Out Of Our Hands
Chapter Two
Walking into my empty house, I feel lonelier than I did when Brittany moved out. Granted, I asked her to but, that didn't mean I stopped loving her. It doesn't mean I stopped missing her.
I flop down on the couch and shut my eyes, my bottle of Merlot gripped tightly in my fist. Fucking work exhausts me. Don't get me wrong, I love my job but if I hear one more fucking prick tell me I'm working with my case all wrong, I'll punch a fucking hole in his face.
Not to mention I now have to entertain a horny bartender I've been fucking. Look, as much as I miss my ex-wife - and also fucking hate to admit it - I have needs that I just don't have the energy to deal with alone when I get home from work. This thing with Justine is nothing serious and it's all about sex but having to make a fuck-night with her so fucking romantic is driving me to drink... more than I was before.
I sit up and open my wine, taking a large gulp from the bottle and kicking off my heels. My phone buzzes in my purse which is lying next to the coffee table and I dig it out. I see a text flash across the screen and it's from Brittany.
Britt:
A little pick-me-up to end your horrible day.
And attached to the text was a picture of Scar and Teo sitting on the coffee table eating their McDonald's in the onesies they got from Britt's parents. I smiled widely and chuckled at the lumps in Scar's cheeks from her burger and Teo was trying to cuddle her - which is the dumbest thing to do to Scarlett or Brittany when they're eating. Scar's brows were furrowed and she was pulling a face at Teo as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek while pressing his burger to her neck unintentionally.
I typed out a reply and hit send.
Santana:
I love it, I love it! Tell 'em goodnight and that they're adorable. Have a good night, Brittany. Call if you need anything.
"Santana, lemme in! It's freezing out here, baby." I hear from outside and roll my eyes, putting my phone down on the couch and the wine down on the coffee table before standing up and moving to the door, "San, baby, it's the middle of fucking winter, could you let me in?!"
"So fucking impatient." I mutter before opening the door and giving Justine a sarcastic smile.
"Hi and I heard that." She says and walks inside.
"Well, I said it loud." I reply and she rolls her eyes.
She makes her way upstairs immediately and I sigh, shutting the door and grabbing the wine off the coffee table before following her upstairs.
"So, how was your day?" She asks as she throws her purse down onto the floor of my bedroom and takes off her jacket before sitting down on the bed.
"No, no, no. You know I don't do formalities. Just take off your clothes." I tell her as I shut the bedroom door and begin to unbutton my blouse after placing the wine down on the floor. Justine shrugs and strips into her underwear.
I never liked the idea of having sex with someone else in the bed that Brittany and I slept in for ten years so, whenever Justine came over, I'd pretend that the guest room was my bedroom and as soon as she'd left, I'd go take a shower and get into my actual bed.
I watch Justine sit up and pull the covers off of her, climbing out of the bed to get dressed, "Look, babe, this was the last time this ever happens." She says and I close my eyes.
"Alright."
"It's just, I can't wait forever and you know, I'm only 26 and I wanna think about getting married soon too." She says and my eyes stay closed, uninterested.
"'Kay." I mumble and I hear her sigh.
"You'll never change, Santana." She mutters and my eyes open, "I mean, this isn't even your real bedroom and whenever I come over you get all weird about me looking around the house like I'm gonna steal something."
"How would you know that this isn't my real bedroom?"
"One night, when you were in the shower, I just took a look around. Two bedrooms were like, locked, but your real bedroom wasn't. This bedroom has no pictures, no clothes in the closet and the bathroom doesn't even have a toothbrush." She says and my eyes widen, "And besides, the bedroom at the end of the hall is bigger, has pictures of you, some girl and two kids - your sister, niece and nephew maybe? And it has two toothbrushes in the bathroom. Also, clothes. A shit-load. I mean, how much can one person wear?"
I frown and feel the need to hurl at her saying Brittany's my sister and my kids are my niece and nephew. Sure, I lock the kid's bedrooms when Justine comes over - granted, I didn't lock them tonight, I haven't been home since morning when they left - and I didn't tell her I used to be married and that I have twins. She doesn't need to know about all that, she's not a serious girlfriend. I don't want her meeting my kids and I most definitely don't want her meeting Brittany. With all the crap I give Brittany about hearing her with that girl, she'd go bonkers and call me a hypocrite. Which, yeah, I kind of am but, she's never had to hear me and Justine fucking but I had to hear her with someone else. It stings a little but, hey, if she doesn't find out about Justine then we can kind of keep the peace.
"Santana, are you okay? You kinda zoned out on me there." Justine says and I blink before looking at her.
"Sorry? I missed everything you said after you called my ex-wife my sister."
"You- You were married?!" Justine squeaks and I roll my eyes, sitting up in the bed and leaning against the headboard, "You were married? I can't believe- how- you were married?!"
"You can keep saying it but it won't stop being true." I say and Justine shoots me a glare.
"Why didn't you tell me you used to be married?!" She exclaims and my brow furrows slightly at the tone.
"Because you aren't my girlfriend so, you didn't need to know." I say simply and Justine rolls her eyes.
"So, like, if that blonde girl is your ex-wife then, those kids must be like... orphans? Did you two like, go to a children's charity or something? I mean, those kids do look kinda dirty in the picture."
That makes me angry, "No." I snap, "Those kids have names and those kids have a home. I gave birth to those kids and, for your information, they look dirty in the picture because we were at the park with my parents and they'd been playing soccer with my dad and their other mother, Brittany."
"You have kids?!"
"Oh, stop it."
"I can't believe you never told me! How young were you when you had them? You look about 28 now." She says and I roll my eyes. I never told her my age - only my name.
"I'm 31." I tell her, "And how young I was when I had them only tells you how old they are now and I don't want you to know anything about them."
"Well," she starts, "Could you at least tell me their names?"
"Fuck no." I say, "You get to know nothing about them."
"Why? Are you ashamed of them or something?"
"No, but I'm ashamed of you. And if they run into you one day, they'll be confused as hell when you know their names and let it slip that you used to bang their momma so, you get to know nothing about my kids." I tell her firmly, "Those are my children and I'm not going to fill you in on their lives when you're about as important to me as a twig."
Justine sighs and rolls her eyes - she knows I just don't care so, what I just said didn't hurt her. It also didn't hurt her because she's just like I was when I was in high school... except, she's blonde.
"You don't have many pictures in the house." She states.
"I do, but not where you can see them." I say, "Besides, Brittany took most of the pictures of our kids so..."
"Why?"
"She loves them too and every picture we had of them was up on the wall and framed." I say, "She was moving out, she's gotta take some pictures of them. I gave most of them to her."
"Oh," Justine mumbles, "That's sweet. So, where do you keep the pictures?"
"Living room, my bedroom, the mantle above the fireplace, my study, one on the fridge in the kitchen and two in the dining room." I tell her, "There used to be more along the wall coming up the stairs and there were four or five in the hall. Those are the ones I gave to Britt."
"So, you're like, really sad and fucked up." Justine states and I lean my head against the headboard, pulling the sheet up over my naked chest, sighing.
"Yeah." I nod, "You hit the nail right on the head."
-O.O.O.H-
I pick at my salad and I can feel hazel eyes on me. I know she's about to start talking but, I'm too fed up with my life to care.
"Santana," and she starts the lecture, "Babe, you should eat."
"Yeah, Quinn, I know." I say and continue to move the salad around with my plastic fork.
"Did you see Brittany?"
"Yeah, she came to pick up the kids from my place on Monday morning." I tell the girl.
"No, I mean, did you see her before lunch? She came in and asked to speak to you but you were in a meeting. I sent her to your office."
"I came straight here from my meeting, Quinn." I tell her, "Shit, how long ago did she come here?"
"About an hour ago."
"And she's just been sitting in my office waiting for me? You didn't think to mention that before?"
"Well, you've been in a shitty mood since lunch started so, I figured you saw her." Quinn says and I groan, standing up and picking up the case file from the spare seat. I move away from the table and push in my chair before walking away, "Alright, see you later."
I move out of the cafeteria toward my office. I take the escalator - yeah, my law firm has an escalator - and move with quick steps across the open floor of people toward the black door with my name on it. I push it open and walk inside.
My office is empty.
"For fuck's sake." I grumble and put the case file down on the edge of my desk. I plonk down in my amazingly comfortable chair and pull it into my desk to rest my head.
A little folded yellow piece of paper is sitting atop my keyboard with my name on it so, I pick it up and open it.
Santana,
Sorry to bother you at work but I found another day care for the kids and just wanted to speak to you about it. I know you're very busy so, would you mind coming over for dinner tonight? After work? If not, let me know when you can meet with me.
Love (That was scratched out)From Brittany.
I sigh and take my phone out of my top desk drawer, opening a new text and typing one out.
Santana:
I'll be over after work. I finish at seven tonight. Sorry I kept you waiting, I had no idea you were even here until Fabgay told me two seconds ago.
I turn on my computer after putting down my phone and open up some work. My phone buzzes with a new text not two seconds later.
Britt:
That's fine. Seven, huh? You're finishing earlier than you were when we were married.
Santana:
My case is almost over, Brittany, so I leave earlier.
She never liked my work. She was never interested in hearing about my work. That's what practically ruined our marriage; she was never interested in hearing what I had to say and when I'd won a really big case, I came home and told her and she said: That's great. I'm going to bed. So, I decided I was sick of it and filed for divorce. The rest is history.
My phone buzzes again.
Britt:
You came home at ten almost every night when we were married and you had a lot of cases to deal with. You hardly ever came home early - never at seven. Early for you back then was fucking eight-fourty-five.
Santana:
Yeah, because I had a lot of work to do. I was a new lawyer. And I still came home and told you about my day but you never wanted to hear it. I'm partner now so, I leave when it pleases me, not when it pleases you.
I groan and put my phone down after hitting send. She's so fucking uptight! God dammit! She always does this; she always makes me feel bad about my working hours. I don't work past six when I have the kids - that should be all that matters but she still gets pissy about how late I used to come home three years ago. It's not like I was getting laid, I was working.
And I would try and include her in my work but she would just clench her jaw and try change the subject or leave the room. How the fuck am I supposed to want to come home to someone who doesn't even care?!
Britt:
I never wanted to hear about it because you always loved your work more than you loved me and every time you fucking spoke about it, it was like you were talking to me about another woman. So, excuse me for getting a little bit angry when all you could talk about was WORK!
That's not what I was expecting. I didn't know she felt like that.
Santana:
Why didn't you tell me you felt like that?
She's never said that to me before. Not once. She'd always kept her mouth shut about my work and now this. After being divorced for three years and both of us thinking it was the other's fault, this comes out.
My phone buzzes with a new text and I open it.
Britt:
You never asked.
God. Now, I feel like a cunt. I never asked her how she was feeling or how her day was. I was just thinking about me.
Santana:
I'm sorry. That was a dick move on my part.
The reply was instantaneous.
Britt:
We both fucked up, not just you.
-O.O.O.H-
I lean back into the dining chair I'm sitting on and focus on Scar's picture. She's on my lap and the arm of the hand holding my wine was around her back and rested on the dining table. Brittany's cooking with Teo - showing him how to chop vegetables for chicken stir fry - and Scar's telling me about her day at the salon drawing pictures with Rachel's six year old daughter, Barbara. She has about ten pictures, six of which she's already shown me. All of them were of either a dolphin, three dolphins, a gaggle of dolphins (as she called it) and nemo.
"And this one is of my blue bunny Benny and my purple penguin Penny." Scar says and I chuckle. There's a tiny little signature of an S and an L-P in the corner of each picture and I just know Britt taught her that, "They're on a trip to the north pole to see Rudolf 'cause in this picture, Santa is stuck in Matty's room getting integrated about a mushroom baby."
"Interrogated." I correct and Scar repeats it perfectly, "That's right. It's awesome, baby girl."
"Thanks!" She squeals happily before putting that picture on the table with her other pictures, "And this picture is a bucket. I seed a bucket out in the shed and I drawed it."
"Saw and drew. It's so good, sweetie." I say and she smiles widely, putting that picture on the table as well and showing me the next one. It was a picture of Brittany cutting a client's hair. Friggen adorable.
"And this is the last one. It's you, me, Matty and mommy and we's eating dinner in the family room by the fire." Scar says and I hold the picture with the hand that was on her knee, "There's a blanket around us 'cause it's in winter."
I study the picture and a small smile takes place on my lips. Scar and Matty are sitting next to each other under the blanket and Britt's seated between my legs and my arms are around her. Scar's in Britt's lap and Matty's next to her touching my foot.
"It's beautiful, babe. I love it. I think this one goes on the fridge, yeah?" I say and Scar's smile lights up the room. She hops off my lap and races to the fridge.
In Brittany's apartment the kitchen is literally six feet away from the dining room and only the kitchen counter really separates the two.
Britt follows Scar with her eyes and smiles as our baby girl reaches for a magnet and plonks her picture on the fridge with a happy smile, "Momma said it can go on the fridge." She announces as she struts back to me. I hoist her onto my lap and look at Britt.
"Sorry, it didn't feel foreign to say it. I didn't mean to give her instruction in your house." I say softly and Brittany shakes her head with a smile.
"That's alright, really." She says and helps Teo cut a carrot, "Gently and carefully, Matty, watch your fingers." She looks back at me and smiles, "I trust your judgement."
"I trust your jud-mant." Teo mutters and I chuckle.
"Always the learner." I say gently and Brittany chuckles, pecking our boy's head.
"Hey, momma?" Scar says and I take my eyes off the two people in the kitchen to look at her.
"Mmm?" I hum.
"How comes mommy don't live at the house no more?" She asks and I shoot Brittany a glance.
We knew this question was coming sooner or later; we just hoped it'd be later.
"Well, princess, mommy and I used to live together but then we got a divorce. Do you know what that is?"
"No."
"A divorce is when two people who are married decide that they don't want to be married anymore." I tell her gently and I see her think it through before her eyes widen.
"You and mommy didn't want to be married anymore? How come?" She asks, worried.
"Sweetheart, grownups are stupid sometimes and mommy and I didn't get a divorce because we stopped loving each other, we got a divorce because we were stupid." I explain and watch Scar nod.
"Do you still love each other now?" Teo asks and I look his way.
"Of course. I still love mommy."
"I still love momma very much." Brittany says and leans against the kitchen counter. Teo nods and his tiny brow furrows slightly.
"So, then how come you still are divorce?"
"Divorced." I correct softly and then answer, "We're still divorced because... uh, because... well- see, it uh-"
"We're still divorced because we're still stupid." Brittany replies simply and Scar's little lip starts to quiver.
"Then be not stupid." She says with a shake in her tone. I pull her into me and she rests her little head on my chest. I kiss the top of her head as she wipes her tears away.
"Baby girl..." I hush, "Don't cry, it's alright."
"I want mommy at the house always." She squeaks and I brush my palm across her cheek.
"I know you do, princess, I know you do." I hush and close my eyes as I rest my cheek against the top of her head.
"I do too!" Teo pipes in from the kitchen and I open my eyes with a soft smile. I glance at Brittany and see her wiping her face with her sleeve as she busies herself with dinner.
"We're all together now, Scar." I say quietly and kiss her head again, "Maybe mommy and I will be not stupid one day but for right now, we're pretty stupid."
"Really much stupid." Scar says in agreement and I chuckle.
"Very stupid." Teo corrects and I throw him a wink.
"Really much very stupid." I agree and pat Scar's knee, "Stupid grownups."
-O.O.O.H-
I swirl the wine in my glass gently as I throw my one leg over the other. Brittany sits down on the couch again and sighs.
We've just put the kids to bed and I had to speak to the both of them about grownups and divorce one more time before they understood.
"Thanks for dinner, it was great. You've always been a better cook than me." I mutter and Brittany smiles.
"You're very welcome and you've said that four times."
I chuckle, "Sorry, I forgot." I say.
"You've always been a scatter brain." She tells me and sips her wine, "So, um, day care. I found one. It's gotten really good reviews and it's just down the street from the salon. Barbara went there and Rach said it's great."
"Alright," I say and nod, taking a sip of my wine and clearing my throat, "What's it called?"
"Mickey Mouse Day House." She replies and I snort out a laugh.
"Fucking cheesy. Teo must've loved that."
"Yeah," Britt chuckles out, "He almost wet himself when he heard the name. He was like: Mickey Mouse?! Is he there?!"
"I'm not surprised. Every morning I wake up to Teo and Scar sitting on the bed next to me and watching the Mickey Mouse fucking Club House." I tell her and Brittany snickers.
"Ditto. And he gets under-"
"-the covers, yeah. Makes himself all comfortable." I finish and Brittany laughs genuinely.
"It's the Mickey Mouse Club House," she sings the theme song, "Come inside, it's fun inside."
"M.I.C.K.E.Y M.O.U.S.E. That's me!" I finish and we both laugh.
"I miss you." She whispers as she leans forward and puts her wine glass on the coffee table.
"I miss you too." I say honestly, "I think we should sign them up. Have you seen the place?"
"Yeah. It's really cute. And they have those teeny tiny toilets." Britt says and I smile. Of course she would notice that.
"Well, sign them up and lemme know about payment so I can-"
"No." She says, "We still have that joint account so, we'll pay from there. You're not paying alone and neither am I. We parent together, we made them together, we pay together."
I nod and clear my throat, "Alright." I say and sip my wine again before putting it down on the coffee table and leaning into the couch, "This couch is so fucking comfy."
"Right?!" Britt agrees happily, "I picked it out myself."
"Good picking." I say, "I wonder how many porns are made on couches like these."
Brittany laughs and playfully whacks my shoulder, "That's nasty." She says.
"Why? We made one."
"True, but ours wasn't a porn it was a sex tape."
"Which is a form of porn. Sex tapes are found on porn sites. Sex tape is just the formal way of saying porn." I tease and Brittany snorts as she shakes her head.
"We were so young when we made that." She mutters and picks up her wine.
"Yeah, 19 right?" I ask and she nods, putting her wine back down.
"Mm, first year out of high school and we were living together in my parent's basement." She reminds me.
"Shit, I remember that. Twelve years went by fast." I say, feeling nostalgic, "I don't even know where that tape is."
"I have it. It's in the drawer under the TV."
"You answered that pretty fast." I tease and she rolls her eyes playfully, "Why is our sex tape in a place that the kids can find it?"
"It's not. I have a key for that drawer stuck to the back of the TV." Brittany says and I nod my head, impressed.
"Ah, so, you're no ordinary mother. You're like a... super sneaky mother." I joke and she chuckles softly, standing and taking the drawer key off the back of the TV. She unlocks the drawer and rifles through the DVD's in it before pulling out a homemade DVD and shutting the drawer, locking it.
"Here." She says as she sits down, handing me the disc in its box. I take it from her and look at it. I chuckle slightly at the words on the white of the disc.
Documentary From Discovery Channel On Birds And Bees
"I love your handwriting." I mumble as I run my thumb over the words and then hand the DVD back to her, "Are we gonna talk about this afternoon? The texts."
Brittany inhales deeply and places the DVD on the coffee table, "We probably should, huh?" She says softly.
"I didn't know you felt that way, Britt, I'm so sorry." I tell her honestly and she nods, fiddling with her fingers.
"Well, it's okay. It is. I mean, it was three years ago and we were fucking awful at communicating." She says and I nod in agreement.
"Do you think that... if all this came out three years ago... we'd still be together?" I ask timidly and focus on Brittany.
"Maybe, yeah." She says.
"You know, we both thought it was the other one of us that ruined our marriage. I mean, I blamed you for never listening to me and dismissing my job and you blamed me for dismissing you." I state and Brittany nods, agreeing fully, "For the past seven weeks I had been sleeping with this girl, uh, Justine. It wasn't serious and she was never over when I had the kids but I just thought you should know."
"Well, I'm happy for you."
"We aren't sleeping together anymore." I tell her, "She was a nosy bitch anyways. Too much like me."
"You aren't a nosy bitch." Brittany says gently, "You're just a bitch."
I let out a small laugh and lick my lips, leaning over to her and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. (She always preferred it when I kissed her forehead because she said kisses on the cheek were - while sweet - unoriginal.)
"Thanks, Bee." I say softly and she nods with a smile, a blush tinging her cheeks.
Maybe it was the wine or maybe it was just how close we were but, Brittany kissed me.
And I kissed her back.
-O.O.O.H-
A/N:
This is only going to be about five or ten chapters so, that's why they kissed so early in the story. Also, for those of you who are confused by the POV change, it'll alternate between the two of them for each chapter. Thoughts?
