his words failing him. Why Can't I think! This never happens to me! Never! His father raised an eyebrow at him, his expression was, as usual, unreadable, but Gakushuu could feel the judgement radiating off him.
"Decided to what?" The Chairman said, lacing his fingers together, disdain in his voice.
"To hold a fundraising event to gain publicity and promote the schools 'altruistic' side." Asano said, finally finding the words and trying to continue along as if that little faux pas had never happened. He narrowed his eyes- Was his father's office always this dark and fuzzy? It was getting hard to see. He felt as if he were standing underwater, a ripple of nausea ran through him. He concentrated on not being sick on the expensive carpet
"I worry about the state of my school if the student council president can't even adequately relay a meeting to the Chairman." His father said, a half-smile on his face. Asano felt an unfamiliar shame of failure. He clenched his fists.
"I think I relayed the meeting quite adequately, sir." He said, with more venom than necessary. It was harder to see his father now- his form seemed to blend in with the shadows in the room.
"You think? Well, I suppose this information will have to do. You are dismissed." The Chairman said, curtly. Asano just nodded, and walked out quickly, forcing himself to walk upright and not betray any of the weakness he felt.
I still have a presentation for class I need to complete! Asano remembered suddenly. He'd been trying to wean himself off the pills, but he was too exhausted to do any work without them. Quickly, he knocked back a hanfull of 'stay awake' pills. He didn't even need water anymore.
When he put the empty pill bottle back in his pocket, he didn't realise that in his moment of confusion, he'd taken the sleeping tablet instead.
Half an hour later, Asano was walking zombie-like through the city. He felt as if his brain was shutting down, coherent thought was turning off. It had become dark without him realizing. The teen made it to a bridge in a part of town he couldn't recognise at the moment. His head confused from the pills, he stared down- The dark water silently rippling beneath him looking so calm and tranquil, like a great black mass ready to swallow him whole. He took a strange comfort in watching it.
Rational thought abandoned, he leaned on the railing to look closer. And in that moment, he slipped.
"You're an idiot." Karma told Asano, after the other boy had told him his story. (Although it hadn't been easy to get it out off him). The two of them were sat in the red head's house after he had practically dragged the blond home. The story had horrified him- Asano had a reputation as invincible, but apparently even he could get in over his head.
"You don't need to tell me that." Gakushuu said, scowling. He was wearing some of Karma's clothes now, luckily they were the same size.
"If you need to take pills to keep up all the work your doing then you need to cut back on the amount of work." The red head said. "What's the point of working hard if its making you miserable?"
"If I don't do it then I'll look like a failure to people. They'll think I'm incompetent. They'll loose faith in me." Asano said, as if that was the worst thing in the world. By they he mostly just meant his father.
"Who cares about pleasing everybody?" Karma said flippantly, rolling his eyes. Asano glanced at him as he spoke. "If they need you to be some kind of perfect machine just to be pleased then fuck em' that's what I say!"
Gakushuu actually chuckled at that- Karma looked at him, surprised.
"That is such an E-Class thing to say." The student council president said, a small genuine smile on his face briefly. Karma pulled out the half-empty bottle of 'stay awake' tablets from the wet pile of Asano's clothes.
"Either way. No more pills." The red head said, with conviction. Asano's smile dropped.
"The problem was just that I was taking too many! If I cut down it will be fine!" The blond said, an edge of desperation in his voice. Karma frowned.
"You really are an addict." He said. Asano didn't know why he was so bothered by the disappointment in his voice.
"I'm not! It just got out of hand. I know my limits now. I know how many I can take. This wont happen again!" Gakushuu said. Until now, he didn't realise how afraid he was about living without chemically induced sleep and wakefulness.
"No more pills." Karma repeated, his amber eyes harsh. Then a devious grin grew on his face. "You want to keep you little accident quiet, right? The only way I'm willing to co-operate with that is if you give up on popping pills. I'll be checking, don't think you'll be able to hide it from me."
Asano's scowl deepened, glaring at the red head before him. "Akabane you- "
"- Listen, either you agree, or I'm getting you some kind of professional help." Karma said- he wasn't saying it out of spite. He was genuinly worried for the other's lack of regard for his own saftey. But for some reason, he wanted to try help first before he got others involved.
"Fine." Asano said, with a defeated sigh. He would give anything to keep this quiet and not be labeled an 'addict' or 'mentally ill' or anything else that carried such a painful stigma. Still though. He had no idea why Akabane would want to help him to such an extent? Why didn't Karma just leave him? Asano knew he wasn't Akabane's problem.
I made Asano a drug addict WHATT HAVE I DONE? But for real, mental illness can happen to anybody, thats what is so scary about it, it isn't an 'us' and 'them' thing, mental illness is on a gradient.
Should this story be platonic or romantic? Should Asano and Karma end up as friends or more let me know.
