Chapter One

Ah, the first day of college…

Okay I can do this, I simply have to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other.

I silently told myself in an effort to relieve my quaking legs. Inwardly I groaned. If this is anything like high school, that being pure agony, then this was just pure torture.

With my backpack settled more firmly atop my shoulder, I took a deep breath as I made my way towards the menacing doors of the campus library. Looking back, I saw that many other students were filing past me in a hurry to get to their respective classes or were taking care of last minute business before the beginning of the semester began. So I in turn took a moment to simply savor the ambience of it all. Inhaling a deep breath, I savored the warm and comforting aroma that could only come from books. I'm sure that if anyone taken that opportunity to watch me, they would have seen how enthralled I was, and think that I was crazy at first glance, which I wouldn't have minded if they did. By now, heck if anything, I was used to being called crazy, among other poor choices of words.

As I ran my hands along the various bindings of the books I couldn't help but let a sigh of contentment escape my lips. Books were, in my theory, my happy place…Now before you go off and consider me crazy hear me out first and just imagine yourself in my world for a moment.

Becoming entranced through reading the black text on a page was none other then a surreal feeling to me. It was the one way I was able to become someone else, and if only for a moment, escape the harsh realities of the world, only to escape to another world. One where there were no harsh words spoken, open-ended looks or stares that make me feel uncomfortable and yet, damaging to my already fragile existence. I was simply were able to become someone else for awhile and was able to 'become the character' during the duration.

I learnt a long time ago that no matter how confident a person may seem on the outside, believe me when I say that people don't take a hard enough look to see what is really going on internally in a person. That is how I manage to live out life daily and prefer to sum myself up, but then again, with me, no one ever took, or has ever taken the time to get to know that part of me, and now one ever will, I shuddered in saying to myself.

For now, I remain content…I mean, I have a job, go to school, what else is there that I could possibly need or want? Oh yeah, love and affection. Once again that small constant nagging voice of my reared its ugly head and was determined on pulverizing what mental capacity I had left. How I am here now, telling my story still astounds me sometime. At times, I often wonder if I am stronger then I give myself credit for. But anyways, those two words...Learned a long time ago that they intertwine will with one another and often lead to impaired judgment, often it making it hard to tell the difference between the two. By which time, 9 times out of 10, it is already too late and you're left with nothing but a hollow, aching feeling deep insides, wondering what it is that you have done wrong. By the time you made it to this point, you have resolved yourself to the fact that no matter whose fault it is, or no matter what, or whom, caused it, one thing is certain…It is always going to be your fault, no matter what.

Shaking my head sharply, I tried to focus my thoughts on reality. Making up my own mind, I decided that I wasn't going to let my past drag me down with it. Having worked too long and too hard to get where I was and anxiously looking toward my future, there was no way I was going to just throw all that down the drain and pretend as if it never existed. That was not part of the plan for my life's journey. I simply wanted to finish college, move out on my own; take control of my own life, find a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man, settle down and possibly have a family. Not a wish list of extravagant tastes, but simply one of a simple, small town gal from a small town struggling to succeed amidst a unjust society that finds those different unappealing and not worth their time.

So engrossed was I, with my thoughts within the quietness of the library, that I hadn't noticed the book, that I had previously been holding, was now laying atop the carpeted floor. As I bent to pick it up, out of the corner of my eye, I saw them. A mob of students erratically rushing about, and as unfortunate timing would have it, heading straight in my direction. If I didn't know any better upon first glance, they would have looked more like a bunch of zoo animals that had been cooped up to long instead of a bunch of frenzied students in a hurry.

Oh no, I whispered, inwardly groaning at the result of what was to come once the dust was settled once the frenzy has dissipated. To put it simply, it involved Tylenol, a hot shower and spending all night with my foot propped up on a pillow. Not exactly how I envisioned my first day, but hey, around me, causing scenes are nothing new. At that thought, a flashback from my high school days came rushing at me, with the speed of a freight train accompanying it.

Flashback

I had had a particularly long weekend and wasn't watching where I was going. As my foot came across the top of the rug, I felt myself falling; sad thing was there was no one there to catch me. My books lay scattered in various directions and were accompanied with the students' unmerciful laughter, stares and name calling. "What's the matter cripple," I heard one voice amongst the crowd, "can't get going this morning," he teased as my eyes began to burn as it they tried to hold back the tears that had backed up and were wanting desperately to escape. Turning my head around, I busied myself with the task of collected my scattered books. No way was I going to let them see me at my weakest...The tears would come later, at home when I was alone, by myself. As the bell rang, and the students began filing out towards their various classes, I hastily swiped at a tear that had begun to make its way down my cheek. Gathering the last of my books, I put on my best I-don't-care face and rushed to class in hopes that I wouldn't be late.

I hastily gasped for air, hoping that the intake would soothe the erratic beating of my heart, but unfortunately all it did was left me with weak knees that threatened to collapse at any minute. Along with weak knees, my legs had decided to adhere to the 'fight' instinct that my brain must signaled, therefore, planting themselves in a rather useless defense tactic. Giving a small huff of irritation, I realized that there wasn't any way that I was going to change the course in which these events were obviously already charted, so I unshakily stood my ground, all the while feeling like King Leonidas preparing himself for battle…Here. We. Go. My brain registered as I closed my eyes, feeling the impact as the onslaught began. Feeling as if I were fighting my way through a slow moving, never-ending, upstream current, I somehow was able to grasp the of the back of a chair; hanging onto it as if my life depended on it, which it did, due to that I would easily cause a scene by landing flat on my face in front of everyone, and I had already had more then enough of those instances to last me a lifetime.

Once the onslaught was over, I tried desperately tried to regain my balance, not prepared for the last student that I didn't see coming hurriedly around the corner. Having already turned lose of the back of the chair in order to pick up my long discarded backpack, his impact upon hitting me sent me backwards. Ah man I muttered to myself readying myself for the hard impact of my backside coming into contact with the hard carpet, praying that it would somehow deafen the sound. Thing is, I never felt, or heard myself falling back, but rather, feeling that I fell back into, or rather onto, something hard. Not only that but I was being held onto it, what 'it' was firmly. As a knot of fear lodged into my throat, I closed my eyes tightly, willing my head to stop spinning, vaguely hearing a voice, one that sounded so far off in the distance…

"Miss, are you alright," I faintly heard, trying to shake myself out of my fear-induced trance. "Miss," I heard the voice call to me, only this time more urgently and with a light shake accompanying it. That was enough to shake me from my previous trance and get centered back on reality. As I opened my eyes, I realized that the room had stopped spinning and that everything was study and back in place where it should be. It was then that I was turned around to meet my savior, whose arms were still linked firmly around my waist, which relinquished as I was turned around...

Only to be met with the most impeccable bronze colored and the most impenetrable blue eyes, which darkened as they took in my obvious, shaken appearance. Immediately, I cast my head downwards, upon instinct, the carpet suddenly becoming very appealing, hoping that he wouldn't take in my twitching mouth, or my trembling lower lip. Drat my insecurities towards the opposite gender, I thought, irritated with myself, but at least on the bright side, my legs had seemed to gain stability as I remained in an upright, standing position. I felt two long, slender fingers underneath my chin, raising it up to meet his face. Lord, please don't let him see my trembling, I thought, swallowing hard. "Are you alright," my bronze haired savior asked in a low voice, his eyes still darkened, which only enhanced his physique, making him look a bit…menacing. I dared not move, but was sure that the fear showed in my eyes. Blast it all, I thought. Had always been one to be called an open book. Simply because I wasn't good at hiding my emotions, and that my eyes were the first thing that gave me away in situations. Swallowing once again, I realized that my throat was parched from doing so, it seemed, endless times.

"Y-yes, I am a;-alright, th-thanks," I stuttered through the words, forcing them to come around the lump that seemed to be stuck in my throat.

"Looks like you've had quite a turbulent first day. Let me guess, freshman, right?" He asked, producing his hand for me to shake. "I'm Edward Mason, and you are," he asked his question trailing off, implying that I should dignify that statement with a response.

"Yes, that's correct and my name is Sarah, Sarah Owens. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance Edward," I replied, grasping his hand in a firm handshake.

Hey, when you work at the job in which I do, you learn really fast that 99.5 percent of first impressions are determined through a simple handshake. How you grasp that person's hand shows what type of person you really are.

"Well Miss Owens, it was a pleasure, and I do hope to see you again, on more fortunate circumstances of course," he replied, his blue eyes practically glowing as he brought my hand up, only to place the briefest of kisses atop my knuckles. "I hope that you have a wonderful first day, and as I said before, hope to see you around," he replied once he had placed my hand back at my side. "As do I Edward, and I wish nothing but the same for you in return," I replied back, taking a step back to retrieve my backpack. "Here," Edward interrupted as I bent down. "Allow me," he said, retrieving my backpack and placing it upon my shoulder. "Th-thank you," I replied, lowering my voice…It had been a long time since anyone had done something nice for me. Sighing softly to myself, I caught myself looking back at Edward, still rooted to the same spot. Only when I open the front door of the library, did I see him turn and head off in the opposite direction.

As I entered my first class a short time later and sat down prepared with my notebook and pen, I realized that my first day just might not be as bad as I thought.